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Even If It Is the Law.
Middle aged bald guy with ponytail: I'm just not sure I could buy my kid a giant eyeball.
Toys R Us
Christiana, Delaware
Overheard by: Oh dear.
But Should I Not Have Said That at Trial?
Guy to another, coming out of bar: Dude, seriously! The best time to drive drunk is when it's snowing. You can totally hit a tree and get away with it!
Chicago, Illinois
Cereal Boxes, Mostly.
Middle aged woman to two others: I love to read. I mean, not like books or anything, you know...
The Gap
Calhoun, Georgia
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Canadian Cumming, on the Other Hand...
White hipster lesbian to another: I hate Africa-gasms.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Oh Wait-- I Don't Have a Brother.
Guy #1: I spent some time in Okinawa with the army.
Guy #2: Oh, I think my brother lives in Okinawa!
Guy #1: Where in Okinawa?
Guy #2: Tulsa.
dcist.com
Prophets Have Universally Terrible Childhoods
Little boy: You missed it!
Mother: What?
Little boy: You missed the reason for living!
Mother: I don't have time for this, we have to get to the antiques shop.
Little boy, crying: But the sparkly halo thing!
Pearl Street Mall
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: I guess I missed it too
With Some Other Girl's Name Sewn Into Them!
Preppy mom: Why are you bothering to buy a Christmas present for the guy that you're about to break up with?
Teen daughter: Well, he bought me underwear...
Target
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: shopping in the pajama section
...in Her Amateur Porno The Adventures Of Gummy and Pokey
Older lady #1: Have you seen Martha lately? She's lost a lot of weight.
Older lady #2: No, I haven't. How'd she do it?
Older lady #1: Well, she recently got dentures, so I guess she can't really eat anymore.
Older lady #2: Oh my!
Older lady #1: But damn she looks good!
Indiana
Let's Just Say That's the Last Time I'll Swallow a Lego
Talkative maintenance dude: You ever hear that saying, "putting a square peg in a round hole"?
Less talkative maintenance dude: (nods)
Talkative maintenance dude: Well, this morning I shit a square peg out a round hole.
Less talkative maintenance dude: (winces)
Tampa General Hospital
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Why did you eat a...oh never mind.
Or the Consequences Will Be Dire.
Four-year-old girl, pointing stern finger at drawing of a pink unicorn: I command you to dance!
Bakersfield, California
Overheard by: Mella
From Fraternity Initiations
College boy #1: You should get a Catholic priest suit and...
College boy #2, interrupting: I have one.
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
If It Weren't for Penetrating, None Of Us Would Even Be Here
Basketball fan to no one in particular: He needs to learn how to penetrate. Penetrate the inside, get in the zone, rush it in to score. It all starts with penetrating.
Basketball Game
Chantilly, Virginia
Overheard by: thinking
