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Or Maybe He's on the Evening News -- Whatevs
Queer #1: I saw this guy here yesterday who looked super familiar, and I couldn't remember from where...
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: Well, finally I just gave up and walked over there and said, 'Hey, you look familiar. Didn't we have sex before?'
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: He didn't answer, but I'm totally right about it. I think he was with his girlfriend or something, too, so maybe that's why.
Abbey Coffeehouse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: can i use that as a pickup line?
... Father Mike?
Guy on cell: First, you take your girlfriend out drinking. Then she's getting tattoos and piercings. Now she's hooking up with chicks. Are you seeing a pattern here?
Light Rail
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Categories: Gossip | New Jersey | On the phone | Posted 2007-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Why You Named Me "Ralph"?
Little boy: Mommy, where do babies come from? Your mouth?
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Nikki
Categories: Kids | Overheard in the Valley | Questions | Posted 2007-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Damn, Girl, You Got That Christian Stuff Down
Biotech on cell: Oh my god, she is so stupid! She goes home all the freaking time. Like, just last weekend she had to go home for her dying friend.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Biotechs | Gripes | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2007-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom, It's a Business Conference
Mom: So, how long are you going away with those people?
Daughter: The whole weekend. The whole fucking weekend with those morons!
Mom, reflecting: God... We'll need to buy you a lot of booze.
São Paulo
Brazil
I Wish You Were Fat, Too
Bimbette #1: I wish I was fat.
Bimbette #2: I totally know what you mean.
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Bimbettes | Diet & weight | Texas | Posted 2007-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Math Teacher Ever
Latina: You ride me too hard! You hurt my vagina bone muscle.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: Inside thought...
That's Not Your Face
Chick to friend: Seriously, smell my face!
University Village
Riverside, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Chicks | Posted 2007-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Be Sticking Your Dick in It?
Man to harried employee: I would like a latte, but please do not steam the milk any hotter than a hundred and thirty degrees...
Coffee stand, Washington National Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Food | Jerks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Never Know What the Hell I'm Upset About
Teenybopper #1: Oooh, look at the nail polish I just got!
Teenybopper #2: I never use Sally Hansen nail polish anymore, because they test on animals.
Teenybopper #1: Really? What does that even mean?
Teenybopper #2: I don't know. Something about pigs, I think...
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: EL
That Was because He Told Pointless Stories
BU law student: I had a childhood friend named Tim*. He only had one arm... He once punched a shark on the nose... That's not why he had one arm, though.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Gossip | Overheard at BU | Students | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Kinda Dropped the Ball with That Asteroid Thing, Though
Man: Man, I'd like to have been around when Jesus put all them dinosaurs here. I figure that woulda been pretty cool.
Friend: Yeah, that woulda been cool.
Canyonlands National Park
Moab, Utah
Overheard by: Iain
And the Occasional Little Fork
Enthusiastic law student: I love tiny spoons!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: laura and matt
Categories: Happiness | Overheard at Cornell | Students | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um... During?
Hot girl: I haven't had sex in so long.
Cute friend, nodding: Mmmm.
Hot girl: Nobody pays attention to me...
Cute friend: It's 'cause you only have boyfriends.
Hot girl: Yeah... And... [Whispers] I kinda like pooping.
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Bimbettes | Florida | Gender issues | Kink | Poop | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Small Price to Pay for Getting Head from Slimer
Girl changing after gym: Oh my god! My underwear's, like, glowing inside my pants!
Lockport Township High School
Lockport, Illinois
That's the Plot of Great Expectations?
Dude #1: So he says, 'If you can walk a straight line, you can come into my bar.'
Dude #2: And then he got raped!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: ummmm
Why Are You Using Mr. Potato Head As an Anatomical Model?
Biology professor: No, penises don't just fall off. Guys, you have nothing to worry about.
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Chicken
I Feel Better Already
Waitress indicating empty seat: Would she like some dessert when she gets back?
Recently abandoned old man: No. She wasn't feeling good so she went to the Hallmark Store.
Atlas Diner, Strawbridge
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Meet the Creators of the Rice-Cake Meatloaf
Employee #1: Do you know what the problem is with rice cakes?
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: There's no meat in them.
Super Target
Virginia
Overheard by: Brian
Means You've Got the Run-Forrest-Runs
Girl in stall: Oooh, what is that little feeling in my tummy?
Bathroom, Bubba Gump, Universal CityWalk
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Kerberos
And They're Both Spelled with Letters!
Chick: Oklahoma and Ohio -- I always get those two mixed up.
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: Wait, which one is in the middle of the country?
Dude: Uh, they both are, kind of.
Chick: Oh, well, which one is a state?
Dude: Both.
Chick: Yeah, that's why I get them mixed up!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: taranto
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at Cornell | Stupidity | Posted 2007-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Come, Marilou, We're Going to a Strip Club
60-ish woman looking in door: I thought you had to have some hooters to be able to work at one.
Hooters
Burbank, California
Categories: California | Old folks | Rack | Posted 2007-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or "Why Didn't You Abandon Us Years Ago?"
Punk: Why don't they have a Father's Day card that says, 'Dad, you suck. Happy Father's Day'?
Greensboro, North Carolina
Categories: Holidays | North Carolina | Punks | Posted 2007-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Hair Dryer
Bird man: Well, you know, some kids'll pay 12-hundred dollars a month to live in some tiny room in a tiny apartment.
Cat woman: I lived like that when I was a kid. It's fun -- just living in other people's apartments.
Bird woman: Yeah! These days it's more like it's fun sleeping 20 in a bathtub.
Woodstock, New York
I Just Want to Know I Can Get Drunk If I Have to
Chick: I want to put them in my underwear drawer instead of drinking them.
Monterey, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Crossed a Line I Didn't Even Know Was There
Latina: ... And so she taught her nephews how to put condoms on by having them practice putting them on her vibrator!
Boy toy: What the fuck? How old are they?
Latina: Eleven.
UCLA, Charles E. Young Drive
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Gossip | Latinas | Parenting | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Have to Be Miss Cleo to Know How This Ends
Drunk guy #1 to guy he just met: I just get sick of people when they come over. My dad, my brother -- after an hour, I'm sick of them.
Drunk guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah. And another thing I hate? Let's say you come over tonight and spend the night -- you can't sleep on the couch.
Drunk guy #2: Why not? Where would I sleep?
Drunk guy #1: Because there are no sheets on it! I don't want your body fluids on my couch. But you could sleep in the bed.
Panini's
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Is that an offer?
And Then I'll Conjugate Your Ass
Teacher: I'll hit you with my Latin stick!
Virginia
Overheard by: Doesn't want to know
Enschuldegung, No Habla Escargot
Student #1: I think I want to go to Asia after college.
Student #2: Why?
Student #1: Because I really want to improve my Spanish, and the best way to do that is to live in the country.
Student #2: That's a good idea.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: paralyzedindisbelief
Categories: Language barrier | Overheard at Cornell | Students | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need All the Street Cred I Can Get
Very serious little boy to distracted mother: Do you know why I want a solar-powered light saber? Because it's dangerous!
Southwest YMCA, Quito Avenue
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Should have used a condom | Violence | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not If That Requires Fucking
Chick: I just don't want any commitments right now.
Dude: Can we still be fuck-buddies?
Caribou Coffee
Mendota Heights, Minnesota
Categories: Couples | Minnesota | Relationships | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, a Baby.
Chick: I've always wanted one of those! ... What is it?
Great Glebe Garage Sale
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: grasshopper
If All We're Gonna Do Is Fall Down Them
Stoned guy: Stairs are really dangerous!
Stoned girl: Yeah! I don't know why we have them...
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
I Had to Replicate the Nitrogen Cycle in My Pants
Chick in stall, after biochemistry exam: Thank god that's over. Now I can finally take a shower.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: a [clean] student
Categories: Bathing | Overheard in Philly | Students | Posted 2007-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To the Stake
Woman reading newspaper: I can't believe how illiterate kids are these days. It says here that when they were asked who Joan of Arc was, many of them said she was Noah's wife.
Girl: Who was she, Grandma?
Woman: She was the woman who grew her hair long and rode a horse naked.
Port Townsend, Washington
Categories: History | Old folks | Washington | Posted 2007-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Moore As a Kid
Eight-year-old boy: Don't you know that the Kool-Aid Man doesn't exist?! He's just a tool for marketing!
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
Categories: Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's $20 Extra to See My Periodic Table
Guy on cell: I'm drunk as fuck right now... Yeah, I went out after my chem test, and they had strippers! Got a lap dance... She was bangin'. You wanna know the best part, dude? I'm doing homework, haha!... Yeah, it's due tomorrow.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: zui
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Unnatural Childbirth Olympics
Shopkeeper: How's your wife? Did they take her in to have the baby yet?
Shopper: Yeah, they took her in this morning to be seduced.
Bangor
Northern Ireland
Overheard by: limeinside
Kinda Like Lox on a Jew
Weird chick: I bet tuna would taste really good on a Cuban!
The Loop
Florida
Overheard by: Pilbur
No Need for the Nuclear Option
Girl, almost running into parking meter: Whoops.
Guy: Holy crap! Did you really just do that?
Girl: Shut up. [Guy gradually edges her off to the side.] ... Are you trying to make me actually run into one?! [Guy laughs.] Ughhh, I am so withholding sex.
Guy: Wait, wait! I didn't mean it!
Church Street and 7th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
There's a San Francisco Men's Room without Lotion?
Suit #1: The ladies here really have it better than the guys.
Suit #2: Like how?
Suit #1: Like the women's restroom -- they've got nice stuff in there. They've got flowers and hand lotion and, like, free tampons! Why don't the guys get that?!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Gender issues | San Francisco | Suits | Posted 2007-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless They Were Capri Pants
Philosopher: The world would be a better place if everyone wore pants.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Idiots | Overheard in PDX | Philosophy | Posted 2007-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, You Mean Politically, Right?
12-year-old boy #1: I wouldn't like to have two lesbian moms.
12-year-old boy #2: Why not?
12-year-old boy #1: Because they would be, like, overactive.
12-year-old boy #3: You're totally right!
Mabo Secondary School
Brussels
Belgium
Another Year or So and I'll Be a Sophomore, Though
Male student to female, exiting class: I think maybe I'm just wasting my parents' money.
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
Overheard by: Muindi F. Muindi
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Illinois | Students | Posted 2007-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Get Your Parents Arrested
Little girl, repeatedly: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
Barnes & Noble
Melbourne, Florida