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It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even the White Album? C'mon Now!
Guy to friend: Dude, you just now figured out that The Beatles suck?
Public School
Las Vegas, Nevada
Oh Yeah, Grindhouse Is Just Dripping With Tolstoy
TA: It's like Anna Karenina in two hours, with shotguns and Satan.
UCSC
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: Books | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Evil | Students | Violence | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Knew a Menorah Could Even Be Used That Way?
Casual guy: It's amazing how chummy they are now.
Guy in suit: Chummy? They're like having weird gay-slash-Jewish sex.
Thornton School of Music, USC
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Religion | Sex | Suits | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Golden Showers Count As "Animal," Right?
Mid-20s girl: So, I've been a vegetarian for about six years now and I'm trying to phase out all animal products.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could never be a vegetarian, I'd die. I like my potatoes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm... Potatoes are vegetables.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you're right. But I mean like peas and stuff.
Kokomo, Indiana
Overheard by: Justin
Like, They Could Be Electronic or Something
Freshman, walking out of library: Geez, these books are heavy! They should make, like, lighter versions of books...
Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Eavesdropper...
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Gripes | Sensory experiences | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If a Thing's Worth Doing, It's Worth Doing Right
Girl #1: What would you do if you were a lesbian?
Girl #2: [Thoughtful pause] Eat a lot of pussy.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I was there
Categories: Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Difficult Not to Violate One's Parole in Pennsylvania
Guy on train: It's a stone edifice! You can't wear a t-shirt in a stone edifice!
Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Spazzy
Categories: Clothes | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Train | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sternum, Scrotum: Scranton
Girl #1: Owww, my sternum hurts. Wait...I have one of those, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Don't only boys have sternums?
[pause]
Girl #3: I think you're thinking of scrotum...
University of Scranton
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Girls | Maladies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Hamburglar Deserves Everything He Gets
Teenage girl to another: So you can do it! You are going to go there, have sex with him, and I am going to tickle it out of you!
McDonald's
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Girls | Gossip | McDonald's | Offers and requests | Sex | Teens | Tennessee | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Bob Barker
Teenage daughter: You just know Chuck Woolery was banging every chick on Love Connection.
Mother: Not in front of the 12-year-olds!
Teenage daughter: I dunno, Chuck Woolery is a pretty sick son of a bitch.
Grocery Store Parking Lot
Littleton, Colorado
And Uncle Walter Won't Stop Poking Me
Distraught sorority girl: My mom won't accept my friend request on Facebook!
Sisters, collectively: Awwwwww.
Social Psychology Class
Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants
Categories: Class | Family ties | Feelings | Florida | Friends | Girls | Internet | Offers and requests | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Evangelist Preacher Already Bought All the Harnesses
Woman to man: She said that if she leaves her husband, I can have the handcuffs.
UC Berkeley's campus
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Gifts | Guys | Offers and requests | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Yiddish for "a Moment"?
Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.
CVS
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Gays | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being White in Popeye's!
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Restaurants | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"
Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.
Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Georgia | History | Jobs & Careers | Race | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Naturally, It's Huge
Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.
Bowling Alley
Indiana
Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious
Americans Have Always Been More Interested in Style Than in Content
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn't have been more than eight, say "bitches and hoes."
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: ... No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Etiquette | Foreigners | Insults | Kids | Offers and requests | Students | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, First Rubber Cement. Then Sex
Poetry professor: I don't know about you, but when I hear the word "sniffing" I think of sex!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Overheard by: S. Van-Ho
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Could Be Related to the Drinking, But I'll Need to Do More Empirical Tests
Dude #1: Man, I got so drunk on Saturday.
Dude #2: Did you pee your pants again?
Dude #1: No. [Dude #2 stares at him.] ... Yes.
Dude #2: What's wrong with you?
Dude #1: I don't know.
Lake View Terrace, California
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Called 867-5309 and Asked
Tween girl to crowd of loitering friends: Everyone's bisexual... except for Jenny.
Outside Starbucks
Avon, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Restaurants | Sexuality | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Have Totally Seen This Porno!
Teen girl wearing a warm jacket: Hey, Kim.
Kim: [Wearing pretty much nothing.] Oooh, you look warm! Can I put my hand inside you?
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, I'd Be Asking for High Fives
Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn't hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn't you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He's been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Well He Was French
Philosophy professor: Whatever you do guys, you can't let Descartes come through the back door!
Students: [Laugh hysterically.]
Philosophy professor: It's not funny! Descartes always tries to come through the back door!
University of Portland
Oregon
Overheard by: B Student
I Knew I Should've Let the Doctor Keep You a Girl
Mother to ten-year-old son at supermarket check-out queue: And then we'll go and look for a dress for me.
Ten-year-old son: I'm not going clothes shopping with you. You go in every shop, you try everything on, you never like anything and come home with nothing and I'm not standing around waiting!
[All male members of the queue cheer.]
Luton
England
And Button Up Your Pants, Sweetie
Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don't kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!
Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California
Categories: Advice | California | Dads | Etiquette | Girls | Kids | Kids | Movies | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Demanded by the Quality of Your Recent Essays
Professor: Okay, time to get back to class.
Student: But this conversation is so rewarding.
Professor: Sorry, but some of us have to go out drinking later tonight.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Comebacks | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Kids Shouldn't Watch Cinemax After Dark
Six-year-old girl, gyrating hips: Mommy! Mommy! This is how babies are made!
Mother: That's nice.
Gap Store, Stanford Shopping Center
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: this is why I don't shop at the gap
Categories: California | Family ties | Girls | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offspring | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At That Point My Crush Was Ova
Girl to friend: So, there was this cute guy, and I was standing behind him, and he just started laying eggs!
Government Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: meems
Categories: Animals | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Me and My Cocaine Fork Will Be Just Fine
Girl: But I'm graduating soon, so I don't need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Druggies | Drugs | Education | Girls | New Jersey | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, It Has the Word "Vajayjay" on the Cover
Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn't know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that's Cosmo!
Barnes & Noble
Illinois
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Friends | Guys | Illinois | Pop culture | Porn | Stores | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Escaped from the Closet and Alerted Red Riding Hood
Fat suit on cell: Damn that grandma!
Russell Square Station
London
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Fat people | Guys | Insults | Public transportation | Suits | UK | Words | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Carlos Beltran: I Hate Being an Outfielder
Female Mets fan: I'd let the whole infield fuck me in the ass with no lube if it meant they would win the World Series.
Friend: Classy, Michelle, real classy.
Braves-Mets Game
Queens, New York
Overheard by: aaron
Dad's the Best Gas-Release Coach in the Midwest
Little girl: I farted!
Dad, indifferent: Stop farting.
Little girl: I farted on the dog!
Dad, still indifferent: Continue farting.
Glendale Heights, Illinois
Overheard by: rbmmom
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Dads | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Kids | Offers and requests | Pride | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Non-Fucking Whorehouses Are Pretty Much Libraries
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I'm in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Pride | Teachers | Virginia | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Have to Bring Ross Perot Into Everything?
Old man employee:... So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia...
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I'd rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!
Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Feelings | Guys | Old folks | Stores | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then What's Sap?
Girl: Mister, what's that?
Teacher: That is an air purifier.
Girl: A what?
Teacher: An air purifier.
Girl: That's crazy, what yo need an air purifier for?
Teacher: To get the pollen out of the air.
Girl: What's pollen?
Teacher: Well, when trees have sex, they release pollen into the air.
Girl: You mean I am breathing in tree jizz!? [Shudders in repulsion at the thought.]
[Whole class laughs.]
High School
Austin, Texas
They're Unlike My Ex-Husband in That Respect
Professor: Cats aren't capable of going into your home, judging what items are valuable, and dragging those items away.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Michigan | Teachers