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The Difference between Men and Women
Hippie chick on cell: ... So then I realized that's just how she is and I need to honor that.
Guy passerby: Just get it over with and call her a bitch already!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: Advice | Hippies | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard As a Rock -- and I Owe It All to You, Buddy!
Suburbanite man #1, waving: Hey, John!
Suburbanite man #2, excitedly shaking guy's hand: Hey! How's your concrete?!
Cedarburg Strawberry Festival
Cedarburg, Wisconsin
Probably the Best Way to Play Showtunes
American tween boy, about show tune blaring through iPod earphones: I can play this on my armpit.
Heathrow Airport
London
England
The Castration Can't Have Helped Any of That
Woman #1: I think my new cat is different.
Woman #2: What do you mean by different?
Woman #1: I'm pretty sure he's metro-sexual, because he meows like a girl.
Woman #2: It could be worse.
Woman #1: Well, I don't know -- I'm fairly sure he has abandonment issues, too.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Animals | Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course, They Also Don't Sleep with You
Lesbian: True friends don't believe you have STDs!
Energy-Alternative club
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Christine
Categories: Lesbos | Rhode Island | STDs | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And There's Been a Dead Body on Our Stoop...
Tired suit #1: I think my mail guy is dead.
Tired suit #2: Yeah?
Tired suit #1: Yeah. I remember he was kinda sick and he was always drunk. Then he just stopped showing up.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Death & dying | Gossip | Illinois | Suits | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Maybe Some Insulin for Later
College girl: Cookies and beer -- that's all I need in life.
Heathrow Airport
London
England
Overheard by: Spencer
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | England | Food | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nearly Impossible to Discuss One without Bringing Up the Other
Hot girl: It's great to go out with new people. My friends and I are in a conversation slump -- we realized that all our conversations ended up in stories about drugs or sex, so we said, 'Let's be normal, you know, and talk about women and football!' So we ended up talking about all the transvestites we know and about synchronized swimming.
Bar 13
São Paulo
Brazil
I'm Just Friends with It
Mom: Do you remember what the name of this river is, Billy?
Son: Is it the Platonic River?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Keith
Categories: Kids | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Secretary of State Rice Has a Lot of Bad Days
Girl on phone with boyfriend: I'm in such a bad mood, I don't even know! When I get home, you better not have a smile on your face or I will slap yo' ass. Misery loves company up in here, bitch!
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: C. Barreto
Categories: Gripes | On the phone | Virginia | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bad Things All Start Out Innocently Enough
Guy: Dude, I'll hook you up. My wife is hot, but her friends are hotter.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Take Nicole Richie
Chick #1: Did you watch America's Got Talent?
Chick #2: No.
Chick #1: There was this saxophone guy who was totally on crack or something.
Chick #2: Everybody on crack thinks they have talent.
Florida Mall
Orlando, Florida
Grandma Brought Me the Wrong Bag Lunch
Chick: I got, like, suspended three times in five days.
Coworker: I only got suspended once, but that was just 'cause I cut this bitch with a razor.
Chick, to customer: Thank you, sir.
McDonald's
Dunwoody, Georgia
Overheard by: blur
He's Very Critical for a Schnauzer
Guy on cell: No way -- I left my dog in the car. I don't perform in front of animals!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sara
Categories: Animals | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Want to End Up on the Internet?
Boy #1: I'd never want to be a gynecologist. You'd get so sick of that you'd never want to see one.
Boy #2: Gynos put Vicks under their nose so they don't have to smell it all day.
Boy #3: You are both nasty.
Boy #4: Stop this conversation. My mom is is the next room.
New Jersey
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless It Happens to Someone Else
Hipster: Anal leakage is never funny.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | South Carolina | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Black People in Wisconsin?
Black party hostess: So, are there any black people in Nevada?
Drunk white hippie girl from Nevada: No! But we might as well be black, because we're so uneducated and everything, you know? [Room, full of black professionals, explodes with laughter.]
Black suit: I need a very dry martini right now.
Gregory Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Black people | Race | Whiteys | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Sucked at Bird Math
Dude: I was going to say, 'Kill one bird with two stones,' but that's not right. That's just stoning a bird.
Memorial Park
Lebanon, Indiana
Overheard by: Carie Jones
For Those Who Think Dickens Was Melodramatic
Disgruntled mother: If I catch you biting your nails again, I am going to cut off your hair in your sleep.
Gloucester Road
London
England
Overheard by: Never want to have children
It's Like a Drug-Free Acid Trip
Suit: I always enjoy going to Comic-Con because of the midgets in costumes.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Becka
Categories: Leisure | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Poor Cat Needs Something to Poop On
Queer: ... And I was like, 'Honey, it's not like I have a subscription to Town and Country to look at the dresses!'
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
"... And I Think My Back Is Broken"
Freshman girl: I guess I always thought the perfect man would just fall from the sky and say, 'Hi, I'm your husband!'
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the jankster
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at Cornell | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Have Kids, Santa Loses All Respect for You
Crazy, bearded old man: Have you seen Bobby lately?
Ohio state trooper: No. His wife just had a baby, so he's on leave for a while.
Crazy, bearded old man: Well, the next time you see him, tell him Santa Claus says [blows a raspberry].
Goshen, Ohio
Overheard by: Michael
Masks the Vomit Nicely
Girl: The combination of your cologne and cigarette smoke is really sexy.
Guy: What about the whiskey on my breath?
State Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Your Secret AudioAnimatronic Friend
Little boy whispering to old lady: Are you my secret friend?
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: sara aliza
Now Available in Pineapple Pus and Sore Apple
20-something to boyfriend: He was like syphilis on a stick!
Omaha, Nebraska
Using Implements No Man Can Match
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That's because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Masturbation | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfriendly Bug Spirits Are the Worst
Tween boy: Can you imagine what it would be like to spend the night here? All the unfriendly spirits...
Teen girl, horrified: And, bugs!
Alcatraz Island
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Casper the Friendly Roach
Categories: Insects | San Francisco | Teens | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They're Useless Against Alligators
Two-year-old boy, admiring his hands instead of the alligators: Look, Dad -- look at my nails!
Grimacing father: Yes, yes... Your mother is to blame for that.
Atlanta Zoo
Georgia
Categories: Dads | Georgia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really Attractive Drag Queens Tend to Have That Effect
Man: My scrotum is so confused!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Don't They Chafe Your Knees?
Buxom girl wearing strapless dress with no bra: I feel like my tits are really low. Do they look really low?
Van Housen Hall, Potsdam College
Potsdam, New York
Overheard by: minibab
The Only Difference between Heaven and Hell
Old lady on cell in crowded train: Yes, I'm here in a sardine tin, but everyone is really nice...
Tel-Aviv
Israel
Overheard by: claustrophobic
Categories: Happiness | Israel | Old folks | On the phone | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By the Bondage Fairies, in Particular
Man browsing anime collection: [Sneezes.]
Bystander: God bless you.
Man browsing anime collection: Yes, yes, I am blessed.
Newbury Comics, Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sinner
Categories: Etiquette | Massachusetts | Strangers | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, at Denny's That Gets You Free Coffee
Dude: Oh, great. Now I can be the asshole with a unibrow.
Denny's
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: aimc
I'm Gonna Go Grab a Bucket of Chicken and Some Porn
Skinny brunette: How many calories do you burn masturbating? Gross, I know...
Skinny redhead: I read in Cosmo that it's somewhere between one-fifty and two hundred.
Skinny brunette, gasping: See?! People ought to promote masturbation more! This is why America is getting so fat! No one is touching themselves!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: then why am I so fat?
Categories: Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Skinny people | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Told the Teacher It Was a Documentary on Thomas Jefferson
Teen to her friends: We watched Tommy Boy in history class today.
Gas station
Santa Monica, California
Categories: California | Education | Teens | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now, Sweetie, You Know I'm Against Condiment-Distribution to Children
Mom with sunscreen in hand: Give me your arm so I can put this on you.
Little boy: Ewww! What is that?
Mom: Sunscreen. What did you think it was?
Little boy: Mayonnaise!
Giants Game, AT&T Park
San Francisco, California
Categories: Food | Kids | Moms | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Bob
Chick on cell: Okay, I feel like you would know if you waxed your inner labia...
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: On the phone | Pennsylvania | Vagina | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can We Still Sleep with Them?
Tomboy: We need to get boyfriends so people will stop thinking we're gay.
Russian girl: Why do people think we're gay?
Tomboy: 'Cause everyone we hang out with is gay!
Ludlow Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: The gay girl standing with them
That Doesn't Work on Mom, and It Sure Doesn't Work on Me!
Five-year-old boy: I don't like that... It doesn't taste good.
Father, picking up frozen dinner: Oh, I'll make it taste good!
Topsham, Maine
Overheard by: Morgan
Nothing's More American Than a Faulty Syllogism
Guy: No one in America uses pennies anymore!
Girl: I use pennies...
Guy: Then you're not American!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: nicklesg
Categories: Friends | New York | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Sums Up Burt Reynolds' Career
Big guy to buddy: If I'd shaved my mustache like I was planning to, none of this would have happened.
Chili's
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: sara
Um, "Horticulture" Doesn't Mean What You Think
Angry white boy, motioning at plants: I just wanna pull all o' the fuckin' flowers outta the fuckin' pots!
8th and Walnut Street
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: passing by in a car
The Leprechaun on My Shoulder Feeds Me Answers
Teacher: So, what do you think about this?
Student: I don't think.
Reddam House
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: anny
In My Hummer
Bartender: I can't believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don't care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bartenders | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Double-Clutch Me, I'll Bite It Off
Girl on cell: Yes, that's exactly how I want to die! You driving us drunk down the highway at a hundred miles per hour while I give you head and you use one hand to play with my tits and the other to shift gears!
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Anne