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Kindly Extract the Lens from My Rectum
Teen boy: Look, you're being molested! It's a Kodak moment!
Humanex Academy
Englewood, Colorado
And by That I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean
Professor: I was house-sitting for them. I almost strangled the cat.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
Why Are We Playing Hangman in Class, Anyway?
Criminal justice teacher: What do you mean "it doesn't fit"?
Student: The word doesn't match the blanks.
Criminal justice teacher: Hm...I probably wasn't sober when I made this.
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: she's not kidding
Elizabeth Berkley Bad?
Employee #1: Yeah, you know the stripper's bad when a married man says, "uh, no thanks, I'm married."
Employee #2, laughing: Man, that's bad.
Zoning Department, City Hall
Chicago, Illinois
Let Me Explain Mimes to You Again...
Guy: Dude! Your sister lives in a box!
Arizona
And I Knew We'd Stumbled Into a European Sex Fantasy
Girl to friend: And then he said "do you like diapers with your bangers and mash?"
After Trax
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I know you're watching
...Can You Try?... Or Not...It's Okay.
Girl, yelling: I am a man! Don't you forget that! Please!
Outside Women's Dormitory
Grand Rapids, Michigan
We're Storing It Next to Jean-Luc Cousteau's Cheese Wheel
PA: Paging arriving passenger Juan Sanchez from Mexico City. Please return to gate B4 to retrieve your piñata.
Airport
Charlotte, North Carolina
Porky Pig Has Some 'Splaining to Do
Mom to six-year-old: I'm not buying this whole "selective stuttering" thing.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
This Class, Not So Much.
Professor: Society, chocolate pudding, and cars. All complex phenomena.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: secret Spy
Maybe British Pizza.
Construction worker eating pizza: So basically, pizza is just glorified cheese on toast.
Hatton Garden
London
England
Overheard by: Katy Out To Lunch
What You Get for Going to Film School in Kansas
Film GTA: Will Farrell is the Groucho Marx of our generation.
Student: (nods wearily)
Film GTA: I mean, Talladega Nights was absolute genius!
University of Kansas
Lawrence, Kansas
