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Kindly Extract the Lens from My Rectum

Teen boy: Look, you're being molested! It's a Kodak moment!

Humanex Academy
Englewood, Colorado


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And by That I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean

Professor: I was house-sitting for them. I almost strangled the cat.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Are We Playing Hangman in Class, Anyway?

Criminal justice teacher: What do you mean "it doesn't fit"?
Student: The word doesn't match the blanks.
Criminal justice teacher: Hm...I probably wasn't sober when I made this.

Gilbert, Arizona

Overheard by: she's not kidding


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Elizabeth Berkley Bad?

Employee #1: Yeah, you know the stripper's bad when a married man says, "uh, no thanks, I'm married."
Employee #2, laughing: Man, that's bad.

Zoning Department, City Hall
Chicago, Illinois


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Let Me Explain Mimes to You Again...

Guy: Dude! Your sister lives in a box!

Arizona


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I Knew We'd Stumbled Into a European Sex Fantasy

Girl to friend: And then he said "do you like diapers with your bangers and mash?"

After Trax
Salt Lake City, Utah


Overheard by: I know you're watching


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Can You Try?... Or Not...It's Okay.

Girl, yelling: I am a man! Don't you forget that! Please!

Outside Women's Dormitory
Grand Rapids, Michigan


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We're Storing It Next to Jean-Luc Cousteau's Cheese Wheel

PA: Paging arriving passenger Juan Sanchez from Mexico City. Please return to gate B4 to retrieve your piñata.

Airport
Charlotte, North Carolina


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Porky Pig Has Some 'Splaining to Do

Mom to six-year-old: I'm not buying this whole "selective stuttering" thing.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Class, Not So Much.

Professor: Society, chocolate pudding, and cars. All complex phenomena.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: secret Spy


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Maybe British Pizza.

Construction worker eating pizza: So basically, pizza is just glorified cheese on toast.

Hatton Garden
London
England


Overheard by: Katy Out To Lunch


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What You Get for Going to Film School in Kansas

Film GTA: Will Farrell is the Groucho Marx of our generation.
Student: (nods wearily)
Film GTA: I mean, Talladega Nights was absolute genius!

University of Kansas
Lawrence, Kansas


Categories: | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook