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But for God's Sake, No "Down Low / Too Slow!"
Girl #1 at sink: You know, Nicole is bringing a guy here tonight.
Girl #2, shocked: Shut up!
Girl #1: Yeah, his name is Aaron, and he likes high-fives.
Women's room, Philly Roller Derby
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Miss Carrie
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pass Me the Sports Page, Would Ya?
Hobo #1: Man, you never even realize it -- you start to watch The Price Is Right instead of filing your taxes, and then bam -- you're shitting in the park and wiping your ass with newspaper.
Hobo #2: Yeah, man. For me it was Cops.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Hobos | Overheard in Minneapolis | Philosophy | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Had to Leave to Feed the Holy Spirit
Cafeteria lady: Last night Jesus took me home!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: cherrynwhite
Categories: Jesus | Overheard in Philly | Servers | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Can Smell Cop on You a Mile Away
Eight-year-old: I believe the fanny dance is in order here.
Amused passerby: Awww, what is the fanny dance?
Eight-year-old: Wouldn't you like to know.
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Dancing | Glad the condom broke | Texas | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Ass-Maintenance 101 Was All Full This Semester
Male student: My GPA doesn't mean shit if I can't wipe my own ass, you know?
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Categories: Overheard in Philly | Philosophy | Students | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Laughing -- I'm Serious!
Chick #1: What is that? A rape whistle?
Chick #2, wearing whistle around neck: Yeah, it is! [Blows it loudly] I'm gonna rape you!
Cans Bar & Canteen
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Devon
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | North Carolina | Threats | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time Mommy Is Taking You to Work
Four-year-old boy, singing: I'm gonna piss in your mouth, I'm gonna piss on your head...
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.
Publix grocery store
Florida
Overheard by: Amused yet appalled
Categories: Florida | Should have used a condom | Stores | Threats | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Wearing Stilettos All Day and See How Fun You Are
Suit to another: She's no fun with her shoes on.
Boston Common
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Gripes | Massachusetts | Suits | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gluteal Scars? Yeah, We've Got That
Guy: ... So then this girl just starts biting the staples off of her butt!
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard at Loyola | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Fantasized He Was Stuart Little
Chick: He was so short and cute -- it was like having sex with a pre-Parkinson's Michael J. Fox!
Caribou Coffee
Des Moines, Iowa
We'll Work on Your Ironic Appreciation of Popular Culture
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me? Do you want a piece of me?
Father: Are you talking to me?
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me?
Father: No, that's okay.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Dads | Glad the condom broke | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Rest Stop on the Jersey Turnpike
Excited girl exiting bathroom: That toilet smells like America!
The Angel Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: Nics
Categories: Chicks | Cleanliness | England | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Health Teacher Was Like, "It's Just a Plastic Model"
Girl: ... And I'm like, 'I don't want to look at my own vagina. Why would I want to look at hers?'
West Junior High School
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Missouri | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Like 'Em Cold and Unresisting
Loud chick: You don't kill someone you are trying to have sex with.
Movie theater
Australia
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Australia | Chicks | Philosophy | Posted 2007-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I'm Not a Starfish!
Drunk girl: I have an amazing vagina.
Bartender: Is it an innie or an outie?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: abby
Categories: Bartenders | Drunks | Questions | Vagina | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everybody Puts That on the Syllabus
Girl #1: Ugh, I just got raped by another final.
Girl #2: Seems all you talk about these days is getting sodomized by exams.
Girl #1: Why do you always assume it's anal?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Backdoor | Education | Overheard at McGill | Students | Posted 2007-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just after the Army Haircut
Crazy hobo: You lookin' good, girl! You look like Elvis!
Davis Street
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: the queen of rock 'n' roll
Categories: Compliments | Hobos | Michigan | Posted 2007-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Protect Myself with This Aluminum Foil Hat
Dude: I don't believe in AIDS. I think STDs are just negative energy.
Corda Bar
São Paulo
Brazil
Dude, You Gotta Be Pretty High before That Happens
Scholar: So, at what elevation do deer turn into elk?
Gateway High School
Florida
Overheard by: Pilbur
That's the Last Heterosexual Bender I'll Be Going on for a While
Girl: Shit! I've been out of commission for, like, one week and there's already three new gay words!
Casa dos Artistas Fashion Show
São Paulo
Brazil
I Would Simonize It All Day Long
Weight lifter to buddy: If I had a vagina, I would call it Simon!
Australian National University Gym
Canberra
Australia
After a Nasty Court Battle, She Got the Egg Back
Crazy English professor: Now, Herrick -- his poems are like eggs... I used to have an ostrich egg... I knew the ostrich, too... Not that it makes any difference.
Birmingham-Southern College
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: poetrywhat?
Categories: Alabama | Animals | Colleges & Universities | Teachers | Posted 2007-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most Thorough Parole Officer I've Ever Had, for Sure
Girl: But, I mean, he was in my lower intestine. I just can't get past that.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: benji
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Put the Ralph in Your Cramden
Girl: Oh my god, I can't believe you! You vomited all over their bathroom!
Drunk chick: I'll vomit in your vagina!
Blacksburg, Virginia
By Something That Doesn't Have "Hitachi" Written on the Side
Chick: There comes an age when just kissing won't do it anymore. I'm 22 and I want to be fucked!
Augusta Street
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: Laughing passerby
What History Says of Me Is Another Matter
Queer: At least I can say I did not die naked eating JELL-O.
House of Erika Palomino, Vila Madalena
São Paulo
Brazil
Now I Know What That Sensation Means
Waitress #1: At least you didn't pee your pants like you did yesterday.
Waitress #2: I know, right?
Steak-n-Shake
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: pee bee
Categories: Ohio | Pee | Restaurants | Servers | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Oh, Did I Say That Out Loud?
Eight-year-old boy to self while looking at China teapots: I just love the stuff in here. It's so breakable -- that's what's great about it. That, and it's shiny.
500 Shawnee Street
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Kansas | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why I Didn't Get That Modeling Contract
Girl: I got into the international university in Bremen, but they didn't give me any scholarship money because I'm not Ethiopian and I eat dinner every night.
Washington, DC
Categories: Biotechs | Education | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Expect All My Misapprehensions to Be Validated
Smart girl: Obviously 'irregardless' is the wrong word in the sentence.
Dumb girl: Why is that word wrong?
Smart girl: For starters, it's not even a real word.
Dumb girl: Sure it is -- I use it all the time.
Erie Community College
Orchard Park, New York
Overheard by: Smarty Pants
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | New York | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Say They Lack Focus
Student giving presentation: There's also astigmatism on people who are poor...
Wright State University
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: thinks he meant
Who Has Access to All The Sex Manuals Ever Printed
Middle-aged woman to 20-something: I never knew there was that much variety in shape, size, color and girth. I'm talking about butt plugs. Oh, I'm sorry. You look shocked. I forgot -- you're just a librarian.
Wedding reception, Caesar's Palace, 3570 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Nevada | Strangers | Toys | Posted 2007-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happens to Everyone Eventually
Woman #1: I fell down the stairs yesterday.
Woman #2: Oh my god! Me, too! What happened?
Woman #1: I don't know. I just fell.
Woman #2: I guess I'm a little better than you -- a possum was chasing me.
Target
Virginia
I Recommend Interacting with Me to Keep Yourselves Awake
Professor: I love talking about this stuff. I could go on forever. And I'm tenured, so if you have a problem with that you'll just have to deal.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Eavesdrop DC | Education | Teachers | Posted 2007-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Talkin' to Me? Well, I'm the Only One Here...
Crazy guy looking at reflection in store window: Man, what the fuck you lookin' at?
Massachusetts Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dan
Categories: Crazies | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Educational Legacy of Pusey
Student: I never talked about vaginas nearly this much until I came to Smith.
Cushing/Emerson dining hall, Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That Kind of Gilding the Lily?
Girl: Hey, Chantelle*! Chantelle!
Chantelle: What?
Girl: Did you bring skank boots?
Chantelle: Yeah.
Drama class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
Categories: Canadia | Hoochies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Shoes | Posted 2007-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Gets Out Blood?
Black lady #1: So I said, 'What are you gonna do, hit me?'
Black lady #2: Mmm-hm.
Black lady #1: Then he really started to trip...
Black lady #2: Mmm.
Black lady #1: That's when I looked him right in the eye and I said, 'One of us is gonna die tonight.'
Joliet Mall
Joliet, Illinois
Categories: Black people | Gossip | Illinois | Posted 2007-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, That Felt Good. Well, See Ya!
Teen boy: Tell me something I don't know.
Mom: I'm not your real mother!
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ashley
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Moms | Teens | Posted 2007-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Packed into an Intestine
Crackhead bag lady, her face two inches from stranger's bratwurst meal: Is that cake?!
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Bag ladies | Food | Michigan | Questions | Posted 2007-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Hurrah for Random People Giving Me Ritalin!
Girl #1: Oh, god. It's freezing! Fuck life!
Girl #2: You mean, fuck the weather.
Girl #1: No, fuck life... And fuck random people telling me I have ADD!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: dela
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Must... Resist... "Widener"... Joke...
Dignified middle-aged foreigner to three students: Excuse me, can you tell me -- where is the pussy?
Grad student #1, while other two laugh: Pusey Library? You want Level D, then make a right and go down the hall.
Dignified middle-aged foreigner: Thank you. How late is the pussy open?
Grad student #1, losing his composure: Um, yeah. You know, man, that really depends on you. If you're good, it's open all night.
Widener Library, Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: A.J.S.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Foreigners | Massachusetts | Questions | Students | Posted 2007-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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