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I Plan to Enjoy That As Long As I'm Single
Guy: I've decided not to have an orgasm for the rest of the week.
Girl: God! Why?! You can't have too many orgasms. It's not like drinking too much!
Guy: I decide a lot of things.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Abstemious
Categories: Bragging | Friends | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Appropriate As the Word "Oriental," Anyway
Middle-aged white lady #1: I think I'm going to buy this for my daughter's boyfriend's parents. You know, because it's oriental and they're oriental.
Middle-aged white lady #2: That is so appropriate!
St. Augustine, Florida
Overheard by: Ruth
I Wet the Bed One Too Many Times
Woman: My sister and I slept together in the same bed until we were three. That was when she tried to light the house on fire.
Dalai Lama public speech, Olympic Centennial Park
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Alice
Categories: Chicks | Family ties | Georgia | Gossip | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Even Close to the Strangest Thing in Australia, Honey
Goth girl: Everybody's speaking English! Everyone's speaking English! And I'm goth! And nobody's staring at me!
Train station
Perth
Australia
Last Time We Rented a Movie, I Almost Went Blind
Young black woman #1: What's We Own the Night about?
Young black woman #2: One guy's a cop, and his brother is a gangster or something.
Young black woman #1: Does it have black people in it or white people?
Young black woman #2: White people.
Young black woman #1: Let's see something else.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Jason Bourne
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Race | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well the Eye Shadow Would Look Silly without It
Hipster girl: Why won't you take my last name when we get married? It would be really progressive of you...
Hipster guy: No, it wouldn't! It would be emasculating!
Hipster girl: Emasculating? Like how?
Hipster guy: Like me wearing a dress...
Hipster girl: But you already do that!
IKEA
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Gripes | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Gave Me an A on the Midterm, So I Looked the Other Way
Chick: ... And he was so dorky that he, like, mistook my ass for my vagina and he started fingering it, and I was like, 'Oh, he's a pro,' but then I realized and was like, '... Oh...'
Shout-out: overheardatyale.blogspot.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Yale | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Ask If You Don't Wanna Know
Drunk guy: Hey.
Passerby: Hey, how's it going?
Drunk guy: You know when you meet that hot, cool girl and then you get drunk and turn into an asshole and she ditches you? Well, that's where I am right now.
Passerby: Okay, well, good luck.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: some random chic
Categories: California | Drunks | Gripes | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Inspire a Lawsuit in One Easy Step
Professor: I will now hand back your exams... These exams are in the order of who I would most like to date.
Shout-out: overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Education | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Matchbox Cars Squirting All Over the Bedroom
Woman #1: I'm kind of bionic like that.
Woman #2: Yeah, it's like you have a bionic uterus!
Harvard Medical School
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: glad mine's not bionic
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Uterus | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Our Readership?
Guy #1: Hahaha!
Guy #2: What? What's so funny?
Guy #1: Didn't you see that?
Guy #2: See what?
Guy #1: Turd covered with flies!
Both guys: Hahaha!
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: highlarious
Categories: Idiots | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Her Husband, I'm Gonna Have to Say No
Suit on cell: I just want to take her to North Carolina and pound the shit out of her. Is that okay?
18th Street and Belmont Road
Washington, DC
Overheard by: glad im not in NC
Categories: Gossip | Sex | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait -- Which One Was He Again?
Skinny girl: Holy shit! Jesus wasn't rich?
Geeky guy: Um... No.
Skinny girl: So it was like a moral victory?
Geeky guy: ... What?
London
England
Or We'll Be Late for Our Scientology Meeting.
Child, about diorama: Mommy, is that real?
Mother: No, it's all lies. Let's go.
Museum
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Lies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Forget All about What You Wore in the '80s
Jovial woman on cell: So, when the Alzheimer's sets in, this'll all work out for you in the end!
Grocery store
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Eggson
Categories: Happiness | On the phone | Oregon | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because What Else Is There to Do in North Carolina?
College dude on cell: It will be the same thing -- we'll go out drinking, she'll drink too much, she'll cry on my shirt, and then she'll pass out and I'll have to carry her home. Happens every time... Because, dude, she's my girlfriend. It's what we do... Because! It's what everyone does.
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: not his girlfriend
Categories: Gossip | North Carolina | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Try Getting Vaginal Juice and Chocolate Sauce Out of Shag
Lesbian: You might think I'm weird, but what if we put in rubber floors?
Girlfriend: Um, no. [Lesbian #1 stalks off toward drywall materials, muttering under her breath.]
Home Depot
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Lesbos | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All It Takes to Get Laid in Canadia
Guy trying to solve Rubik's Cube: Once I figure out how to solve this thing, I'm gonna be banging chicks everywhere.
Calgary
Canadia
In Totally Unrelated News, Party at My House Tonight
Professor: It's like giving kids gateway drugs, but for the greater good.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Unlike Some of the More Outgoing Stuffed Animals
Man on cell: ... So I just put her in the closet, because she's very quiet...
Military Road and 41st Street NW
Washington, DC
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Question Was, "Can You Make a Living from Psychoanalysis?"
Guest professor on psychoanalysis, responding to student question: It will be like... Shit equals penis equals money.
Graduate Literature Theory class
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: I heart grad school
Categories: Canadia | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Show Your Work?
Professor: So, what is the meatiest calculator out there?
Student: TI-89!
Professor: So, what can the TI-89 do?
Student: Calculus!
Professor: Holy shit! Integral calculus! I didn't know they could do that these days. Well, I'm gonna clutch my genitals and go hide in the corner!
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Gadgets | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Get in, There's Usually Nothing You Want. Like Sex.
Poor college kid #1: So, you used to break into cars?
Poor college kid #2: Yeah.
Poor college kid #1: How was that?
Rochester, New York
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | New York | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have a Relatively Explosion-Free Day, Everybody!
TSA guy #1: Why aren't you patting everyone down?
TSA guy #2: That's what the machines are for.
TSA guy #1: Do you see the machines working?! Do you see anyone walking through the machines?!
TSA guy #2: Oh. Oops. Oh, well, it happens.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Colorado | Coworkers | Technology | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Much As Anyone in Show Business Is
Guy: So, I had to sit through 90 minutes of Annie Lennox for work the other night. [Grimacing] They all idolize her in there, which I don't get, because she's a heterosexual.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
It Is When She's Blowing Me While I Cook
Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fucking shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife's hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid defense!
Adelaide
Australia
Ever See a Drugged Flamingo? Didn't Think So.
Chick on cell: Luckily, I have pink nails to protect us from future druggings.
Shady Grove bar
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: On the phone | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, I Finally Had That Baby
Chick #1: Hey, how was your weekend?
Chick #2: It was really fun -- my wart fell off!
Chick #1: Really? How?
Chick #2: I don't know! It just fell off. It was the best weekend ever!
Charleston, South Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Chicks | South Carolina | Posted 2007-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Placenta
Skinny teen: Get over here, Uterus!
Pregnant girl: I'm coming!
MITS Bus
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Emma
Whatever Would Assure You I'm Not a Stalker
Girl on date: That's what I don't understand about dating -- if I really like someone, I'm not going to wait to call them. Like, I would totally call you tomorrow.
Boy on date: [Silence.]
Girl on date: Or, you know, whenever...
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Andrea P.
Categories: Chicks | Philosophy | Utah | Posted 2007-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then She Tried to Light Me on Fire
Bimbette #1: Is Norwegian to Swedish like English to Spanish?
Bimbette #2: No, it's like... Like... It's like Spanish to Italian.
Bimbette #1: Ohhh. Wait, isn't Italian a dead language?
Bimbette #2: Ummm, I think that's Latin.
Bimbette #1: Ohhh. You know, my Spanish teacher once told me I was like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Denim on Denim
Categories: Bimbettes | California | Language barrier | Posted 2007-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drugging Miss Daisy: Act II
Old woman on cell: Well, I got injected twice today -- once in each arm... Well, I could sure go for a third, I'll tell you that much!
Car wash
La Mirada, California
Overheard by: Higgins
Categories: California | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Still Can't Believe I Dated Him
Chick: ... And then the party, like, totally got out of control -- they wanted to put firecrackers in the snake tank! And then my dad kicked everyone out. He didn't actually say anything, he just draped the snake over his shoulders and walked around looking at people with, like, six feet of snake on him.
Friend: Is this one of those stories about how your dad is a bad influence?
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Tall, Dark, and Bloodshot
Marathon runner #1: Yeah, I really like him, but he's been in rehab since he was fourteen.
Marathon runner #2: All the best ones are.
Nike Women's Marathon
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl was running with them just to hear this conversation
Categories: California | Chicks | Gripes | San Francisco | Posted 2007-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Work Yourself Up to the "Magnum" Buttplug
Professor with heavy German accent: Have a good weekend, and don't get broken by pleasure!
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Large-Mouthed Bass with the Ability to Keep a Tune
Teen girl #1: Steven Tyler is definitely in the Rolling Stones.
Teen girl #2: Girrrl, you crazy! Wasn't he in the Backstreet Boys?
Teen girl #1, after long pause: I don't even think there is anyone named Steven Tyler.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: steven tyler is definitely the frontman for AEROSMITH.
Categories: About celebrities | Bimbettes | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Give Him a Break. It's Kentucky.
Man walking through automatic doors: Wow, it's the store of the future. The doors open by themselves!
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Idiots | Kentucky | Technology | Posted 2007-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Wear It with the John Lovitz Flats
Woman modeling outfit from fitting room: What do you think?
Husband: That outfit makes you look like Garry Shandling!
Ann Taylor, Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
Only a Few Orthodonists Do That
Suit walking with lady suit: Well, for that my friend went to this guy downtown and really liked him, but, um, just don't expect flowers after.
Penrose Hospital
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Forgive Us If We Find Your Relief Unnerving
Pilot over intercom, as plane touches down: ... And the crowd goes wild! Woo-hoo!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: errica
... Or Saw Me?
College girl to her family: ... And this is where I peed last night!
Security guard: [Applauds.]
College girl: You think he heard me?
French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Security Guard
Mom's Now Written Me a Series of Letters I'm Afraid to Open
Older woman: So, I was at my parents' house this weekend and there were some condoms sitting on the table...
Friend: What?
Older woman: Yeah. So I asked my mom, 'Why do you need condoms?' And she said, 'It's for easier clean up.'
Friend: Gross!
Older woman: Yeah... So that's why I stopped asking my parents questions.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Emily I
Categories: Friends | Gossip | North Carolina | Posted 2007-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fine, but Could You Take Your Penis Out of That Bible?
Guy to girlfriend: It doesn't matter what we do! It's pervert weekend!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: California | Guys | Happiness | San Francisco | Posted 2007-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Bearded Ladies Prefer Monkey Bars
Boy to mother: If there's one thing I know about little people, it's that they love playhouses.
ShopKo
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Andre
It Doesn't Matter What Kind of Stick You Pee On, Right?
Dude standing in line: Because when I see Kit Kats, I think home pregnancy tests.
Wegmans
Rochester, New York
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