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They Call Her to Extinguish Volcanic Eruptions
Woman screaming into phone: You need to chill the fuck out!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Feelings | Women | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Backyard Squirrels Just Don't Hold the Allure They Once Did
60-ish lady: If it weren't for Dancing with the Stars, I don't know what we'd be watching!
Whole Foods
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Compliments | Default | New Jersey | Old folks | Stores | TV shows | Women | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Money's on the Democrats
Middle-aged student: ... But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica
Every Country Has Its Own Rules for Greeting Royalty
Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen -- when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.
Dick's Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh
What's Next -- Shopping at Hot Topic?
Blonde to another: I can't believe you're not tanning today! You disgust me!
California Polytechnic University
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Quiet Student
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gripes | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
California's Full of 'em
Guy shouting out dorm window: We've got dicks! Yeahhh! Woo-hoo!
University of California, Davis
California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Guys | Penis | Students | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Said Was, "Stop Doing It in My Class"
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Strategy I Didn't Quite Think Through
20-ish chick: I can't believe I faked a pregnancy just to get back at a guy! I'm so psycho!
Friend with baby: Pshhh, that's nothing -- I actually got pregnant!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Whatever. Starving Children in Nigeria Don't Even Have Earlobes.
Bartender: Geez, Hank, you're looking great these days. Been working out?
Chubby Jewish guy: Yeah. I tell ya, I've been trying to lose the spare tire, but I lost it all in my earlobes instead. It's a cruel world.
Suami's India Garden Resturant
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Jeebus McGee
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Default | Diet & weight | Fat people | Gripes | Jews | Ohio | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Now Jimmy Hoffa Can Have a Decent Burial
Black woman on cell: I'm telling ya, they took everything out of my breasts. Every fucking thing's gone.
Outside Fogg Art Museum
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Don't want to know what.
Categories: Black people | Default | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Rack | Women | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Sexual Deviants' Auction
Ballet girl: Do you know how much our feet are worth?!
West Leederville Train Station
Perth
Western Australia
Overheard by: Rose
According to What Not to Wear
Chick: Yeah, no one has syphilis anymore. Everyone has chlamydia now.
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | North Carolina | STDs | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Gender Confusion More of an Issue in Kansas Than Poor Grammar
Little girl, about sleeping baby sister: Him is sleeping? Him is sleeping?!
Mom, exasperated: No! Her is sleeping!
Kansas
Good Luck Explaining That to Non-Native Speakers
American college guy to friends: My mom told me I was pussy-whipped.
Brussels National Airport
Belgium
Overheard by: aja
Categories: Airports & flights | Belgium | Default | Family ties | Guys | Stupidity | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't Keep at It, I'll Never Graduate to Snarling
Hobo #1, after growling at passenger: I had to growl at someone.
Hobo #2: Yup.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Feelings | Hobos | Violence | Washington | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sinister Truth behind "Frère Jacques"
Girl on cell: I don't care how many times you fuck him. He's your brother, and it's still wrong!
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Gripes | Massachusetts | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And He'd Crawl into Bed with You?
Chick: So... You know when you were little and you used to leave beer and cookies for Santa?
Palo Alto High School
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: the governor
Categories: California | Default | Food | Girls | Memory lane | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twenty-Year-Old White Guys: That Hurts. Let's Have Sex!
30-something black woman #1: The eye is superficial.
30-something black woman #2: Yeah, like 20-year-old white guys.
Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Madison
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Ohio | Race | Women | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Probably Not Doing My Part
Thug #1: Man, it's so hard to be in a relationship these days.
Thug #2: Yeah, my relationships die faster than those goldfish you win at a carnival.
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Ohio | Relationships | Thugs | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Any Louder Than Sex in a Prom Dress, Though
Chipper girl: I tell the sex workers that they can wear the female condom before going out. You can wear it for, like, three hours. They are kind of loud, though -- they crinkle! Sex is awkward, anyway.
Women's health class, American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If Chris Hansen Shows Up, Don't Let Him In
Angry woman on cell: I told you -- we have Bible study in a half-hour! Get your clothes on and get off of the computer!
Locust Street
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Categories: Assholes | Christianity | Default | Education | Offers and requests | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Women | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Be a Long Semester
Linguistics professor, after girl asks question: Well, the short answer would be 'Yes,' and by 'yes' I mean 'no.'
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, That's Chicken
20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: ... Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.
Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wallflower
Categories: Animals | Comebacks | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause, Hey, They Earned It
Professor: Usually people ride donkeys to the top of the mountain because it's really steep. Afterwards, you can go down on the donkeys, too, if you'd like.
Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
... Before the Whores
Mother to young son in shopping cart: Do you wanna leave?! Do you wanna leave?! How many times do I have to tell you? Don't lick the cart!
Easton, Massachusetts
Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working
Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Smoking | Time Management | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Also an 87-Year-Old Asian Man.
Girl #1: Hey, I know you! Isn't your name 'Laura'?
Girl #2: No, not even close, actually.
Girl #1: Yes, it is. Your name is Laura.
Girl #2: No, it really isn't.
Girl #1: Well, it is now.
Friendly's
South Carolina
Categories: Default | Girls | Names | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Are You?
Guy to girl: What? Your tummy hurts? Let's make out!
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Couples | Default | Foreplay | Maladies | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aaron's Messy Handwriting Has Resulted in Many Botched Orders
Waiter: ... Chicken nachos all on her butt cheeks!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Ass | Blue collar | Default | Food | Gripes | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Cutting-Room Floor
Male neighbor: Hey, how ya doin'?
Female visitor: Not so good.
Male neighbor: What's wrong? Girl problems? Something with your hoochie-koochie?
Lake Tapps, Washington
Overheard by: baker98391
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Can Do That, What's Your Incentive to Leave the House?
Chick: No, Spencer, you don't have to lick your penis to let everyone know that you're here!
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Drunk guy in apartment hallway
But the Question Was "When Was the Battle of Hastings?"
Guy: ... Because the pope touches himself. That's my answer for the first question. That's my answer to any question, really.
History class
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: Kaiti
Categories: Canadia | Christianity | Default | Guys | Masturbation | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Funny Like When I Gave Them to Your Boyfriend and He Gave Them to You
Girl on cell: ... Funny like when you got crabs?
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: Abs
The True Test of Whether You Should Be Wearing Skinny Jeans
Hipster girl: Ugh, I had, like, the worst day yesterday. I was skipping on the quad, and I ripped my skinny jeans.
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
I'll Do the Gentlemanly Thing and Be a Dick to Her 'til She Gets the Hint
Guy #1: So, she said she didn't want to be just another girl I sleep with.
Guy #2: But that's what you want.
Guy #1: Well, yeah, but I can't say that.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Liars | Lies | Overheard in Vancouver | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If It Involves Glitter and Castor Oil, That's His Business
Tween boy to another: You seem very gay to me.
Woman with them: That's not very nice!
Tween boy: What? All I mean is he has a really busy social life.
Moon River Diner
Shanghai
China
Overheard by: MF in China
Cue the Commodores
Girl to friend: I can't believe I fell asleep next to your vagina. I woke up and my face was next to your brick wall. [Kisses friend.] I love your brick wall.
Caribou Coffee
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
America, Encapsulated.
Sorority chick #1: Hey, you know there's Bible study in my room at eight tonight?
Sorority chick #2: Hmmm, eight? Okay, I guess I can come.
Sorority chick #1: And then we can go get wasted!
Ladies' locker room, University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: New Yorker
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Sorority types | Tennessee | Posted 2008-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Toilet-Swirl Isn't the Only Thing That's Backwards in New Zealand
Dude: I wish all guys had boobs.
Girl: What?!
Dude: It's so much more appropriate to grope a guy than a girl!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
How'd Professor Walsh Even Get My Number?
Blonde: So, he calls me drunk at two o'clock in the morning and tells me our relationship has barnacles.
Brunette: What?!
Blonde: He compared our relationship to ship that has barnacles on it!
Brunette: Um...
Blonde: So now I'm like, 'Should I read into this?'
Psych building, Washington University
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Missouri | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Bought Her at the Adult Store
Man on cell: I don't feel I owe you anything! ... But I didn't even use your service. I found a girlfriend on my own!
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Steve E
Categories: Canadia |