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Be Wary of Their Explosive Diarrhea
Old woman: That's the problem with men -- they treat kids like little adults instead of like--
Younger woman: --Kids?
Old woman: No. Like terrorists.
Washington, DC
Categories: Gripes | Ladies who lunch | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Honor, I Was Only Following His Instructions
Small Mexican man in hot dog suit: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me.
20-ish chick waiting to cross street: No, thank you.
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me!
20-ish chick: No, really -- thank you, but I'll pass. [Muttering] God, will this light ever change?!
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me!
Wrigley Field
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Cubs Fan
Categories: Creepsters | Getting off | Illinois | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Republican National Convention Is This Month
Woman to small child: Oh, yes, Satan is very busy. He's, uh... He's... Yeah, he's veeery busy.
Target
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Evil | Lies | Moms | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or Drown the Baby When You're Not Looking
Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I'll dress up in my little baby clothes so you'll pay attention to me.
Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas
Categories: Gripes | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Let's Test It Empirically to Be Sure?
Drunk coed: Is it possible to drown in a pool when you are drunk? I mean, with all that alcohol wouldn't you just float to the top?
Friend #1: Um, duh -- yeah, you can drown.
Friend #2: You're probably going to drown.
Frat party
Dallas, Texas
That Good? Count Me In!
Annoying mom: Is smoking good or bad?
Five-year-old son: It's bad.
Annoying mom: That's right. And how bad is it? It's like eating everything at the top of the food pyramid.
Clinic lobby
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: joe the xrayguy
Gay Passerby: Wait, Now I'm Offended.
Native American woman to lady dressed as Indian: I find your costume very offensive.
Lady dressed as Indian: No... But I'm part of the Village People [points to girls dressed as cop and construction worker].
Native American woman, after long pause: Oh, well, that's okay, then.
Calgary Stampede
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
NewsFlash: Drive-By Insults on the Rise in Canadia
Crazy hobo: You have pretty hair, unlike mine. My hair is ugly. You're ugly, too. [Chick stares.] I gotta go steal some DVDs now. Bye, ladies!
Downtown Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: At least he was honest
Categories: Canadia | Hobos | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Latter-Day Shit Just Doesn't Cut It
Mormon guy: Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my dad beating the shit out of people.
Salt Lake City Airport
Utah
Overheard by: PartyByNight
Categories: Guys | Memory lane | Utah | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shark: Hello, Sailors!
Dude: Hey, let's go find a shark and piss on it!
Navy Pier
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sean
Or Just Use Them to Lash Insolent Tourists?
Bimbette tourist: Oh, right, yeah -- I need to find some belts. Do Chinese people wear belts?
Hong Kong, China
Overheard by: Kim
I'm Just Trying to Understand Jerry Falwell's Appeal
Chick walking with a bunch of guys: Wait, did he have a scrotum chin?
Allston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: mt
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See, This Is Why I Went into Teaching
Witty history teacher: So, kids, not only does the money look minty and refreshing, it tastes good, too!
Teen girl: Oh my god, really?!
US Mint
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Lies | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Going Somewhere with This, Prof?
Professor: Who can tell me the difference between a birch tree and a beech tree?
Student: A beech tree's got lighter bark.
Professor: But otherwise there's no difference?
Student: I dunno 'bout the leaves or anything, but when you buy furniture from IKEA, beech wood's always lighter.
Professor: But could you identify a birch tree from a beech tree if you saw one on campus?
Student: If I cut it down, maybe.
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Education | Overheard at Stanford | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's More Like Gangsta Lite
Eight-year-old girl #1 tying scarf around head: We're going to look like gangstas!
Eight-year-old girl #2: Like what?
Eight-year-old girl #1: Like gangstas!
Eight-year-old girl #2: What's a gangsta?
Eight-year-old girl #1: It's a gangster.
Eight-year-old girl #2: Oh.
Eight-year-old girl #1: Like the Jets.
Eight-year-old girl #2, suddenly understanding: Ohhh, okay!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I think they paid a little too much attention to west side story
Categories: Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Words | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Hallucinations Need Veterinary Care
Hobo holding up stuffed glove: ... And now the mitten is having babies... And the liquid is starting to come out...
Ashland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karrie
Even Made-Up Countries, Like Norway.
Teen girl: I don't know -- it just seems like everyone's in the Olympics now.
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: snooper
Categories: Canadia | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Republican National Convention Is No Exception
Cop: It's not a party 'til the shirts come off.
Hilton Hotel
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Neon
Categories: Cops | Massachusetts | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If So, Have I Got the Portable Fainting Couch for You!
Loud lady to friend: So, have you fallen down in any more parking lots this summer?
Panera Bread
White Marsh, Maryland
Overheard by: just eatin my lunch
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, Shut the Fuck Up
Guy to room: If I'm a feminist, do I have to hate men?
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: imnotinmedskool
Only a Limited Number Of Lives Are Available in Vermont
Teacher, reading paper by student #1: 'I'm not living my life yet.' Then whose life are you living?
Student #1, pointing to student #2: His.
Mount Abraham Union High School
Bristol, Vermont
I Hereby Declare All Problems Solved!
Drunk girl: Tunisia is a place in Africa. They have lots of problems in Africa... And I'm going to fix them! [Falls down.]
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Rule Is Just for Ugly People, Right?
RA: Does anyone else have a question?
Freshman girl: Yeah, can we park overnight in the parking garage that has the 'No overnight parking' sign in front of it?
University of Central Florida
Florida
Overheard by: Christa
But in a Nice Way
Nun: I just keep hoping that our governor gets assassinated.
Bradley International Airport
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Nuns | Violence | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're a Very Smart and Talented Individual.
Hot nerd chick: So, I didn't sleep with him. He was just too attractive -- I'd feel self-conscious.
Friend: But hot girls sleep with ugly guys all the time! It's your duty to even the score.
Hot nerd chick: Yeah... Wait, you think I'm ugly?
Joplin, Missouri
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Missouri | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Lucky We're Letting You Breathe Heavily
Little boy: I don't wanna walk any more.
Father: No talking when we're on vacation!
Michigan Avenue and East Hubbard
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Thad
At Least, Last Time I Dug Up Her Grave and Checked...
Guy: Man, it's hotter than my mother-in-law back in '79. She's not hot no more.
Harvest Foods
Little Rock, Arkansas
Which End Is He Interested In?
Cute lab tech guy: So, to take a stool sample, take this stick and smear it in here.
Hot girl patient: I have to smush it?
Cute lab tech guy: Yep, like that. So, do you have a boyfriend?
Park Nicolette Clinic
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Categories: Creepsters | Minnesota | Poop | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crying Is My Cardio
Girl #1, in lunch line: What's wrong with him?
Girl #2: I mean, he seems like a really nice guy... And I'm not into nice guys.
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Chicks | Connecticut | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Her Kids Mend All Her Fishnets
Chick: So, how is the roommate situation?
Dude: It's annoying that she is drunk all of the time. She keeps locking herself out or bringing home random guys.
Chick: Amazing that she still finds the time to be a preschool teacher.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: state worker
Categories: California | Friends | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Did She Swallow That?
Sophomore guy #1: She got pissy that I didn't want to talk to her anymore.
Sophomore guy #2: What did you do?
Sophomore guy #1: I told her, 'I have pressing GPA issues to worry about and can't be concerned with whether or not you are going to be giving me head.'
Dartmouth College
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: steph
Categories: Gossip | New Hampshire | Students | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Those Little Heads Are Kind of Creepy
Mother to child: You seem to be on a mission today to decapitate my toes.
Crowded LUAS tram
Dublin
Ireland
Categories: Body parts | Ireland | Moms | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Knows after the First Trimester, You Move on to Goat Enzymes
Cashier #1: So, do you think Ms. Rachel is pregnant, like Missy said?
Cashier #2: No, Missy is always so full of it.
Cashier #1: Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, if Ms. Rachel was pregnant, she wouldn't be messing around with pig's blood still.
Target
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: In agreement, although disturbed
Just Aphasic
Boy #1 to girl as he throws wad of paper: Hey, heads up!
Boy #2: Whoa! She actually caught it!
Girl, shooting proud look at them: Yeah! Duh -- I'm not illiterate.
Chemistry class
Friendswood, Texas
The Bitch Kept Inking Us
Chick: So, are you still trying to work out how to put a G-string on an octopus?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Questions | Undies | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"You're the Worst Math Tutor Ever," I Said.
Marine #1: So, how was it?
Marine #2: Crazy. She wanted me to take a shit in her pussy. That's fucking weird, man.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Soundbite Lover
Categories: California | Kink | Military | Poop | Vagina | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life in Oklahoma's Impossible without Willful Ignorance
Mom #1: Well, you are blonde, you know!
Mom #2: Yeah, well, I'm not blonde everywhere!
Mom #1: Well, I don't know how that works...
Panera Bread
Norman, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Freelance Mama
Oliver Tanks Another Job Interview
Burly male student: I hope they're okay with my nudity. I'm pretty sure I'm nude about 25 percent of the time.
University Student Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Are the Odds This Boy Will Be Able to Have a Meaningful Relationship with a Woman?
Son: Mom, I'm hungry.
Mom: Well, honey, I have some food left in my stomach from this morning. If you want, I could throw it up for you? That's how much I love you.
Rome, Italy
Overheard by: naz
Even Better Than Peeing on the Parsley
Very serious little boy: I just love the grocery store bathroom.
Confused mom: Why? What's so great about it?
Little boy, wistfully: It's just so peaceful...
Kaiser
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why I Hired a Poo-Catcher.
Female cashier on cell while ringing up items: Of course I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom! [Long pause, then smirks flirtatiously.] Ew, Jonathon! [Lowers voice] I don't do that to myself -- especially not into my hands...
Staples
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: very amused
Categories: New York | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shuttling. Duh.
Teen girl to receptionist: Where's your giant cock gone?!
Badminton hall
New Zealand
Categories: New Zealand | Questions | Teens | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Be You?
Booth babe: So, you spent your day answering questions about free software, and you're going to spend your night answering questions about -- what -- genital warts?
LinuxWorld Expo
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Just don't confuse the two
Categories: Chicks | Questions | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a Judgment -- I Asked for Your Perception
Ironman contestant's wife at mile 10 of the run leg: Honey, how are you feeling?
Ironman contestant: This was a stupid idea!
Vineman Ironman triathlon
Santa Rosa, California
Categories: California | Couples | Questions | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Public Safety Officers Are Creepier Than Others
Skinny guy in tank top showing girl some crumpled mugshot: Have you seen this man before?
Girl on treadmill: Ummm, no?
Skinny guy: Well, he's a rapist, and he's at large. So if you see him, or if you get scared at night, just give me a call [hands her a phone number].
Gym
Cary, North Carolina