Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Where Being Straight with the IRS Gets You
Hobo to suits who ignore his panhandling: Yeah?! Well, at least I never lied on my income taxes!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Hobos | Lies | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That, Like, a New Rule?
Dude: ... And I said, 'Stop hitting me -- I just shaved my knees!'
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Guys | Shaving | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Sound Like Someone Worth Working Hard For
Old hag: Sometimes I forget I'm married. I guess if my husband was rich I wouldn't forget about him, but he not.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Biotechs | Overheard in Philly | Relationships | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Made the Best of the Situation
Teen girl: I just discovered my fly was undone when my hand was mysteriously near my crotch.
Subway restaurant
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | New Zealand | Teens | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Just Staple Your Arm Back on and Quit Complaining
Old man: If you're having sex twice a day, you don't need to go to the doctor!
IHOP
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Breanne S.
Categories: Oklahoma | Old folks | Philosophy | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Cannibalism Is My Anti-Drug!
Professor: I don't care what you say, there's nothing worse than eating a baby.
Community college
North Carolina
Overheard by: First row fanboy
Categories: North Carolina | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When "Pregnant or Fat?" Gets Old
Man to friend: Let's play the handicapped game -- paralyzed, or just lazy?
Epcot Park, Disney World
Orlando, Florida
I Want to Turn My Grapes into Raisins
Young suit #1: Oh, yeah, I start my steroids tomorrow.
Young suit #2: Oh, that's good. I need to do that.
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rose
Categories: Drugs | Massachusetts | Suits | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Midterms?
Guy #1: Dude, the prof is such a bitch!
Guy #2: Yeah, it must've been that time of the month for her.
Girl: That is, like, so incredibly sexist! Ugh! [Storms off.]
Guy #2: What the hell was that all about?
Guy #1: Must be that time of month for her, too.
Guy #2: For real.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Gripes | Idiots | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look That Up in the Fetish Dictionary
Chick: I just want to rub some ointment containing scopolamine and atropine on a broomstick, stick it in my cooch, and fly away!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tiffany
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Western | Vagina | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: The One Guy Whose Shit Didn't Stink
High chick spotting dirty hippie: Oooh! He's cute!
Drunk chick: No, he's dirty!
High chick: He looks like Jesus!
Sober chick: He might look like Jesus, but he smells like shit!
Arizona
Overheard by: Designated Driver
Oh, I'm Sure There's Some Sick Fuck Out There
Professor, trying to explain something entirely unrelated to elephants: I mean, no one wants their elephant to explode!
Planetary Geology class, Mississippi State University
Mississippi
Overheard by: blondie
Categories: Education | Mississippi | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When Daddy Wears Your Clothes?
Mom reading book: This says 'odd.' Do you know what 'odd' means? It means something is funny or weird. Like when you said you wanted to eat a rock -- that was odd.
Red Line train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sitting behind them trying not to laugh
Categories: Moms | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Trying to Keep the Predators Away, Sweetie
Whispering mom: Don't play with your skirt like that. You know what you forgot this morning.
Three-year-old, loudly: Panties!
Dunkin' Donuts
Virginia
Overheard by: callumny
We Believe That's "Poofed"
Little girl looking at display of puffed wheat snacks: What's the difference between puffed and fried?
Mom: Puffed is better for you, so you can eat more of them.
Little girl: But I don't like puffed.
Dad: Puffed is gay.
Crossroads Market
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Laura
Oh, Jeff Goldblum -- No You Don't
Man on cell: I know she just thinks I'm this creepy guy, but I know better.
YMCA
Cary, North Carolina
Categories: Gossip | North Carolina | On the phone | YMCA | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Are Born to Greatness; Others Have It Thrust into Them
Bimbette #1: Chris* has the biggest dick ever. I mean, how does someone's dick get to be that big?!
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I wonder how that's determined. Like, what side of the family?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, I don't think I want to have boys and have to deal with stuff like that... [Trails off as guy in front of them turns his head and then keeps walking. Both girls stop dead in their tracks.]
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, that's him.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Penis | Texas | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess I Could Donate the One from My Private Collection
Girl #1: Oh, man, I still have to contribute money for the grad gift.
Girl #2: Yeah, I had to do that yesterday.
Girl #1: What sucks is that you have no say as to how the gift is used. I mean, a portrait of Professor Erickson* is nice, but a statue of Professor Erickson fighting a bear... Now that would be amazing!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Overheard at Western | Students | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Must Have Been Kirstie Alley's Waiter at Some Point
Dude #1: Dude, have you ever, y'know, worked with slop?
Dude #2: Yeah, I've done it.
Dude #1: No, seriously, dude -- you've never been there... with the trough...
Dude #2: Dude, I totally have too done it.
Dude #1: When?
Dude #2: I dunno, man, but I've done it.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: florack
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Anne of Green Gables? Really?
Professor: I guess one lesson we can take from this book is to never slap a Chinese warlord.
20th Century World Novel class, Mississippi State University
Mississippi
Overheard by: blondie
Categories: Advice | Mississippi | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My What Now?
Bimbette #1: Let me turn on the flash -- it's dark in here.
Bimbette #2, after picture: Oh my god, that was so bright! That was like when the cop shined the flashlight in my eyes at my DUI.
Bimbette #3: Could he see your brain?
Movie theater
Ridgefield Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Big J
Categories: Bimbettes | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
December Was Cancelled after Santa Died
Teen: So, there is this shirt that says 'Florida: Where America goes to die.'
Friend: I wouldn't want to move to Florida when I get old -- it's too hot. Especially in August.
Teen: But that's only one month out of 11.
New Jersey
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous
Categories: New Jersey | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aaand... They're Off!
New bride: Should I get this bag for my mother-in-law?
Friend: Will it make her love you?
New bride: No... Fuck that bitch.
Saratoga Springs, New York
Overheard by: louise
Categories: Chicks | Family ties | New York | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Thing to Have Shoved Down Your Throat? We Doubt It.
Girl in dorm bathroom: I just love it when they shove evolution down my throat! That's my favorite...
University of Wisconsin
Wisconsin
Preferably Not Even by You
Girl straddling guy on student lounge sofa: I want to suck your face off.
Guy: I'm just trying to get laid.
Boston University Central
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Vomiting in mouth
Categories: Couples | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since It Squirted Me
Preppy girl: I want a t-shirt! I mean, I stuck my head in a vagina -- I totally deserve one!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: what would you do for a tee shirt?
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Preppies | Vagina | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Puked until My Stomach Was Empty
10-year-old: Hey, I think I'm swimming extra good tonight!
Friend: Yeah? Why is that?
10-year-old: I think it's because we just got back from Red Lobster.
Waterford, Michigan
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
How We Feel about Everything West of New York
Man to wife, thoughtfully: Everything south of San Francisco could just... just fall into the water, and it wouldn't really matter.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Catherine
And Then Kill Them All, Execution Style!
Girl: I love this new toothpaste I got. It has green tea in it and tastes absolutely fantastic. It feels like there's a tea party going on in my mouth, and I just want to invite my teddy bears or something!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Ali and Livi
Like That Time You Dragged Me to Popeye's
Tourist at Folklife Festival: You're just looking for an excuse to take a picture of a black person.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Race | Tourists | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Small Craft Can Sail the Narrows
Guy on cell: Hey! What are you doing? Having a good time? ... You have a small cooter -- why else would you be having fun?!
Chiswick Road and Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Beantown Babe
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Special Thanks to the Four Horsemen for Being So Flexible
Professor, going over syllabus: Because of schedule changes, the apocalypse will be postponed.
Seminary classroom
North Carolina
Overheard by: good, that gives me another week
Categories: Education | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Point. From Now on, I'll Just Yell about Yours
Dude: So, is it true that you have herpes?
Drunk girl #1: What?! No!
Dude: Thank god!
Drunk girl #1: I had chlamydia and now I have HPV. I only told two people, and now the whole town thinks I have herpes!
Dude: [Stares.]
Drunk girl #1, crying: Why does everyone know about my diseases?!
Drunk girl #2: Because you go to the bar, get trashed, and yell about it?
Bar
Newark, Ohio
No, That's Old People
Little kid #1, looking at mummies: Dad, are there dead people in there?
Dad: No, I don't think so.
Little kid #2: Yeah, there are. That's why it smells so bad.
Museum of Fine Arts
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doing It with Your Teeth?
Girl #1: Whatever happened to that bird?
Guy: Which one? The original?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Guy: It's in Professor Long's* lab. I put it in a bag and squeezed the air out, so it shouldn't be rotting too much.
Girl #2: It's going to smell so bad when you open it.
Guy: No, it won't...
Girl #2: Uh, yeah it will. You'd better open it up, drop it, and run away for a few hours.
Guy: Oh, come on, for Christ's sake! After I removed the scent glands from a skunk with my bare hands and sawed its head off, what could be worse?!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kinda creeped out
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Overheard at Cornell | Students | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Eventually My Other Personalities Came Out to Play
20-ish woman: I never realized how boring I was until I spent a night in jail and only had myself... And I'm really boring.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: try singing hymns
Categories: Gripes | Insults | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's How I Got AIDS
American tourist: It all started when I said, 'Hey, Dave, are you up for a sword fight?'
Temple Bar
Dublin
Ireland
Used to Be Carnival Prizes Were Things Like Stuffed Giraffes
Dude: I think I'll take the bean bag over the butt sex.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Backdoor | Eavesdrop DC | Guys | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do Your Best and I'll Laugh at You
Bimbette, inquiring about exam during review: Yeah, but, like -- what if you, like, can't think that hard?
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Here's a Coloring Book to Occupy You Otherwise
Bar fly to another entering bathroom: ... And don't go sticking your dick in my kebab again!
Enmore
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Algy_non
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Drunks | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the International Conference of Freudians Orders Tons of Them Every Year
Professor: You'd have to be quite clever to make people care about Polish sausages.
Texas Woman's University
Denton, Texas
Categories: Philosophy | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Jealous of Their Melanin
White girl: I don't know why I don't like dark-skinned people...
White guy: Maybe because you're a racist?
White girl, annoyed: Nooo... I just don't like them.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Overheard at McGill | Race | Whiteys | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Drop the Other One on the Floor
Dude, approaching table of people: Excuse me? Hi, I noticed you put your salad in the microwave, and I was just wondering... Why?
Asian guy: Why not?
Dude: Well, it's just... you had two... And you didn't put the other one in... I have to know!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: a'da
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I'm Tired of Being Uncle Walter's
Kid: Mommy, if I were invisible, would I be Daddy's imaginary friend or yours?
Flynn & O'Hara's
Rockville, Maryland
You Know What to Do
40-year-old virgin #1: Did I tell you I beat Mortal Kombat?
40-year-old virgin #2: Uh-uh.
40-year-old virgin #1: Well, I did, and now my life has no meaning.
Birmingham, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games