Overheard Everywhere | April 13, 2008 - April 19, 2008 Archives

Eventually We Worked Out a Timeshare Situation

Girl: So this girl was like: "I want half your pants!"

Hazelwood West High School
Florissant, Missouri

Overheard by: Melissa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store

Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!

Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois

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I'd Love to See That Resume

Cashier: Ok, you can step directly over to the salad tosser.
Surprised guy ordering: Her title is "Salad tosser"?

Arby's Marketfresh
Atlanta, Georgia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Since Barenaked Ladies Was Already Taken

Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I'm calling my band he-gina and she-nis.

McKenna's
Baltimore, Maryland

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For the Last Time, Destiny, That's a Penis

Wannabe pickup artist: So, tell me your secrets.
Hot girl: I'm not sure...
Wannabe pickup artist: C'mon.
Hot girl: Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.
Wannabe pickup artist: Fine.
Hot girl: I have a tail.

Albany Park
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Ivan Alfaro

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Crystal Meth Weddings Are Prone to Unpredictability

Woman: It was a disaster. The bride was doing back-bends in the parking lot.

Gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: urzzz

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He's Been Disgruntled Ever Since Discovering I'm a Bottom.

Fat guy: Sorry I'm late. Mr. Sphincter isn't being very co-operative today.

Nova Cafe
Dunedin
New Zealand

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Must Be a Factory Nearby

Woman, after bring run by kid: Oh, a human male child just ran by me.

Arlington, Texas

Overheard by: Random Dude

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Someone's Been Reading People at the Dentist's Office

Mom: Did you hear that Harry Lee died?
20-something daughter: Yea, and Sylvester Stallone came to the funeral, I thought that was odd.
Previously uninterested dad: Interesting fact about Sylvester Stallone- he has a penial implant.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Still Has Traces of a Soul

Cute girl to other cute girls: Yeah, she needs a couple more months in LA until we can be friends with her...

Los Angeles, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Only When I'm Drunk

Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We've been through so much together --four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I'm not like, a bad driver or anything.

George Washington University
Washington, DC

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Trust Me --That's My Schtick

Overly optimistic girl: He's kinda sketchy, but in a nice way.
Passing stranger: Not possible!

Concordia University
Montreal
Canadia

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But He Just Unchained Me from the Stove, So I'm Trying Not to Press My Luck

Mitt Romney volunteer: So basically I asked my husband if we could please try not to have a baby this year.

Mackinac Island, Michigan

Overheard by: Glad I Chose Fred Thompson

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Are You Trying to Jumpstart the Cat Again?

Young woman on cell: Did you just say "The cables must be subjugated"? Uh huh... Okay... Yeah, I don't think you're okay to drive either.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nic

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It Concerns Me When You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person, Mrs. Smith

Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny's fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don't ever say that again.

Restaurant
Redlands, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And You're Hoochie-Skipper.

20-something in pink heels, on a Saturday afternoon: God, I'm like frickin walk of shame Barbie right now.

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dude, You're Preaching to the Choir

Student: She thinks she's so good. She was probably the only soprano in her high school, so she was automatically the best. Or maybe she went to a school for like, people with severe burns. She was the best in the burn victim ward.

Westminster Choir College
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Gaby Young

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One of the Perks of Dating Helen Keller

Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'd Like to Make a "Donation" to That Cause, If You Know What I Mean

Girl: So Natalie Portman is speaking tonight. I want to go.
Boy: What is it about?
Girl: Poverty, but who cares? It's Natalie Portman.
Boy: Yeah, fuck poverty, she's hot.

University
Berkeley, California

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Not Unless There's a Rocket in There

Teacher: Come, take a journey with me into *David's pockets.

MDN High School
Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Jamie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?

Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I'm just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I'm just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn't even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?

Bennigans
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Chris

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Mrs. Claus's Given Name Was Derek

Little boy to big sister walking behind him: Do you believe in Santa?
Big sister: No! Keep walking.
[big sister shoves him].
Little brother: I heard Santa dislikes girls.

County Fair
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: jake

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Disco?

Student at table: Yeah, so, I finally found out what was dead in my basement.

School Caffeteria
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Annie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In L.A., Teenage Girls Who Don't Look Good Naked Are Put to Death

Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy's myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn't.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I'd look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that's just a fact. It doesn't mean he likes you.

Los Angeles, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Scissors, Ipods, Horses, Pauses...

Dude #1: Hey man, wanna go get some things pregnant?
Dude #2: Um. What? What kind of things?
Dude #1: Just stuff. Whatever we find.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

At Least Take a Bite of This Apple

Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.

Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania

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But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can't believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you're supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn't! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Isn't an All-Male Choir Kinda Gay?

Weird Asian guy: You've never heard about the clitoral frequency?! It's a certain frequency that only men can hit, and if they hit it then all the women in the area will simultaneously orgasm.
Weird white guy: I've heard about the clitoral frequency! If you get an all-male choir to all sing as low as they can go, then they hit it.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: deb

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

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Meet the Most Forgetful Woman in Dallas

Woman: I found the nipple! Crisis averted.

N. Bishop Avenue
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Faith

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A+

Male art student in response to female art student's sculpture: It's really kind of mortifyingly vaginal.

Allegheny College
Meadville Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Gonna Write Off This Ride As an Educational Expense

WASPy college student to cab driver: You're absolutely right, sir. A curse upon the Saudis.

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Since My Lime Green Mumu Failed to Get Their Attention

Flea market lady: I don't see the big deal about sanitation these days.
Older flea market lady: I know. The other day at work I dropped a cookie on the floor, then picked it up and ate it. You know, just to see what people would do.

Flea Market
Burley Park, Michigan

Overheard by: Amanda

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Have the Hairbrushes, Right?

Girl, wearing leather pants and high heels, pushing a cart containing D batteries, duct tape, and huge bag of rice, on cell: I don't know why he's so smug, I told him what I would do to him if I caught him again. [pause] Okay, well I've almost got everything I need, I'll be right over.

Wal-Mart
Lufkin, Texas

Overheard by: wtf?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But You're Probably at Least Drunk

Professor: You may not be the target audience. You may not be on drugs!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Nik

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Storytelling Is a Lost Art

Drunk bimbette: Oh my god! I used to like this ugly guy once... Then I realized he was ugly and stopped liking him.

Barbeque
Jundiaí
Brazil

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey

Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.

Renaissance Festival
Maryland

Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene |