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When Only "What's Wrong with You?" Will Do
Spanish chick: Hey, you were in Auschwitz?
English guy: Yeah.
Spanish chick: Was it any fun?
English guy: Uhhh, I wouldn't say that.
Spanish chick: Yeah, I know, I know... But was it cool?
English guy: Well... Hmmm...
Poland
Guy Named Hitler
Dude #1: Hey! Hey! Did you hear? They caught that person who killed those two people!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They caught that person who killed those two people. Or they arrested him, I'm not sure.
Dude #2: Who?
Dude #1: I don't know. I saw it on TV.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until the Lightbulb Broke
Girl #1: We were having fun!
Girl #2: You're sodomizing that poor boy!
Girl #1: That's how we played! He loved that game!
Starbucks
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: hannah
Like I Said
Crazy old lady in bathrobe yelling to herself: Fuuuck you!
Drunk hobo: It's all in your head, lady.
Crazy old lady: No, it's not -- it's all in my asshole!
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Crazies | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Gonna Pull-Start Him Like a Lawnmower
Hot Asian chick #1: The passion party was so fun -- you guys should've gone.
Hot Asian chick #2: Oh my god! I wish I would've known about it. Did they have the Jack Rabbit?
Hot Asian chick #3: Yeah -- and, like, oils and stuff?
Hot Asian chick #2: Forget that! Did they have anal beads?! [Sighs and glances over at her boyfriend] Our sex life has really gotten boring...
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: looking for the cameras
What Have You Been Doing?
20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that's just my hand sanitizer.
Flight to Buffalo, New York
Categories: Airports & flights | Kids | Lies | Moms | New York | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Haunting Image: John McCain in Assless Chaps
Intern girl #1: Bet McCain's into S&M.
Intern girl #2: I can see that.
Intern girl #1: Ever see the veins in McCain's head? They throb all day. I had a boyfriend like that.
Intern girl #2: Did he want to smack you around?
Intern girl #1: He wanted me to smack him around.
Intern girl #2 Did you?
Intern girl #1: Psh. I am sooo not maternal.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Should We High-Five?
Chick to friend, pointing at a building: That's where I killed my baby!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Up from Zero
Teen boy #1: Dude, you enlarged your penis with that thing?!
Teen boy #2: Yeah, like five inches.
Washington, DC
Categories: Penis | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, Would Quasimodo Give Up His Hump?
Mom to daughter: All I'm saying is, it would really help get rid of your fat and your pimples.
Mount Vernon
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: mm2105
Categories: Advice | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Virginia | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think They Know That
College girl: I'm taking this online Arabic course... Did you know their alphabet is just all, like, smiley faces?
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Bimbettes | Language barrier | Rhode Island | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait! Have You Accepted Him As Your Personal Savior?
Dude: So, you're from Austria, huh?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, like, kangaroos and shit?
Austrian foreign student: No, that's Australia. Austria's in Europe.
Dude: Oh, like Sound of Music?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: Like Lederhosen! Fahrvergnügen! Schwarzenegger!
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, do you believe in Hitler? [Austrian walks off.]
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Idiots | Massachusetts | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I Am Not a Republican!
Angry guy on cell: Billy, I have one word for you -- fucking piece of shit!
Sterling, Virginia
Categories: On the phone | Virginia | Words | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Isn't It a Little Soon to Start Competing with Her?
Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That's why babies don't drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can't see over the steering wheel.
Wellsboro, Pennsylvania
Categories: Gripes | Parents | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Recent Years, Mr. Rove's Tastes Had Changed
Bra-less woman in tight pink polo shirt, to boyfriend: I asked Carl what his new girlfriend looked like, and he didn't even hesitate -- he just said, 'Shrek'!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: stephanie
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Went on to Become the Nicest Lawyer in Missouri
Girlfriend: Awww, I like this. We should get it.
Boyfriend: What? What 'we'?! I told you, I'm breaking up with you on Monday.
Girlfriend: I know. I mean, I thought you were kidding...
Boyfriend: No! Now that the bar exam is over, I can break up with you and not feel bad about it. Now that the bar is over, I can break up with you and not worry about you failing and me feeling guilty.
Girlfriend: Oh.
Bluestem Crafts
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Couples | Jerks | Missouri | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When It Starts Puffing a Cigarette and Calling You "American Pig"
New girl: How do I know when the French toast is done?
Supervisor, annoyed: When it looks like French toast.
University of California-San Diego dining hall
California
Overheard by: blaird
Categories: California | Employees | Food | Questions | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Who Did Your Tits?
Customer: I'm so sorry about the mess I left in the dressing room -- I just had to be sure I loved what I was buying for the big day!
Sales associate: No problem. A girl only gets married once, right?
Customer: Actually, this is my second marriage... What kind of bra are you wearing?
Dillard's
Denton, Texas
And Why's Her Brother Waving Happily from the Pool?
Drunk girl: Hey. Hey! Everyone be quiet for a second -- I want to make a toast. I just want to remind everyone why we're here, and that's because my brother finally shit successfully.
Drunk guy: What the fuck did she just say?
House party
Holbrook, New York
Overheard by: pc
They've Gotta Be Fresh, Though
30-something woman, crossing street in front of Sushi.Com restaurant: Sushi and cum, my two favorite things to eat!
Male companion: That's my girl!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
She Was Just Very Much in Love. With Crack.
Girl #1, about friend arrested for crack-whoring: She said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Girl #2: Yeah, right! You don't weigh 85 pounds and have chlamydia because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time!
Hallowell, Maine
Overheard by: smiling widely
Things Are Very Different in California
Sobbing child: It's not fair! That's mine!
Little bully: So what? Don't cry about it. You're being so dumb.
Sobbing child: I'm upset! It's okay for me to cry sometimes!
Preschool
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: California | Kids | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Want to Be Close to Somebody Who'll Leave Me Alone
Chick: ... So then he started talking about feelings and stuff, and how we only have sex and we never talk anymore! [Friend nods.] Like, sometimes after we do it he tries to cuddle with me, and all I can think about is, 'Damn, I really just want to sleep...' So, do I break up with him?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Biotechs | Overheard at McGill | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
PBS Will Try Anything to Get Funding Nowadays
Girl: Think about it -- when a Sesame Street character gives a BJ, not only are you getting oral, but you're getting a hand-job, too.
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: David James
Categories: BJs | Chicks | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Be Outside with a Camcorder
Dude on cell: Okay, here's what you do -- invite everyone over, fill the sprinkler systems with paint, and then just see what happens!
Mimi's Café
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: MF Orange Slice
Categories: Advice | Florida | On the phone | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Certainly Could...
Chick #1: But you know, a lot of the things written in the Bible did come true.
Chick #2: Oh, that's a bullshit argument: I can say that Nosferatu's prophecies also came true!
The Laughing Goat
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: the french Draculla
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Passion for Wind Instruments Is Rare in One So Young
Small child: Mmm! Oooh! Mmm! Mommy, that feels good when it comes out!
Mother, whispering: Shut up.
Restroom, Tanglewood
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Happiness | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just to Be Sure, I'm Gonna Let Her Froth a Little Longer
Girl on cell: She's either completely wasted or having a diabetic attack, I'm not sure.
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although I Do Like the Nightlife
Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.
San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rish
Categories: California | Gossip | Queers | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only a Bunch of Stories That Strain Credulity
Woman: How was church? Did you learn anything in Sunday school?
Girl: No.
Cracker Barrel restroom
Virginia
Okay. Now Pretend You Think We Think That.
Blonde to parents: Pretend I'm smarter than you think I am.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: she really is
Categories: Advice | Bimbettes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Phone Number in Blood on My Mirror? Genius!
Suit: You are so good at stalking.
20-ish chick: Thank you so much! [Shakes his hand.]
Suit: Keep up the good work.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compliments | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Canadia, Who Would Even Know?
Chick #1: I'm ugly.
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: I am ugly.
Chick #2: Who told you?!
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Library Girl
Um, Which Other Parts Would It Be Okay to Comment On?
Guy to girl dancing on street corner: Shake that ass, girl!
Girl: Thank you!
Guy: Sorry, I'm being an asshole.
Girl: It's okay -- I got the goods!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Ass | Compliments | Illinois | Strangers | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That, It's Just a Montage of Scenes from White Men Can't Jump
Chick: No, I don't remember that.
Dude: I remember you grabbing my balls...
Parking lot
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Z
Categories: Balls | California | Friends | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeremy Discovered His Imagination an Hour Later
High school student #1: Sir, what movie are we going to be watching?
Teacher: Well, until we get the VCR fixed, we'll be watching dead air.
High school student #2: What year was that movie made, sir?
Bus
Windsor, Ontario
Canadia
But It's British -- They Have No Future
Middle-aged woman: No, I haven't read Harry Potter. I'm not really into all that futuristic stuff.
Saratoga Springs, New York
Categories: Bimbettes | New York | Pop culture | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Now It's Dying
Toddler in stroller: I need to pee!
Mom: We just peed on the tree.
Davis, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Pee | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Day Our Latin Teacher Just Lost It
Yeller: I brought you peanuts and toilet paper as a peace offering, and what did you bring me? Nothing! You brought me nothing! What does that say about our relationship?!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: michael
Categories: Crazies | Gifts | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Work for the City, You Take What Fun You Can Get
India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We're having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked... Actually, they're really not working... At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]
Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Comforting words
Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not 'til You Finish Your Hot Fudge Sundae
Four-year-old boy: Dad, for dessert can I have sugar?
Cocoa's Diner
Hershey, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Gette
Categories: Food | Kids | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Can Drink the Hot Dog Water, Grasshopper...
Intellectual girl: Ugh, water and chocolate do not mix.
Bimbette hipster: Yeah, and neither do hot dogs!
Danville Area Community College
Danville, Illinois
Overheard by: Can't hear this anywhere else but Danville
As Long As You Don't Ew My Goo
Chick #1, about grape Vitamin Water: Ewww! You're actually going to drink pink water?
Chick #2: Hey, man, don't yuck my yum!
Beat Book Store
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: tell it like it is
But I Can't Stop Doing It
WASP lady: I bought this ring here and it really smells. Every time I put my hand up to my face it makes me want to vomit.
Jewelry shop
Alexandria, Virginia
Categories: Bimbettes | Health & Hygiene | Virginia | Posted 2007-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Losing Control --Too... Many... Stereotypes...
Guy: Nah, Ed, you can't ever be creepy -- you're Asian.
Ed, indignantly: Dude!
Guy: I mean, unless you're a ninja--
Passerby: --With a sword!
Algonquin Conference Center
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia