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Attention: Your Street Cred Has Been Revoked
Dude: Yeah, you know how it be. I'll check ya later. Yo, this is Tylenol, I'm out!
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: gee and drew
Categories: Black people | Names | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If That Isn't Already the Premise of a Porn, It Ought to Be
Guy: Hey, you coming to my place? Allison wants someone to hang with who doesn't have a penis.
Girl: Yeah, I'm coming, but I'm not sure if I fit those criteria...
Guy: Now I'm scared...
Girl: She thinks she's getting a friend to girly-chat with, but she may just be getting an ear full of cock.
Hobart, Tasmania
Australia
She Won't Accept the Solution I Worked Out
Nerdy Asian guy: My friend is having a problem...
Drunk Asian guy: Can you solve it with your penis?
UCLA
California
Overheard by: Amused
Categories: Advice | Asians | California | Penis | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They'll Feel Comfortable in Me
20-ish girl: I suppose, but only if I can dress like a whore. That way, I'll feel comfortable in my surroundings.
Disney World
Florida
It Probably Remains Frozen in Canadia
Guy #1: Okay, sure -- you can use a transporter to beam your body down to another planet, but what happens to your soul?
Guy #2: Yeah...
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Paul Cowling
The Most Fun I've Ever Had
Punk rocker: I was in the paper for being a hero, but I wasn't really. I just shoved some kid's intestines back inside him and covered it with duct tape and drove him at a hundred and forty-five miles per hour to the hospital.
Overheard by: http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/
Categories: Bragging | Overheard at Cornell | Punks | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's So Cute
Lady: ... So she goes, 'I don't even know if it counts as sex. It was just, like, in and out in one second.' And she's only fifteen!
Restaurant, Belltown
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Categories: Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Sex | Washington | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Premature Ejaculation Finals
Dude #1: ... And she was just so sassy!
Dude #2: Don't say 'sassy' -- you know what it does to me.
Dude #1: Sssassyyy. [Dude #2 shudders orgasmically.]
Merrill F. West High School
Tracy, California
Categories: California | Guys | Words | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Taking It Seriously
MBA: The name of the class is 'Financial Statement Anal.' Looks like it'll be tough.
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Education | Names | Overheard at KMC | Students | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And a Smelly Big Toe Is Not a Medical Concern
Surgeon #1: ... So I told him, 'If you just stop putting it in your ass, you won't have that problem!'
Surgeon #2: Yeah.
Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Ass | Gossip | Medical personnel | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Under the Flexible Standards of Wisconsin Law
Mom to barking, howling little boy: Stop that! Remember, you're a person!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
I'm Just So Proud of My Churning, Though
Drunk guy: Your vag is made of butter!
Drunk girl: What?!
Drunk guy: Your vag is made of butter!
Drunk girl and friend: Ewww!
Drunk guy: Yeah, I know -- that's so bad!
Queen Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Ras
So There Are Only a Few Girls He Can Physically Have Sex With
20-ish girl on cell: No, he's not gay! He's just really, really tall...
Marietta, Georgia
Overheard by: Sidlee
Categories: Georgia | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Smell of Urine and Open Sores
Teen cheerleader: I think hobos are hot.
Friend: Why?
Teen cheerleader: I don't know. There's just something sexy about trains, I guess.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Supposed to Meet Me There in 1972
Drunk man: Where have you been all my life?
Drunk woman: At the bowling alley!
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: L3Gagneur
And It's Scalding -- That Can't Be a Good Sign
Big black lady spilling drink on herself: Oops, I done baptized myself.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Cleanliness | Georgia | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, None of This Is Autobiographical
Professor: What is SWOT?
Student: Strength is your wife, weakness if neighbor's wife, opportunity is when your neighbor is away, and threat is when you are away.
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Overheard at KMC | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2007-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Directly Correlated with Whiteness, Except in New Jersey
College chick: You cannot do a scientific study to see which city is the least gangster!
Rally's
Charleston, West Virginia
Overheard by: gudo
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | West Virginia | Posted 2007-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told You He Would Poop on the Couch
Angry woman on phone: Well, did you let Grandpa out of the cage?!
Venice, Florida
Overheard by: inyourendo
Categories: Florida | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Still Seems to Be Undercover
Coffee shop employee: Sir, are you a cop?
Customer: No. Why do you ask?
Coffee shop employee looking at badge on customer's shirt: I saw your thingy.
Customer, looking down at his fly: What?!
Covington, Louisiana
Hey, That Was Just a Freak Picnicking Accident
Black chick: I'm sorry -- I don't have relations with inanimate objects!
Black guy: A rock is not inanimate...
Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Iniego Strangelove
Categories: Black people | Florida | Kink | Posted 2007-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Milkshakes Bring Out the Worst in Him
Little kid #1: No, Daddy would never swear!
Little kid #2: Yeah, he does -- when he drinks!
Dairy Queen
Roseau, Minnesota
Overheard by: jo
In That He Told God Everything
Kid #1: ... And so, there is an alpha male among rats--
Kid #2, interrupting: --Jesus Christ was a rat!
City High School
Iowa
Welcome to Our World
Geek: I can't wait to spend three days sitting in my underwear working on my websites.
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Happiness | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just More Large Aquatic Rodents
Lady: Used to be that only muskrats wanted to live in swamps. Nowadays only executives do.
Shout-out: www.overheardinchtown.blogspot.com
Overheard by: wl
Categories: Chicks | Insults | Overheard in Inchtown | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only the UN Were This Tolerant
Guy #1: ... And he'd just sit in the back at these meetings listening, and every now and then he'd say something really intelligent -- really eloquent, you know? And we'd all be like, 'Wow, that was amazing,' and then we'd notice his testicles were out.
Guy #2: Damn, I miss that guy.
Sub Connection, Ithaca College
New York
Overheard by: BLT on a garlic wrap
Um, Is That Lipstick on Your Teeth?
Girl #1: That's bad luck!
Girl #2: What's bad luck?
Girl #1: Putting purses on your floor. You might as well put your menstrual blood on your face!
www.overheardatyale.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Friends | Overheard at Yale | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By Then, Hopefully Grandma Will Be Dead
Little boy wearing necklace: Mom, can I change my name to 'Elizabeth'?
Frazzled mom: No, I told you -- that's a girl's name, and you're a boy.
Little boy: Well, can I change to a girl?
Frazzled mom: Not until you're eighteen.
Wegmans
Rochester, New York
Categories: Gender issues | Kids | Moms | New York | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We've Got Both on Our Scavenger Hunt List
Girl: So, it's like this -- a slut is a girl who says, 'Look at my boobies,' but a whore is a girl who says, 'Touch my boobies.'
Friends: [Silence.]
Eleanor Roosevelt High School
Corona, California
Overheard by: trying to watch a performance
Categories: California | Chicks | Education | Words | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How People Get a Zero on Their SATs
Sororitard #1: Oh, genius, I spelled 'cheese' wrong.
Sororitard #2: That's nothing. Sometimes I spell my own name wrong!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: twombly
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Sorority types | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Shrapnel
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, so he's going to be in Iraq until early December, and then he gets to be here until early January, and then he starts his second tour.
Preppy girl #2: That's awesome.
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, except that he's dating my best friend.
Judiciary Square Metro Station
Washington, DC
Overheard by: V
Categories: Gossip | Preppies | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the British Contend with Murderers
Reporter guy: If he is guilty, take his chandeliers.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Advice | Crimes | Guys | Overheard in London's Journal | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If Bad Grammar Were the New Good Grammar...
Guy: Man, if failing was the new pass, I'd be doing so good.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lauren
Categories: Idiots | Overheard at Western | Philosophy | Posted 2007-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Fashioned a Blowdart Out of Lincoln Logs and Art Supplies
Male fencer: So, how's that new job at the preschool?
Female fencer: Pretty good. One of the boys in the class is named after a Viet Cong assassin.
Metro State College of Denver
Colorado
Then You'll Be Deformed Enough to Settle for Him
Frustrated brunette: I just wish he would leave me alone! He's always following me!
Friend #1: I know. I'm sorry, sweetie.
Frustrated brunette: What can I do? Maybe I can change the way I look so he won't recognize me.
Friend #2, after long pause: You could cut off your legs!
Ithaca College
New York
Overheard by: LadyDisdain
I'm Pretty Sure That's the Way to a Man's Heart
Woman #1: So, how's it going with you and Dave?
Woman #2: Good! He told me that he loved me!
Woman #1: Really?
Woman #2: Well, yeah, but I'm not looking too far into it because he said it when I had his entire dick in my mouth.
Tim Horton's
Buffalo, New York
Categories: BJs | Ladies who lunch | New York | Posted 2007-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And See Them from the Inside
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don't, I'll slit your throat!
Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Well, It's Gonna Be All Pissy Regardless
Student to another: Well, maybe the urinal wanted to be dried. Did you ever think about that?
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Trying to Teach Here
Categories: Philosophy | Questions | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's My Favorite Black Friend
Drunk guy: America is the greatest! If you don't like it, get out! Out with the riff-raff!
Friend: Stanley the Racist would be so proud of you.
Drunk guy: Man, it was great seeing Stanley the Racist again. Next time I see him, I'm going to give him a big man-hug.
E line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: elena
Categories: Drunks | Gripes | Massachusetts | Names | Race | Posted 2007-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except for Britney Over There
Vice president: We're all like kind of educated or whatever...
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: babygirl
Categories: Bragging | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Wear All Black
Professor: Oh, today is Johnny Cash's birthday... In case you need a reason to drink.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Now Almost Certain the Holy Grail Was Actually a Cockring
Theology professor: I can talk about whores and sex with animals... It's in the Bible!
Providence College
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: too busy laughing to take notes
Categories: Education | Rhode Island | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Make Me Come Down There and Rescue You
Police helicopter hovering with spotlight on suspect, over loudspeaker: Stop running. You can't get away. Just give yourself up. Stop running... No, don't go in the water. You won't make it across. No, don't-- Yeah, it's fucking cold, isn't it, dumbass? Just get out of the water!
American River Parkway
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Ree
Categories: Advice | California | Cops | Posted 2007-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'd Rather See You Tweak It a Little
Grad student on her Gender History peer review: I don't feel the need to keep the nipple section.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Andrea
We All Do Our Part, Marcia
Black lady on cell: I mean, I'm out here stealing, too! I got a habit to support, too!
33 bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Black people | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Axe Ads Get Straight to the Point
Hurried lady, panting after running onto train: Smell like men in here!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: r2rider