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Curse You, Starbucks!
Hobo drinking coffee to lady passerby: I'd offer you some, but it's not that good.
I like it black. And sweet. Ten sugers... This tastes like crap!
In front of coffee truck, 135th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Kier
Left Mammary in the Corner Pocket
Drunk watching a pool game: You're a retard!
Girl playing pool: I'm a retard? I'm not the one with chalk on my nipples!
Kansas
That I Threw in the Water
Mom: We're going to have surf 'n' turf for dinner tonight.
Daughter: What's the surf?
Mom: Steak.
Delaware
You Don't Seem to Grasp the Spirit of Marketing
Crazy hobo passing out flyers: The animals eat the vegetables, and we are the minerals...
Girl, rejecting flyer: No, thanks. I've got one already.
Crazy hobo: You're a communist transvestite on Mars!
Isla Vista, California
Categories: California | Hobos | Insults | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Going to Do Some Interval Training with My Retinas
Blonde tanning at pool: Someone set the alarm for five minutes -- I'm gonna stare at the sun.
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Bimbettes | Missouri | Time Management | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mind So Open the Brains Fell Out
Incoming freshman, about required pre-entry reading: We should not have to be exposed to new ideas we might not agree with.
University campus
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: yeah, now my brain hurts
Categories: Gripes | North Carolina | Students | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, Five Times before You Hit the Floor
Guy: Man, I have a ton of friends who are Asian. But watch out -- if you touch one of them on the head, they'll kill you.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Guys | Race | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When They Get the Messages, Her Parents Will Be Happy
Girl leaving message on cell: ... Anyway, some good news: I'm not pregnant! Yup! You should be shocked, right? Okay, talk to you later.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hmmm... Ulysses. That Sounds Good.
Sorostitute #1: Yeah, the handbook says I can either take two foreign language classes or two literature classes... So, like, I took the literature classes because, like, at least I can read that, y'know?
Sorostitute #2: So true...
Patterson School of Accountancy, University of Mississippi
University, Mississippi
Categories: Education | Mississippi | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So What I'd Really Like to Do Is Skin a "My Little Pony"
Chick #1: What's your favorite color?
Chick #2: Blue. What about you?
Chick #1: Well, I like the rainbow. And I know that fur's not a color, but I really like fur.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: flossy.
Sooner Or Later the Reflexes Start to Go
Hot chick: Trust me, I would know. I'm a retired slut.
Maine
Overheard by: oh really?
Categories: Hoochies | Jobs & Careers | Maine | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sack Up. I'll Give You Salt and a Lime
Mom of small child, on cell: No, I don't have any whiskey, but I have tequila.
Small child, pulling away: No, Mommy! Don't kill me!
Cogshall Park
Fitchburg, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Why, why, why?!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Violence | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Not Telling
Chick pointing at port-a-potty: Well, I guess I'm going to the bathroom now.
Dude: Do you fold or crumple?
Chick: This conversation has gone too far for me.
Dude: I fold. Well, depends on my mood.
Union Park
Chicago, Illinois
I'm More of a Brawny Gal
College girl #1: Ew, why does it all run out?
College girl #2: Well, it is a liquid.
College girl #3: And your vag isn't exactly full of Bounty paper towels!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Sorority types | Vagina | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: No Way! I Am, Like, Twice That Size!
Girl #1: Y'know, it kind of weirds me out when I have sex with my boyfriend. He looks like Jesus.
Girl #2: Jesus wasn't Mexican.
Girl #1: Yeah, yeah, but still -- it's like I'm having sex with Jesus.
Girl #2: You should talk to your pastor about that.
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Overheard by: katherine
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Jesus | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Should Probably Stop Rimming the Collie
Chick #1: What's wrong?
Chick #2: Today I spent, like, an hour getting a dog hair out of my eyeball.
Chick #1: What? How did you do that?
Chick #2: I don't know, but every day I wake up with dog hair in my eyeballs.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: christina
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Gripes | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Squirtle's a No-Brainer, but Jigglypuff's Going to Be Tough
High school boy #1: Know what I'm gonna do?
High school boy #2: You're gonna jizz in my mouth.
High school boy #1: I'm gonna go to a third world country, buy four people, put them in an arena, and make them play Super Smash Brothers in real life. For Pikachu I'm gonna put thousand-volt batteries in his cheeks.
Ride-On bus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: bus rider
Categories: Games | Kids | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Could Finish It for Your 100th Birthday
Girlfriend: Have you ever touched another man's armpit hair?
Boyfriend: No.
Girlfriend: Well, yours are really gossamer-y. If you shaved them off, you could weave a little swatch of, like, satin... And then you could make a quilt!
Boyfriend: Or a patchwork jacket!
Ypsilanti, Michigan
Um, What Sort of Visitors Have You Entertained?
Bimbette: I don't know... I just feel something swimming around inside of me!
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard at Loyola | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That I'll Be Fucking Myself
Chick: Okay, here's your hundred thousand dollars, and there's the mall. And I'll just be sitting here sprouting a penis.
Carrboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
Categories: Chicks | North Carolina | Penis | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Where They Belong
Female airport screener to male coworker: I swear I've only ever touched one in a bag!
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Evil Penguin
Categories: California | Coworkers | Gossip | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If All of the Raindrops / Were Lemon Drops and Crack Rocks / Oh, What a World This Would Be
Homeless guy: I have a dream like Martin Luther King. I have a dream that someday it will... rain crack.
Atlanta, Georgia
Oh, Great. Another Starbucks Mug
Lady #1: Oooh... These cups are so cute!
Lady #2: Did you notice they have them set out on the drive-through window? Very smart. All the husbands who forgot to buy presents for their wives will be bringing home Starbucks mugs today.
Lady #1: After 21 years of marriage, I buy my own gifts.
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Overheard by: erin
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Vancouver | Relationships | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shiny, Though
Girl #1: That Zodiac movie looks pretty good...
Girl #2: Of course! It has Jake Gyllenhaal in it. Everything he touches turns to gold.
Girl #1: Oh, I know!
Girl #2: Mmm, I'd like him to touch me.
Girl #1: But it would be so uncomfortable to be all gold down there.
Girl #2: [Silence.]
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: God, you're stupid
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: About celebrities | Bimbettes | Overheard at York | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Has It's Problems, but Don't Blame That Island
Girl in serious conversation with friend: So, life's not all fun and games on Taco Island?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Friends | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Blonde's Dream
Hobo: Wow, you look just like Billy Idol!
Blonde: Um, thanks.
Hobo: No, really. You look good, girl. Wanna share some of my wine?
Blonde: Um, no thanks. I'm good.
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compliments | Hobos | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I May Have Paid Too Much at the Parts Department
Girl: It's not like you can wake up and be like 'Hm. I want to be a girl today,' and then put on your girl parts!
Guy: Ohhh... It's not?
Auditorium Shores
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Ellison's Orange
Categories: Friends | Gender issues | Texas | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Line Is Really Long
Little girl pointing to handicapped sink: Mommy, do you know what that's for?
Mom: It's a sink for people in wheelchairs, honey.
Little girl: No! It's where boys pee!
Bathroom, JCPenney's
Forest Park, Georgia
Overheard by: Kelly
The Need to Masturbate Is a Great Motivator
Girl: I'm using super advanced alien technology!
Guy: I'm using... a pumpkin!
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
So Just Have a Big Spoonful of That Green Paste
Child, as food is placed in front of him: But Mommy, I don't wanna eat Nemo!
Sushi restaurant
Northern Virginia
Now I'm Not So Sure...
Hot chick #1: You? You're gonna love me.
Hot chick #2: I already do!
Hot chick #1: Good. Cream cheese?
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Bonding | Chicks | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't This a Knock-Knock Joke?
Chick #1, when friend drops her orange: I hope that's bruised now.
Chick #2: Bananas don't bruise!
Chick #1: ... That's an orange!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Fruit | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Put Your Hands behind Your Back and Crank Out Some Pushups
Female English major: Can boobs be considered limbs?
Queen's University
Kingston
Canadia
There's No Need to Micromanage Me
Man to another in restroom stall: Let go of my ears; I know what I'm doing!
Nightclub, Oxford Street
Darlinghurst, Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Claudia Rose
She's a Committed Omnivore
British woman: Ah, look, Dede's eating a piece of paper.
American woman: I caught her eating a crayon today.
British woman: The other day she ate a piece of chalk during class. She'll basically eat anything you give to her.
Volta School for the Mentally Handicapped
Gbi Kpendu, Volta Region
Ghana, West Africa
Categories: Africa | Foreigners | Mental illnesses | Posted 2007-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, Your Girlfriend Is a Wallet-Sized Picture of Colonel Wilma Deering
Guy: You're allowed to wipe boogers on my girlfriend and fart in her face, but I can't hit your girlfriend?! That is so hypocritical!
Driver's Ed class
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Chrissy
Ah, Katie Couric Syndrome
30-year-old woman on cell: I think I should just call Lisa* and ask her if she has cancer, because she is way too normal. There has to be something wrong with her.
Ferry line
Nantucket, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2007-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
His Screenname Is BiggStudd4U
Late-20s blonde yuppie: I love him, and I think he loves me.
Late-20s brunette yuppie: That's cool.
Late-20s blonde yuppie: Yeah, I think his name's Paul or John or something.
North Beach
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i love love
Categories: Gossip | Names | San Francisco | Yuppies | Posted 2007-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Proved You'll Be Easy to Have
Dude: What's fourteen plus nine?
Chick, confidently: Twenty-one.
Dude: Damn, you're fast.
Chick: Haha, you thought you almost had me there!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Couples | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Posted 2007-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Why Are You Putting on Your Running Shoes?
Nervous white guy to friend: Are we gonna be the only white people on the train?
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: eastchestnut
Categories: Overheard in Philly | Questions | Race | Whiteys | Posted 2007-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Takes the Stigmata You're Given
Boyfriend: But baby, I don't want bloody arms!
Girlfriend: Then talk to me about my feet!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know, a Pot -- Like Madonna In "Lucky Star"
Creepster: The penis hole showcases my spare tire rather well.
Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Minnesota | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Three Days, He's Unblemished Again
Dude #1: He's real churchy, but emo, too.
Dude #2: Yeah, totally 'What-Would-Jesus-Cut?'
Sikeston, Missouri
Don't Go Pulling That String in This Country
Pushy rug salesman: Look at these beautiful rugs! How great would they look in your home?
Woman: Yeah, you know, I don't really need a rug...
Pushy rug salesman: Well, nobody needs a rug!
Woman, angrily: Well, then why are you selling them, sir?!
671 South La Brea Avenue
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: I don't really need a rug, either
Categories: California | Employees | Shopping | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Outsource to Aunt Flo
Lanky black guy making sandwiches: Man, I don't understand them girls with long nails! How they clean they ass and they uterus?
Subway, University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Don't make my sandwich with those
Categories: Black people | Florida | Questions | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unlike Nose Sex, Where It's Just Everywhere
Burly dude: No, seriously, the thing about anal is it's warmer, tighter, and you hardly ever get shit on your dick!
High school cafeteria
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: we were scared for his tiny girlfriend