Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Same to You, with the Herpes and Fruit Flies
Chick on cell: Okay, good luck with the bees and good luck with the scoliosis.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Categories: Etiquette | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Settle for This Eightball
Mom: Honey, do you wanna take off your princess dress, get naked, and get in a bucket?
Four-year-old aspiring princess: No.
Mom: Well, I do.
North Carolina
Categories: Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Questions | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Just because It's a Stereotype Doesn't Mean I Can't Appreciate a Nice Lawn
Asian guy: Goddamn, that shooter down in the US is gonna give Asians a bad name. Quiet Asian guys will only be able to stay silent for five minutes before people get suspicious.
Mexican guy: Join the club. Down in the US people only think of us as cheap landscapers.
Asian guy: I don?t think we have a lot of Mexicans here.
Mexican guy: That must be why your lawns look so shitty.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Asians | Gripes | Overheard at McGill | Race | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, We All Want That
Tween boy: Yeah! Yeah! I get what you're saying! Every age group has something to look forward to. 16-year-olds want to drive, 21-year-olds want to drink, people in their 30s want kids, and you, Grandma -- you want to die.
Older sister: Uh... I don't think that was quite the point...
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Stuckinthecity
Categories: Michigan | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Was Just because I'm a Bad Driver
Official: What experience do you have?
Job-seeker: I worked for 30 years on a poultry farm killing chickens.
Official: Have you done anything else?
Job-seeker: I killed turkeys.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: o.b.
Categories: Animals | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Conceal It behind My Napkin
Guy to hot date: I have a hard-on. We should get this to go.
Buffalo Grill
Little Rock, Arkansas
Overheard by: I should get mine to go, too
What Can I Say? It Was a Moment of Passion
Doctor to patient: It's simply impossible to fall on it! Your ass would not stretch that far for it to go in!
Sparrow Hospital ER
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing intern
Well, Okay -- I'll Try Anything Once
Customer to clerk: Maybe my idea of sex is sticking a drill in your head.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: phoebe
Categories: Creepsters | Kink | Ohio | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cute Like "I Wish You Good Luck with That"
Girl #1: Do I look okay?
Girl #2: Yeah, you look cute.
Girl #1: Cute like you want to sleep with me?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's Enough Drinking for Both of You!
Little boy #1: Cheers to Australia!
Little boy #2: Cheers to my bicycle!
Little boy #1: Cheers to my water!
Little boy #2: Cheers to my willie!
Mom: Stop that! I told you not to cheers to your willie anymore.
Rottnest Island
Australia
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until You Can Eat Them Inside the Lines
Russian mother to young daughter: No, you are not going to eat crayons for lunch!
Nashua, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Crayola
Categories: Food | Moms | New Hampshire | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Will Be on the Final
Professor: Okay, this appears to be advertising for a brand of malt liquor. Who here drinks malt liquor?
Only black guy in class: Me!
Professor, laughing: Okay, Martin drinks malt liquor.
Black guy: Brothers drink malt liquor!
Professor, laughing: That's right, brothers drink malt liquor!
Anthropology class, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Black people | California | Class | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Forgot to Bring Breadcrumbs
Park ranger on horseback to another: We have to stay inside the perimeter or else... [thoughtful pause]... we will be outside the perimeter.
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: three amigas
Categories: Idiots | Philosophy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When It's Really More of a Truce
Lady: Damn! This dress done makes me look like I gave up on life!
Dressing room
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Ursulav
Categories: Clothing | North Carolina | Rednecks | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Urine Is Also Frowned Upon
Student: Are we only allowed to use pen, or can we use pencil?
Professor: Pen is preferable, but if you run out, pencil is better than writing in blood.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Advice | Overheard at McGill | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember Our Talk about Leda and the Swan?
Mother, reading newspaper: Dear God, another rapist is loose...
Six-year-old daughter: Mom, what's rape?
Mother, uncomfortably: Um, that's when a man forces a woman to have sex with him.
Six-year-old daughter: What's sex?
Mother: Look! A bird!
Market Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Queen Of Spades
Categories: Kids | Moms | Questions | San Francisco | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Proof of the "Many Worlds" Quantum Interpretation
Gas station worker #1, pointing to arm: ... And right here is where I got stabbed.
Gas station worker #2: No way! That's the exact same place I got stabbed! Same arm, too!
Pittsford, New York
Overheard by: Rook
Aw, C'mon, People, That's Great Material!
Flight attendant: Should the overhead oxygen masks deploy, please put the mask around your face as I will now demonstrate... [Puts mask on, then breathes heavily] Luuuke, I am your father...
US Airways flight to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Movies | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody's Quite Sure How Amy Ended Up in Guantanamo
Chick: I'm not the one who decided to take her to a gay strip club. I just participated in it. I'm not taking responsibility.
Garden State Plaza, New Jersey
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | New Jersey | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then We Did Her Together
Artist at dealer's table: ... So basically I ended up doing an Ewok mistress for him.
Anthrocon
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Pennsylvania | Roleplay | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I'll Definitely Get the Role of Midwestern Tourist #1
Lady to hubby: So, I've finally decided: for my interviews I'm not gonna get a new purse. I'm just gonna get a really nice fanny pack.
Pacifica, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Fashion | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Be Better Off Addressing Your Bladder
Drunken 50-year-old to his penis: Come on! Pee! Pee until you can't pee no more, bitch.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Hiding Roommate
Categories: Drunks | Massachusetts | Pee | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because Movies Are the Most Real Part of Our Lives
Girlfriend sipping frappuccino: We should be, like, writing screenplays in here.
Boyfriend, half ignoring her: My dog's probably gay.
Girlfriend: Instead of just sitting here like posers, I mean.
Boyfriend: I guess if he had a girlfriend he'd fuck it instead of guy dogs.
Girlfriend: I dunno.
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: What? What were we talking about?
Girlfriend: Movies.
Starbucks
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Couples | Florida | Relationships | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By Cutting a Hole in Your Pancreas and Thrusting Mercilessly
Undergrad #1: Man, it would suck if you died by drowning in molasses.
Undergrad #2: Well, better than being raped.
Undergrad #1: True. Well, unless you were diabetic. Then the molasses would be, like, raping you.
Harvard research lab
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: random person
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Massachusetts | Philosophy | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means
Girl #1: Do you have a boyfriend?
Girl #2: No! I'm not gay!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Louise
Categories: Chicks | New Zealand | Sexuality | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Where Does Sleep Sex Fit In?
Nurse on phone: Are you sexually active? ... Okay, that's usually a 'yes' or a 'no.'
Tang Center Urgent Care
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Nurses | Questions | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Absinthe Is Illegal
Freshman chick #1: It's like, I came home and, like, three months had passed for me, but, like, not for everyone else.
Freshman chick #2: Yeah, my bed is too short now.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lith
Do You Want Them Near Our House?
Little kid: Mommy, why are there so many Asians here?
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: renee
Categories: Kids | Overheard in Philly | Questions | Race | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Get Bitten by Something Radioactive
Teen boy to friend: I guess what I'm trying to say is... I really want to be your sidekick.
NCG Cinemas
Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Teens | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Take Me, Mandingo!
Lady suit on cell: Yeah, I wanna just have wild, heathen sex sometime... Well, he is black...
Panera Bread
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: kat
That's the Nature of the Therapeutic Relationship
Woman: Well, yes, of course I'm making it all up. But you know it's true.
Friend: Oh, yes!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Ross
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Lies | New Zealand | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Good, because That's What I'm Getting Him
Old lady: You know how it's Jake's* birthday in a week or two? And you know how he likes black leather?
20-ish granddaughter, whispering: Grandma! You're making him sound like a homosexual!
Old lady: Well, it's not like I'm going to get him assless chaps.
Eagle Ridge Hospital
Coquitlam, Bristish Columbia
Canadia
Wait, an Outline, or Solid Shaded?
Girl: I bet he would.
Friend: No, he wouldn't.
Girl: I'll call him now. [Dials] Hey, honey. Quick question: if I had a tattoo of a dick on the inside of my thigh about half an inch away from my pussy, would you lick it? [Pause] No. I said 'if'... Well, no, I'm not saying it's totally out of the question... Fine. We'll talk about it when I get home. [To friend] See? I told you he would!
Bus stop
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Dana
I'm Basically a Communal Stress Ball
Yuppie girl on cell: ... And then he grabbed my ass right in front of her! If I was her, I would have thrown a fit... But she knows she'll never be at my level.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Insults | Washington, DC | Yuppies | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Think That Might Be a Sex Crime
Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!
University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Joa
Categories: BJs | Connecticut | Creepsters | Gossip | Poop | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Silent High Five
Hot young suit #1: What happened with your girlfriend?
Hot young suit #2: I manipulated her into a false sense of security, then rooted her, then dumped her -- same as I did with Mandy. [After a pause] I'm not looking for praise.
Theatre
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Rosebyanothername
Observing the Employed in Their Natural Habitat
College guy to group, confused by crowd at ten a.m.: I always forget there's this whole subculture of people who get up before noon.
Connecticut Avenue and R Street
Washington, DC
Categories: Frat boy types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Deflating?
Guy lying on girl's stomach: Your bellybutton is probably the worst thing I've smelled this week.
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: what about last week?
My Secret? Low Standards.
Girl #1: You fail at life.
Girl #2: Nuh-uh! I'm good at life! I have a C-plus at life!
High school
Ohio
Overheard by: Kat Navane
Can I Get a Swig?
Hobo: Girl, I know you're a freak! All redheads are freaks!
Brunette hipster pumping gas: Step off. What I do is none of your business.
Hobo: Lady, I'm just talking shit 'cause I'm drunk.
Brunette hipster: Me, too.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: cuspy
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Hobos | Missouri | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wanna Eat Your Hair, Cough It Up, and Mold It into the Shape of a Baby
Hot lesbo #1: I wanna have your babies.
Hot lesbo #2: I wanna eat your babies.
Hot lesbo #1: I wanna eat your hair.
Piola Bar
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: touché
Categories: Brazil | Compliments | Lesbos | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says She's Saving All That for Marriage
Preppy chick: I've never seen her pee in a bush or even fart or anything. It's like I only know her on one level, you know?
Harvard Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Philosophy | Preppies | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Get a Room This Time, Okay?
Hot chick: I was too tired for a layover in Denver! It's not like you'd let me nap -- we'd just end up fucking in the airport bathroom for five hours. Wait! If Denver's the Mile High City, do you think bathroom sex can count us into the Mile High Club? Oh my god, I am changing my flight -- Cleveland can wait. Cock is so much more important.
Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Wishing I was the dude in Denver
Categories: Airports & flights | Chicks | Minnesota | Sex | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Will Accept That As a Promissory Note
Hipster girl: Don't you dare lick me!
Hipster boy: [Licks her.]
Hipster girl: I love you.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Excluding the Sybian, Right?
Party-goer: She is the only person I know who has a favorite appliance!
Moroccan restaurant
Seattle, Washington