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That Is Correct.
Teacher: Did you hear Germany got a new polar bear?
German exchange student: Shiza!
Guy: What's wrong with polar bears?
German exchange student: Ugh... You have no idea.
Grady High School
Atlanta, Georgia
I'd Recommend against Frying Bacon, Though
Chick on cell: You can do that naked?!
Dude: Honey, you can do a lot of things naked.
Blockbuster Video
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Revulsion of People
Save That Kind of Behavior for Old Navy
Queer #1: He punched him in the face right in the middle of Banana Republic.
Queer #2: That is so damn rude.
University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Gripes | North Carolina | Queers | Violence | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made
Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom's friend: Well, that's one for the baby book.
Pizza Hut
Maryland
A Voyage Down the Birth Canal Doesn't Help, Either
Chick: Oh my god, look at this baby! It is so ugly! I didn't think babies were allowed to be ugly!
University of Denver
Denver, Colorado
Black on Black Crime's Hidden Nuances
Fat black woman on cell: Black women are better than white women, because you can beat the shit out of them and the bruises won't be visible!
BART train
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Gilatron
Categories: Black people | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Fat people | Race | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need to Know More about What You Tried
Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, 'Oooh, that smells like ass!' and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure -- your ass must smell like pussy.
Cleo's, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: EEE
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Illinois | Queers | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: How the Fuck Did That Rumor Get Started?
Girl #1: So, what's your idea of the perfect guy?
Girl #2: Oh, I know what she'll say! Jesus.
Girl #3, blushing: She's right.
Girl #1, rolling eyes: Ugh! But you can't go down on Jesus... can you?
Franklin, North Carolina
Overheard by: J-Bake-Oh
Does a Shih Tzu Really Count?
Chick, breaking long silence: Look! An Asian!
Everyone on bus, in unison: Yay!
High school bus
Englewood, Colorado
Clearly You've Never Had Velveeta Mac N' Cheese
Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man's greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]
Brave student: Um... I don't know about greatest... I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I've been eating for 62 years, and I've never gotten an orgasm from it!
Richmond, Indiana
This Has Nothing to Do with Particle Physics, but I Thought I'd Share
Professor: Have any of you been hurt by love? [Class is silent, and professor cackles maniacally] Hahaha, ohhh, it's coming.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | New Jersey | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Plumber Says You Can Have It If You Want It
Girl on phone: Hey, honey, good news -- I can get you your hair back.
Fortitude Valley
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Default | Girls | Hair | On the phone | Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Hanging between His Knees
Sorostitute #1: Oooh, a Southern boy!
Sorostitute #2: Yeah, it's just something about that Southern genitalia that makes him so sexy. Wait, 'genitalia'? Is that the right word? Well, you know -- that smooth Southern thing.
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Creepsters | Default | US Geography | Virginia | Words | Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Know the Drill
Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I'm gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!
Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Big Larry
Possibly because I Spend Every Night Discussing Pee Stamina with You
Guy #1: It doesn't matter if you can pee longer than I can, because I can still drink more than you, so I win overall.
Guy #2: No, peeing longer means I can have sex longer than you.
Guy #1: ... Dude, you're a virgin.
Restroom, Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: What the...
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Massachusetts | Virginity | Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Hates the Way She Looks on Camera
College girl: I may have made the best porn movie ever, but I'm not going to show it to my mom.
Lincoln Park, Illinois
Life Was Better When Knowledge Was the Province Of Those Who Could Lie About It
Biology professor: Hey, didn't they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That's what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it's not, it's an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always -- go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia...
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: How'd you get this job, anyway?
Portrait of a Man Who's Had a Close Call
Man to date: You know what, I like you so much I'd get HIV tested for you.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kara
Categories: Compliments | Default | Guys | Illinois | STDs | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You've Also Said That about Mailmen, the FBI, Shepherds, and Priests
Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That's right.
Woman: That's what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That's right.
Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: passerby-ing
Dude, That's How Every Father Feels
20-ish guy: If I have a little girl, I want her to either have the highest moral standards or be ugly as shit.
McCool Hall, Mississippi State University
Mississippi
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Guys | Mississippi | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Card: I Fear You've Been a Careless Quiff/ Valentine, You've Got the Syph!
Excited blonde: Guess what I'm getting myself for a Valentine's Day present? I'm getting tested for STDs!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Idiots | Michigan | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old School!
Girl #1: So, did you MapQuest it?
Girl #2: No, we gas-stationed it!
Tyler, Texas
Overheard by: emi
Translation: I'm About to Start Crying
Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you...
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she's crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something's wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Turns Out There Is Always Room
Tiny Pakistani girl: I did not hook up with him. I just put Jell-O in him. Big difference.
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Relationships | Virginia | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kindly Explain Further.
Girl: My aunt's a kindergarten teacher, so she knows a lot of non-fags.
Wellesley College
Wellesley, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Massachusetts | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Catholic Wedding, Encapsulated
Drunk girl: I'm filled with the Holy Spirit... and booze!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Michigan | Students | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Challenge You to Come Up with a Better Description
Brunette hipster: Who's Mario Batali?
Blonde hipster: You know, that red-haired chef that looks like he'd smell like ass.
Brunette hipster: Oh, okay. Yeah. Totally.
Toi
Los Angeles, California
Categories: About celebrities | California | Default | Girls | Gripes | Hipsters | Questions | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Know They Made Thongs That Big
Male student: So, how's your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
But Yes.
Teen boy #1: You had sex? Really?
Teen boy #2: Hell yeah, I did.
Teen boy #1: Was it like West Virginia?
Teen boy #2: Huh?
Teen boy #1: You know, 'Wild and Wonderful'!
Teen boy #2: ... Dude, that's gay.
Frederick, Maryland
They've Exorcised Me
Kid: I am the Antichrist.
Teacher: Your parents must be proud.
Kid: No! They're pissed!
Brimmer and May School
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Starts Doing Lipo, That's Marriage Material
30-ish blonde #1: So, what do you think of my date?
30-ish blonde #2: He seems nice... Plus, he's a plastic surgeon!
30-ish blonde #1: Hmmm... I don't really like him. Plus, he only does same day procedures. I'm only dating him for the free Botox.
30-ish blonde #2: I totally understand. I would only date him for free Botox, too.
Ladies' room, The Wilshire
Santa Monica, California
Categories: Beauty | Bimbettes | California | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, See That It Doesn't Happen Again
Professor: So, were you in this class before?
Man: Yeah -- I dropped halfway through.
Professor: That's right! You were the flake!
Man: I had open-heart surgery!
Las Positas College
Livermore, California
Categories: California | Maladies | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Eagerly Await the Arrival of Your Point
Club guy: You asked him if he has ever seen Dances with Wolves?
Club girl: Well, yeah. He's Native American!
Club guy: That's like asking a Jewish person if they have ever seen Fiddler on the Roof!
Ohio State University, High Street
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Tuition Wasted
I'm Sick of Looking for a Place to Keep My Purse When I Go Out
Girl #1: I fucked in the ass last night for the first time.
Girl #2: Did it hurt?
Girl #1: Nope! But this morning when I shit it did! I think my hole got bigger!
Girl #2: That is sick!
Girl #1: You're just jealous!
Girl #2: Maybe a little.
Augusta, Georgia
How You Know You Watch Too Much Porn
Acting professor: Give me an action that would be the motivation for a police officer to ask somebody for their license and registration.
Student: ... He wants her number?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Had a Contest
Professor: The Kaiser was not the worst leader Germany had in the twentieth century.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Categories: History | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What They're For, Kiddo
Little boy: I can feel it in my nuggets!
Wendy's
Florida
Like on My Website
Asian chick: Oh my god, this huge, fat-ass raindrop just fell on my head.
Friend: You're a huge, fat-ass raindrop! You're such a fat-ass raindrop, you make people over-hydrated!
Asian chick, shocked: There's no such thing as over-hydrated! You just pee a lot!
Muirlands Middle School
La Jolla, California
Categories: Asians | California | Pee | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ha-Ha, Made You Panic!
Professor: Now, in life there are rules. The school has rules, this class has rules... But some rules are meant to be broken. One of this school's rules is that teachers are not supposed to show their undergarments to their students...
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Little One Does the Thinking
Little boy looking at zebra with erection: Mommy, five legs?
Mom: Yes, honey, five legs.
San Diego Zoo
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Kim and Amy
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Kids | Moms | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Ex Tried to Talk Me into Castration
Guy #1: Oh, shit, I almost sat on my nuts! That shit would've fucking hurt!
Guy #2: I hate when that happens.
Guy #1: Yeah.
12312 West Olympic Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Balls | California | Guys | Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook