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Many Girls Simply Take Refuge in Their Own Kind
Giggling coed looking at something in friend's purse: Think you have enough of those?
Friend: I know it looks bad, but I'm terribly allergic to male sperm.
Durango, Colorado
Um, Sweetie, We're Lesbians
Girl #1: I've been feeling so weird lately.
Girl #2: You're probably pregnant.
Girl #1: ... What?
Girl #2: I was kidding.
Girl #1: Oh-fuck-oh-fuck-oh-fuck -- when was my last period?!
Piccadilly Line
London
England
Overheard by: BoogyFantastic
Categories: Chicks | England | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Were a Lot Cheaper after the Storks Unionized
Mom: Where do you think babies come from?
Two-year-old girl, matter-of-factly: Mexicans.
McDonald's
Texas
Overheard by: GoHomeToYourBabies
From the Runaway Best-Seller Is My Child Goth?
Mother to two laughing children running down sidewalk: Get back here! Hold her hand! Get back here right this instant! [Catches them and grabs their hands, pulling them back towards their house, pointing at a nearby car.] That car is sitting there. What if that man would have backed out and hit you?! What if he couldn't have seen you? What then?
Four-year old boy: Then hooray! Hooray!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Scientists Talk Dirty
Physics professor demonstrating electrical charges: I have my magic wand and my magic fur. Now, I'm going to rub my magic wand with my magic fur!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Science | Sex | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, I Love You.
Guy: Well, how could you tell I was drunk?
Girl: Because you were actually funny.
Guy: Well, you were actually attractive.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Insults | New York | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now, Honey, You Know I Prefer Brushes with Metal Studs
Little girl holding up toilet brush: Hey, Mom, I could scrub your butt with this when we get home if we buy it!
Target
Enfield, Connecticut
Categories: Ass | Connecticut | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Shopping | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Tour Guide Ever
Dude #1: Do you trim your pubes?
Dude #2: Um, what? No... Why?
Dude #1: I do...
Dude #2: Okay...
Dude #1: And I think I trimmed them too much...
Dude #2: And?
Dude #1: Well, now my dick is itchy...
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: damn hiatus
So I Whacked His Weed
Hot chick on cell: He kissed me teeth-first. It was like kissing a lawn mower.
Newark, Delaware
Categories: Body parts | Chicks | Delaware | Gripes | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"I'm Never Babysitting for You Again!" She Said.
Guy to girls: First I kicked her, then I put a dick in her ear.
Target
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
Overheard by: NU Rules
Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Penis | Sex | Violence | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, I Love Babysitting
High school kid: ... And then he started eating a ten dollar bill, so I beat him with a pool cue 'til he dropped it.
Alberta
Canadia
Look at Her Walking Around Like She Has a Right to Exist
Biotech: Wow. That girl wears clothes like she's not fat, and that's funny.
California
Overheard by: dev
Categories: Biotechs | California | Diet & weight | Gripes | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Birthday's Not for Another Two Weeks
Dad: Why are you wearing your sunglasses inside?
Nine-year-old boy: I don't know... 'Cause I feel like it.
Dad: Well, take them off. You're not a gangster, pimp, or high... yet.
Chinook Theatre
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Hannah
Stacy's Attempt to Milk Them Ended Badly
Recent college grad: Wait, you mean elephants are mammals?!
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: not a mammal either
Categories: Animals | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Hamptons, That's a Marriage Proposal
Guy from inside Port-A-Potty: Oh, shit, I just dropped my BlackBerry in there!
Friend: Oh, man, what are you gonna do?!
Guy: Well, somebody's got to stick their hand in there!
Dude waiting in line: I think I'll use the other one. I don't want to be the first person to piss on your BlackBerry.
Rock the Farm Benefit
East Hampton, New York
The Adult Version of "Got Your Nose"
Hot guy to hot girlfriend: I really liked it when you humped my face today... I think my nose even disappeared for a few seconds.
Whataburger
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: C.D.
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Couples | Licking | Texas | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Oedipus Never Got Used to It
Mother quickly pulling young child along: You'll just have to get used to having a hot mom, okay?
Great American Ballpark
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Joey-Poey
Categories: Family ties | Moms | Ohio | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Accepts Loose Change Via PayPal
Chick: That guy's not a real bum -- he has a laptop!
Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Whitney Wrobel
Sean Preston Finally Snaps
Young boy to mother: Mo-ooom! Enough with the madness!
Zankou Chicken
Burbank, California
Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And All Those Pills for Breakfast
Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
It Does Involve Balls
Dude: Is putting my hand on my balls a sport? Could be.
Subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Shaniqua
A Spot-On Description of Ann Coulter
Girl: She's like a horny guy, only not horny and not a guy.
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Gossip | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nor Breed Outside of Our Immediate Gene Pools
Cheerful guard examining passport photo: What, no smile?
Dour Canadian: No. In Canada we do not have to smile.
O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
I'm Not Crazy
College guy: So, are you still a maybe-lesbian?
College girl, shrugging: I like penis much better. Chicks are crazy, but if one licks me, I'm not gonna complain if they're hot.
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Otherwise Known As 9 PM on a Typical Wednesday
Drunk guy to friends: Do you know what time it is? It's dick-slapping time!
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Kari
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Michigan | Penis | Time Management | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It on YouTube?
Dude: So, this Oh-di-pus guy killed his dad and married his mom.
Girl: Gross... So, did they do it?
Dude: Oh, yeah.
Girl: Cool.
University of Saskatchewan
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
Overheard by: headshakingprof
More Organized Than "We," Grammar Slob
Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That's for people who are more organized than us.
Rochester, Minnesota
With a Boyfriend, I'll Go Through Less Peanutbutter
Vet student #1: I need to see about some place that allows animals next year. I really miss my cats.
Vet student #2: Yeah, I thought about that. I guess it all just depends. I mean, if I can get a boyfriend, I might not even need a dog.
overheardinathens.com
Categories: Animals | Europe | Overheard in Athens | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad: You Know, Honey, He's Got a Point
Four-year-old to mom: Mom, you should get a new husband -- one that will do more stuff with us. And Daddy can get a new wife -- a skinny wife.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Florida | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Estimate the Rise in the Dog and Cat Population to Be Seven Million and One, Bob
Guy, about Bob Barker: The show just won't be the same without him. And the pet population is going to explode!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: the truth hurts
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
O-M-G
Dude #1: Have you ever seen the movie Airplane!?
Dude #2: L-O-L, Yeah.
Dude #1: You know that one part-- Wait... Did you just say 'L-O-L'?
Dude #2: Yeah... It slipped.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
Before You Laugh, Can You Answer This Question?
History teacher, reading from worksheet: 'The Constitution places restrictions on the powers of the states. Name one.'
Student: Maryland?
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Pennsylvania | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can't Bite Me
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There's a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Jerks | Minnesota | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although Either Can Make You Sick
Trendy mother to three-year-old girl: No, tequila isn't sex. Tequila is tequila.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Moms | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Keep Squirming
Teacher: I love you, Daniel*, and I love you, Jacob*, and I love you, Madison*.
Class clown: Do you love me?
Teacher: I like you.
Class clown, after class stops laughing: So you don't love me?
Teacher: I try to love you -- I really do.
Durham School of the Arts
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: North Carolina | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Am Wont to Do
Woman on cell: Wait, what? How does that work? Oh, okay -- I was thinking of a different strap-on.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Illinois | On the phone | Toys | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Careful It Doesn't Squirt You in the Eye
Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode... Right, but be sure it's in cow mode... No, you'll know when it's in cow mode.
Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas
Overheard by: Not sure I want to know
Categories: Advice | Animals | Arkansas | On the phone | Technology | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As It Is, I'm Just Going to Nibble on You Instead of Robbing You
Hobo to freshman running by: You're lucky I'm high, kid.
State Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Sweetie, All Men Are Transparent
Hobo: Damn, shorty, you lookin' good!
Black girl, groping white boy passerby: I don't like the dark chocolate -- I need a boy I can see my reflection in!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: D.B.
Categories: Black people | Hobos | Race | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tim Burton Was Always a Creepy Dad
Father holding infant son in glass elevator: Are you scared, sweetie? It must be nice not to have a sense of your own mortality.
Burlington Mall
Burlington, Massachusetts
Categories: Dads | Fears | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That, Sex Got a Lot More Comfortable
20-something artist dude in loin cloth: ... And then I realized -- it's not about the panties at all!
Burning Man
Black Rock Desert, Nevada
Overheard by: lith
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: My Kids Are Greedy Little Assholes
Little girl with mother: My birthday's coming up soon, so I don't want to get anything for me.
Woman in opposite aisle: There is no way that child is human.
CVS
Houston, Texas
Categories: Etiquette | Glad the condom broke | Gossip | Strangers | Texas | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Old Russian Idiom for "I Love You"
Old Russian man, gesturing: My little finger is bigger than my father's loin.
Bread & Chocolate
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: LizWasStunned
Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Foreigners | Virginia | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the Universe Doesn't Get You First
Math professor: Now, if there's one thing you can't do in Mathland, it's divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.
Bellevue Community College
Washington
Overheard by: The Kid
Categories: Education | Teachers | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook