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That's Why We Left Her in LA
Toddler in cart: Look, Daddy -- wine!
Dad: Yes, that's the wine section.
Toddler in cart: Mommy always buys lots of wine!
Dad: Yes. Yes, she does...
Wine department, Quality Food Center
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: anniebanannie
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Washington | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But on the Plus Side... Wait.
Hot lady to another: Well, that's one drawback to being a whore.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: loyal seattle reader
I'll Make You Forget That Elven Slut!
Mid-40s thrift store lady, to VHS of Hidalgo: Mmm, mmm -- Viggo Mortensen. Any time, any place, anywhere, any hole. You know it.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: little bald bastard
Categories: About celebrities | Creepsters | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Put His Crib in the Freezer
Possibly preggers teen: I'm going to name my baby 'Vodka.'
Skanky mom: Oh.
Liquor store
Delaware
Because If So, You'll Have to Add the Sexy Dance
Little girl, singing: Hey! I'm a crazy bitch, but I fuck so good you're on top of it when you dream of doing me all night...
Father: What the fuck?! Are you trying to get taken by the social worker?!
Food Court, Connecticut Post Mall
Milford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Dads | Music | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Guess Would Be Extremely Narrow Hips
Girl #1: It was the size of a Double-A battery.
Girl #2: Best sex ever, right?
Girl #1, shamefully: I don't know what's wrong with me!
Miami, Florida
Birthday Surprise!
Mom to little boy picking up Raid: No poisonous chemicals for you, sweetie. Not today, at least...
Target
New Jersey
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | Moms | New Jersey | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Said, "I Can Do This without a Woman!"
Sleazy white employee: Yeah, man, black girls know how to work it.
Black employee: Uh-huh.
Sleazy white employee, whispering: Yo, man, I was doin' one one time, though, and I was about to go on her chest and she was like, 'Nuh-uh,' and pointed it at me and it went on my chest!
EB Games
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: works downstairs
Categories: Coworkers | Gossip | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Never Do It Again. Ever.
Chick #1: So, what was it like? Would you do it again?
Chick #2: Kind of like a hot dog... I was so hungry...
Chick #1: Ewww!
Chick #1: I just wanted to bite down, y'know?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: BJs | Chicks | Overheard at York | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spelled "Shove On"
Blonde: Ohhh my god! How adorable is he! [Her two friends agree, cooing.]
Baby daddy holding infant: Thank you, girls.
Blonde: Can I hold him?
Baby daddy: Yeah, sure... Here you go.
Blonde: Awww, I love him! What's his name?
Baby daddy: Uhhh... Shit, I know this... Shavon? Shavawn?
Blonde: You don't even know your son's name?!
Baby daddy: Shoot, I did earlier. Shavon! Yeah... That's it. Damn, and I helped name this one, too.
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: hot child in the city
Categories: Bimbettes | Black people | Dads | Names | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, It Felt That Way in My Ass
Fourth grade student: All the guys in France have big schlongs.
Virginia
Man, What Isn't?
Drunk hobo: Got any spare change so I can buy me some pussy? [Sees man holding sign, "Jesus loves you."] ... It's in the Bible!
Powell and Market Streets
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Peggy
Categories: Hobos | Panhandling | San Francisco | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Holy Shit, I Never Thought of It That Way
Gym rat #1: Maybe I can just get a pocket pussy. I think they're expensive, though. Unless I can find a used one online.
Gym rat #2: Awww, dude! Who the fuck would sell one of those used?! And why would you buy it?!
Gym rat #1: Why not?
Gym rat #2: Why would you buy something that some other dude came in?!
Gym rat #1: You fuck girls that other guys have cum in before, haven't you? At least a pocket pussy can be put in the dishwasher. Sure beats some chick refusing to shower!
Planet Fitness
Dorchester, Massachusetts
Categories: Cum | Gym rats | Massachusetts | Philosophy | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wondered How It's Possible to Have Fun in Tennessee?
Midwestern tourist: Excuse me, are there any malls around here?
Local teen, in exaggerated accent: We don't have malls in these here parts. Malls tempt the young ones to siiin. [Tourist leaves, scared. Teen then grumbles without accent] Fucking tourist.
Broadway and 4th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
The "Secret Shopper" Morality Tests Are Getting Aggravating
Dude exiting cab: Oh! Hi!
Girl on sidewalk, trying to hail cab: Hi.
Dude exiting cab: You're hot! Wanna make out?
Girl on sidewalk: Not right now.
Dude exiting cab: Slut!
Huntington Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Insults | Jerks | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hobo: Directions? That'll Be One Blow Job
Preppy girl: Can we have our cell phones on for the field trip?
Teacher: No.
Preppy girl: But what if we get separated from the group? How will we find our way back?
Female peer: Ask a friendly hobo.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Works for The White House Budget Office
Girlfriend: Oooh! Baby, we should get a dozen donuts!
Boyfriend: Okay. Do you wanna pick six, and I'll pick six? [Girlfriend gives icy stare.] Fine, you pick all twelve. I don't care.
Girlfriend: Twelve? I said I want a dozen.
Boyfriend: Um, honey, twelve is a dozen.
Girlfriend: I know what a dozen is, and it's not fucking twelve! I'm not fucking stupid, you know!
Boyfriend: You're, like 25 years old! How can you not know what a dozen is?
Girlfriend: I know what a fucking dozen is! [Looks around] What the fuck are all of you laughing at?!
King Soopers Dairy
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: We were right to point and laugh
Tigers See Right through That Psychobabble
Boy to girl who's just presented her current event: Your shoe is untied.
Female classmate: Way to pay attention!
Boy: You know, I was just trying to be a friend and tell her so she doesn't trip and fall or something.
Female classmate: Freud would say otherwise.
Teacher: Freud would say otherwise.
Boy: Yeah, yeah.
Teacher: Do you even know who Freud is?
Boy: Yeah, yeah, the big white tigers -- I get it.
Memorial High School
Manchester, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Lily F.
Categories: New Hampshire | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Do You Think Scrapple Is?
Slutty girl: Hey, you know cow titties?
Quiet girl: Uhhh...
Slutty girl: Can you eat them?
Quiet girl: What?
Slutty girl: You know -- cow titties!
Quiet girl: You mean udders?
Slutty girl: Yeah! Can you eat them?
French class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
And, Even Then, Mostly Cock and Ecstasy
Drunk girl #1: God, I hate you. How do you stay so skinny?
Drunk girl #2: I only eat when I'm drunk.
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Nighttime Smoker
Categories: Diet & weight | Drunks | UK | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Love, Apparently
Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that's not nice!
Little girl: But I'm hungry!
Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Rumsfeld Really Left Office
Marine: So, things were going really well until he blew the tranny.
Twentynine Palms, California
Categories: BJs | California | Gossip | Military | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Barney Fife: You Know, Fuck You, Andy!
Sheriff: These are kind of like deputy pickles.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Cops | Food | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think Reproduction
Cashier: Whoa, those are interesting checks!
Old woman: Yeah, they usually get a reaction.
Cashier: Are those dancing skeletons?
Pat's IGA
Calumet, Michigan
And Was It Simultaneous?
Guy: I've heard rumors...
Girl: About me?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Me and Tina both got knocked up by you.
Guy: What?
Girl: And it's not a rumor -- it's the truth.
Guy: How drunk was I?
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: overheardinmillersville
Categories: Gossip | Hoochies | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What an Extroverted Engineer Looks Like
Engineer #1: What's the deal with you and your two friends? What do you need two for?
Engineer #2: Hey! I like my friends! Both of them.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: charlie
Categories: Coworkers | Overheard at Cornell | Relationships | Posted 2007-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Certainly before He Starts to Shit
Dad in stall: Remember, son -- let the donkey out of the barn before he starts to run.
Four-year-old son in next stall over: 'Kay.
Squaw Valley Ski Resort
Olympic Valley, California
Categories: Advice | California | Dads | Posted 2007-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think You Understand: It Never Happened
Woman: Do you remember topless movie night?
Man: No. First I've heard of this.
Woman, shocked: It was at your apartment!
Denny's restaurant
East Greenbush, New York
Overheard by: conrad jones
You're Such a Card, Adolf!
Meathead: That's the type of woman I want to marry. I'll bend her over, then we can have hairy Aryan babies and eat hummus together. God, what I wouldn't do to her!
Pleased girl with him: You know, I'm really glad I decided to invite you instead of Joe!
Cedar Point
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: Ckiska
In a World Where Bald Britney Attacks Parked Cars? Really?
Lady: Um, I want a side salad without the cheese, and--
Burger drone: --No.
Lady: No?
Burger drone: Not without cheese. It comes with cheese.
Lady: I can't have it without cheese?
Burger drone: There's no way that could possibly happen.
Burger King, Columbus Drive and Dale Mabry Highway
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Have it your way, if your way is our way, too.
And Fuck Him
Girl #1: So, I told my dad to carry my futon up the stairs. There was no way I was going to!
Girl #2: Didn't he just have major back surgery?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I didn't want to strain myself. I'm, like, tiny. Plus, I had to make my room look good.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I just lost my appetite
Categories: Chicks | Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Flamingos: Let's Beat the Crap Out of Her
Child: Look!
Mom: They're just flamingos. They don't do anything.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Suezahn
Geez, I Hope He Means "Pissing Out His Ass"
Teen boy to friends: I tried to drink a whole gallon of milk once, but that didn't happen and I ended up drinking a half gallon instead. Then I ended up pissing shit, man. It was awful, and it smelled so bad...
Skybridge, Providence Place Mall
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Ang
Categories: Poop | Rhode Island | Teens | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless She Shares Her Legal Pot
Dutch employee: Well, I don't like your American style and I don't like your American way, and I don't want to speak English anymore [walks off].
American chick, to colleagues: Keep that bitch away from me or she's dead.
Major bank
Amsterdam
Netherlands
Categories: Biotechs | Coworkers | Gripes | Netherlands | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Do They Really Represent the Lollipop Guild?
10th grade girl: Are munchkins real?
Boy: ... You did not just ask that.
10th grade girl: No, really, are they?
London, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: they're chilling with oompa loompas
He Got Her So Dirty!
Ebullient coworker on phone: The last thing I saw of Jane* was a nude picture of her taking a bath. It's her dad's fault.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: sxoidmal
Categories: Coworkers | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And As Ghetto As Anyone Gets in Toronto
Man: ... With my wife.
Woman: Oh, you're married?
Man: Yeah, and I have a four-month-old baby girl.
Woman: What's her name?
Man: Widget.
Woman: Oh, that's cute.
Subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick B
If There's Two Things That Belong Apart, It's Drinking and Nailguns
Hipster girl to boyfriend: Tanya is either wasted or at the Home Depot -- there's no in-between.
Beacon Hill
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Michael
Categories: Gossip | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Site Thanks God for Crazies
Crazy: ... And we got to thank God! Thank him for the babies, for all our little children...! And we got to thank Him for creating sexual intercourse so we can make those babies! And we got to thank God for French fries!
UC Berkeley
California
Overheard by: Lauren agrees with this Man
Categories: California | Crazies | God | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Was a Sore Loser after the Electric Guitar Contest
Crazy: Satan killed Jimi Hendrix!
Outside El Macombo
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Crazies | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Had Roosters Tied to Your Nipples
Girl: You were being cocky!
Upset ex-boyfriend: No, I wasn't!
Girl: You couldn't get any cockier if you had dicks coming out of your ears and eyeballs.
Elkhart, Indiana
Overheard by: ashley
Either That or a Hysterical Woman Tied to the Train Tracks
Old nag, as train breaks down: Why'd we stop? What's wrong?
Fellow commuter: We hit a buffalo.
Old nag: Really?!
Fellow commuter: Yes.
Worcester/Framingham Line to Boston, Massachusetts
You Still Get an "F"
Student, spreading arms wide: I hate you this much!
Teacher: Well, that's certainly less than earlier.
High school
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: The Know It All
Categories: California | Insults | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens to Unemployed Meteorologists
Hobo, pointing to passerby: God is going to cum all over your face!
Westwood Village
Los Angeles, California