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I Reserve the Right to Annoy Them, with This Tap Dance Routine
Flight attendant: Please turn all unapproved portable electronic devices such as laptops, iPods, cell phones, blackberries, coconuts, peaches, grapes, kiwis, or whatever the hell else y'all call them things. Also, if your child comes with a vibrate setting, set them to that mode now so if they go off during the flight the rest of your fellow passengers will not be annoyed.
Flight
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Mala K
Thus I Declare This Contract Null and Void
Son: But you said I could if we didn't fight.
Mother: No.
Son: But you said I could and we didn't fight.
Mother: Well, you shouldn't have driven me crazy.
Son: But you didn't tell me that!
Lubbock, Texas
Overheard by: Stacy Dollar
Tonight's Movie: Saving Privates for Ryan
Girl, responding to friend hitting her on the butt: Oh my god!! I'm never trusting you with my privates again!
Fairfax, California
Overheard by: slovett
Touche, Little Man.
30-something mom, examining mark on son's face: What happened to your face?
Four-year-old son: What happened to your face?!
Chicago, Illinois
Even If It Is the Law.
Middle aged bald guy with ponytail: I'm just not sure I could buy my kid a giant eyeball.
Toys R Us
Christiana, Delaware
Overheard by: Oh dear.
But Should I Not Have Said That at Trial?
Guy to another, coming out of bar: Dude, seriously! The best time to drive drunk is when it's snowing. You can totally hit a tree and get away with it!
Chicago, Illinois
Cereal Boxes, Mostly.
Middle aged woman to two others: I love to read. I mean, not like books or anything, you know...
The Gap
Calhoun, Georgia
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Canadian Cumming, on the Other Hand...
White hipster lesbian to another: I hate Africa-gasms.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Oh Wait-- I Don't Have a Brother.
Guy #1: I spent some time in Okinawa with the army.
Guy #2: Oh, I think my brother lives in Okinawa!
Guy #1: Where in Okinawa?
Guy #2: Tulsa.
dcist.com
Prophets Have Universally Terrible Childhoods
Little boy: You missed it!
Mother: What?
Little boy: You missed the reason for living!
Mother: I don't have time for this, we have to get to the antiques shop.
Little boy, crying: But the sparkly halo thing!
Pearl Street Mall
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: I guess I missed it too
With Some Other Girl's Name Sewn Into Them!
Preppy mom: Why are you bothering to buy a Christmas present for the guy that you're about to break up with?
Teen daughter: Well, he bought me underwear...
Target
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: shopping in the pajama section
...in Her Amateur Porno The Adventures Of Gummy and Pokey
Older lady #1: Have you seen Martha lately? She's lost a lot of weight.
Older lady #2: No, I haven't. How'd she do it?
Older lady #1: Well, she recently got dentures, so I guess she can't really eat anymore.
Older lady #2: Oh my!
Older lady #1: But damn she looks good!
Indiana
