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I'll Do a Chinese American Dance in Sweats, and That's My Final Offer
Guy: I'll do the work and you'll do the Chinese dance in sexy underwear.
Angry Chinese girl: No!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ad'a
Categories: Asians | Dancing | Guys | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If That Means We Can't Be Married within Our Faith, So Be It
Chick: No, you will not show my grandma your penis! I don't want my grandma telling me that you're too small or too big for her granddaughter!
Puerto Allegra restaurant
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Amber
Categories: Chicks | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Is a Subject I've Given a Lot of Thought
First year girl: I wouldn't let my mom kiss me goodnight if I had a vagina for a nose, anyways.
Queen's University
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Apple?
Girlfriend: You're still tying your shoes with bunny ears?
Boyfriend: The other way is really hard!
Girlfriend: It's so easy!
Boyfriend: Look, I have to do the bunny ears. I can't tie my shoes the other way. It's like, the bunny goes around the tree 50 billion times, then hides in its hole, comes out and the mongoose chases it... Then the rabbit eats the apple!
High school
Hamburg, New York
Categories: Couples | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hope for the Best and Pack a Vibrator
Chick #1: About 20 minutes is good enough.
Chick #2: But what about the pleasure part?
Colby College, Maine
Overheard by: they stopped talking when they saw me listening
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Maine | Questions | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slick Salty Shame
Dude: So, you know what makes a great lube? Tears.
Chick: Yeah, they do. Especially in the shower.
864 Club
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Cdogg Davis
Categories: Friends | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Shouldn't Teach Kids New Words
Four-year-old: Mommy, are you having a breakdown? [Bored mother ignores child.] Mommy, I'm having a breakdown!
National Gallery
Edinburgh
Scotland
Categories: Gripes | Scotland | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Fashion Designers?
Skinny white kid: Who doesn't love black chicks with fat asses?
Political Theory class, University of Southern California
Los Angeles, California
I'm Like, Red Sky at Morning, Sailor Take Warning!
Girl #1: I just want to tell her, 'Just because you think the sun rises and sets in her vagina doesn't mean we all have to.'
Girl #2: Seriously.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Painted John Adams Purple
Little girl to mother, pointing at a picture of Ronald McDonald: Look, Mommy -- they put lipstick on George Washington!
McDonald's
Jackson, New Jersey
Overheard by: Lydia
Categories: Glad the condom broke | History | New Jersey | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Irresistible; That Makes It His Fault
Chick #1: Oh my god, I was so drunk last night! Do you think Lisa will get mad that I made out with her boyfriend?
Chick #2: Yes.
Chick #1: Well, it wasn't really my fault.
Chick #2: Yes, it was. You basically went up to him, batted your eyelashes, and started making out.
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: California | Hoochies | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They'd Be Having Awkward One-Nighters All Over the World
Blonde: What if the Nazis got Facebook?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? It's Not Gay If He's Dead.
Film buff: What I want is to wake up next to a girl who I can have a great conversation with -- someone I really want to talk to. And if I woke up next to Toshiro Mifune, that'd be interesting.
Northcote
Australia
Categories: Australia | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Conducting Field Research
Asian dude: I don't know. Something about the alcohol there gets me drunk.
Friends: Yeah!
California State University Dominguez Hills
Carson, California
Overheard by: Danial
Categories: California | Friends | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, You're Not a Rutgers Student! Get Off This Bus!
Genius #1, about Neil Armstrong: Wait, didn't he win the Tour de-- Oh, no, that was Lance Armstrong.
Genius #2: Wait, there are two of them? I thought the astronaut guy turned into the bike guy!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
Categories: About celebrities | Bus | Idiots | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Still Working on "A Peanut Is Neither a Pea Nor a Nut"
English teacher, on The Sun Also Rises: In one sense this book is a love story between a nymphomaniac and a man without a penis... [Pause] Discuss.
Acton, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna See My Picture with Santa?
Girl to guys talking about their Easter candy: You know, I just want to point out that you're both 23 and still getting Easter candy from your parents.
Guy #1: Hey, it's not like I asked for it!
Guy #2: And besides, it's not from my mom. It's from the bunny.
PETCO Park
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Danette
Categories: California | Friends | Holidays | Insults | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Too Late to Change Our Minds?
Lecturer: If I'd given you gin instead of phonology, no doubt you'd all be sitting closer together.
Manchester University
UK
Overheard by: Ferdinand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | England | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Girls, Learn Some New Insults. Granny, Get with the Program
Teen daughter: You're a dickwad.
Mom: No, you're a dickwad.
Teen daughter: No, you're a dickwad.
Mom: No, you're a dickwad.
Granny, with English accent: What's a dickwad?
Teen daughter: It's a pile of jism, Granny.
Dad: Okay, family meeting right now!
On the subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: jezebel
Categories: Canadia | Family ties | Insults | Moms | Old folks | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Schedule C Controlled Nationality
Girl #1: Is Cuba part of North America?
Girl #2: Do they speak Spanish in Cuba?
Girl #1: Yes.
Girl #2: Then no. Cuba is not part of North America.
Guy: What about Mexico? They speak Spanish in Mexico.
Girl #2: Mexicans are illegal.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Idiots | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tim Allen Stars in Christmas with the Pygmies
Female student: The women incite their husbands and the women get mad when their babies get eaten.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Relationships | Students | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Sense That I Don't Know What He Did
Social science student: I don't think of Che Guevara in the political sense. For me he's only a pop icon.
Pontifícia Universidade Católica de São Paulo
Brazil
And Now It's Payback Time
Girl: Hey! That guy pierced my nipple on Friday!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Nipples | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Honey, Not the Strawberry -- I'm Still Sore From Last Night
Chick: ... But it's only about the size of a strawberry.
Dude: And all I'm saying is that a strategically placed strawberry can exert a surprising amount of pressure.
Random passerby: Right on!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Categories: Friends | Fruit | Washington | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Fuck Them, Then Piss in Their Beds
Girl: I hated him so much I pissed in his bed.
Guy: What happens if you really like them?
Lincoln Park, Illinois
Overheard by: olly
What's Your Problem? Twenties Keep Coming Out!
Guy to girl in line at ATM: Stop playing with his butthole! What are you doing to his butthole?!
Champaign, Illinois
Overheard by: In front of her in line, and afraid to turn around
What You Never Knew about the Last Supper
Hipster chick: You know, you can tell it's a good party by how many people get their stomachs pumped, and whether or not Mark gets naked.
Friend: Totally.
Starbucks
Virginia
Categories: Hipsters | Philosophy | Virginia | Posted 2007-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Come Back! You Teach in Korea!
16-year-old: There are 24 letters in the alphabet, right?
Teacher: I quit.
Bradley, Illinois
Overheard by: A Horrified Student
Categories: Education | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That because It's Ann Landers's Birthday?
Professor: Adams and Jefferson weren't the only presidents to die on the Fourth of July. Does anyone know the third?
Student #1: Was it Monroe?
Professor: Yes, Monroe also died on the Fourth of July. Quite interesting, isn't it?
Student #2: Is that why we celebrate the Fourth of July?
Liberal Ed floor, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ready to graduate
Too Drunk to Hit On? Or Just Drunk Enough?
Woman: I don't keep any money in my billfold. You know, in case I lose it. So, what's your favorite Bible verse?
Macaroni Grill
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: onethingleadstoanother
Jay and Silent Bob Finally Accept It
Woman, about two men hugging: Okay, good. Now I want to see you make out. For two minutes. In slow motion.
Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: conrad jones
Categories: Creepsters | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | New York | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Prefer the Good-Looking Strippers
Orthodox Jew with cello case: They let you play with dogs in Vegas!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Gossip | Jews | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Country's Just a Collection of Ill-Matched Couples
International Trade professor: This may seem counter-intuitive, but why would any country agree to something that would make it worse off? Just like my first marriage, it happens.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Overheard in Law School | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Well. It's the Thought That Counts
Girl to guy trying to grab her underwear: Ow! What the fuck are you doing?
Boy: Sorry! I was trying to give you a wedgie, but I didn't realize that you already had one.
Alaska Pacific University
Anchorage, Alaska
Categories: Alaska | Colleges & Universities | Students | Undies | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has Actually Mislabeled the '70s
Professor: It's debatable whether or not LSD was actually dangerous. I mostly remember the '60s.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Categories: Drugs | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vietnam Memories
Girl on cell: ... And he ate the whole ear.
Swan Walk Shopping Centre
Horsham
UK
Categories: England | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He's the Real Deal, He'll Forgive Me
Dude #1: Dude, did you just call Jesus a fag?
Dude #2: I did.
Billings, Montana
Overheard by: he really did
I Owe Dale $800, and He's Out for Blood
A girl screams and begins running away.
Friend: It's a chipmunk, you dumbass!
Girl, resuming original path: Oh.
Hubbard Lane
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Jigga Mouse
Lisa Gets Sold into Slavery on the Barbary Coast
White girl on cell: But we couldn't tell if he's a pirate...
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Categories: Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Overheard in Philly | Whiteys | Posted 2007-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will You Need the Whiteboard?
Chick, during silence: ... So I woke him up at like two in the morning and was like, 'Holy fuck!' ... Oh, sorry. I guess I should explain myself.
Lecture hall, Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gossip | North Carolina | Students | Posted 2007-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Not a Chain,Then?
Student #1: ... And this concludes my presentation on Sudan. Are there any questions?
Student #2: Sudan... Is that where that Hotel Rwanda thing happened?
Professor: No, that would be Rwanda.
International Marketing class, University of Nebraska-Lincoln
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Meagan
You Mean I Got These Knuckle Tattoos for Nothing?
Crazy lady with fanny pack, after hearing "Emotion" by the Bee Gees on loudspeaker: Love is not an emotion!
Wal-Mart
Oakdale, Louisiana
Overheard by: Vicky
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