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I'm Still Tasting Yesterday's
Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I'm all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.
Washington, DC
Categories: Bag ladies | Clothing | Poop | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She's Not Even Getting Out of a Limo. Tacky.
Queer: Oh my god, that girl's dress is so short. I swear her outer labia were hanging out.
Sunset Grill and Tap
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Like Plants, Really
30-ish lady: What grade are you in?
Little girl: Third grade. I can do math problems.
30-ish lady: Okay, well, if you have three dogs, two cats and four fish, how many animals do you have, total?
Little girl: ... Ummm, nine.
30-ish lady: Well, yeah, sort of... If you count fish as animals, but really they're amphibians.
Movie theater
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: ak
A Little-Known Provision of the USA PATRIOT Act
Umpire to catcher and kicker during kickball game: Now, legally you're allowed to pants each other.
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Satsuki
Categories: Guys | Philosophy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Why Does Everyone Have Such a Funny Accent?
Five-year-old Asian boy: Can we go to America?
Teacher: We are in America!
Harvard Yard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: laughing
Categories: Massachusetts | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know It's Time to Cancel Your Cinemax Subscription
Four-year-old girl skipping down aisle, singing: Penis, penis, tickle, tickle, penis.
Wal-Mart
Carrollton, Texas
Overheard by: Iron Cowgirl
You Guys Are Worse Than the Fucking Ferrets
Mom with two kids in tow: You guys can't take Mommy's cell phone out of her purse anymore, okay? It's very important to leave Mommy's cell phone in her purse. [Stops suddenly] Okay, where did we put Mommy's purse?
Sam's Club
Virginia
Or Perhaps an Outdoor Porn Star
Bored teen girl in long line: This ChapStick says it hasn't been tested on animals. How would you test ChapStick on an animal? Like, what animal would you test it on? A walrus?
Comerica Park
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: SayHey
The New York Knickerbockers?
Employee: Any plans that start with 'knickerbockers' and end with 'amaretto' sound great to me!
Barnes & Noble
Orland Park, Illinois
Overheard by: me, too
You're in Luck, because It's Got Yeast Today
Queer to fag hag: I'm so hungry I could eat your pussy.
Restaurant de Anton
Netherlands
Categories: Netherlands | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in This City
Dominatrix: I don't do anything sexual to my clients. All I do is stick things up their asses.
Street fair
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Backdoor | California | Chicks | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's an Innie
Boy #1: What's a vagina?
Boy #2: Uh, a girl's penis.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: didn't know she had a penis
Where the People Take Up a Lot Less Room
Girl #1: The school paper couldn't use that picture.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: They said there were too many people in it.
Girl #2: We were in China!
Rider University
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Categories: Gripes | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Just Paranoid after That Incident at the Gorilla Cage
Nine-year-old on Journey to Atlantis ride: Now we're going to see the Sea Lord!
19-year-old next to him: Really? That sounds scary...
Nine-year-old: Yeah, he's angry.
19-year-old: He's angry? Why?
Nine-year-old: Because he doesn't like flash photography.
Sea World
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Delilah Bloom
Categories: California | Gossip | Kids | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Version of the Christ Story Have You Heard?
Dude: It's apropos that she gestated in a FEMA trailer.
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: marsupial jones
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Overheard Editor As a Young Girl
Five-year-old girl: Yeah, so anyway, sometimes farts stink and sometimes they don't. But they're always a fart.
Instructor: Oh... I don't think this is appropriate talk... Maybe we should change the subject.
Five-year-old girl: Yeah. We should change the subject... To naked people.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Also Recalibrated the Gay Scale
College boy, laughing: You mean to tell me you think the Beatles changed music forever?
Mom: Yes, of course.
College boy, still laughing: Come on, Mom -- with those 45-percent-gay haircuts?
Art Institute of Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Categories: Frat boy types | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because You Touched Your Naughty Bits That Way
Kid running for shelter from rain: Why did Mother Nature betray us?!
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Kids | North Carolina | Questions | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think I Could Get into Your Can Tonight?
Man to girlfriend: I love you like a raccoon loves shiny things.
Anchorage, Alaska
I'm All Atwitter
Dude to chick: Let's just go to a bar, sit down, drink some scotch, and be apathetic.
Inman Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Guys | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Wait, That's Whoopi Goldberg
British lady: My, look at that -- they've cast a black man as Othello...
Othello performance, Stratford Festival Theatre
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Foreigners | Race | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Be Like, "Dude, This Is My Body"
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it's Jesus... I'm totally going to Hell.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
And Now He Has Custody of Jayden and Sean Preston
Woman: Is he mad that his girl's a whore?
Man: Yeah.
Winchester, Virginia
Are They Applying Lip Gloss Over There?
20-ish European guy: So, do you like Angela*?
20-ish Asian guy: We're pretty good friends, yeah. But what do you mean 'like' her?
20-ish European guy: You know -- like-like her.
20-ish Asian guy: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! We're just really good friends. I never really thought of her that way. Why? Do you like-like her?
20-ish European guy: I dunno. I think I like-like her, but I thought you like-liked her. [They walk away, still talking.]
Woman: Is it just me or did those foreign guys sound like 12-year-old American girls, but, y'know, with funny accents?
Charity pancake breakfast
Hope, Alaska
Overheard by: I'd say closer to 10
Categories: Alaska | Foreigners | Language barrier | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Arby's Comes to Ghana
American #1: What the hell is that smell? I have to find out, because I never want to be around it again.
American #2: Smells like sulfur.
American #3: I've been around cadaver...
American #2: Cadavers smell better.
American #3: No, cadavers smell different. Still awful, but different.
American #2: ... I've only been around the freshly dead.
Our Lady of Lourdes Grotto, Gbi Agbenoxoe
Ho Region
Ghana, South Africa
Overheard by: Yevu!
Categories: Africa | Death & dying | Foreigners | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because Then I'd Probably Be Thinner
Woman: You know, I wish I was more superficial.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Gripes | Idiots | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Message from God
Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Insults | Moms | Poop | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, It's Mandatory in Texas
Guy: I went drinking last night, and when I woke up this morning to go to my final I was still drunk!
Girl: Ugh, don't you hate it when you get drunk and you're not sober?
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Randi
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Texas | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is So Like Her
Grad student: So, she got a secondary infection in her snatch?
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well First Off, She's Canadian
Lady: Wait, are you telling me that K.D. Lang is a lesbian?! How do you know?!
K.D. Lang/Lyle Lovett concert, Red Rocks Amphitheater
Colorado
Then the Unicorn Tattoo Was the Wrong Way to Go
Pudgy guy flailing at younger girl: It's not cute pudge, it's a manly beer gut!
Stewartstown, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, We Could Tell from Your Liturgy
Chick: Wow, Tyler, you are really drunk.
Drunk guy: Yeah, I've been drinking since church.
Sikeston, Missouri
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Missouri | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Second-Greatest Story Ever Told
British woman: They asked me if I believed in Jesus and I said, 'No, but I do worship Godzilla.'
CCS Home Base, Fodome Road
Hohoe, Volta Region
Ghana, West Africa
Categories: Africa | Foreigners | Religion | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Sticking My Dick Anywhere That Smells That Bad
Ranting idiot: I mean, what the fuck? We live in the United States. It is 2006. There is no excuse for having fucking rotten teeth. I don't care if she is your sister -- brush your fucking teeth!
Town Hall Café
Empire, Colorado
Overheard by: try 2007 - TK
Categories: Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Idiots | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does "Chicken Salad Toss" Mean What I Think It Means?
Hotel guest exiting meeting: You know, in a case like this I would typically use the phrase, 'I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw it,' but I could throw that chicken pretty far.
The Phoenician Resort
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Accurate...
From the New Testament Cutting-Room Floor
Queer: Oh my god, look, it's Mary. Mary! Maaary!
Mary: Heyyy, bitches! What's going on?
Queer: Did he love it, Mary? Did he absolutely love it? Where's Basil? Where is Basil, Mary?
Mary: He's in the bag, baby, he's in the bag.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Aly
But You Shouldn't Talk That Way about Mom
Dad: When I came in it smelled really great, but it actually tasted really disgusting.
Daughter: Same with poop.
Arizona
And Later It Did the Breast Stroke
Chick #1: Hey, it's Todd*!
Chick #2: Oh, he's a swimmer, right?
Chick #1: Yeah, his tongue swam in my mouth!
Olivet College
Olivet, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Michigan | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... But I Can't Find My Stick
Dude: My testicles are like cue balls...
The Arclight
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Balls | California | Guys | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Need That Sample for the Science Fair!
Teen girl: I have a fever.
Teen boy: Oh, no! Any vomiting?
Teen girl: Not yet.
Teen boy: Damn!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Greg
Categories: California | Maladies | Teens | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Cruel to the Gerbil Anyway
Drunk chick on cell: Wait! You didn't like Shaun of the Dead? What's wrong with you? Never mind, you can't stick it in me.
Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Shotboy
Categories: Drunks | Massachusetts | Movies | On the phone | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Staring at My Breasts Again?
20-ish girl: But he still gave me a ticket!
20-ish guy: That sucks.
20-ish girl: The cop said I was criminally fast.
20-ish guy: That sounds hot.
Mirage Secret Garden
Las Vegas, Nevada
A Line Uttered by Thousands of Theater-Goers in the '80s and '90s
Big black lady in checkout lane: This place is a hell of a lot better than Wal-Mart.
Companion: Tell me about it.
Big black lady: Last time I was in there, my blood pressure was, like, eight hundred over five hundred.
Companion: Mmm-hm.
Big black lady: I was seeing stars. Pretty colors, though. Man, I should not have seen cats.
Target, Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: amused cashier
Categories: Black people | Gripes | South Carolina | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Whole Country Could Use a Good Subway Conductor
Red-headed woman: I wish they'd take this place and just plunk it down in New York so I could shove people.
Red-headed guy: Word!
National Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nujju
Nothing Your Mother Needs to Know About
Dad to five-year-old son: Do you want to get a practice doughnut?
Downyflake Donuts
Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: we were also practicing before real breakfast
Categories: Dads | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want to Stay Down -- Like George Michael
Small boy, dancing and singing: Wake me up before you go-go, I don't ever wanna be a yo-yo!
Hallmark store
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic