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Bimbette #1: Wait, is a bird a mammal? I don't think it's a mammal...
Bimbette #2: I think a bird is, like, its own species.
B train
Boston, Massachusetts
Hey, I Told Her Not to Touch the Stream!
Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!
Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Pee | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Feared I Might Inadvertently Become a Lesbian
Girl #1: I know for a fact this year is going to be way better than last year.
Girl #2: Why's that?
Girl #1: Because this year I actually have designer clothes. Last year I didn?t have any, and I was so unhappy!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Girls | Idiots | Overheard at McGill | Students | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Yell "Let's Go, Yankees" Instead
Conductor: The worst thing that you can do in an emergency is to pull the emergency cord. Never pull the emergency cord if it is an emergency!
Boston subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: daily commuter
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
His G-String with the Elephant Head on It Was a Bit of a Shock, Though
Summer fun Barbie #1: I mean, like, I wasn't even surprised that you went home with him!
Summer fun Barbie #2: Do you mean that I had sex with him?
Summer fun Barbie #1: Yeah.
Summer fun Barbie #2: Yeah, me neither.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: also not surprised
I Felt Awash in a Sea of Lower-Back Tattoos
Teen boy: Disneyland is the MILF capital of the world!
Vacaville, California
Categories: California | Compliments | Default | Geography | Guys | Sex | Teens | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Them, Your Aquarium Is Just a Raw Bar
Guy at computer: It's this whole thing with the penguins, man...
Friend: Yeah, I know. It'll work itself out, though.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Timothy
Seriously, Curling Is the Most Retarded Sport Ever
Brunette #1, breaking silence: I hate brooms.
Brunette #2: Me, too.
Rest of group: ... What?!
Cactus Club, Yaletown
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Bimbettes | Canadia | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Along with One of His Feet
Mother at market stall: But he's only got one good pair of shoes, and the police have taken them as evidence...
Guildford
Surrey
UK
Overheard by: Ike
But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top
Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Default | Family | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Old folks | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could've Been Ugly If She Hadn't Been Lactating, Though
Guy at dinner: Yeah, we figured we'd just have a low key night with just a few beers and some margaritas, but then Ann* was like, 'Wow, I haven't had any liquor in two months!' so the next thing you know, we're dropping 60 bucks at the liquor store, then the backyard porch swing's on fire... It was a pretty fun night.
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cards Forgotten, She Now Licks Herself Like a Cat
Girl: So, my roommate's mom still lets her use her credit card, which is crazy! I mean, we're like 24, and I've had my own credit card since forever... But anyways, I guess my roommate had a huge bill last month, and her mom got all upset and called her and said, 'Maybe you should soak the credit cards and put them in the freezer, so when you get the impulse to use them they'll be frozen.' So now we have, like, three credit cards in a tub in our freezer.
Brown Line El
Chicago, Illinois
Good Thing "Shut Up, You Cow" Is Easy to Convey with Body Language
Large white lady to small Mexican husband: I'm bleeding. [Pokes hubby, who ignores her.] Heyyy, I'm bleeding from my neck! Don't you care?! [Hubby puts headphones on and looks out window.] I wish I knew you didn't speak English before I married you!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: corwin
Categories: Airports & flights | Assholes | Default | Fat people | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Language barrier | Oregon | Overheard in PDX | Women | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That's a Given
HS boy #1: I love cheesecake in my mouth.
HS boy #2: You love dick in your mouth!!
HS boy #1: Well, yeah, if it has cheesecake on it!
Christiansburg, Virginia
Unless Jesus Got Jealous
Girl: You know, Santa and Superman would make an adorable gay couple.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Tennessee | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Rosa Parks Was Calling Out, "C'mon Back!"
Woman on cell: Bitch, I'm on the train. No, I ain't ridin' the bus! Have you seen the buses in this city?! Girl I wouldn't get on the bus if fucking Harriet Tubman herself was waving a damn flashlight telling me, 'All clear'!
On the Red Line
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Illinois | On the phone | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Embrace Your Degradation
Ticket collector: The bus is now here. Anyone going to Camden, Malden, or Newark, please step forward.
Custodian: Come on, step forward. You don't gotta be embarrassed if you're going to Newark.
Greyhound Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Blue collar | Default | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Fairly Aquiver with Anticipation
BBW: You wouldn't want to see me in pretzel-formation.
Skinny man: How would you know?
BBW: I mean it. You really wouldn't want to see me in pretzel-formation. It's not very pretty to watch. It gets stuck easily that way.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: Advice | Default | Fat people | Georgia | Gripes | Skinny people | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Breadsticks Will Also Do in a Pinch
Guy: You gotta watch out for the Italian Air Force, dude. They've got, like, hang-gliders, and guys who throw rocks.
University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland
Overheard by: Sara
So Basically All Your Problems Are in Your Head?
Girl on cell: My life totally sucks right now. I went to an intellectual conference and people were saying smart things and I was asking myself, 'Why can?t I say things like that?!' And I?ve forgotten all essay-writing skills I learned in high school! Ugh, I am, like, totally ESL right now. Like, what am I doing with my life?! I'm not getting into law school, I'm not going to get a position at the UN... Ugh! I might as well get married to a rich Arabian prince!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Gripes | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Look at David Hasselhoff.
Cute redhead: I don't think I could air my laundry in an art show. It seems terribly narcissistic.
Short male companion: A little narcissism never hurt anybody!
Cute redhead: Um, it hurt Narcissus.
London
England
And Enough Working Fingers to Run It?
Chick to group preparing to light vodka on fire: How many times has setting alcohol on fire gone horribly wrong for us?
Guy: You're right. That said, who has a camera?
Carleton University
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Which One's the "Naughty Librarian"
Library worker #1: Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: ... What?
Library worker #1: The envelope. Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: You could tape it, I guess...
Library worker #1: Great, because after last night, I am totally out of saliva.
Main Library, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Good Housekeeping Checklist
Dejected neighbor: Yeah, I know. I'm more suited to kill werewolves than produce orgasms.
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: j
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Orgasm | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Called Him Jonah
Crackhead lady: I was raised on McDonald's hamburgers until one day I puked up a fish!
McDonald's
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Crazies | Default | Druggies | Food | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want... to Be You
Guy #1: Oh my god! You look good! You've never looked so good!
Girl: Um... I don't know how to take that.
Guy #1: I just mean that you look so much better than I've ever seen.
Girl: You're making this worse.
Guy #1: Don't worry. I'm not hitting on you.
Guy #2: Stop talking, dude.
Beromünster
Switzerland
Nothing in Those Categories Would Be a Blockbuster
Dude: I don't like watching anything set from the olden days. You know, like Bridget Jones' Diary... Or anything British.
Blockbuster
California
Overheard by: Define olden days
Okay, Now Tell Me How You Know That
Male fashionista: Deepness is just a less shallow superficiality.
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: paparazzi
Categories: Brazil | Default | Guys | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Four-Eyed Men Are Illegal in Oklahoma
Little girl: I'll tell you what my daddy looks like. He has eyeglasses and he's a woman.
Car dealer
Midwest City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
But at Least She Throws It Up
Queer on cell: Stop it. She's too chicken to be anorexic. It's like, she'll starve herself for two days, then eat a huge cookie.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Default | Food | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ho Couture
Subway musician to friend: That's great! Now if only there was a cum-stained dress!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
Categories: Compliments | Default | Friends | Illinois | Words | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless She's Natalie Portman
Geek: A pity hug is still a hug, and a pity girlfriend still has boobs!
University of Idaho
Idaho
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | Idaho | Rack | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So If You See Me Twitch, Clutch, or Froth, Lend a Hand, Okay?
Flight attendant to another: I don't mean to alarm you, but last night I went into cardiac arrest.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is All the Government Has Allowed Me to Tell You
Health teacher to class: When you become more adult-like, you start to be more like an adult.
Roanoke, Virginia
Just the Decorative Scarring, Then?
Hoochie: I would never get my clit pierced there.
O'Bannon's Bar
College Station, Texas
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Hoochies | Texas | Vagina | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End
Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.
Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Maladies | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Put It Back, Unused
Teen girl #1: Lemur? What the hell's a lemur?
Teen girl #2: Lemur is French for 'light.' You know, like the candlestick on Beauty and the Beast -- lemur.
Teen girl #1: You're so smart. How do you know this shit?
Teen girl #2: I took two years of French.
Lemur Exhibit, Denver Zoo
Denver, Colorado
Couldn't We Just Discriminate Against People Wearing Explosive Clothing?
Bimbette: Well, discriminating against the Muslims is different than against, like, the Russians for Hitler and everything.
Archbishop Spalding High School
Severn, Maryland
Overheard by: Wait, is she kidding?
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | History | Maryland | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Spiral Notebooks!
Young girl, spraying perfume: These smell yucky. Who actually buys these, Mom?
Mom: Put those down. Those are for prostitutes.
Macy's
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: ChasingDori
Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?
Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of... well, me.
Class: Um...
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.
1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: stravinsky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Maryland | Music | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might As Well Have Said, "He Has a 5-Inch Penis and a Job at Foot Locker"
Girl #1: I think he's a nice guy.
Girl #2: Nice is the ultimate mediocrity.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: girl in scrubs