Overheard Everywhere

It's Not Their Worlds I Want to Enter

Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.

Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-20

Weirdest Episode Of Sesame Street Ever

30-something black man on cell: I don't know if I'll finish in time, but I think I can still make it work.
20-something black guy walking past: It's "ain't". As in "I ain't gonna get this shit done, so fuck all y'all!" Damn! You talkin' like a fool, brotha. (shakes head)

Savannah, Georgia

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-19

Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?

Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?

High School
Coral Springs, Florida

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-19

Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years

Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!

Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-19

Peristalsis? Beyonce? Linoleum?

Teacher: Okay. Quick review: which Greek gods did we cover on Friday?
Student, seriously: Hermaphrodite? Herpes? Asbestos?

High School
Michigan]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-19

Or All the Dogs You've Ever Owned

Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin... You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like... licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.

London
Ontario
Canadia]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-18

...And Clear High Heels

College girl #1: I washed this shirt and it got, like, bigger!
College girl #2: Well, at least you can wear it with tights now.
College girl #1: I know, but I don't want to look like a slut.
College girl #2: I feel like I look less slutty when I wear my sunglasses.

Boulder, Colorado]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-18

I'm Thinking About Adding a Wallet but I Fear That Might Be Too Frivolous

Lady #1: I usually keep the essentials in my purse.
Lady #2: Well... I keep a toothbrush, vibrator, and pepper spray in mine.

Pennsylvania]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-18

Really Into Suffering, Are They?

Older lady, to friend: If your husband dies they'll find you a new one, the Jewish people.

Kansas]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-18

Just the Whites-- She's on a Diet

Bar patron to another: And then we cracked eggs into her vagina.

Blue Moon Tavern
Seattle, Washington]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-17

And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time

Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...

Murrieta, California

Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-17

Gays Have to Speak in Code in Utah

Man #1: I hate football.
Man #2: Me too.
Man #1: If my son ever wants to play football, I'll disown him.
Man #2: Me too.
(long pause)
Man #2: My dad loves football.
Man #1: Mine too.

Gold's Gym
Orem, Utah

Overheard by: Weskimo]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-17

My Husband's Chickening Out

Woman to clerk: My turkeys are ruining my marriage!

California]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-17

And Leave Show Business?

Girl: My stomach hurts...
Guy: Maybe you should stop having so much butt sex.

Jersey City, New Jersey]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-16

Apparently Ending Sentences with Prepositions Is Not on That List.

Amnesty International worker: Do you guys have a minute to help end violence against women?
Dude #1: I'm Cambridge's one registered Republican. Do you have a minute to talk about the things I don't have a minute for?
Dude #2: Burn!

Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts]]>

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-03-16

Overheard Everywhere

It's Not Their Worlds I Want to Enter

Weirdest Episode Of Sesame Street *Ever*

Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?

Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years

Peristalsis? Beyonce? Linoleum?

Or All the Dogs You've Ever Owned

...And Clear High Heels

I'm Thinking About Adding a Wallet but I Fear That Might Be Too Frivolous

Really Into Suffering, Are They?

Just the Whites-- She's on a Diet

And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time

Gays Have to Speak in Code in Utah

My Husband's Chickening Out

And Leave Show Business?

Apparently Ending Sentences with Prepositions Is Not on That List.

Weirdest Episode Of Sesame Street Ever