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This Month's Excerpt from Martha Stewart Dying
Reformed health nut: If I were to eat a stick of butter, I'd roll it in salt.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tim
Categories: Crazies | Default | Food | Overheard Lines | Posted 2008-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Family Game Night" Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists
Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide -- at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, 'Jesus never did that!' so I just put down 'Man turning into a horse.'
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
We're Hoping She'll Grow Out of That Once She Turns Five
Middle-aged professor, matter-of-factly: My daughter loves Stephen Colbert. She calls him her 'baby daddy.'
Art League School
Alexandria, Virginia
The Immaculate Conception Story Has Gotten Skewed with Time
Frustrated waiter: It doesn't matter if it was real or not. What matters is that it came out of her ass!
Cass Corridor
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: fox news
Paving the Way for Such Great Presidents As Martin Luther King and Ice T
Bimbette: Harriet Tubman? Of course I know who that was. She was America's first black president!
Shout-out: www.overeardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Marina
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | History | Overheard in High School | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or They Frightened It into Submission with Religious Rhetoric
Lipstick lesbian #1: If we move into a house, we're going to have to get some new stuff...
Lipstick lesbian #2: Wait... How did the pilgrims cut their grass?
Lipstick lesbian #1: Um, I think they had cows.
Fox and Hound
Indianapolis, Indiana
Just Hold His Penis and Ask Him
Fruit fly: Does he like me?! I think he might, but if he doesn't... He has to know that I like him! Or am I being too obvious?
Queer friend: Ugh! Heterosexual relationships make me queasy!
Montreal
Canadia
That Itching and Flaking Are Just Jesus Telling You You've Been Naughty
Guy to pals: Dude, seriously -- STDs are just Christian propaganda.
Riverbend Music Center
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: robby gigante
With a Scary Product
Girl: Why do they have an ambassador to Vatican City?
Guy: Because it's a country and stuff.
Girl: Do, like, normal people live there?
Guy: I don't know...
Girl, thoughtfully: It's a scary place...
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Geography | Girls | Guys | Politics | Questions | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Distant, Constipated, and Lonely, That's the Life for You
Little old lady: Are you here to poop? That's what I just did. Everybody poops. It feels great! Such a relief!
Preschool girl: Yeah!
Girl's mom: Come on, honey... What have I told you about talking to crazy strangers?
Bathroom, Target
Novi, Michigan
'Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It
Skinny girl: My roommate's nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She's mad again 'cause you don't rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it's the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, 'Listen, bitch, I don't eat mayo. I'm anorexic.' She's accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, 'Ha! Now no one can eat it!' I don't think that helped the situation at all.
George Herman's
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Default | Food | Girls | Gossip | Health & Hygiene | North Carolina | Skinny people | Violence | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Take It Ourselves
Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.
Fort Erie, Ontario
Canadia
Don't They Have, Like, a Three-Day Lifespan Anyway?
Mother: So, what did you learn at nursery today?
Excited four-year-old girl: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck-fuck!
Mother: Every time you say that, one of Santa's elves dies, you know.
London
England
Defeating You Will Be a Piece Of... Well, You Know.
Student whose dessert slid off the plate: Nice try, cheesecake. You've only postponed the inevitable.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: MrCandey
... Motherfucker.
20-ish mom to man: So what? I mean, I'm miserable, and I still manage to be perky and upbeat...
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Massachusetts | Moms | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I'd Always Pictured You As More of a Titmouse
Suit on cell: Wait, while I've got you on the phone, what's your animal spirit name? ... Ah, 'White Wolf' -- of course. All right, see you then.
Coffee shop
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Baffled Bear
I'm Careful Not to Spend Too Much Time with Women
Asian guy: I hate going there. There's too many Asian people. I hate being around so many Asian people. It feels too foreign.
Asian friend, holding two Japanese language books: Yeah.
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Kunoichi
The Inevitable Evolution of Zack and Screech's Relationship
College jock: Girls suck. I would so be your gay lover if it weren't for the whole butt-sex thing.
Scrawny friend: Me too, man.
Davis, California
Categories: California | Default | Gripes | Guys | Jocks | Sex | Sexuality | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's My Poodle's Ass.
Disembodied male voice: That is not my ass!
Borders
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Intimacy Is Gnarly, Bro
Professor: So, you see, the barns were directly beneath the houses, and the people and the animals had a very, very intimate relationship for many years. Very intimate.
Jock: Niiice [high fives jock friend].
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: chroma the great
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Massachusetts | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Fight Convention?
Tall goth girl to rotund, geeky friend: She's a fat black goth! Kinda like if you, me, and Bill Cosby joined forces.
Denver, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Goths | Gripes | Race | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone Who Can Afford Better Than Macy's
Little girl: Mom, those boots make you look like a hooker!
Mother: This conversation is over.
Little girl: Okay... What's a hooker?
Macy's, Marley Station Mall
Marley, Maryland
Overheard by: jd
This Is a Funeral, Sarah
Chick: Man, I hate vacations! I always end up over-packing, and then I never get laid!
Kingston
Jamaica
It Says Here the Mule Consented?
Cop: You know there's a warrant out for your arrest, right?
Guy with arm in cast: Oh, really?
Cop: Yeah... So we should probably have a chat about that.
Town Court
Duanesburg, New York
Overheard by: 91 in a 65
I Just Need It to Happen before He Finds Jesus
Chick on cell: Well, they had their flaws, but you know what I mean... I was thinking about Mike last night. Oh, how I would like to get back with him now that I'm kind of looking for a relationship and he's not on speed anymore...
Oklahoma
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Default | Drugs | Oklahoma | On the phone | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Wouldn't Believe Some of the Shit I Saw in the Womb
30-ish black woman, emphatically to self: Damn! Life ain't nothin' like I ever seen before.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Black people | Default | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Women | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Just Whinny?
Redhead: If I were a horse, I would totally do this one [points to horse in magazine].
Blonde: If you were a horse, you would do them all.
Redhead: Yeah! There's the Quarter Horse, the Mustang, the Appaloosa, and the Arabian. Ohhh, the Arabian! [Shivers.]
Raleigh, North Carolina
Have the Last Name "Spears"
Four-year-old kid, pickig up magazine: Hey, Dad, it's Britney Spears!
Dad: No, that's Jamie Lynn, her sister.
Four-year-old kid: Ohhh, the pregnant one.
Dad: Yep.
Four-year-old kid: But she's not even an adult!
Dad: You don't have to be an adult to get pregnant.
Four-year-old kid: So then how do you get pregnant?! [Dad puts magazine back.]
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Cortny
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Family ties | Kids | Nebraska | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Fuck It -- His Body Was the Only Good Thing about Him
Girl on phone: I mean, his body was the best thing about him... Wait, that's mean. I meant, physically his body was the best thing about him.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Default | Girls | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Start Fires
Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they're going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won't eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
And Megatron Is Totally My Ex-Girlfriend!
Transformers-loving college student: I mean, there's just so much symbolism in that movie -- take the fact that Optimus Prime transforms into a truck. He's, like, Everyman!
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: I never thought of it that way
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Movies | Students | Washington | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All You Ladies Need to Do Is Dab Some Beer behind Your Ears and You're Set
Psychology professor: What will your Prada bag get you? It doesn't get you sex. All the men aren't going to be like, 'Oooh, Prada bag!'
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Fashion | Illinois | Philosophy | Questions | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And I Love It!
Exasperated youth, holding water bottle: There's dinosaur piss in everything!
Tallahassee, Florida
Has He Given You a Satisfactory Answer to That Question?
Thugette, into phone: How it gon' be warm one day, rain the next, and freezin' the next?
Asian guy: It's called a cold front. Take a science class.
Thugette: I don't need no science, nigga! I got God!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
That Way There Are Always People around to Help Me with the Big Words
Drunk guy: Well, I'm, like, more of a social reader, you know?
Columbus, Ohio
That's What It Means to Be a Middle-Class American
Professor: It's like when you walk into a bathroom with a corpse in the tub and go, 'Wow, just look at that tile pattern!'
The Evergreen State College
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Marriage Happens by Default in the Pacific Northwest
Girl on phone: So, we had this bet that if the Patriots won, we were going to break up, so we were both hoping for that. But that didn't happen, so now we're just kind of stuck together.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Girls | Gossip | Gripes | On the phone | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Mythbusters
Guy: So, I tore my ACL.
Over-enthusiastic friend: Tell 'em how you did it!
Guy: Masturbating!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Victoria
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Default | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Latency Period, My Ass!
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have 'ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a 'gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have 'ginas? Teachers have 'ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I always wanted to see one of those.
Phoenix, Arizona
Whoever Threw It Knew What He Was Doing
Girl to friend: That's the last time I catch a falling baby.
Farmington Valley, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fair Enough, Mr. President
Man to friends: Dude, I believe in Jesus the same way I believe in Batman -- the awesome way!
Park Tavern
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren