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He Turns Up in All Shakespeare's Plays, Like Alfred Hitchcock
Teen girl: Macbeth... That's the one with Hamlet, right?
Ottawa
Canadia
And Here I Sit with the Stubble of My Dreams
Angry neighbor: Well, obviously he didn't appreciate the shaved vagina, or he would have called.
Elizabeth Street
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Grumpies | Shaving | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Then the Manager of the Baskin-Robbins Found Out and I Got Fired
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I couldn't stop putting my tongue in them for, like, two months.
St. Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Gossip | Minnesota | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Other Than My Anti-Semitism and Her Brutal Rape
Drunk girl #1: I can't date him -- he's a vegetarian. You can't trust vegetarians.
Drunk girl #2: You're just saying that 'cause that vegetarian guy you dated last semester raped you. He was also Jewish. You should hate the Jews -- you'd have more company! [Drunk girl #1 leaves, upset.] I don't know what her problem is.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Drunks | Insults | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And That the First Rule of Jerry Is "Don't Talk about Jerry"
Drunk girl, screaming: I've got rules! Rule number one: Jerry is a pussy! Rule number two: Jerry is a pussy! Rule number three: ... Um, I forgot where I was going with this.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lola
Categories: Drunks | Insults | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rubber Bullets, If You're a Pussy
Kid pointing squirt gun at lady passerby: Just pretend they're bullets.
Geneva, Illinois
Second-Hand Smoke Is Better Than I Remembered
Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].
São Paulo
Brazil
He Knows a Lot Less Than They Told Us
Middle-aged lady to friends: Hey, do you remember Santa?
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Chicks | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom, I Think It's Time We Had a Little Talk
Mom to four-year-old girl: Eat your tomatoes, honey. They're good for your prostate.
Banana Verde Vegetarian Restaurant
Vila Madalena, São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: menu #2
Of Course!
Teen #1: Dude, gross!
Teen #2: Come on, man! Don't act like that, you've wondered if it was worth it having your asshole licked during sex, too!
Teen #1: Yeah, but not by a fat Asian chick!
Stranger: Was it worth it?
Modern Skate and Surf
Royal Oak, Michigan
Shave Them First, Though
Chick on cell: You don't need handcuffs for that. Just use duct tape. Duct tape works for everything. Even butt cheeks!
Hawthorne, California
Overheard by: smooph
Categories: Advice | California | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Were Going to Let That Slide
Chick: After he slept with me, I told him that his dick had been where cameras, carrots, and necklaces have gone before.
Friend: Why were you sticking necklaces in your vagina? ... Note how I'm okay with the fact that you stuck carrots and cameras up there...
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in the Valley | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, You Just Attacked Two Religions and Broke the Cannibalism Taboo!
Dude on cell: Oh my god... I had the pork chop. It was like it was cut right off of Jesus's left rib.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Florida | Food | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Roommates
Bartender: You again? I see you everywhere -- you're like a sewer rat.
Drunk guy: Well, I am an alcoholic.
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: doe
Categories: Bartenders | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Iowa | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In This World There Are No Unmixed Blessings
Chick: I love going to the Jimmy Buffet concert, but every year someone throws up on my shoes.
In line at Kroger's
Cincinnati, Ohio
When Modems Ruled the Earth
Man: He's been dating women he's met online since back when it was creepy.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: sherman
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Think of the Pay-Per-View Revenue!
Frisbee boy #1: This is what war should be: They should give everyone one Frisbees with razor blades on them and send them into battle.
Frisbee boy #2: You know, you're not going to make a very good physicist if that's your contribution to modern warfare.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: charlie
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't That a Super Smash Brothers Character?
20-ish girl #1: Yeah, I was called 'Sweet Pea' all the time when I was little.
20-ish girl #2: To this day my dad calls me 'Peanut.'
Fat lady nearby, to no one: Yeah, I got a nickname, too. They call me 'Jiggly Puff.'
TGIFridays
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
Overheard by: I can't imagine why.
I Always Wanted That Gift Too, but Never Got It
Girl on cell: I know it's your birthday... but it's my ass!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Ass | On the phone | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look, Baby, I'll Give You a Half Point Interest Rate Reduction, and That's My Final Offer
Drunk girl to another: I am going to suck it so good he is going to pay back all my loans!
Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: BJs | Bragging | Drunks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Neatly Packaged in Shrinkwrap
Butcher in bloodstained apron: My soul is pure and untainted.
Supermarket
Portland, Maine
He's Gonna Be a Heartbreaker
Mom: No, Joshua, put it down.
Five-year-old boy: No!
Mom: Put it down this instant, or you are going to be in big trouble, mister.
Five-year-old boy: No!
Mom: Drop it!
Five-year-old boy: Dammit, Kathy, I'm tired of your crap!
Target
Walnut Creek, California
Categories: California | Glad the condom broke | Gripes | Moms | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever Works
Girls' sports team jogging by: Happy Wacky Wednesday!
Hobo: I thought it was Whip 'em Out Wednesday!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Hobos | Names | Overheard at BU | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Would?
Chick on cell: ... So that's why Grandma and Grandpa are so upset? Was adoption brought up? [Long pause, then] Do I want orange sheets?
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, I've Had to Tell Tommy Hilfiger's People No
Hobo #1, holding gallon of water: I've been trying to drink a lot of water. You need to clear that toxic shit out. You collect lots of, uh, what they called? Endorsements. Your body just builds up these endorsements, and they poison you! I think that's what they're called... You know what I mean?
Hobo #2: [Nods knowingly.]
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rich
Categories: Advice | Hobos | San Francisco | Words | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Window Shopping for New Ones
Girl, about hoochie: Wait a second, Angelica -- I wanna stare at this girl's boobs.
São Paulo
Brazil
What about a Shapeshifter Disguised As Data?
Thug #1: Is it cheatin' if you do it on the holodeck?
Thug #2: Nah. Fucking data doesn't count either.
Target
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
But I Have a Good Paper on Why Not
Grad student #1: So, have you been fucking mad bitches?
Grad student #2: Well... Not really.
MIT Chemical Engineering Lounge
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smart and Beautiful -- I'm a Lucky Man
Dude: What are some words that rhyme with 'chicken'?
Chick: Frickin', lickin', hair.
Dude: 'Hair' doesn't rhyme with 'chicken'!
Chick: Yeah, it does -- chicken, hair; chicken, hair.
Dude: Yeah, I guess it kind of does.
Metro bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Who Told You about the Hole? Was It My Ex?
Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No... I... I move you out of the way...
Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Thing Almost Took Off My Hand Last Time
Student #1: Jess, come here. I need your help.
Student #2: I am not touching your cooter again.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get in Line
Father to crying son holding Spider-Man card: That damn Tobey Maguire is ruining my life!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: artwork
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Heard Good Things about It
11-year-old boy: Let's go fuck some girls!
Delhi Skatepark
Cincinnati, Ohio
I'm Flightless, They Say -- Why Go On?
Bimbette #1: What's up with Katie?
Bimbette #2: She's an emu. Emus cut themselves.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Assume Martha Stewart Makes One
Loud outburst from quiet conversation: What kind of pan do you have that you can cook a head in it?!
8000 Foothills Boulevard
Roseville, California
Overheard by: Drew
Categories: California | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up -- They Kicked Him Out for Dressing As a Pirate?
Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn't take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn't hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can't believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred...
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
Starbucks
League City, Texas
Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee
When the Precognitive Get High
Dude #1: Hey, man, call someone and see if you can get us a ride.
Dude #2: Denny's.
Dude #1, pausing: ... No, you need to make some calls and see if you can get someone to give us a ride.
Dude #2: Denny's.
Dude #1, after longer pause: Dude, are you hungry?
Dude #2: No... I could use some food, though.
Bay Area Rapid Transit District, California
Categories: California | Idiots | Stupidity | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask for $100, Settle for $5
Hoochie: If I could get a hundred bucks just for showing my titties on Jerry Springer, I'd so do it.
Chicago, Illinois
Where Do You Think Electronica Comes From?
Teacher: You know, I've never known two teenage boys that wanted to be locked in a soundproof room together before.
Escuela Campo Alegre Caracas
Venezuela
Overheard by: Jillian
"Little Bishop" Would Also Have Been Acceptable
12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We're in public!
12-year-old son: But that's the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!
Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina
Categories: North Carolina | Penis | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Deleted Lyrics from "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"
Woman: My life is surreal. His life is about anger and priorities.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit or Smoke Pot?
Woman: What's the phrase? 'Get off the pot or shit on the horse'?
Kohl's dressing room
Brookfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Questions | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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