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Must Be One of Those Quaint Maine Colloquialisms We've Been Hearing About
Nurse: Wow! That's quite some rash you have there.
Patient: Yeah, I feel like a used condom.
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: devulgari
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Maine | Nurses | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a Prerequisite Now?
Girl: Are you getting married?
Preggers: Don't know -- maybe... If we get along okay.
Bar
New York
Categories: New York | Preggers | Relationships | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Got Locked Together Like Stags
Girl #1: Well, I guess that answers the question about how vampires make out.
Girl #2: Yup... And it was hot!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Chicks | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Viking Means Having to Pick Your Battles
Bearded college guy: Yeah, I would have had a much better chance if my last name was, like, "Visigoth," but I couldn't, like, lie to her about it at that point, you know?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Categories: Names | Wisconsin | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Part of Your Advice Makes Any Sense
Teen goth girl to crying friend: Ignore the guys. They're all jerks, especially at this age. Go for the ones that are, like, twenty. Actually, that's a little young. I aim for the men in their 30s or 40s. That way their kids are your age, so you can bond better with them.
Heritage Park
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: c.j.
Yeah, with Superstrings Attached
Guy #1: My lady friend is telling me that I'm never going to get any until I have a nice, big bed at home.
Guy #2: There might be something to that. I read this book called If the Buddha Dated, and I think it talked about us first needing a spiritual nest or something like that.
Guy #1: What? So now I'm supposed to believe in quantum pussy?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Guys | Overheard in PDX | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's "I'm Gay" Supposed to Mean, Anyway?
Fat lady crying into cell: I know he's married, but I don't understand why he's dumping me!
Colonie Center Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: conflicted
Categories: Fat people | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something I'd Much Rather Read About
Drunk girl: You don't read?!
Guy: No. I think you should live life, not read about it in a book.
Drunk girl, slowly: I find that worse than being fucked up the ass.
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Drunks | Missouri | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Prefer to Be Called Elephant-Americans
Black guy on cell: Man, I just stepped outside and saw, like, ten elephants walking down the street!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: John Edward Hills
Categories: Animals | Arizona | Black people | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It's Looking Milky, We Need to Talk
Chick: My vagina is a galaxy.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: star
But We Have Legal Marijuana
Canadian tourist #1: Guys, you know what the States have that most of Canada doesn't?
Three others: What?
Canadian tourist #1: Black people...
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Bored At Work
Big Pukers, Not So Much
Blonde: I heard guys like big girls now.
Brunette: Excuse me while I vomit.
School bathroom
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Biotechs | Diet & weight | New Jersey | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kill Mom, Dad's Mad/ Fuck Dad, Mom's Sad
Bimbette #1: So, like, he was talking about how, like -- I don't remember what it's called, but like, the girl knows her parents do stuff that, like, she can't do, like sex, so she, like, hates her mom, because she wants her dad like that, and like, she wants to kill her mom, but she knows that if she does, then, like, her dad will be mad at her, so she doesn't do it, so she tries to be like her mom, because, like, her dad likes her mom.
Bimbette #2: I don't get it.
Ladies' room, UC Merced
Merced, California
Categories: Bimbettes | California | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Doug
Man on cell: So, are we seeing a chick flick tonight? ... Am I gonna get any play afterwards? ... Sweet, I'll see you later.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Getting off | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Else Do You Explain Revelations?
Guy to friend: You open the Bible and you tell me where it says that Jesus Christ says it's okay to smoke crack!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Passing Jogger
And I Loved Being Your Finger-Puppet
Short girl: I'm gonna go and buy you a birthday card.
Tall girl: Yeah, you didn't buy me anything for my birthday!
Short girl: Yes, I did! I bought your fingers!
Tall girl: Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]
Magnolia Mall
Florence, South Carolina
Categories: Friends | Gifts | South Carolina | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Fucking Transcendent, Okay?
Mom: So, what was it like being lost?
Five-year-old: It was okay.
Mom: Was it fun?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Stoneridge Mall
Pleasanton, California
Overheard by: Stephen K
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Questions | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Gummed My Sausage
Old lady to old man, as breakfast is served: Today has been an interesting day. Somebody ate half my pancake!
Morgantown, West Virginia
Categories: Food | Old folks | West Virginia | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Swaying Slightly Until I'm Fatigued
Fat guy wearing velour muumuu top: I don't have a wife or kids to support, so I don't feel a burning need to earn an income. I can focus on what feels healthy, what makes me happy... Like dancing.
Coffee shop
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Fat people | Oregon | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Think He Engraved It on This Locket?
Ghetto chick #1: If I was Kobe's wife, I woulda left that nigga's ass.
Ghetto chick #2: Kobe... He fine -- I would hit that shit.
Ghetto chick #3: Oooh, girl, do you daddy know you nasty?!
In-N-Out Burger
Carson, California
Overheard by: Kristina & Friends
Categories: Black people | California | Gossip | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait, Wait -- I'm Taking Notes!
Pilot: Sorry for the delay -- we are waiting for the cleaning team. Someone had a problem in the washrooms.
Flight attendant: I'd like to remind everyone that you should poop in the toilet -- not outside of the hole but in the hole. Thank you for your collaboration.
Flight near takeoff
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Julien
Categories: Advice | Flight attendants | Florida | Pilots | Poop | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Pretty Much Assume the Shape of Whatever They Sit or Lie on
Loud woman to friend: So, I'm seeing all these people with waistband numbers in the triple digits, and I wonder how they stay in such a shape, y'know?
Norwood, Massachusetts
Categories: Diet & weight | Ladies who lunch | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Bestride the Earth Like a Colossus
Biology professor: I'm on Viagra. That's why I look different.
Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Categories: Gossip | Health & Hygiene | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Enough to Keep Me in Sneakers for Chasing Ambulances
Lawyer to another: So, how much do you charge for a malicious wounding?
Party
Charleston, West Virginia
Categories: Coworkers | Questions | West Virginia | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After Our Morning Squirtacular
Lesbo to another: I know! And all I knew is that all I could smell was my best friend's vagina.
Gay pride festival, Volunteer Park
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Lesbos | Vagina | Washington | Posted 2007-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If You Do, Don't Follow Its Instructions
Five-year-old girl in stall: Mommy, there's lots of writing in here...
Mother in adjacent stall: Uh-huh... Don't read it...
Truck stop
Charleston, West Virginia
Categories: Advice | Kids | Moms | West Virginia | Posted 2007-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Mom Is So Not the Boss of Me
Guy on cell, buying whipped cream, 24-pack of beer, and box of condoms: I am so over that bitch. Yeah, tonight is gonna be great! Finally, a night where I can do whatever I want without her bitching about it. Yeah, come over whenever. And bring some friends.
Grocery store
Syracuse, New York
Categories: Gripes | New York | On the phone | Posted 2007-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life? Let's Wait and See.
Teen girl to pals: Once you get over the feeling of wanting to throw up, it's great.
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: Erin and Tim
There's None of That Coming Out of My Penis, Though
Dude: I want to give you a baby.
Chick: I don't want a baby, I just want rent.
Bayswater
Australia
Yeah, but They're Sluts for Jesus
Freshman girl to gaggle: Why is my mom such a whore?! Nuns are sluts.
Rochester Institute of Technology
Rochester, New York
C'mon, Chubs, Let's Fart Along Faster, Okay?
Girl with squeaky shoes, to mom: Not only am I looking pudgy today, but these shoes keep making fart sounds! I'm wearing fart-shoes, and I hope you're satisfied!
Kohl's
Framingham, Massachusetts
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Be Arrested for Saying That Sort of Thing at a Michigan Wal-Mart
Five-year-old boy: I feel gay!
Dad: What?
Five-year-old boy: I feel gay!
Dad: No, you don't.
Wal-Mart
Grand Blanc, Michigan
Now You Can Watch Videos While It Drops Your Calls
Chick: So, what's so special about this phone other than making millions of people shit their pants simultaneously?
Guy: It hasn't got any buttons, or some-such. It can tell who you want to call by reading your mind. Also, it smells like flowers and tastes like bacon. Which is handy, since it can regrow its own skin. And fly.
Chick: Well, I'll be.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: I did NOT shit my pants.
Categories: Arizona | Cell phones | Friends | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How I Invented The Exorcist Lawn Sprinkler
Chick: ... So I start projectile vomiting in my car, and after I filled up the bag, I just said, 'Fuck it' and started barfing on the passenger seat.
Holé Molé
Long Beach, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Gossip | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Tittyfucking Thing, Mom
Teen girl to mom: ... And that's why I have a big boyfriend -- because I have big tits.
Walmart
Georgia
How to Make a Little Kid Faint Dead Away
Eight-year-old: You should never say 'Oh my G-O-D.' That's bad.
20-ish brother: Oh my god!
Eight-year-old: You can't say that! That's bad!
20-ish brother: Okay. Jesus fucking Christ!
Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Siblings | Words | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Miss Our Platonic Sodomy
Pretty boy: Andy! I thought you not-gay-loved me!
Chandler, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Arizona | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Go Fuck Yourself?
Wife of fat guy: Y'know, honey, I heard on Oprah that every 35 pounds you lose, you gain an inch in penis length.
Fat guy: I know I could stand to lose 70 pounds, but what am I gonna do with a 22-inch dick?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Couples | Diet & weight | Overheard in California's Journal | Penis | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Current Exit Strategy for Iraq
Dude: I was trying to moon them with your butt without you knowing.
Lebanon, Indiana
And You're Okay with This Apartheid?
Kid: I want Skittles.
Mom: We have M&Ms at home. We don't need any more candy.
Kid, after long pause: The Skittles telled me they're lonesome. They want to go home and see their friends, the M&Ms.
Mom: Nice try, but no... Skittles and M&Ms don't frequent the same social circles, anyway.
Kroger
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: He-Man Skittle-Haters Club
Uh, That's Cheese
Guy flirting with cute blonde: Did you know that melons are a natural palate cleanser? Yeah, I'm kind of a melon connoisseur.
Dining hall, UC Santa Cruz
California
Categories: Bragging | California | Guys | Posted 2007-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Fuck?
Girl #1: Dude, I think I'm in a relationship...
Girl #2: What the fuck?
Girl #1: I'll explain later.
Girl #2: I think there's still half a burrito in the fridge.
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: sara nicole
Categories: Bimbettes | California | Gossip | Posted 2007-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Totally Unrelated News, We'll Never Have to Hear Ashlee Simpson Sing Again.
Browser #1: They only eat dead flesh. They only eat dead flesh! They only eat dead flesh!
Browser #2: What are you talking about?
Browser #1: They only eat dead flesh -- y'know, maggots -- and I found them in my garbage can and they only eat dead flesh. They only eat dead flesh, y'know?
Flea market
Kentucky
Categories: Creepsters | Food | Kentucky | Posted 2007-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Forget Why We Broke Up
Dude: I went to pet her and she opened up her mouth and my hand went straight in!
Aptos
Central Coast, California
Categories: California | Gossip | Guys | Posted 2007-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'm Too Embarrassed to Lick It
Mother: It's so hot out! My ice cream is splooging.
Father: Yeah, my ice cream just splooged all over my hand.
Teen daughter: Hahahaha.
Mother: Why are you laugh-- Oh.
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: melissa
Fucking Puritans
Confused guy on cell: What I don't get is, what part of the country are there people like this? I mean, I draw the line at spitting in someone's asshole!
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: whylime