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The Emo Ranch Is Down the Road
Guy: So at this Texas game ranch they release emos, and you shoot at them... I mean, emus.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: pace
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Words | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Attach Them to Your Keychain for Luck
Young boy: Dad, what does this say?
Father: What do you think it says? It says, 'Irish.'
Young boy: What's that?
Father: Irish are little, short people.
Thousand Oaks, California
Categories: California | Dads | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But God Has Other Plans for Your Death
Woman: It's like paradise!
Small child, excitedly: A paradise where you get killed!
Woman, happily: I'll kill you!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: ethan I make whittier prettier park
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Comment, I'd Really Need a Larger Sample
Four-year-old girl looking at Michelangelo's David: Do you see the penis?
Nanny: Yes.
Four-year-old girl: I like the penis! Do you like the penis?
Nanny, turning around and walking away: There's no good way to answer this.
Florence
Italy
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Italy | Penis | Questions | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Buy It a Few Drinks, Then Resubmit It
Professor: Your paper is doing some heavy petting, but it's not going all the way!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Education | Overheard at McGill | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now I Found a White House with a Really Big Lawn
Tourist girl on cell: I found the house I want to live in when I move to DC, but then I found out it was the Smithsonian...
Washington, DC
Categories: Gossip | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Can Hold It Over the Kid for Life
Pregnant, tattooed hipster: This is killing me. How can I go without ink for nine months?
Tattooed hipster friend: Oh, I know.
Nevada
Get Enough of 'Em Together and You'll Qualify for the AARP Discount
Drunk guy: Can I get a pack of cigarettes?
Trucker: Can I see some ID?
Drunk guy: Which one? 21 or 19?
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jack
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Now That I Know I Can, I'm Adding It to My Routine
Girl: Why would you ever kick a squirrel?
Guy: I wanted to see if I could do it.
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alyssa
Categories: Animals | Guys | Overheard in College Park | Violence | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Outvoted on That One
Chick on cell: I'm doing my paper on child euthanasia... Yeah, they'd have to be terminally ill, not just ugly kids.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Beauty | On the phone | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Blender Is a Total Mess
Second year law student: I don't know what I drank last night, but my mouth tastes like a French whore today.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or a First Edition of Great Expectations
Young black man: That's the best gift you can give a brother -- a fine Latina with B cups.
Orange Line bus
San Fernando Valley, California
Overheard by: suzy vapid
Categories: Black people | Bus | California | Race | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course, I Still Don't Know If He's Really David Hasselhoff
Teen girl #1: I really feel like our relationship is progressing. There's a closeness that wasn't there before.
Teen girl #2: Awww, really?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he added me on MySpace.
Hawaii
Overheard by: Invisible
Can We Go Over the Air/Fat Correlation Again?
Frat boy #1: Dude, look at how much air there is in this room.
Frat boy #2: Dude, what if they charged money for, like, air?
Frat boy #1: Dude, I wouldn't care -- I'm not that fat... Dude, don't you ever just want to, like, throw a knife up in the air above a crowd of people and, like, see what happens?
Frat boy #2: Totally.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doppelganger
Categories: Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone There Has Given Up on Life Anyway
Father: Honey, you can't cry on the train. The conductor will kick us off.
Young daughter, crying: Can I cry on the bus?
Father, after thoughtful pause: Sure, you can cry on the bus.
MBTA Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Dads | Lies | Massachusetts | Parenting | Train | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New York Apartments Are Too Damn Small
Girl on phone: I mean, do you know how strange it feels to climb out of the bed of the guy you just hooked up with and then climb into bed with your brother?
Chinatown bus from New York City to Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Bus | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Olestra Chips
Chick #1: Try it. It's a Malibu Bay Breeze. It's a chick drink, but it's really good.
Dude, sipping: Damn, that's delicious.
Chick #2: It's a bitch drink.
Dude: A bitch drink?
Chick #2: It'll make you grow vaginas on your arm.
Dude: That wouldn't be that bad. I'd never leave my house.
Chick #2: No, not functional vaginas. Just ugly ones that people would be freaked out by.
Dude: You know, you just took something wonderful and made it horrible.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in the Valley | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Just Come on It?
Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn't fuck her! I just came on her! ... Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?
Chick-fil-A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Cum | Indiana | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm the Thing I Have Sex to Forget About
Suit: I can't masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
Categories: Maine | Masturbation | Suits | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Period.
Chick: The bitch got an iPod and all kinds of cash from her family. She's totally fuckin' spoiled and it makes me sick. I finally told her, 'Bitch, get your own fuckin' tampons!'
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: craig
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lex Decides to Shave His Head
Young man, thoughtfully: I think the reason I stopped believing in God was because when I was little I begged... I begged him to give me Superman's powers. And he never did. He never did...
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Defying Gravity
The Ultimate "Get Out of Jail Free" Card
Boyfriend: Damn, bitch! Yo' braces just nicked my lip!
Girlfriend: Well, I don't hear you complaining they be nickin' yo' dick when I be suckin' you off!
Boyfriend: Damn, bitch! You is hot!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ouch!
Categories: BJs | Couples | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Do Drugs and Cry
Girl #1: ... And my boyfriend told me what a bad person I was, and I was like, 'Don't say that to me! You're hurting my feelings!' Then I did drugs and cried all day.
Girl #2: Wow. Well, we should really study today...
Girl #1: Yeah, let's stay really late. Like, 'til 10.
Girl #2, totally serious: Yeah... Or we can go to the Biosphere and get burgers...
Girl #1, also serious: Yeah.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at McGill | Time Management | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom and Dad, Especially
Barista #1: So, I had this totally fucked up dream last night. I was, like, having sexual relations with my brother...
Barista #2, totally serious: That's not weird.
Barista #1: I know, but the weird thing was everyone around me was really uncomfortable with it.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: I'm uncomfortable even hearing it
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Family ties | Sex | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Did a Little Patting, and Only on the Topside
Man on cell: They said I sexually molested the cat... I would never do that! I love that cat!
Utah
Categories: Animals | Gossip | On the phone | Utah | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, He Supports Breast Cancer Research
Lady: Oh, how cute is she?!
Woman with kid: Actually, it's a he.
Lady: Well, why is he wearing a pink hat?
Woman with kid: Because he's gay!
Sweden
Shout-out: www.tjuvlyssnat.se
Overheard by: Lina
Categories: Compliments | Gender issues | Kids | Moms | Sweden | Women | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which I Do to Make Getting Pregnant Fun
Girl: That's totally the last time I'm getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking!
RFK Stadium Metro Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Hoochies | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Really, Really Stupid, Too
Frat boy #1: She was so dumb.
Frat boy #2: You should watch how you use that word. It doesn't really mean stupid -- it really means 'deaf.'
Frat boy #1: Okay, she was really deaf.
Colorado State University
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: English Major
Categories: Colorado | Frat boy types | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In a World Gone Mad, She Made Her Own Rules
Woman: If anyone ever hurts you tell them to stop that, because it's not nice.
Little girl: And then you kick them in the face!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Advice | Glad the condom broke | New Zealand | Violence | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why All the Girls Wore Their Easy-Access Poodle Skirts
Teacher: What were people in the '50s basically concerned with?
Stoner kid: ... Scoring?
Lincoln-Way High School
Illinois
Overheard by: Sally
Categories: Illinois | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stoners | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think of It As an Experimental Fiction Grant
Hobo: I tried skateboarding once, but I fell down and had a baby... Can I have some money?
Granville SkyTrain station
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: chad
Categories: Canadia | Hobos | Panhandling | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then How about a Few Bucks So I Can Buy It a Shoe?
Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis... reduction... It's too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until--
Man: --No.
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Homeless | Lies | Penis | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Eminem Really Has against Moby
Hipster, gesturing: ... And his flaccid dick was as big as my forearm!
Olive Street overpass
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Gossip | Hipsters | Penis | Washington | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because That Would Narrow It Down
Drunk boy: I can't find her! I don't know where she is!
Drunk girl: Is she wearing clothes?
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On Second Thought, I'll Wheel Myself
Man pushing wheelchair lady, singing: Handicap, handicap, oh handy handy handy...
Epcot Park, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Euggh
Categories: Florida | Guys | Singing | Tourist attractions | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Sell a Kit for That, Too
Professor: It's like IKEA -- you buy some furniture, think you can put it all together, you go home and fail and then go slit your wrists in the corner.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: shawn
Categories: Education | Overheard at Western | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Picture Just a Thigh Wearing Fishnets
Girl: She looked like a mix between a Christmas ham and a hooker.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: NS
Categories: Chicks | Insults | New Jersey | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everything I Chose to Do to You Is Your Fault
Wife: This is the last chance. I'm really going to file for divorce unless you're willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won't cheat on.
Omaha, Nebraska
Then You'll Hate Gay-Porn Method Acting
Chick: I don't like processes... and anal things.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: twombly
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Cornell | Philosophy | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Feel of Flesh, the Endurance of Metal
Tech enthusiast: Wait, did you say 'cyber sex'?
Dude: No -- cyborg sex.
Tech enthusiast: Cyborg sex? That's even better!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Sex | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Absolutely My Favorite Doctor
Suit: ... And of course afterwards she ran up and down the hospital corridor naked, screaming at her husband.
Bakery
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | New Zealand | Suits | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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