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Steven Segal Is: Out for Vagina
Brunette: Why are you laughing?
Redhead: I have this thing I do in video stores where I replace one word of the movie title with 'vagina.'
Brunette: So?
Redhead: Dude, where's my vagina?
Video store
São Paulo
Brazil
What Girl Wouldn't Want a Liquid-Metal Lover?
Chick #1 watching Terminator II: The bad guy in this is so hot...
Chick #2: Totally. In, like, a blond, blue-eyed, Nazi S-and-M porn kind of way.
Chick #1: So hot...
Chick #2's boyfriend: What the fuck is wrong with you two?!
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Notice: Headline Delayed Due to Vomit on Keyboard
Employee: Did you know it is impossible to stuff three ounces of hamburger in half of a mouse? I tried for, like, 10 minutes.
Wildlife Rehabilitation Center
Minnesota
From the Pilot Episode of Ugly Friends
Co-ed: This is just like a Friends episode, except we're all ugly.
Poolside
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Jenn
Categories: Missouri | Philosophy | Students | Posted 2007-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mi Gasa Es Su Gasa
Man #1: Are these seats taken?
Man #2: No, they are not, but I have to warn you -- we both had Chinese food for dinner, so we are going to have some major gas in a little bit.
Man #1: That's fine, we had Thai.
Man #2: Oh, then we're even. Have a seat.
Consolidated Theaters
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: feeling a little gassy myself
Categories: Burping & farting | Maryland | Strangers | Posted 2007-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Man Hopes; the Woman Knows
Old man: Are you going somewhere exciting?
Girl with suitcase: Not really. But when I get there, I'm getting laid.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: aaron
Categories: Gossip | Old folks | Overheard in PDX | Tourists | Posted 2007-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Happened to Sean Connery in Goldfinger
30-ish blonde: Yeah, my three o'clock appointment canceled, so I lasered off my pubes.
Bar
Newcastle, Oklahoma
Just Smile, Nod, and Back Away
Dude #1: I hate coming in during the middle of girl conversations.
Dude #2: Oh, God -- I came in on the wrong end of a tampon conversation the other day...
Dude #1: Is there a good end of a tampon conversation?
Herndon High School
Herndon, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
When the Hudson Brothers Won the Nobel Gay Prize
World History teacher: The Nazis imprisoned more people than just the Jews -- handicapped people, homosexuals--
Bimbette, interrupting: --They had homos back then? I thought they didn't invent that until, like, the '70s.
Osbourn High School
Manassas, Virginia
Overheard by: This is the last time I take a class that isn't Honors
Gotcha!
Girl: I'm not a nerd.
Boy: Yeah, you are.
Girl: Well, if I'm a nerd, you're a nerd.
Boy: No, I'm not.
Girl: Yes, you are.
Boy: No. Being a nerd is not a transitive property!
University of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: not a nerd
Switch Hands!
Drunk girl: I don't need a man. I need a sex toy. Shit, I got carpal finger.
433 4th Street
Columbus, Indiana
The Police Escort Was Another Hint
Nurse: I didn't even bother checking the urgency, but I guess if there are stab marks it's urgent.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: funvill
Categories: Nurses | Office politics | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Join a Less Ridiculous Subculture?
13-year-old goth boy: Hey! You look like a hippie!
Hippie: Yeah...
13-year-old goth boy, offering hand: My name's Jason*. I thought I should introduce myself since I said you looked like a hippie and all.
Hippie: Okay...
13-year-old goth boy: You know, you look like a Tim. I've got a friend named Tim who looks just like you, only his face is mousier.
13-year-old goth girl: Oh. My. God! That's it! No snowball for you!
13-year-old goth boy: Christ! I can't play with dead squirrels, I can't talk to the hippie...! What the hell can I do?!
Snowball stand
Stewartstown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused Girlfriend
Categories: Goths | Gripes | Hippies | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Loser Ends Up in the Trunk
Girl on PA: Attention, Wal-Mart shoppers. We need Dan Smith* to return to automotive for a confrontation on your vehicle.
Wal-Mart
Kentucky
And Well-Deserved
Gym bunny #1: ... So then he said I must not be paying attention to my practice if I had so much to say about his.
Gym bunny #2: Oooh, that's a yoga slap if I've ever heard one!
Donkey Coffee
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Maybe You Should Think about Having That Removed
Passenger to Muslim agent lady: People must get freaked out when they see you.
Ticket counter, Newark airport
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: OOC
Categories: New Jersey | Race | Tourists | Posted 2007-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit, No, It's Jafar!
Little girl, about passerby wearing turban: Look, Mommy -- it's Aladdin.
Target
Virginia
Overheard by: Makes me want to have kids!
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Movies | Virginia | Posted 2007-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I See Previously-Unsuspected Connections between Ideas
Scholar: I fucking love going to finals wasted!
University of Colorado
Denver, Colorado
When Everything We Do for Them Fails
Nerd #1: Everything men do in their lives is for women.
Nerd #2: Except masturbation -- that's for us.
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Masturbation | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Can I Be Your Greeter?
Bossy little girl: No, no, no! You can't play with us!
Normal little girl: What? Why?
Bossy little girl: Because we want to be unicorns and you want to be Wal-Mart!
Johnstown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: amy
Categories: Insults | Kids | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It Turned Out to Be Just a Tube Sock
Chick #1: What took so long?
Chick #2: We were so close to getting the squirrel, you have no idea...
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Was That Nietzsche?
Man to another, letting him board bus first: I always say, 'Age before beauty.'
Bus driver: I always say, 'Somebody get on the damn bus.'
Bus, Belmont Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
Categories: Bus drivers | Illinois | Philosophy | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snow All Over His Mustache
Loud woman: Yeah, Santa was all fucked up on drugs.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Ohio | Santa Claus | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gays: Oh, Honey, Nobody Would Steal Any of That!
Sorority girl: Guys! Anybody! Help! I just woke up on a couch and I can't find my jacket, my purse, my shoes, my phone, my wallet, or my gays!
Sorority house
Texas
Categories: Gripes | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where She's Decreased Thumb-Sucking by 15 Percent
Employee: She was my supervisor at the one daycare... Then they fired her, so now she works for the government.
Target
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: absent
Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Posted 2007-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Religions Have the Same Basic Premise
Beggar girl to lady: Miss, look at you. You're so beautiful! Give me money and God will bless you. Your boyfriend will marry you.
Man: We're already married.
Beggar girl: Then you will be blessed with many, many babies.
Man: But I don't want any babies.
Beggar girl: What?! Shame on you for not wanting babies! God will smite you for this! Unless you give me money...
Mumbai
India
Overheard by: Mirchi
Categories: Couples | Homeless | India | Panhandling | Posted 2007-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lucky Guess, Mister
Teacher: Jordan*! Can you tell us the answer to the problem on the board?
Student talking in back of class: Um... No, sir.
Teacher: You are interrupting the class! What were you talking about?
Student: Petroleum lightsabers.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Shit, As in... Shit
Chick: I got so much shit to do this week!
Dude: Shit as in projects or finals?
Chick: What? Oh, no -- shit as in drugs.
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: Kevin
Categories: Drugs | Friends | Washington | Posted 2007-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Dudes Are the Frogs?
Teacher: So, who do you think tells us what to do in this country?
Boy: Jesus.
Teacher: No. Remember, in the Constitution there is a separation of church and state.
Girl: I know -- the frogs. You know, those old-looking dudes, the frogs?
Boy: I liked Jesus better. At least he don't look like no frog.
Teacher, shaking her head: Oh, my husband is gonna love tonight.
Mountain's Edge Elementary School
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: I want to be a teacher
And Only a Rough Estimate on the Hos
Distressed girl: I don't know how many bitches I have!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: queer engineer
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When the Girl Spends an Hour Building a Fuck Machine
Dude: It's like... you know when you watch geek porn and it's just uncomfortable?
Kitchener
Ontario
Canadia
Except Now I Need a Ride
Student on cell: So, I was going to call you back, but I didn't want to call you.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Categories: Insults | On the phone | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, That Was CPR
Bimbette #1: We need to find men to buy us drinks tonight -- I only have, like, 10 bucks.
Bimbette #2: Why don't you make out with Mom again? That worked last time.
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Categories: Advice | Bimbettes | Delaware | Family ties | Posted 2007-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Impossible Not To
Princess at front of bus: ... And I went through seven laptops in high school.
Passenger: Oh, yeah? I went through ten laptops in high school!
Princess, offended: It's rude to eavesdrop, you know!
5 bus
San Francisco, California
Categories: Gossip | San Francisco | Strangers | Posted 2007-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Damn Hopheads
Serious man: You don't want to fuck with a kangaroo.
Cortland, New York
Overheard by: adrienne?!?
In the US You'd Be a Superfund Site
Chick: I mean, I looked down at my underwear and I was like, 'Toxic stuff really shouldn't be down there.'
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Her Orgasm Faking Is Sub Par
Chick: Is she a good actress?
Dude: Well, she gives good blowjobs.
Café Pequeno
São Paulo
Brazil
It's Her Best Feature
High school girl to friend: Uh, I'm sorry I didn't say much to her -- I was entranced by her fucking zit-covered bosom.
West Plains, Washington
Categories: Rack | Students | Washington | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Who's Due in June
Woman: I gotta smoke as much as I can before May 30th, 'cause after that it's bad for the baby.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Preggers | Pregnancy | Smoking | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Anthropologists Don't Get Research Grants
Teen boy: Whenever I go to your house you make me run around naked with your mom standing right there.
Teen girl: Oh, she doesn't mind!
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Family ties | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Say Yes, Please Say Yes, Please Say Yes
Animal technician: Oh, did she pipette her hoo-hah yesterday?
Research facility
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jessica Bessica
Categories: Medical personnel | Questions | Tennessee | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Forget by Whom
72-year-old lady: The last time I was carded buying alcohol I was 35 and pregnant.
Kohl's
Dunedin, Florida
Categories: Florida | Memory lane | Old folks | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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