Celebritywit

A Mortal Insult in Albanian

Girl rambles on in Albanian for two minutes, then suddenly in English: So you can just eat my toe!

Durres
Albania


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sometimes the Judgment of Solomon Backfires

Blonde female teen to friend: Here. I'll trade you her right boob for the left side of her crotch.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: I'm really glad I'm not her.


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Friends

White guy: So, is it true that when you die you go to heaven and get forty virgins to do whatever with?
Muslim guy: No, that's wrong. It's heaven: you get as many virgins as you want.

Liberty High School
Colorado Springs, Colorado


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sometimes My Sphincter Needs a Cheerleader

Construction worker #1: The only time I know you're not talking is when you're smoking or pooping.
Construction worker #2: How do you know I'm not talking when I'm pooping?

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: heard you in the porta-potty


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Scared to Take a Leak

Four-year-old kid: Everything I touch dies.

Rest Stop
Connecticut


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For Every World-Class Canadian Beer, There Are Hundreds of Failures

Dude #1: I think there's piss in my mouth...
Dude #2: Yeah man, that's piss-mouth, it happens.

Pemberton, BC
Canadia


Overheard by: Ben


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Beats a Cat in a Hat and a Big Red Dog

Chick: I should write children's books based on those stories: the volleyball girl with bad luck, and the girl with the feet of a black man.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yeah, But Not My Fancy Fist

Queer to date: Do you have a fist up your ass?

Center City, Philadelphia

Overheard by: keeeeem


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Pepperoni Phantom Soon Surpassed the Tooth Fairy in Popularity

Punk teen girl to friend: So I was like, "Woah, dude! Who are you? You're awesome!" Because none of us knew him, he just came over and set a pizza down in front of us!

Calgary, Alberta
Canadia


Overheard by: um...are you sure he wasn't the waiter?


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's More of a Sashay, Really

Older woman to middle aged man walking a dog: Is that how all dogs walk?
Middle aged man: That's how *this* dog walks.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: have you never seen a dog walk before?


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or in the Fantasy That Runs on a Loop in My Head?

Guy asking survey questions to people: So, where are you from again?
Really high guy: Do you mean in real life?

Dorm Lobby
Wyoming


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Where an Ancient Tribe Had Scrawled Its Secrets on the Stall Wall

Teacher: You know, when I was your age we didn't have classes like this. If you wanted to learn about personal finance, you got a job. If you wanted to learn about sex, you went to the bathroom.

Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri


Categories: | Posted 2008-10-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook