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Sadly, the Dork Seldom Hears an Answer to His Mating Call
Guy: It's from Star Trek! I know it is! Bet me!
Claremore, Oklahoma
Overheard by: I work with dorks
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Oklahoma | Pop culture | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Would Love to Have My Groin Knighted, but I Guess It Only Happens to Cows
Lady to husband: Hey, they have steaks here, too. They just call them 'sirloins.'
Applebee's
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Water You Lookin' At?
Kid looking at periodic table of elements: Isn't H2O up there somewhere?
Bowie High School
Austin, Texas
Categories: Questions | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Devoted My Life to a Cinematographic Study of the Phenomenon
Bubbly girl: I am so happy now!
Bubbly friend, holding her hand: Me, too! I can't believe it!
Old man, stopping them in hallway: What are you two so happy about?
Bubbly girl: We just hit on each other!
Old man: So, are you girlfriends now?
Bubbly friend: Yes, we are!
Old man, after long pause: Two girls together... That is a wonderful thing.
Peninsula College
Pt. Angeles, Washington
Overheard by: Gidget
Categories: Bimbettes | Old folks | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once Your Testicles Drop, What Else Is There?
Mom: This is ridiculous! Why are you crying?
Wailing four-year-old: Because I have no reason left to live!
701 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Dude, You Are the Opposite of Fun
Elevator dude #1: I just think she's kind of ho-ish.
Elevator dude #2: I'm feeling that, though, because I'm like that myself.
Elevator dude #1: I'm not fucking with her.
Elevator dude #2: But if she was a dude, though, we'd be honoring her.
Elevator dude #1: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna be fucking no dude, either.
332 South Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ronnie
Okay, So I Think We're Gonna Have to Break Up...
Guy: So, my Friday night was a little awkward.
Girl: How so?
Guy: Well, uh... I sort of... um... Made out with Lyndsey.
Girl: Lyndsey. As in, my ex-boyfriend's little sister, Lyndsey?! I can't believe this! What the hell is wrong with you?
Guy: Don't hate me. It wouldn't have happened if you were there to watch me! I blame you. Die.
Woodinville, Washington
Categories: Friends | Gripes | Washington | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
B-R-I-T-N-E-Y
Little boy #1, reading flap on trash can: T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U spells... um... Garbage!
Little boy #2, hitting boy #1: No, you dummy! Garbage starts with a 'B'!
Burger King
Grants Pass, Oregon
Going Down or Coming Up?
Lady holding bottle of Chardonnay: Does this taste like a white wine?
New Albany, Indiana
Overheard by: liquor store counter jockey
Eye Snot Kidding Around, Either
Guy #1: Snot just came out of my eye.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Snot just came out of my eye. See? Look.
Guy #2: Man, that's impossible.
Naples
Italy
Overheard by: Armyguy
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Italy | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Get Me Started about That "District of Columbia" Nonsense
Child: Why are we landing in Baltimore?
Mom: We switch planes there on the way home to Phoenix.
Child: What state is Baltimore in?
Mom: Um, let me think [picks up airline magazine to look at route map]. 'Baltimore/Washington.' Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Southwest Airlines flight from Buffalo to Baltimore
Categories: Airports & flights | Kids | Moms | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like Newfoundland and East Berlin
Thug #1: New England is a state!
Thug #2: New England is a country!
Thug #1: Naw, it's a state. You know -- New York, New Jersey, New England!
Thug #3: You both crazy. New England is a city! It got an NFL team -- the New England Patriots!
Thug #1: Naw, man, they sometimes be namin' teams after states, like Minnesota Vikings and Seattle Seahawks...
Thug #3: Hmmm... You right. Oh! Maybe New England be both a city and a state, like New York, New York! New England, New England!
Thug #1: That gotta be it. I knows New England is a state...
Mall pizza place
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Snoopy
Often His Holiness Feels the Best Response Is Silence
Asian chick: You feel used? I sent him a picture of my boobs and got nothing!
Nordstrom's cafe, Market Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Asians | California | Gripes | Rack | San Francisco | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Patient Was a Little Upset with Me
Nurse: I didn't know it yet, but I was saying 'fuck'!
VA Medical Center
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Scut-monkey
Tell Me This Door-Knocker-Lawn-Sprinkler Isn't Cool
Boy #1: Are you reading fuckin' SkyMall?
Boy #2: Yeah. It's actually pretty cool...
Boy #1: Faggot.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Books | Insults | Kids | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hello? Decepticons
Queer to fag hag, after Transformers preview: I thought they were, like, good guys...
Regal Cinemas
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh hysterically
Categories: Movies | Queers | South Carolina | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not in School. Don't Do What I Did.
Guy to another: Dude... just use Viagra.
School hallway
Mississauga, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Phoenix
If the Civic's A-Rockin', Don't Bother Knockin' -- Come On In!
Normal student: So, it looks like the five of us will go in the Honda Civic. The back seat will be a bit tight.
Skinny student: I'll sit back there. I'm used to being packed in the back.
College dining hall
Georgia
Overheard by: Still remember
Eliot Spitzer's next big target
Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, 'cause I can't stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin' some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It's called caffeine.
9th & M Streets
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erika
Categories: Drugs | Thugs | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Two Minds with Slightly Less Than a Single Thought
Student #1: Like, a visible person?
Student #2: Yeah! You know, that was exactly what I was thinking -- a visible person!
Bexhill College
United Kingdom
Wasted on My Impotent Self
Drunk man on cell, poolside: Bro, there are like four hot chicks down here in bikinis, and they're wasted! It's like a movie or something!
Houston, Texas
No, Man, I Just Went Skiing
Chef #1: So, were you on the old devil's dandruff over the weekend? The old Colombian marching powder? [Chef #2 stares blankly and silently.] Is that a yes?
Belfast City Centre
United Kingdom
And It's Totally Real
Professor: This clip is from a documentary about women's professional wrestling in Japan, which is pretty much the--
Football jock, interrupting: --Coolest thing ever!
Kaufman Hall, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Not an athlete
Categories: California | Gossip | Jocks | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in Some Remote Regions, There Are People Who Don't Throw Up after Meals?
Guy #1: You mean, some girls have naturally curly hair? I thought they just got it permed.
Guy #2: You lived in L.A. for too long.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Enigmae
I Thinks, Therefore I Is
English student #1: Girl, don't even tell me you was where you was, 'cause you wasn't there!
English student #2: Foo'! Don't be tellin' me where I is and where I isn't! I is where I is at!
927 Franklin Street
Iowa
Overheard by: grammer teachah
'Cause I Could Totally Blow Up a Few and Buy My Way Out of It
Man: If I won the lottery, Wal-Mart better watch out.
South Main gas station
Brookings, South Dakota
Categories: Guys | South Dakota | Threats | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I, on the Other Hand, Can Wait Indefinitely
Goth girl 1: Oooh, and I am just waiting to give you herpes. I can't wait!
Goth girl 2: ... Um...
Starbucks, Ashbrook Road
Keene, New Hampshire
Overheard by: macchiato junkie
Categories: Goths | New Hampshire | STDs | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Miss Foaming at the Mouth, Though
Teen girl: Well, I had to stop eating soap, but I'm sure I'll be fine anyways!
Madison, Wisconsin
How Coke Mules Avoid Cavity Searches
Guy on cell: Well, last night I had food poisoning, and today I had beans, so this could get interesting.
Denver Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Glad I didn't sit near him
Categories: Colorado | Gossip | On the phone | Poop | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For a Full Ten Minutes
Chick #1: I mean, just 'cause I do it doesn't mean I do it fast.
Chick #2: Yeah! Like, I used to date my Chemistry TA.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hearing aid
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Won't Dignify That with a Witty Retort
Lost woman: Excuse me, can you tell me what state I'm in?
Mall of America
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: ugh...tourists
Who Are You, Again?
Girl on cell: No way. I'm not moving to North Carolina. That state totally sucks. Seriously... There is not one damned thing about that state that I like, except for the hot men that live on base. And you know what else? I love this store, but I have no idea what anything is because it's all in a foreign language.
IKEA
Canton, Michigan
Categories: Gripes | Michigan | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jimmy Dean Satisfies in the Kitchen and the Bedroom
Girl: ... And so everyday I was like, 'I just want some of that big sausage!'
University of Ottawa
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Lizzie
When Did You Start Making Popcorn?
Girl, after looking at friend's credit card: Wait, I always thought Orville* was your fake name.
Friend: Oh, honey, I have plenty of fake names, but 'Orville' is real. My family calls me J.R., though, because I'm the junior.
Girl: Oh! So Orville is your dad's nickname, too? That's weird!
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Names | Washington | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Great Solution to All This Would Be to Have One or Two More Kids
Dad, screaming at four kids: Get back here, you little bastards! If you don't behave, I'll make you sleep in the hotel bathroom when we get there! [10-year-old drops his ticket, and it starts blowing away.] Jimmy! What the hell?! How could you do something so fucking stupid?! Well, what are you standing there for? Run and get it!
Mom, screaming at dad: Why don't you relax?! He dropped his ticket -- so what, you son of a bitch?! We'll make it there and then you will relax! Your stress issues are really driving me crazy!
Lady behind them in line, to her own husband: I love you, honey.
Airport
Virginia
That Would Be Like the Government Lying
Sorostitute: But it was on his Facebook! Facebook doesn't lie!
Textbook return, University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: bunguin
Categories: Florida | Internet | Sorority types | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Somebody Who'll Be Grateful
Old lady diner to captain: This food is amazing. I hope the chef is single, over 60, and horny.
Arnaud's Restaurant, Bienville Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: The Frontwaiter
Categories: Compliments | Happiness | Louisiana | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People in Minnesota Will Do Anything to Get Warm
20-ish girl on cell: Hey, yeah! Come to the beach, and we'll set you on fire!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: don't think the cops will approve
Categories: Advice | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a Bridge Under It
Man in line: They should build a tunnel over the Elizabeth River.
Portsmouth, Virginia
Overheard by: the fly on the wall
Or Something, Yes
Freshmen: So, like, where do you want to go college?
Junior: Oh, I don't know... Maybe somewhere around the New England area?
Freshmen: Oh... So, like, where is that? In Britain or something?
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: Dumbstruck
Categories: North Carolina | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Duke Lacrosse Party Only Got Better
Sophomore #1: [Whispering.]
Sophomore #2: Oh, dude! She is hot!
Sophomore #1: [Inaudible.]
Sophomore #2: I would so fuck her!
Sophomore #1: [Inaudible.]
Sophomore #2: Dude, I so would fuck her. Like, fuck her up the ass.
Mt. Tabor High School
North Carolina
Overheard by: eating lunch.
Categories: Backdoor | North Carolina | Sex | Students | Posted 2008-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How China Got Ahead of Us
Man: I never let anyone I owe money to walk behind me.
Hancock Street, Beacon Hill
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Guys | Massachusetts | Philosophy | Posted 2008-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'd Stay Away from Nestle's, Too
Little girl reaches towards a sheep as it poops.
Little boy: Nooo! Stop! Don't touch those raisinets! You can't eat a sheep's raisinets!
Birmingham Zoo
Alabama
Ice Cream Is So Raven
Lady on cell: The biggest story of the year is going to be about Raven. That whore! I know! The whore is in town. Cheap slut, USA... No, honey, you can't have ice cream for dinner.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: wait.. my name is raven
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Virginia | Posted 2008-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook