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She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies
Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.
Tucson, Arizona
You Really Do Get a Little Something Extra at the Ivies
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that...
English professor: Isn't "Balls!" such a great expression? It's just so... you know... I give you all permission to interject and interrupt this class by shouting "Balls!" at any time for the rest of the year. Sorry, go ahead with your comment.
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that...
English professor: Balls!
www.overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
They Wear Silly Clothing and Nothing Much Happens?
Professor, in regards to nationalism in film: Now what makes a film "British"?
Valedictorian: They all speak British?
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Adam
I Appreciate Your Candor
Teenage thug to passing woman: Hey yo baby! I ain't gonna lie, I got a big dick!
Hollywood and Highland
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Has that ever worked?
Categories: Bragging | California | Compliments | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Penis | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Words | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's a Lesson in That
Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alyssa
Categories: Advice | Food | Guys | Overheard in College Park | Sensory experiences | Words | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?
Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Advice | Bus | Death & dying | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Threats | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Canadian Ice Cream Is Not for the Faint of Heart
Guy: So yeah, our ice cream is good. It's not made out of cat.
Ontario
Canadia
Can You Picture Martha Stewart on a Public Bus?
Thug #1: Why the hell are you going all the way to back of the train car? Why don't we sit in the front like that Martha Stewart woman?
Thug #2: What the fuck are you talking about Martha Stewart?
Thug #1: You know, she stood up for herself on the bus? Wait, who was that? Not Martha Stewart?
Orange Line at Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: drunkbigirls
And Now, Please Clap Along As I Do the Tenure Dance
[Girl leaves class in the middle of a lesson]
Professor: She didn't like what I was saying? I'm so upset, I'm going to go to the garden and eat fuzzy worms.
Marist College
Poughkepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Ugly Children May Be Retrieved at the Lost and Found
Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.
JetBlue Flight
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Gifts | Offers and requests | Offspring | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free
Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Categories: Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Pride | Relationships | Sex | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Georgia State Penitentiary?
Freshman #1: So... where is he from?
Freshman #2: He's from the part of Georgia where they ass-rape you.
Washington University
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: New Yorker hopefully about to graduate
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Guys | Hair | Missouri | Questions | Students | US Geography | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, Indirectly
Girl: No, isn't Macbeth the one where she gets her husband to kill Macbeth?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: Stu
Categories: Books | Death & dying | Education | Family ties | Girls | Overheard at York | Questions | Relationships | Violence | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially Not Child-Sized Ones
Girl on cell: Listen, he is not a nice guy. Anyone with handcuffs permanently attached to his bed frame is not a nice guy.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | On the phone | Sexuality | Toys | Violence | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Particularly the One with the Retractable Razor Blades
Guy on cell: And all I could say was: "Thank God... I have my surfboard with me!"
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Fears | Feelings | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Drove Past Your House. And Made Cardboard Cut-Outs of You...
Bimbo #1: Hey I remember you! Oh my god! I haven't seen you in ages!
Bimbo #2: Yeah, I know! I totally stalked you on MySpace!
Sydney
Australia
Then Wouldn't "Tight Asshole" Be Kinder?
Girl: So then I was about to call him a giant asshole, but I figured he'd take it as a compliment...
Guy: I get it! It's because he's gay!
University of Alabama
Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Assholes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Platitudes Won't Sway Me, Nothing Will
Guy #1: Well, they do say life's short, gotta make the most of it.
Guy #2: I am pretty positive life is the longest thing I am ever going to do. And I am not going into that strip club, okay?
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Leisure | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Only the Strong Survive Into Adulthood
Jolly literature professor: All of this talk of salacious babysitters and the indiscriminate disposing of corpses makes me feel like I'm back in Jersey again.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Memory lane | Teachers | US Geography | Violence | Virginia | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Technically a Violation of the Restraining Order If She Boards the Plane
Pilot: Before we start our ascent, an important question: Anyone here from the North Allegheny high school class of '68? [silence] I always ask. I'm hoping at some point I'll find my old girlfriend.
JetBlue flight
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Airports & flights | Education | Feelings | Guys | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Questions | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Striptionary?
MIT frat boy #1: I'm just saying, everybody has a strip poker tournament during rush week. We need something different.
MIT frat boy #2: You mean, like, strip risk or battleship?
MIT frat boy #1: Um... Sure.
Chinese Restaurant
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Brian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Frat boy types | Friends | Games | Guys | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: Mooom, They're Starting With the Gay Thing Again!
Blonde #1: I saw a church sign the other day that said "Let Jesus be a part of your rainbow." Isn't that, like, gay?
Blonde #2: Maybe you're supposed to think about Jesus when you're having gay sex.
Blonde #1: Ohhh... I get it now.
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: .... I don't think anyone gets it.
Still, It's a Violation of the Standard Creepiness Rule for Dating Age Differences
20-something #1: Your boyfriend is 61, right?
20-something #2: My boyfriend is 60. Our father is 61.
Colorado
Categories: Age and ageing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Relationships | Siblings | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Beauty Is Truth, I'm Not Interested
Penn student #1, looking at sculpture: Oh my god, I, like, totally hate art.
Penn student #2: I know, right? They should just buy us all laptops instead.
Locust Walk
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Laptops | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Students | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, a Sorority Girl Doesn't Need a Personality
Sorority girl #1: I should, like, just wear mini skirts all the time.
Sorority girl #2: Why?
Sorority girl #1: I have great legs, they're my best asset. [quiet pause] But I don't like my personality.
Dressing Room at Buffalo Exchange
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Yes! She just redeemed herself
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, and I'm Not Sure He Has an Exit Strategy
Little girl: Where's Ben*?
Father: He's in heaven, honey.
Little girl: Still?!
Preschool
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Categories: Dads | Death & dying | Euphemisms | Feelings | Florida | Girls | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As You Don't Lie in the Same Bed Together, It's All Good
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
Categories: Books | Guys | North Carolina | Offspring | Parenting | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey! I'm Not Dying Yet!
Drunk college student: What's up, man?
Tired-looking bum: Allah! Allah always be up.
Drunk college student: True. True. Holla' at your boy.
Green Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: On my way to church
In Public Bathrooms He Gets So Hyper He Requires Sedation
Happy little boy touching everything: Bacteria! Bacteria! Bacteria!
Post Office
Hammond, Louisiana
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Louisiana | Post offices | Science | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sure, Rip Taylor Made A Living Out of It
Student: Is there really a job where you can just throw paper at people and then run away?
Canadia
I'm Just a Toxic Spill Waiting to Happen
Goth girl, to friend looking at military jackets: You can get those a lot cheaper at goodwill, dude.
Overweight friend: Not in my size! When fat people die, they leak, and then their clothes can't be given to goodwill!
Starfest Sci-Fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Clothes | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Friends | Girls | Goths | Gripes | Money | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See --Look at Her Go to Town on That Man's Shoe
Little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Emma just kissed the shopping cart!
Father: She'll kiss worse things in her life.
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Maine | Siblings | Stores | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Don't Begin the Conversations with "I'm Naked and Wet"
Woman on cell: I just asked how's he doing and he actually told me that he's getting hard just talking to me. [Pause.] Well, what do you think I would say? "Oh ,that's nice"!? Hell no! I said: "Oh crap! Sorry, I have another call, gotta go". Yeah, that was definitely odd. Remind me never to be nice and try calling my exes again.
Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Florida | Offers and requests | On the phone | Penis | Relationships | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like Having a Principle, Only Easier
Granola guy: Yeah man, Ron Paul is awesome! He, like, votes no on everything.
Bonnaroo Festival
Manchester, Tennessee
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Succubi Are Surprisingly Good Mothers, Considering
Small boy: [Runs up to his mother and hugs her around the waist.] Don't take my soul!
Macy's
Salem, New Hampshire
Categories: Fears | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Think We All Know What Happened with Monica and That Cigar
African professor: It is up to you to decide whether he was accurately and eloquently speaking BS.
Kalamazoo, Mississippi
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Education | Euphemisms | Foreigners | Mississippi | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Terry McAuliffe: Shhhhhh!
Preppy brunette on cell: So did you hear? Hillary won the primaries yesterday! [Pause.] Wait, you mean there's more than one?
JMU Bookstore
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: baffled