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In Case You're Curious...
Little boy: Dad, what's a "brer" rabbit?
Father: A rabbit with a lot of brer in it.
Magic Kingdom
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Since the Judge Ordered Me to Steer Clear of Markers
Lady #1: I'm ready, are you coming?
Lady #2: I think I may just stay here and smell the pencils for a while.
Animal Hospital
Abingdon, Maryland
Overheard by: Paying for food
He'll Be Singing a Different Tune When Turtlenecks Come Back in Style
Twentysomething guy, excitedly: And all I could think was "Thank god im circumsized!"
Cherry Blossom Festival, National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: sara aliza
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks Sweetie, But That Was the Bedpost
Overexposed springbreaker: Well, since it was a communal dildo, I thought I would be considerate and clean it off.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Ew!
Categories: Cleanliness | Etiquette | Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Toys | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Expected More from a Stoner at McDonald's?
Stoner #1: Do you have telekinesis?
Stoner #2: No, but I got call-waiting and that three-way call thing.
McDonald's
Escondido, California
Overheard by: DLo
Categories: Bragging | California | Compare and contrast | Friends | Guys | McDonald's | Stoners | Stupidity | Technology | Words | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, the Naked Guy in the Back --Question?
Professor: If you want to get drunk and run around your house naked in your free time that's your own business, but you're not going to do that at work when you're in public.
Metropolitan State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Etiquette | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I'm Still Working on Context
Girl walking with two guys: I'm going to teabag you! ...I'm so glad I know what that means now!
WSU
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Happiness | Sex | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Just That All Those Ink-Blots Looked Like Vaginas
Woman on cell: Well, I don't feel like a lesbian.
Volunteer State Community College
Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Feelings | On the phone | Sexuality | Tennessee | Women | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're My Last White Boyfriend, I'll Tell You That
Angry guy to girlfriend at an art festival: How can you be allergic to a color?
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Couples | Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Take, Eat, This Is My Body" Would Actually Work As a Pick-Up Line
Drunk college guy: If I were Jesus, everything would be different!
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Frat boy types | Guys | Jesus | Minnesota | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Contestant on The Price Is Right? Really?
Morbidly obese man: It's like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.
Wal-Mart
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Andrea
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fat people | Florida | Guys | Happiness | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Projecting onto My Kids Seems to Help
Honest soccer mom: I'm really trying to get into the whole body-acceptance thing, but I just can't get past how disgusting it is.
Westchester County, New York
Do We Have to Drag Bernie Everywhere We Go?
Little boy: But I don't care about the dead guys anymore!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Typhoid Mary Was Also an Avid Bowler
Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don't get me wrong, but that's not my life.
Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Ladies who lunch | Maladies | Restaurants | Tennessee | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Great Anal Lube
Perky middle-aged lady: And that's what's so interesting about salad dressing!
East Aurora
New York
Couldn't You Just Ask for the Air-speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?
Bouncer: I don't know... Do you have another piece of ID on you?
Blonde: No, but go ahead, ask me anything!
Bouncer: Why don't your shoes match your skirt?
London, Ontario
Canadia
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It
Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"
Washington, DC
Yeah, but We're Also in Boston
Girl #1: And yeah... She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why... We're in America.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Feelings | Friends | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Massachusetts | Mouth | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You Can't Date Jews or Muslims
Girl #1: Hey, what's your shoe size?
Girl #2: Six.
Girl #1: I've got a pair of shoes that would fit you, if you want them. They smell vaguely of bacon.
Vancouver
British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Gifts | Girls | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Shoes | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is a Photo Of a Manatee, Sir
Townie to his friend: Yeah well, just because you don't like your fat wife doesn't mean I don't!
Plaza Restaurant
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alyssa
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Feelings | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... With My Girlfriend
Guy: Dude, I'm totally getting sexiled by my pre-frosh tonight.
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Blue Devils
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Frat boy types | Guys | North Carolina | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Students | Words | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except for This Headline
Serious girl: Nothing important has ever been typed with the thumbs.
UNT Campus
Denton, Texas
Overheard by: Having a Cigarette Break
Categories: Body parts | Books | Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | Students | Texas | Words | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead I Politely Smell Your Crotch
Middle school chick: Sir, are you married?
Substitute teacher: That's a very personal question. That's like if I asked you, "Has it started yet?"
Terman Middle School
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: heerothewizard
Categories: California | Chicks | Comebacks | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anybody Seen Baryshnikov Lately?
Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.
Lexington, Kentucky
All Those Murdered Tomatoes...
College guy: I like salsa, but it makes me sad.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Feelings | Guys | Minnesota | Music | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Think about You, I Smell Myself
Dirty hippy skater dude: Oh man! I can smell myself.
Dirty hippy skater girl: I love it when I can smell myself!
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Categories: Cleanliness | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Hippies | Pride | San Francisco | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
And This Money Isn't Even Green!
Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous... I want to see the manager immediately!
Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: Dru
Categories: Clients | Compare and contrast | Germany | Gripes | Idiots | Restaurants | Technology | Tourists | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Looked Like He Might Be Manorexic
Teen girl on cell: I saw this guy with a man tramp stamp... A mamp stamp.
Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sadie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Girls | Massachusetts | On the phone | Tattoos | Teens | Train | Words | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really the Only Way to Be Safe in a Manhole
Construction worker yelling into manhole: As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a condom right now! Really! I put one on this morning.
10th and Pine
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Didn't want to know
Categories: Condoms | Construction workers | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
2008: Microsoft Pilots MS Office Assistant, "Buzzy the Dildo"
Guy: You know when you do a "Find File" in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog... It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha... Yeah. It's better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh... Only because he doesn't pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren't in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don't know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You're such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I'm not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.
Portland, Maine
God: Suddenly I'm Getting All the Attention I Deserve
Professor, whispering: What is god doing with female breasts?
Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Guy: Come Back! I Can Change It!
Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair...
Girl #2: Yeah, it's the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick...
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Infidelity | Michigan | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If I Eat That I Get a Rash
Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!
Waterloo, Iowa
Disconcerting and Yet So Right
Middle-aged shopper: There's something so disconcerting about being poked in the tits by a kitchen fork.
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: disgruntled shopgirl
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Etiquette | Feelings | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Three's Company Cutting-Room Floor
Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It's funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: should've stayed at the library...
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Soon As We Get On, I'm Grabbing a Pole and Ripping Them Off
Chick: Well, my mom wouldn't let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.
Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado