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And Stop Masturbating in the Shower -- You're Clogging the Drain.
Pilot to passengers: Welcome to Hawaii! I'm going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.
Direct flight from Seattle, Washington to Oakland, California
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Default | Geography | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Pilots | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes You Do Know What You're Missing
Little old lady to husband: I don't care how many times you've washed it or how clean it is! I've lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I'm not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Couples | Default | Gripes | Illinois | Licking | Old folks | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Safer Here Where Everybody Hates Me
Girl on cell: Nooo... I'm not sure I should go to Florida. That could lead to sex.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | New York | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Having Grandma Sit on Your Face
Hostess describing rose and black lady tea combo: Smells like rose, tastes like lady.
Beijing
China
Categories: China | Default | Food | Language barrier | Sensory experiences | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever, Ms. "I'm Allergic to Sex"
Girl to friend: So, you told him you were a nun and couldn't have friends? That's so mean!
Chic-Fil-A
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: jaye
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | North Carolina | Religion | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Does Get Convicted, I Expect at Least a Bus Pass
Woman on cell: I know! I'm going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn't go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!
Red line metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Crimes | Default | Gripes | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Poof! Like an Astronaut Landing on Moondust.
Guy to pals: Did you ever put baby powder on your butt and then fart?
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: how are these people my friends?
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Delaware | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Between Lute Lessons
Teacher, incredulously: You never read Harold and the Purple Crayon?!
Student: Well, sorry, I was reading Machiavelli.
Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Default | Gripes | Overheard in High School | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where to Begin?
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
Categories: Christianity | Couples | Default | Idiots | Language barrier | Ohio | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Work a Little Child-Support-Reducing Magic
Little boy: Daddy, how are we going to get down?
Father: Parachutes.
Top of Space Needle
Seattle, Washington
What Else Does One Do with a Degree in Theology?
Guy: It's a pity there isn't a commercial nuclear submarine sector, or I would do that.
Oxford
UK
In the Continuous Porn That Runs in My Head, Anyway.
Big guy to much smaller friend: We're so tight we shower together in warm, soapy water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Friends | Skinny people | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That
Guy: All I heard was, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'
Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: girl at next table
By Blocking Access to the Bathrooms
Vendor: Buy some water! I'll teach you how to dance!
Pitchfork Music Festival
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seraphina
Categories: Blue collar | Default | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?
Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.
Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Baristas | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Than of Ever Tanning without Burning
Suit: Yeah, right, I've got a better chance of shaking hands with the Lord... And I'm a Jew.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | New Hampshire | Religion | Suits | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
None of the Races Are Much of a Bargain
Asian girl: I hate being Asian!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky
Alternative Sculptors Can Be So Demanding
Girl #1: Who was that?
Girl #2, hanging up cell: My boyfriend.
Girl #1: What'd he want?
Girl #2: Tampons.
Tennessee
Overheard by: Jenni
Categories: Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Little Candy Chlamydia
Woman with two toddlers, ordering cake: I need a P-E-N-I-S cake...
Manager, walking in, gleefully oblivious: Ohhh, a penis cake! We can put fake hair on it. Last time, we had fake semen shooting out...
Huntington, California
NewsFlash: Telemarketer Abuse Becomes Olympic Sport
Telemarketer: Hi, is Mr. Sa-- Sama-- Samata--
Guy: Go ahead. You can do it.
Telemarketer: Sama-- Samthan-- Sermana--
Guy: You mean Mr. [says name]?
Telemarketer: Yes, is Mr. [repeats name] available?
Guy: Nope, sorry [hangs up phone].
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: amused girlfriend
Especially If He Were Standing Next to Me with a Machete
Guy on phone: I don't vote for people who put their name in quotation marks on the ballot... Well, yeah, if it was 'Killer,' then I'd definitely vote for him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Gripes | Guys | Names | On the phone | Politics | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Answer Was Both Better and Worse Than They Anticipated
Coworker #1: I don't even know what on a penis you would even pierce.
Coworker #2: I don't, either. Let me text my brother-in-law and ask him. Maybe I can get him to send us a picture of his.
Eye clinic
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: also interested
It's All Fun and Games Until You Fall and Need Monkey Parts
Guy waiting in line for a ride: ... And then I got a hip transplant... from a baboon...
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Kimberly Disney
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That Was the Extent of My "Birds and Bees" Talk
Mom holding two tomatoes stuck together: Look, tomato twins!
Daughter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daughter: Oh my god.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Here, Have Some Incense and Peppermints
Hippie guy: I suggest you stop picking up small animals and fruit skins. It's not good for you.
Eugene, Oregon
That's the Last Time I'll Have an Orgy with a Family of Klutzes
Large woman: Your dad kicked me in the head!
Scrawny boyfriend: What?
Large woman: And then you kicked me in the head!
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
Overheard by: Marg
Categories: Canadia | Default | Family ties | Fat people | Gripes | Skinny people | Violence | Posted 2008-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Washes and Folds My Spiderman Underwear
Dude: It's not that I live with my mom, it's that my mom is my roommate...
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: Sarah
Racist? You Decide!
Daughter: It's like... I didn't see any Mexicans around for months, and then today, I've seen so many!
Father: Well, it got warm.
Cool Springs Mall
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Haha, what?
Not If You Swallow the Sperm Like a Good Girl
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it's also high in calories.
Guy: Yes... It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman's body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: ... It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
At Least Stop Throwing the Panties.
Physics professor: Hey! Listen up! I'm tired of some of you walking out or ignoring me when we talk about the Big Bang Theory. I'm not telling you God doesn't exist, so don't get your panties in a bunch! You! Sit down! Let me finish!
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
So Then He Stabbed Me
Chatty chick: ... And he called me a drunk! I mean, I am a drunk, but I'm a functional drunk. I told him everyone loves drunks but nobody loves a crackhead... I don't even care if I get a beer belly! Someone will still love me and rub my beer belly!
22 Fillmore bus
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is It Putting on a Dress and Heels?
Guy in crowd evacuated from theater due to fire alarm: This is all a marketing trick... Just watch -- any minute now one of those fire trucks is going to transform!
Transformers showing, AMC Theatre
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: JoBell
Doreen Applies the Scientific Method
Dunkin' Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on -- I'm a nice guy.
Dunkin' Donuts chick: Well, I haven't tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Blue collar | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Gripes | New Jersey | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Expect to Awaken Tomorrow Nauseated, Infected
Tipsy girl: You know what type of night it is? I'm wearing a leopard-print dress and leggings! It's that type of night!
Shout-out: www.overheardatlc.blogspot.com
If We Don't Bend Time, the Terrorists Win
Conductor: Welcome aboard to all the new passengers. The time is 9:11. Actually... Let's make that 9:12. That's better, isn't it?
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Default | Time Management | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New Jersey Tourists Are Easily Recognizable
Mother, about a TV: It's really heavy! It's as heavy as--
Four-year-old girl: --A dead body.
Bellingen
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's in My Sippy Cup Right Now
Second grade teacher: Okay, so if you are what you eat, what food would you be?
Student #1: Cake!
Student #2: Candy!
Student #3: Beer!
Second grade teacher: No, you can't choose that. It's illegal for you to drink beer.
Student #3: But I drink it all the time!
St. Catharine's
Ontario
Canadia
Like I Really Need to Have Better Litercism?
Tween boy #1, carrying skateboard: So, I got cleaning detail at school tomorrow.
Tween boy #2: That doesn't sound like something I'd want to do.
Tween boy #1: No, man, it's awesome! You get out of literacy class!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compliments | Default | Education | Tweens | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father Mike Continues His Downward Spiral
Satisfied customer: They had bacon I would drop-kick a nun for.
Maggie's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compliments | Customers | Default | Food | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook