Dude: Just because you masturbate to llama/turtle porn…

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

Guy #1: What’s the big deal about the bird flu anyway? I’m not a bird.
Guy #2: It’s those people who play with bird crap and such. It’s kinda like the chicken pox, see what I mean?
Guy #1: Well, I’m fine then because I already had the chicken pox.

Reno, Nevada

Overheard by: Scott

Dude leaving party: Just remember we have one goal. We have one shared dream, people. It starts with “I” and ends with “no more motherfucking apartheid.”

Kalamazoo, Michigan

College girl #1: You laugh a lot during sex, then?
College girl #2: I think you have to laugh during sex. Otherwise it’s too solemn. I mean, sex is like: “Oh yeah, oh yeah, queef.”

Chinese Restaurant
Columbus, Mississippi

Overheard by: Megan S.

Pilot: And if you have any comments or questions, go ahead and look me up on Facebook.

Vancouver
Canadia

Prudish-looking woman #1: It’s a bra conspiracy.
Prudish-looking woman #2: I agree.

Coles Supermarket
Melbourne
Australia

Suit to other: Then he kept trying to sell me this little boy for a dollar…

Taco Bell
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: Brandon

Guy on cell: I told you… the orange ones are hermaphroditic and the purple ones are sterile.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: piruqsiviliriji

Gay friend: I wish him the best in all his endeavors, and whatever his life is like now… But I hope he gets shot when he comes out here to Mardi Gras.

San Diego, California

Guy: Do you spit or swallow?
Preppy girl: I don’t know. I just chew.

Florida