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What Happens When You Bribe Them with Lollipops
Two-year-old girl: I want a shot.
Mom: You ain't gettin' no shot.
Two-year-old girl: I want a shot.
Mom: You ain't gettin' no shot. They shootin' your sister today.
Hospital Hill
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: I always wondered what went on in there
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Posted 2007-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, but He's All Like, "Our Baby Doesn't Have Any Food"
Barista #1: He expects me to work from, like, nine to five all next week!
Barista #2: What?! That's like a job!
Starbucks
Virginia
Overheard by: Person with a job
Because He's a Poorly-Drawn Character?
Teacher: Small things amuse small minds, Timothy.
Kid: Then why does Dumbledore laugh at such stupid shit?
Emerald
Australia
Yeah, Babies Are a Lot of Trouble
Girl behind counter: Someone needs to tape his ass together, because he is loose. He is like grandma-and-whiskey loose.
Tattoo parlor
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: switching to vodka
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Poop | Posted 2007-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like There Was Some Connection between Reading and Earning
Elementary education major, about first grader: ... And my kid was like, 'I really wanna be a good reader, so I'm gonna read books every day so I get better. Like, Christ, kid, you don't have to try so hard -- you're not getting paid.
University of Delaware
Delaware
The Topic Was "Careers for Youth"
Hipster girl: Haha, that presentation we did in class was kinda strange...
Dude: Yeah, I know, but I just had to say 'porn.'
Dalseweg
Nijmegen
Holland
Categories: Hipsters | Netherlands | Words | Posted 2007-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Huffing Is a Privilege, Not a Right
Mom to little boy: Son, come get in this car right now and I'll give you your glue...
Annapolis Mall
Maryland
Overheard by: Lila K
An "F." Why?
Sophomore girl: Yeah, I had Mr. Jacobs* last year, and he had a retarded accent. He said, 'I am from Wales,' and I said, 'Hehe, screw you!'
All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
We Now Present the Rules of Going Balls to the Wall
Computer science kid on phone: No, do the balls first, then the walls... Yes, the balls -- do the balls. No, not walls first... Balls! Do balls first! Then you can check to see if they get moved and get larger. Yes, you want large balls, so do the balls first!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: probablysaiditall
Categories: Advice | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Overheard at Cornell | Words | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One of Which I Am As Well
Girl: Is she drunk?
Guy: She's half laughing, half crying, and half retarded.
Coffee shop
Canadia
Instead of Just White People, Like Normal
Drunk queer: There are so many people in the world -- especially when you factor in everyone.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: I'd say that's the best way to do it
Categories: Drunks | Philosophy | Virginia | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Put Some Underpants on, Wouldya?
Santa: Remember, you have to be very good so I can bring you lots of presents.
Little girl: I have been! I have been!
Santa: I came by your house the other day. Did you know that?
Little girl: Really?! Wow!
Santa: I looked in your window, and I saw lots of messy toys on your floor. And clothes.
Little girl, crying: I was just going to get a glass of water and then go back to clean them up, I promise!
Santa: Whatever.
Park Plaza Mall
Little Rock, Arkansas
Might Be Better Just to Stalk Him
Girl #1: I wish I was sick and he would come visit me... Like Make-a-Wish.
Girl #2: You're saying you want cancer so Heath Ledger will come visit you?
Girl #1: No! ... Kinda...
Laguna Hills, California
Overheard by: me too
Categories: About celebrities | California | Chicks | Maladies | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or My Shirt's Stuck in It
High school physics teacher: You see, everything has a gravitational force, so everything is attracted to everything else. For example, I am attracted to this door. This... is a really... nice door. And this table -- this is a really, really nice table... But I really like the door.
Massachusetts
Categories: Happiness | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When He Explains School, It'll Blow Her Mind
Guy: Yeah, I just got back from church.
Girl: Oh, really? So, are you going to church to find patients or to find a girl?
Guy: Well, I was thinking more for the religious part.
Girl: Oh, I didn't think about it that way.
Millstadt, Illinois
Overheard by: Robbie
If the Dads Are Paying Tuition, That's Already Happened
Student #1: I gotta take Psychology next semester.
Student #2: Fuck no -- too much reading.
Student #1: Sucks, man.
Student #2: Yeah, who cares if we all want to fuck our dads?
Student #1: Not me.
Student #2: Me either.
Men's room, College
Farmington, Connecticut
Overheard by: hoppersitter
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Students | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Skid or Stretch?
Sorostitute yelling at friend: I can see the marks on your butt from over here!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: yix
Categories: Ass | Overheard at Cornell | Sorority types | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's My Oral Report on Aretha Franklin
Nerd: She looks like Shrek, but she sings well.
School bus
Northern Virginia
Overheard by: Alanna
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Virginia | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Friends Don't Let Friends Come to Work Sober
Guy: Yo, Jimmy*! You're doing a great job!
Jimmy, backing a U-Haul out of a tiny alley: I'm totally drunk!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Coworkers | Drinking & drunks | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Dress Up
Professor: The Civil War actually brought along a lot of the standardized clothing measurements that we use today, though they were much more in-depth, such as inseam in relation to knuckle-width and things like that... And, of course, they measured penis size.
Student: Why?
Professor: Well, because it's one of the things you can measure.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Overheard at UMBC | Penis | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Purell Addict As a Young Boy
Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren't you going to smell my hands so you know they're clean?
Dad: No, it's okay. Let's go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!
Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: mine were clean
Categories: Arizona | Health & Hygiene | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause I Can Only Think of Star Jones and Ringo Starr
Blonde student to astronomy professor: Can you tell me approximately how many stars there are in our solar system?
Wheaton College
Wheaton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Amycakes
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Idiots | Massachusetts | Questions | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Conspiracy Bloggers Come From
Kid: Hey, where does the line start?
Mom: All the way over there.
Kid: Dear God. My glasses have fooled me yet again!
Kohl's
Howell, New Jersey
Categories: Gripes | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Especially Enjoy the Blue Ones
Hyperactive camper: Oh, boy, my favorite -- milk and cookies and pills!
Overnight camp
Wolfeboro, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Counselor Lou
Categories: Happiness | Kids | New Hampshire | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead of Just Giving Head, Like Her Classmates
Woman: She's 12 and she's already having candlelight dinners!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: girl in scrubs
Categories: Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Has Something to Do with Al Gore...
Girl: Yeah, there's a Facebook group called 'I'm a fermata, hold me.'
Professor: What?
Girl: You know, Facebook? YouTube?
Professor: What?!
Girl: You know, like, the Internet?
Professor: I know about the Internet! I know!
Sarah Lawrence College
New York
And Pinpointing Its Source Is Almost As Good As Being Alive
Man, offered a cigarette: No, I never smoke.
Woman, offering cigarette: Come on, you won't get cancer from one cigarette. Well, if you do, you'll know where it came from.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: standing outside
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Smokers | Smoking | Posted 2007-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Bitch
Professor, calling role: Sarah?
Sarah: Here!
Professor: That'll be easy to remember. It was my ex-wife's name.
Sarah: [Looks uncomfortable.]
Professor: But don't worry -- I probably won't hold that against you.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Leia
I Left Him with an Iron and a Bathtub to Amuse Himself
Mom, oblivious to sons sliding on ice through parking lot: So, I guess we want a tree that's really tall, but not too wide...
Lady, wincing every time boys slide near a moving car: Wow, those two must be a handful, huh?
Mom: Oh, yeah. Actually, I have three, but the youngest is at home because he broke his neck and he's too hard to cart around.
Syracuse, New York
Until Someone Adds an "S" to It
Male student #1: I was seriously one letter away from spelling 'vagina.'
Male student #2: That's a pretty high-scoring word.
Male student #3: You'd be, like, a Scrabble Club hero or something.
Addelstone Library
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: i was impressed
Categories: South Carolina | Students | Vagina | Words | Posted 2007-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "My Little Pony" Gang Is More Vicious Than You'd Think
Chick #1: Oh my god, Latonya! You should've written down 'Bubbles'!
Chick #2: Bubbles?
Latonya: Yeah, that's my gangster name. I know it's not tough, but I still like it!
All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: male student reluctantly forced into a group
'Cause That Was Sort of My Goal
Mother: You know what I'm going to have to do now?
Son, soaked from romping in fountain outside: Send me to the gypsies?!
J. Crew
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Kids | Moms | Questions | Washington | Posted 2007-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Will Be Coming around Shortly with Beverages and Compatibility Questionnaires
Boarding attendant at gate: At this time, you may put away your photo IDs... Unless, of course, you are exceptionally attractive. In that case, my name is Jason, I'm a Virgo, and I enjoy long walks on the beach.
Detroit Metro Airport
Michigan
Overheard by: orange
Public School Builds Character!
Little boy to parents: Nuh-uhhh! I only got thrown up on that one time!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Part Woodpecker
Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno... Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.
Iowa
Overheard by: confused and disgusted
Categories: Frat boy types | Iowa | Relationships | Sorority types | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Belinda Describes Herself As "Passionate"
Guy: You really need to stop driving by my house and calling me 20 times a day.
Ex-girlfriend: Whatever. You're acting like I'm a crazy stalker or something... And I don't drive by your house all the time.
Guy: Well, every time I or my dad or my roommate leave the house, you're driving away. It's kind of creepy.
Ex-girlfriend: Oh, what? Like, I mean, I would never shoot you!
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Ah, the Mild and Pointless Amusements That Would Accrue
Asian guy: If I had an uncle, I'd totally go to his house.
Derby
England
Overheard by: Me too.
Categories: Asians | England | Family ties | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Social Services, Something's Afoot.
Child #1: Let's play house!
Child #2 to child #3: You're the baby! [Children #1 and #2 start slapping child #3.]
Child #3: Stop the game! Stop the game!
Windjammer Inn
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Should have used a condom | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Just Jealous because I Can Rest Snacks on Top of It
Ghetto girl: Did you know that half my weight is in my ass?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: You have a ghetto booty?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I went to the doctor's and he said, 'Yo, half your weight is in your ass,' and my mother laughed her head off.
All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
Pop Quiz: For What Size Wheel Is This True? Show Your Work.
Young child in line for ferris wheel: Mom, what does 'Four RPM' mean?
Mom: Four miles per hour.
Six Flags Amusement Park
Western Massachusetts
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Find Me a Black Thong in Medium
Little boy picking up women's underwear: Mommy, what is this?
Mother: That's women's underwear.
Little boy: I'm touching women's underwear?! I'm touching women's underwear!
Mother: Stay away from that, Tommy*.
Target
Novi, Michigan
Where the Delinquent Moose Live?
Tourist to waitress: How do we get to the bad part of town?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kyle
Categories: Overheard in Vancouver | Questions | Tourists | Posted 2007-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So, Satan, I'll Be Heavyweight Champion, but I Have to Name All My Kids "George"?
Middle-aged woman to college-aged son: ... And that's when George Foreman had a choice.
Chicago Art Institute
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: About celebrities | Illinois | Moms | Posted 2007-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Stopped Listening to Myself Years Ago
Student: Professor, can you repeat that question?
Professor: I can't remember! I just make this shit up.
American University
Washington, DC