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But I May Have Buttered My Ass and Come As a Parker House Roll
Chick: Do I know you from somewhere?
Dude: Uh... maybe?
Chick: Didn't you come to my Halloween party dressed as the Pillsbury Doughboy?
Dude: No.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Clothing | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Students | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Loved "Pee-wee's Big Adventure"
Young mother to five-year-old daughter: Morgan! Come here! Do you remember that film we watched about perverts? Now hold my hand!
Clapham Common Post Office
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in London's Journal | Parenting | Post offices | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Buy Candy Corn
Sweet-toothed student: If you put an infinite amount of candy corn in front of me, I will eat until I die. Do you understand that?
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Candy | Overheard at Stanford | Students | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Remember When You Were Cool
Frat boy: Nah, I'm not going out tonight. I'd rather wake up tomorrow and have a problem set done instead of a fat girl.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Education | Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dr. Phil?
Student #1: Who's that bald guy?
Student #2: That stupid-ass bitch that I want to kill.
Student #1, nonchalant: Oh.
41 West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Argonath
Categories: California | Students | Threats | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He's Not Getting Out 'Til He Learns the Combo
Male coworker: So, wassup?! You holding down the third trimester? You got that thang on lock?!
Preggers coworker: Hell yeah!
Oakland, California
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: California | Coworkers | Overheard in California's Journal | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Known As a White Sale
Guy #1: 'Drinking the Kool-Aid' is such a misused phrase. It's even become corporate speak. Don't people realize that it's a reference to the death of a thousand people?
Guy #2: Yeah, next thing you know they'll be saying, 'We're going to offer a Holocaust of savings.'
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Guys | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They Hate for You to Mess with Them
Girl: Well, I mean, skunks do have nipples...
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Nipples | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Genetic Engineering Has a Long Way to Go
Preppy freshman chick leaving dining hall: So, life decision for today: I want to become a Gummi Bear!
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Anna Deaton
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Philosophy | Preppies | Students | Virginia | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Left You a Box of Chocolates in a Locker at the Airport
Office grunt: Valentine's Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I've worked every Valentine's Day. The nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they're coworkers but then grab each other's legs under the table.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Grumpies | Holidays | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Now Extinct
Woman: I can't believe my friend pterodactyled me yesterday.
Stumptown Coffee House
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jose
Categories: Chicks | Kink | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Buddy, We've Got It Taken Care Of
Girl in sleeping bag outside music club to stranger walking by: Yeah, okay, we're waiting for a Hanson concert. Wanna make fun of us now?
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: isaac
Categories: Chicks | Music | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Do You Mean, That's Too Graphic for My Wedding Vows?
Loud girl on cell: I dunno... I mean, it takes a lot for someone to make out with you after you've been puking.
Outside Goldwin Smith Hall
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even without the Wink She'd Know How You Feel
Adorable professor, winking: See, now, it would be just like I came on Beth* and then winked at her.
Haverford College
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: not beth
Categories: Orgasm | Overheard in Philly | Teachers | Posted 2007-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Portrayed in the Screen Adaptation by Willem Dafoe
Dude #1: Saint Nicholas. Isn't he the evil one?
Dude #2: No, Saint Nick is Santa Claus.
Dude #1: Oh, I must be thinking of John the Baptist.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tim
Categories: Christianity | Idiots | Overheard Lines | Santa Claus | Posted 2007-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know It's a Leather Apron, Right?
Big black guy on cell: Yeah, I wear the apron. But it comes off at night. Then we'll see who hustles!
301 bus to Shoreline
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Black people | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2007-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But a Wise Man Would Have a Paddle Ready
Dude #1: So, you're saying the moon is going to shrink to the size of a ping pong ball?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I'm not a scientist, so I can't tell you how it's going to happen.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tim
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Didn't Fit
Man on phone: Where's Joey? [To someone at the table] Where's Joey? [Into phone] He's in the bathroom trying on a dress.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bananna lee fishbones
Categories: Coworkers | Gossip | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Telepathic Communication Exception
Evidence prof, about hearsay exceptions: When Lebron James makes a three at the end of a game, is it a statement? He's not actually saying anything. Actually, often when I go to games there is a woman with Downs Syndrome who sits behind me. She's a lovely woman... She thinks the players are talking to her.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Mental illnesses | Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Posted 2007-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Research It and Get Back to You
White construction worker: What was the name of Speedy Gonzales' cousin? The slow one...
Mexican construction worker: Why?
White construction worker: Because I want to start calling you that...
Hamilton Street
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: slowpoke rodriguez
Categories: Construction workers | Insults | Names | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's a Lousy Dater but the Best Darned Scarf Salesman in His Jurisdiction
Girl #1, after watching lousy pick-up artist with her friend: So, was that your future husband?
Girl #2: He just gave me this feeling... It was like I'd never be warm again.
London Tap House
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Insults | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time You Said That, We Had to Get Extradited from Nepal
Chick: I haven't even showered today.
Dude: If we're going to have a quickie you need to take a shower first.
Chick: I could just douche first.
Dude: I don't want my dick to smell like a tree. I want it to smell like a panther.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Douching | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Totally Worth It
Man to buddy: She's the one who introduced me to the lesbian that beat me up after sex.
Adams Morgan, DC
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Guys | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Forgot You Vomit with Your Abdominal Muscles
Foreign student, in Spanish: When I woke up the next morning, my stomach was so sore. Of all the parts of me I thought would get sore after a night of debauchery, the stomach isn't even in the top 10.
Rector Lopez Argueta
Granada, Andalusia
Spain
Overheard by: Kelly
Not Much of a 'Break' at All, Really
Girl: So, what did you do over the break?
Guy: Well, I beat off a lot.
Saugeen snack bar
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: eric
Categories: Masturbation | Overheard at Western | Students | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This Ruler Is Purely Recreational
Woman in miniskirt: I'm a teacher, yo! Wooo! I'm a teacher! [Starts grinding against the wall.]
Hollywood Canteen
Shout-out: overheardinlosangeles.blogspot.com
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Los Angeles | Teachers | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Them, Donald Duck's Too Creepy to Be a Role Model
Guy: Once you've seen him in his underwear you want to be just like him.
Huber's restaurant
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Fashion | Guys | Overheard in PDX | Philosophy | Restaurants | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Am Willing to Pretend To
Mom to child: We are not buying food for imaginary people.
McDonald's, Redcliffe
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: Ashley
Categories: Australia | McDonald's | Moms | Philosophy | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Replaced Frank's Regular Fellatrix with a Thumb-Sucker. Let's Watch What Happens
Black woman #1: Did you suck your thumb growin' up?
Black woman #2: No, I don't think so.
Black woman #1: I did. Thumb suckers give the best blowjobs, you know.
Black man: Really?
Black woman #1 : Yeah. Once I was at a party with a friend, and we hooked up with a guy. Well... we went off together and had a test, if... you know what I mean... and he said I was the best -- way better than my friend.
Black man: I'd like to try that test.
Mkt Frankford El subway stop
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b&n guy
Categories: BJs | Black people | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are These Not the Hottest Slippers Ever?
Girl: I'm like Mister Rogers -- I change my style twice a day.
Farragut North Metro
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Fashion | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why Jurors Can Relate to Them
Evidence professor: You really have no idea how stupid criminal defendants are. Imagine the stupidest person you went to high school with. Now, imagine a person that your stupid high school buddy would consider stupid. That's your criminal defendant.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kw
Categories: Insults | Overheard in Law School | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except with a 10-Foot Pole
Horny girl: I'm scared! I don't want to get turned on by a tampon! I don't want to lose my virginity to a tampon... It's just, like, vagina creeps me out so bad, like, I look for excuses not to touch it.
Friend: Yeah, vagina is gross. I avoid touching it.
Stauffer Library, Queen's University
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: andrea
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Sorority types | Vagina | Virginity | Posted 2007-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Won't Make That Mistake Twice!
Four-year-old: Mommy? When are you going to marry Daddy?
Mom: Shhh...
Trader Joe's
Brookline, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Beholdin' a Gram
Beholder: You are not a beholder, buddy.
Non-beholder: Nah, dude. I'm pretty sure I behold.
Duffield
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: benji
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Really Happened at Hiroshima
Hungry person: I would sacrifice a million Asians for 10-dollar sushi.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Crazies | Food | Overheard at McGill | Threats | Posted 2007-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Global Warming Just Strikes Some People Harder
Guy: Do you guys ever get giant puddles underneath you in class?
Weary friend: Yes.
Guy: Mine always seems to be so much bigger than everyone else's.
Becker Dorm
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ad'a
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Overheard at Cornell | Questions | Students | Posted 2007-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'I Believe You Have My Stapler,' He'll Say
National Science Foundation lady #1: He said my behavior was willful professional misconduct.
National Science Foundation lady #2: And then what?
National Science Foundation lady #1: I told him to suck my fat black dick.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Creative. What'd he say to that?
National Science Foundation lady #1: He was real calm. He said, A) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and B) completely illogical.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Well, he's got a point, yeah.
National Science Foundation lady #1: If he says another word to me, I'm gonna bust him with a stapler...
Food court, Ballston Mall
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Okay, How Did the Fridge Do on the Test?
Bimbette: So, how'd you do on that test?
Man wheeling gigantic yellow fridge down hallway: Oh, pretty crappy.
Bimbette: Oh. Well, see you in class!
Man wheeling gigantic yellow fridge down hallway: Aren't you even gonna ask why I have a fridge?!
University of Winnipeg
Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: Bree
Categories: Bimbettes | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Questions | Posted 2007-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shhh, They're the Fuzz!
Homeless man approaching peach stand: Peaches, what's they job? [Silence from passersby.] They job, what's they job?
Befuddled white preppy #1: Well, I think they have potassium...
Homeless man: But what's they job?
Befuddled white preppy #2: The color probably means they have beta carotene...
Homeless man: Peaches, what's they job?
Farmer's market, Union Square
New York, New York
Overheard by: I don't know, either
Categories: Food | Homeless | Jobs & Careers | New York | Posted 2007-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Memento Whori
Girl #1: So, how long has it been?
Girl #2: Hmmm... about seven months or so.
Girl #3: What are you gonna do about it?
Girl #2: Hold a funeral for my vagina.
Prince Albert's Diner
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: al
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Western | Vagina | Posted 2007-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cleaned a Drain, Most Likely
Professor: Can you tell us about the conversion of Ireland?
Student: I dunno. Something about Saint Patrick and a snake? I'm not sure what he did with the snake.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jw
Categories: Overheard in Law School | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, They Make Great Stress Balls
Dude: Man, I've dated two chicks with fake boobs. I mean, what's up with that?
GW party
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Eavesdrop DC | Guys | Rack | Posted 2007-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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