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We Have Merit Badges in Blasphemy and Obscenity
Woman, crossing in front of two Scouts: Shit! Oh, I'm sorry!
Scout to another: We could top that.
Slatersville, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Ben Jam'in
Well, Not No Reason--I've Met Your Kids
Man #1: So I got it, and then a month later my wife found out she's in menopause. So I got it for no reason.
Man #2: Damn.
Seattle, Washington
The Thin Line Between Martha Stewart and MTV Backup Dancers
Restaurant server on smoke break: How were the ladies at the bar?
Drunk man: Those bitches were hot. And I mean "bitches" in the best possible way.
Server: When I say "bitches," I mean "hoes."
Plano, Texas
Some Porn Writing Is Better Than Others
Professor: So, to calculate the unemployment rate, we whack off...
Intro to Macroeconomics Class
USC, California
They're Working Their Way Up to Their Heroin Midterms
Dude to chick: It's the first day of class--let's get wasted! (both hi five)
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Hard to Imagine You Two Have Time to Read
(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.
Bookstore
Ocala, Florida
Mom's Still Upset About That Explosion in My Room
Girl to friend: You know, I think your house is the best place to keep the meth at room temperature.
Sheffield, Ohio
Overheard by: Julian
Nietzsche: What Does Not Kill Me Makes Me Wierder
(Mustang Sally is playing in background)
Guy: I dated a girl in high school who called herself Mustang Sally and me Cowboy Bill.
Girl: Is that the girl you kissed?
Guy: No, we just wrestled. She was weird. I was weird. It worked out...badly.
Video Store
Auckland
New Zealand
Where Weather Girls Come from
(after the rain)
Sorostitute #1, just arriving at her car: Oh my god, someone totally washed my car!
Sorostitute #2: No way! Who do you think it was?
Sorostitute #1: I don't know, but that is so awesome.
Parking Lot, Cal Poly Dorm
San Luis Obispo, California
That's Really More of a Woman's Perspective
Girl: Do you want me to kick you in the balls?
Guy: What?
Girl: Cause then you'd be all like, "Now I can't reproduce. What's the point anymore?"
Weir House
Wellington
New Zealand
And Made Them Into a Necklace for You
Dad to daughters: I've stolen more bellybuttons than you can count.
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Jude
But Leave Out the Part Where He Blew and Said "Haha, Fooled Ya!"
Gay man: So, did you end up fucking that guy from eHarmony?
Blondie: Sort of. When I was blowing him he told me to stop and I said, "No way, I'm just getting started!" And then he said, "Seriously, stop, I don't want to blow in your face."
Gay man: That's like true love. You should use that story for your eHarmony commercial.
Central Illinois
