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Yikes, Where?
Teacher, on Rosh Hashanah: Dylan?
Dylan: Here.
Teacher: Katie?
Katie: Here.
Teacher: Adam?
Class: Jew.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
With a Hint of Schmuck and a Dash of Tool
Blonde, about brunette's fiancé: He's too pretty to be hot.
Brunette: No, he's hot... Just more like douchebag-hot.
Aspenhof Lake
Washington, Missouri
Overheard by: Mandi
Your Pig Anus Story Haunts My Dreams
Bookstore worker to friend: Will you stop saying things I'll remember the rest of my life?
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Confusing Time in a Man's Life When His Body Changes
Five-year-old girl: Does Daddy need socks?
Mom: Yes.
Five-year-old girl: Does Daddy need boxers?
Mom: Yes.
Five-year-old girl: Does Daddy need a bra?
Mom: No.
Five-year-old girl: But he has boobs.
Dundee
Scotland
Overheard by: boredlaura
So I Just Bought All Those Staples for Nothing?
Bimbette: Sex makes everything so complicated. Seriously, I'm going back to being a virgin.
Friend: Honey, you're never going to be a virgin again. It's impossible.
Bimbette: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bimbettes | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think They Could Add a Nice Lace Ruffle?
Chick #1 exiting bathroom stall: I can't believe I'm getting my gun tomorrow.
Chick #2: Yeah... Too bad they can't put color in it. It's going to be pretty ugly.
Chick #1: It's a gun.
Chick #2: Doesn't mean it has to be ugly.
Chick #1: Yeah, it would be cool in purple.
Grand Junction, Colorado
Every Time They Say "Nietzsche" We'll Do a Tequila Shot
Professor: Let's liven things up with a documentary about Nietzsche!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Michigan Is a Persistent Vegetative State
Dude checking phone: Terri Schiavo keeps calling me!
The Café du Marquis
Royal Oak, Michigan
Overheard by: Emma
Oh, This One's for Throwing
Girl: May I have a Long Island Iced Tea?
Bartender: Sure.
80-year-old lady sitting at bar: Giiirl, I hope you took yo' birf control today!
Klondike Kate's
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Cols
Categories: Advice | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Disagree on What "City of Brotherly Love" Really Means
Scene guy: Come back! I want a hug!
Guy quickly leaving on bicycle: Eat my shit!
Scene guy: I want my hug!
Guy quickly leaving on bicycle: Eat my shit!
22nd and Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: catty
Categories: Insults | Pennsylvania | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Am I Just That High?
TA: You'll need a watch to keep track of how long your stories are.
Sorostitute: I have one!
TA: Is it analog or digital?
Sorosititute, after looking at watch for a few seconds: ... It has diamonds!
Broadcasting Journalism lab, University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Don't rush for HER sorority
Categories: Florida | Sorority types | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because We Need to Be Able to Fit This Stuff in the Trunk
Older sister, standing on shopping cart: Where is Mommy?
Little brother, pushing cart: [Shrugs.]
Older sister: You didn't kill her, did you?!
Target
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No, I Did
Categories: Murder | Pennsylvania | Siblings | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Girlfriend: I Wish My Boyfriend Wasn't Such a Racist
Asian teen boy: I wish my girlfriend had eyelids.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: wellll... Your kids probably won't either
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Made Her Compare the Two Videos
Guy: Yeah, no, she dumped me.
Friend: Why?
Guy: Dunno, but I think it was 'cause I said her sister was better in bed.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Guys | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Relationships | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hot Dreams
Girl #1, reading menu: What's 'asparation'?
Girl #2: That's when you have dreams.
Girl #1: ... But what happens when you sautée them?
Port Angeles, Washington
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Chicks | Food | Washington | Words | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can't Figure Out Where It Should Go
Boyfriend: You want to hang out after your last class?
Girlfriend: I can't. I have to get a Tetris shot.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: California | Couples | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Hiding My Erection with My Tuba
Roommate #1: God! I'm tired of all the gay people in Richmond.
Roommate #2: Yeah, seriously.
Roommate #1: There are so many gay people in my music classes.
Roommate #2: Really?
Roommate #1: Yeah, I'm tired of looking at them and imagining butt sex all the time.
Richmond, Virginia
Loved Her Colored Braces
Husband, after girl he knew left table: That was Joe's* little sister's friend.
Wife: The one he fucked in the ass?
Husband: No, that was somebody else. This one only blew him.
Wife: Oh. She seems nice.
Diner
Long Island, New York
I Really Felt It Was Time to Give the Penises Their Day in the Sun
Student: Are breasts on the exam?
Professor: No, no, they're not. Not because I don't like breasts... I do... They're just not on the exam.
Biology 102, Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Marina
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Rack | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Going to Need More Information.
Dude #1: ... And so I woke up, and I was naked!
Dude #2: What? Why were you naked?
Dude #1: Well, 'cause I was stripping, duh.
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | Guys | New Zealand | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or It'll Validate and Reinforce His Behavior. But Still, Sex!
20-ish girl: I know it's stupid since he keeps dicking me around, but I really just want to have sex with him. Maybe if I have sex with him I could hook him!
Friend: You could hook him? Like drugs?
20-ish girl: Yeah! Like, maybe my vagina would be like crack to him...
Bar
Bel Air, Maryland
Clap If You Believe She'll Regret This
Female student #1: What does your tattoo mean?
Female student #2: Courage.
Female student #1: I want to get a tattoo!
Female student #2: What do you want to get?
Female student #1: Across my back I want a fairy... wearing lingerie.
Female student #2: Oh... Okay... That would be nice...
Houston Community College
Houston, Texas
Not That I Stroke It in Your Sleep or Anything
Teen girl: Tina*, this corn husk totally feels like your vagina hair!
World's Largest Corn Maze
Dixon, California
Overheard by: Leslie
Categories: California | Hair | Teens | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Wasn't a Chick
Stoner: Yo, that chick was kind of hot. She was starin' at me.
Hipster: She wasn't hot, and she was staring at you because you were in her way.
Stoner: I like it my way better.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steveo
Categories: Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Stoners | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is a Second Coming Too Much to Ask For?
Disappointed blonde: ... But it's Porn Sunday!
Radford University
Virginia
From the Best-Selling How You Know Your Child Will Never Have Sex
Fat, bike-riding nerd, to no one: Turning on the afterburners... Yeah, baby... Accelerating!
Albertsons
California
Categories: California | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Leisure | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not If Jack Bauer Can Stop It
Little boy, after power goes out: Are we gonna die, Dad?
Shop Rite
West Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: He watches too much TV
Categories: Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Feel Like We Deserve the Rest of the World's Contempt?
American tourist #1, approaching Piazza de Michelangelo: Oooh, is that the David? Like, the real David?
American tourist #2: No, that's not the real one. The real one doesn't have arms.
Florence
Italy
Overheard by: Lex
Which Qualifies As a Learning Disability These Days
Irritated mother: Well, maybe he got such bad grades because he was drunk while he was doing his homework!
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Let's Move on to That Cumslut Venus De Milo
Chick to friend: There's that bitch Mona Lisa.
The Louvre
Paris
France
It's Like Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boob!
College girl: My bra -- it's, like, magical! It mysteriously unclips itself throughout the day!
Fairfield University
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: GladMyBraIsntMagical..
Categories: Bimbettes | Clothing | Connecticut | Magic | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Did Start Bathing with the Entire Football Team
Teen girl to friend: Did you really think it was a coincidence that the week after you started bathing regularly you lost your virginity?
The Urban School
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bathing | Questions | San Francisco | Teens | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In What Sense Have I "Got" Brad Pitt?
Professor: So, say that you've got Brad Pitt... And Angelina got eaten by a giant cobra. And it's maybe a year later and Brad's kind of eyeing Jen, and she's eyeing Vince, and maybe he has an affair with Claire Danes. And now Brad asks you to write an elegy for Angelina. What problems might you run into?
Medieval Literature class
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say Rudolph's Girlfriend Has Her "Monthly Visitor"
Girl #1: Every time I watch Rudolph, it gives me stress.
Girl #2: That show is horrible!
Girl #1: See, those little reindeer, they didn't know any better, but Dancer was a grown-ass reindeer! He knew better than to treat Rudolph like that, tellin' his own kid not to play with Rudolph... That's some straight-up bullshit.
Guy: And why was Rudolph's nose red if both of his parents' noses were black?
Girl #2: 'Cause his mom was a ho.
Girl #1: Y'know, Dancer was probably his mom's punk-ass baby-daddy. And you know what? Even Santa didn't know how to act. If I was Rudolph, I would tell Santa, 'Oh, hell no!'
Girl #2: Oh, hell no!
Girl #1: 'Santa better get his fat ass up there and guide his own shit, after he be treatin' me like that! Oh, hell no!'
Shout-out: www.overheardinpittsburgh.com
Categories: Friends | Holidays | Overheard in Pittsburgh | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So My Little League Coach Is a Llama?
Blond boy: Mommy, what do llamas eat?
Mother: Little blond boys.
Blond boy, knowingly: Ohhh...
Waterloo Park
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Kelsey
Or at Least Receive Fewer Lashings?
Bimbette: But if we buy more Nike stuff, won't the kids making it get more money?
High school
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Floppy Ears and Tail Aside
Guy: Amanda, you know how I always say people are dumb?
Amanda: [Blank stare.]
Guy: You are totally 'people.'
Columbus, Ohio
And Stalk Them
Geek girl to another: We need to find someone who's had a lot of sex.
University of Sydney
Australia
Categories: Advice | Australia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Stop Squirming
Chick, responding to example question: You can't randomly choose which woman gets an abortion and which doesn't!
Professor: Why not?
Chick: Because some women do want to give up their babies!
Professor: I don't care! I'm a statistician!
Statistics class, Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
Frosted Tips Are Just Wrong
Bar patron: I might talk about it if I had a few drinks in me... But I'd never let someone do it!
Hawaii Bar
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: Customers | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame the Emergence of the Trapper Keeper
Seven-year-old girl: Yeah, 'cause, like, no one was cool in the '80s.
Super Wal-Mart
Augusta, Maine
And Nobody Had to Shave Anything
Girl to friend: Why couldn't we have lived in the '60s so we could just take acid and have sex with whoever we wanted?
Bowling Green State University
Ohio
I'm a One-Bean Maraca
Mom: Now think very hard, honey. Use your noggin.
Son, after long pause: I think my noggin is empty.
Ohio
Categories: Body parts | Kids | Moms | Ohio | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or So I've Heard.
Guy, as girlfriend walks ahead of him into store: Don't ever get a girlfriend, man. Fucking lunatic bitches! ... She can suck a dick, though.
Gas station
Sacramento, California
Categories: California | Gripes | Jerks | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Live in Your Parents' Basement Apartment
Cashier: Birdseed, one lemon, a bottle of toilet bowl cleanser, and a package of bacon?
Stoned surfer dude: Yeah, man. It's amazing how little you really need in life.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Orion QP
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