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The British Remake Of Fatal Attraction Lacks a Lot Of the Drama Of the Original.
20-something girl, in floods of tears at pub table: He's a fucking bastard! I hate him!
Friend #1: What happened?
20-something girl: I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!
Friend #2: Babes, did he cheat on you?
20-something girl, crying: No! He made me dinner...
(friend #1 and friend #2 exchange puzzled look)
Friend #2: So?
20-something girl: He told me it was a beef stew but it wasn't. It was a fucking bunny rabbit! How could he do that?! He knows how much I love bunnies!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Raising Kids, in a Nutshell.
Mother: Look out the window, there's the Sydney opera house!
Little boy: Oh wow!
Mother: And look, there's the Sydney harbor bridge!
Little boy: Oh wow, oh wow!
(pause)
Little boy: Wait, are we going to Sydney?
Mother: Yes, honey, we'll be landing soon.
Little boy, screaming: But you know I hate Sydney!
Flight to Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Row 14, seat F
Um, Beaver?
Guy: I'm going to bake you a pie.
Girl: You're going to bake me a pie? You?
Guy: Yeah!
Girl, rolling eyes: Well, eat half and fuck the other, because you ain't getting in these panties.
(five minutes later)
Girl: What kind of pie?
Restaurant
Manhattan, New York
Stephen Suffers From Aphasians
Girl to guy, after long moment of intense pondering: Yeah, I think Chinese accents are definitely funnier than mental illness.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Twinla Archnemekiss
Turns Out It Was Both
Guy on cell: Yeah, she kept on shouting out stuff in German. I didn't know if that meant she was about to come or if I was fucking her wrong.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
I Won't Go to the U.S., and That's Final
Redheaded woman, firmly: No, I don't mind scummy, I don't mind stabby, but I am not living somewhere that's famous for racial assaults and acid attacks.
Despondent man: I'm just asking you to think about it.
Marylebone Station
London
England
Overheard by: Bleepette
Also, I've Graded Your Midterms.
English professor, discussing fairy tales: Think of The Beauty and the Beast. You can't have talking clocks, candelabra, or teacups. And if I'm really ruining your day, there's no Santa, either.
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: ...wait a minute, what??
Just Remember, the 8 O'Clock Show Is Completely Different from the 10 O'Clock Show
Hobo to group of teens in front of drugstore: If you can guess what my favorite band is, I'll give you this dollar. It starts with an "l".
Teen boy: Um, Led Zeppelin?
Hobo, frustrated and throwing the money at them: Fuck you, man! Fuck you!
Drugstore manager, coming out of drugstore, to teens: Did you just throw something at this man?
Teen girl #1: No, he threw something at us.
Teen girl #2: He told us he'd give us a dollar if we guessed the name of his favorite band. It starts with an "l".
Drugstore manager: Led Zeppelin?
Hobo: Fuck you, man!
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Urz
Mr. Blevins Was Somewhat Delayed in North Africa
Old man at bank counter: I'd like to cash this cheque for £5, 6 shillings and 9 pence.
20-something female cashier: Erm... Sorry?
Old man: I'd like to cash this cheque for £5, 6 shillings and 9 pence.
20-something female cashier: Sir... This cheque was written in 1958.
Old man: I'm 96 years old! I just want to cash my cheque.
20-something female cashier: I appreciate that sir, but the pound has been decimal for around 40 years now... It's 2012. This is in pre-decimal currency... I don't know if we can cash it.
Old man: I'm 96, I don't need any hassle! I want to see the manager!
Bank manager, coming over: Is there a problem, sir? (cashier explains situation) Ah... Right... Erm... Ok. (pause) Well, if you'd like to step this way sir, we'll see if we can deal with this over a cup of tea.
Old man, disappearing into office with manager: I'm 96! I fought in World War II and you tell me I can't cash a bloody cheque!?
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Also Why Santa Needs to Get Blitzened.
Panic-stricken 20-something girl, dashing into pub: Oh god, oh god, oh god. (to barman) Large gin and tonic please.
Barman, returning with gin and tonic: Christmas shopping?
Panic-stricken 20-something girl: Yeah. (downs g&t in one go) Fuck, I needed that...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Mom Was Never the Same After My Birth
Referee: The puck is loose! It's loose it's loose!
Player on the bench, muffled: Your mom is loose!
Referee: I heard that.
Hockey Rink
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: penguins
The Da Vinci Pageant Was a Bit Extreme for Most Parents
Father: So what's your school play about?
Very young daughter: Oh, not much... Just Jesus.
Bristol
England
I Reserve the Right to Annoy Them, with This Tap Dance Routine
Flight attendant: Please turn all unapproved portable electronic devices such as laptops, iPods, cell phones, blackberries, coconuts, peaches, grapes, kiwis, or whatever the hell else y'all call them things. Also, if your child comes with a vibrate setting, set them to that mode now so if they go off during the flight the rest of your fellow passengers will not be annoyed.
Flight
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Mala K
Touche, Little Man.
30-something mom, examining mark on son's face: What happened to your face?
Four-year-old son: What happened to your face?!
Chicago, Illinois
...in Her Amateur Porno The Adventures Of Gummy and Pokey
Older lady #1: Have you seen Martha lately? She's lost a lot of weight.
Older lady #2: No, I haven't. How'd she do it?
Older lady #1: Well, she recently got dentures, so I guess she can't really eat anymore.
Older lady #2: Oh my!
Older lady #1: But damn she looks good!
Indiana
Or the Consequences Will Be Dire.
Four-year-old girl, pointing stern finger at drawing of a pink unicorn: I command you to dance!
Bakersfield, California
Overheard by: Mella
May I Challenge You to a Duel?
Little boy running up to older stranger, yelling: Hey, I have a penis! Do you?
Older man: Yes.
Little boy: We have a penis! Yay!
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Dutch
No, That's Not It.
Girl #1: What's his name then? Bocca?
Girl #2: Yeah, "Bocca," actually maybe "Bocco"?
Girl #3: Nah, not Bocca, I definitely heard "Boccie." Hang on let's ask him (to guy) Sorry, what's your name again?
Guy: Mark.
Restaurant
England
Let's Start with One Tier
Girl: I want to bake you a cake!
Boy: I don't do commitment.
Melbourne
Australia
Remember When I Used to Make That Joke About Internet Stock? Good Times!
Male flight attendant: Here at Southwest, we no longer accept cash, but we'll take credit cards, blood, deeds to your house... Oh, wait. Those aren't worth anything anymore. You can hang on to those.
El Paso International Airport
El Paso, Texas
He Just Wanted My Dough
Man, last year I was obsessed with him. I had his t-shirts, posters, everything. But now I look back and realize, it's just Cookie Monster.
Virginia
Or Getting Stabbed, Fucking
Guy #1, in club: What're you doing back here? I thought she was well up for a shag?
Guy #2: Yeah, she fucking was.
Guy #1: So, what the fuck?
Guy #2: Mate, she lives in fucking Lozells.
Guy #1: So fucking what? A shags a shag.
Guy #2: Remember? The last fucking girl I slept with who was from Lozells stabbed me? I ain't fucking getting stabbed again.
Birmingham
England
Overheard by: Bleep
The Original Plot Of Billy Elliot Inspired No One.
AP lit teacher: I really did have a student do interpretive dance for a project once. He was really serious, too. He turned the lights off and had this techno music going--for two or three minutes. It was difficult for us not to start laughing. It was so ridiculous! I felt kind of bad. But then he stopped dancing, turned on the lights, and said "that was a lot better when I was practicing alone in my room naked!" Then he went to his desk and sulked for the rest of the period.
Michigan
...Good God, That's Not Beer!
Female student #1: Why can't I be classy like you?
Female student #2: Darling, you are!
Female student #1: But I'm drinking beer.
Female student #2: So what? I was drinking beer.
Female student #1: But I found this one on a random table and I have no idea whose it is.
Female student #2: Maybe not, then...
Nightclub
Norwich
England
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