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Straight Love Is So 20th Century
Guy on cell: Oh, for fuck's sake! Is it a lesbian wedding? ... Is it a lesbian wedding? Then fuck it!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mephisto
Categories: Gripes | On the phone | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Ran Away, Cackling.
Young guy: Dude, some guy dropped his baby on my foot earlier.
Illinois
Overheard by: munder
On a Good Day, She's You-Don't-Have-to-Be-Drunk-Pretty
Hipster on cell: She's not ugly, she's just not leave-your-girlfriend-pretty.
McDonald's
Morristown, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Gossip | Hipsters | New Jersey | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No -- Just Patting and Slapping, Like Football Players
Mother: Max, no pinching girls' hineys!
Three-year-old boy: Just boys'?
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Look, Just Pay the Damn Taxes, Artie
White guy trailing fast-walking lady: So, do you know of any doomsday machines?
Bus stop, Pine and 3rd Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Andy Christ
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Questions | Washington | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Does That Line Ever Work?
Naked old man: You know, they say you really shouldn't hang meats anymore.
Fully-clothed hipster: ... Really?
YMCA locker room
Chicago, Illinois
Not When You're in Them
Student #1: Did you end up taking her to SeaWorld or Busch Gardens or something?
Student #2: Naw, man, I told you -- she set all my clothes on fire!
Student #1: See, I think that's kinky.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Categories: Michigan | Relationships | Students | Violence | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Definitely the Low Point of Any Bon Jovi Concert
Chubby guy on cell: You know it's bad when Bon Jovi shows up.
Target
Westminster, Maryland
Overheard by: JoviFan4Life
Categories: About celebrities | Maryland | Music | On the phone | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Banging Your Head on That Counter?
Disappointed wife: Hi. I'd like to exchange these really nice-colored dress shirts for these really boring dress shirts. I had my husband try on the lilac, and it looked great. He said he would never wear it because it made him look gay. I said, 'First of all, you'll never be attractive enough to pass for a gay man...!'
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Express Customer
Categories: Clothing | Gripes | Massachusetts | Women | Posted 2008-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just about Thingamajiggies and Doodads
Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don't know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk... But, like, not about stuff.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Categories: Gossip | Maryland | Relationships | Sorority types | Posted 2008-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Toasting with Really Large Steins of Beer?
Lesbian to girlfriend: ... That was back when I was dating this pharmacist and my sister-in-law decided to start this rumor that both of us were into this thing... [makes subtle fisting motion].
Elevator, Penrose Hospital
Colorado Springs, Colorado
I Knew I Should've Brought a Bigger Purse
Girl: Hold on -- my vagina's falling out.
Brookline Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: superjew
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Vagina | Posted 2008-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nominative Is Like a Big Old Bland Burrito
German teacher: Mmm, ahhh-gentive! It's like a spicy taco!
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: bekkaroo
Categories: Education | Language barrier | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2008-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pretending to Be Straight Isn't Working at All
Guy #1: Sometimes I pretend I'm gay to get chicks at parties.
Guy #2: Does that really work?
Guy #1: Nah... I mean, it's worked once, but I'm not sure she was a she.
Guy #2: Sweet! I've gotta try that!
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Regular
Instead of Making License Plates, Like Usual
Dad to two-year-old daughter, before dropping her off at daycare: What are you going to do with the other kids today? ... You should teach them all to be cage-fighters!
Ada, Ohio
Overheard by: Marci
Switch-Hitters Really Confuse a Pitcher
Girl on cell, pushing cart: Well, yeah, but lots of people have mean mothers-in-law.. I don't think yours is mean just because she has a mullet... Well, we know she wasn't a lesbian at least four times, or you wouldn't have a baby-daddy.
Target, Sports Arena Boulevard
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Seriously?
Categories: California | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2008-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember What the Judge Said!
Six-year-old boy playing in shipping carton: You can't mail me! I'm your son!
Deatsville, Alabama
Overheard by: Don't Tempt Me
Categories: Alabama | Family ties | Kids | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Centers for Disease Control Have a Whole Josh Wing
Hoochie: Yeah, I don't know, but Josh and I totally hooked up for a while last year.
Friend: What? Why?!
Hoochie: What do you mean, 'Why'? Josh is hot.
Friend: Dude, hooking up with Josh is like hanging a sign on your vagina that says, 'Come on in, chlamydia.' If I was looking for a communicable disease, Josh is the first place I'd go.
Hoochie: Oh...
California State University-Chico
Chico, California
Overheard by: Kimberly
Categories: California | Gossip | Hoochies | STDs | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dennis Kucinich? Really?
Chick to friend: I'm telling you -- he's a communist leprechaun posing as a democrat!
Auburn, New York
We Were Supposed to Do That Together
Teen hipster on cell: Mom... Mom! I still have the 10 bucks. I did not spend it on drugs... I did not spend it on drugs!
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: mightbekatrina
Categories: Drugs | Hipsters | Money | Washington | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Just Look at Those Raggedy-Ass Sneakers
Black kindergartener to white teacher: You know, before you were my teacher, I didn't know white people could be poor.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Georgia | Kids | Money | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Very Question the University of Virginia Was Founded to Answer
College student: I mean, really -- who would have sex with an 18-year-old?
University of Virginia
Charlottesville, Virginia
Her "Extra Help Sessions" Are Well-Attended
LSAT instructor: So, these female sage grouse do a visual inspection to make sure the males don't have an infection before mating. If I had the same attention to detail, maybe I wouldn't have gotten chlamydia three times.
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: Not So Hot For Teacher
I Call It Comparison Shtupping
Chick: So, what did you and Kev do last night?
Sorostitute: We got drunk and had sex.
Chick: You're a walking fucking disease.
Sorostitute: What? How am I supposed to know what I want unless I drunkenly sleep with a bunch of people I don't want?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Ohio | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Does This Every Hour.
Substitute teacher, as bird clock chimes on the hour: Is that a real bird, or is that just my drinking problem?
Class: [Silence.]
Substitute teacher: ... It's my drinking problem.
Glen A. Wilson High School
Hacienda Heights, California
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Don't Be Callin' Me "Jejune," Yo
Angry girl storming out of classroom: My mama ain't raise no adolescent!
High school
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: Bre
Or Only Sleep with Men You Love
Girl #1: I just don't think I'll ever have sex without a condom.
Girl #2: Oh, please -- that's like saying you're going to wait until marriage.
Mia's Mexican Restaurant
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Chicks | Philosophy | Sex | Texas | Posted 2008-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Let's See You Assemble It
Three-year-old girl to dad: I spy with my little eye... somethiiing... IKEA!
Queen Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Does This Have Anything to Do with Political Philosophy?
Professor: Does anyone know how to write an underscore in Elvish? In high school my friends and I used to have arguments about how much should be phonetic and how much should be character by character. I would spell 'tree' chee, and my friend would spell it tree, and I would say, 'But the T sounds like a ch--!' and he would say, 'That's because you're a damn foreigner!'
Shout-out: overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Books | Education | Language barrier | Maryland | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wonder What Texas Sex Ed Classes Actually Teach about Homosexuality?
20-ish redhead: My life would have been so different if I had two gay dads.
20-ish brunette: They would have dressed you in ball gowns every day.
20-ish redhead: Can you imagine the Barbies I would have had?
20-ish brunette: Wow. You would have had all the Barbies.
20-ish redhead: Barbie would have come to my birthday parties.
20-ish brunette: Yes, but she would have been a man.
Houston, Texas
Categories: Chicks | Family ties | Gender issues | Texas | Posted 2008-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When She Lies on Her Back, She Makes a Great Snack Tray
Tween girl #1: I have to tell you something -- I don't think Rachel is that hot.
Tween girl #2: Oh my god, I'm so glad you said that, 'cause I'm afraid to talk to people about her because everyone thinks she is so pretty.
Tween girl #1: They were doing this rating thing where they rate people on a scale, and Ryan gave her a seven.
Tween girl #2: She is totally not a seven -- her boobs are inverted.
Premier Oaks Movie Theater
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: *shakes head*
And No Tequila As Underwear
University girl: So tonight -- no tequila, and we wear underwear.
Waterloo
Canadia
Overheard by: Regretting the bottle of tequila in my backpack
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And/Or If You Live in Connecticut
Professor: ... But then he said that maybe drag isn't a great idea before you're tenured.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Preschool Quality Control Spies Are at It Again
Three-year-old: You're funny!
Teacher #1: You're funny.
Three-year-old: No, you're funny.
Teacher #1: No, you're funny.
Three-year-old: You're hot.
Teacher #1: [Stunned silence.]
Teacher #2: I'm not even touching that one.
Rochester, New York
Categories: Compliments | Kids | Kids | New York | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead of Just Doing It Now While I Grade Papers
Professor: Please write legibly. If I had wanted to go blind, I would have masturbated to excess as a child.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Man, I Love Youth Group Retreats
Chick deciding between two skanky tops: Well, what's the difference? I'm just going to get drunk and take it off anyway.
H&M, Briarwood Mall
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Melanie
Categories: Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Hoochies | Michigan | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like What Happened to the Knights Templar?
Attending physician to resident: You'd be surprised what you can learn from someone's anus.
Tampa General Emergency Room
Tampa, Florida
Why "How Are You?" Can Be a Dangerous Question
Dude: I've been soiling myself for four days playing Guitar Hero.
Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa
Categories: Cleanliness | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gadgets | Idiots | Iowa | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Bloody Miracle
Male student, about an exam: What do we have to know about the external parts of the female reproductive system?
Professor: Everything! Not just for the exam, but for yourself! All of you!
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Marina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weird Is Weird, Gay Is Gay
Guy: No, Derek* is definitely gay.
Girl #1: No, he's not! He has naked pictures of girls all over his walls and MySpace and everything.
Girl #2: So? You know he only has those because he likes to paint chickens on them!
Seattle, Washington
To Buy from Us Is to Be Royally Fucked
Cute chick on cell: No, I'm on my way to work. Come visit me there! ... No, it's not weird! ... Well, yeah, it's a sex shop, but it's a boutique sex shop!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Want her business card
Categories: Advice | Australia | Chicks | On the phone | Shopping | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It's Not Like Anything Can Compare to Your Grandma's
Irish rugby fan, to crowd of others: ... So I said to him, 'It's just like eating out your sister's pussy -- tastes just as good, but it's not quite right.'
Metro
Paris
France
Overheard by: kitkat ...Scarred for Life
Categories: Creepsters | Family ties | France | Gripes | Kink | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Consists Mostly of Panting and Licking Strangers
Drunk girl: You know, me and Jared are a lot alike. We both kind of throw ourselves out there with the same kind of desperation, only mine... is a more quiet desperation.
University of Idaho
Idaho
Overheard by: Funnygirl
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Girls | Idaho | Sex | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook