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I'm an Enabler--I Admit It
Teenager #1: My parents would never let me wear that out of the house.
Teenager #2: My dad's a freak. He likes to see me half-naked.
Navy Pier
Chicago, Illinois
I'm Not Pregnant!
Old Russian woman: You very strong girl!
Cashier: Thanks.
Old Russian woman: You will birth very easy!
Cashier: Than... wait, what?!
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
If He Dies, They'll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say "My friend's dying, can we have discount tickets?"
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Giving Head
Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I've never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I'm not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I'm your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?
Park
San Diego, California
Categories: Age and ageing | BJs | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Memory lane | Names | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the "Bump N' Grind" Escort Service
Suit on cell: I don't know much about this party he's throwing, other than he got me a pregnant stripper.
Del Monte Shopping Center
Monterey, California
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: California | Default | Malls | On the phone | Pregnancy | Sexuality | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Suggest a Rollerblades Tour
Fat American female tourist to new best friend: If ya didn't like the Vatican, you're gonna hate the Louvre!
6th Floor, Hilton Arc de Triumph
Paris
France
Overheard by: Pope Andrew I
What About "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"?
College girl, while listening to Hang Me Out To Dry: Dude, I just pictured my tampon singing this song!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. Lil
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Overheard in Minneapolis | Singing | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Recorded in My Memoirs: What What (The Unibutt!)
Skater guy: I'm not into the unibutt.
Friend: The what?
Skater guy: You know, it's like a unibrow, except a butt.
Friend: What are you talking about?
Skater guy: I am just giving my commentary on how style has affected my life.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Vertical Bars Are So Slimming
20-something goth/thug girl: Remember the time I went to jail? I didn't want to leave!
Denny's
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: I didn't want to be at dennys
Categories: Crimes | Default | Girls | Goths | Memory lane | Restaurants | Texas | Thugs | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On
College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Family ties | Friends | North Carolina | Pregnancy | Sex | Sorority types | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women's gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Old folks | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Cashmere Condoms Are So Popular
Bearded dude: Yeah... I care a lot more about my penis than I do my friends.
Not quite as bearded dude: Oh, totally.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wondering if that is selfish, or self preservation...
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Feelings | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Kept Me Awake by Leading "Expeditions" Into My Sock Drawer
Girl #1: I found that doll the other day.
Girl #2: What doll?
Girl #1: The Steve Irwin doll, you know, the one that used to look at me creepy while I was sleeping.
Girl #2: Ohhhh, that doll!
Bleeker's Bowling Alley
Chicago, Illinois
Care Bears: Oopsy Does It! Is Exactly Like That
Really hot girl: Dude, it's like the Care Bears came and puked on my face!
Denver, Colorado
You Wouldn't Believe How Many Miles To The Baby My Truck Gets
Brunette: I use babies as a unit of measurement.
5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Oh Yeah, You'd Like Me to Pour You on My Meat
Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh
And I'm Running Dangerously Low on Reese's Pieces
Seemingly not-crazy lady on elevator: Have you seen any aliens today?
Man: Not yet, but it's still pretty early.
Seemingly not-crazy lady: I hope I don't see any; I don't have any spit.
Fox Plaza
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Uses spit for lube
What the Hell Is Going on in Illinois?
Professor walking through the hall: Well I guess I'd have to be spanked then.
Asian grad student: That's why they're called "accidents"!
University of Illinois
Just Since the Gangbang
Woman: Wooo! It's wetter than a nymphomaniac in a gangbang out there.
Man: You've been waiting to say that for a long time, haven't you?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Questions | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Just Because You Didn't Understand What 'Phone Sex' Meant
Guy: Just trust me on this one and go along with it one more time.
Girl: I did that last time and ended up with random things up my ass.
Stoneham, Massachusetts
Hot!
Guy #1: So he lit the shot on fire and when he went to take it, part of it got on his face and instead of swallowing, he spat it everywhere and it all caught on fire.
Guy #2: Yeah, I bet he got laid that night, though.
Girl: Where, in the burn unit?
Houston, Texas
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sexuality | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye
Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.
North Branford, Connecticut
Yesterday You Said Genius Was 1% Inspiration and 99% Marbles
Little girl to mother: Revenge is made from marbles.
Aberdeen
Scotland
Overheard by: Fiona
Would It Help If I Glued This Viola to My Hand?
Non-Asian student to Asian student: Dude, I keep forgetting you're Asian.
Asian student: I know! Me too!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: m. Jo.
Michael Jackson: At Least I'm Consistent!
Woman talking on phone to friend: I have a real thing for little boys. I never used to...
Train Leaving Brighton
England
Overheard by: Wishing she hadn't tuned in at that point
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Feelings | Kids | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Virtually Indistinguishable from His Singing
Chick on cell: David Hasselhoff just brushed past me. Mooing.
Coachella Music Festival
Indio, California
Overheard by: Brokeass Harem
Categories: About celebrities | California | Default | Girls | On the phone | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule
Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Categories: Advice | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
English Conversation Is Fun
Attractive 30-year-old blond European woman: You can say it, say it, sayyyyyy it!
50-year-old well dressed Japanese man: Penis... penis... penis...
Ginza
Tokyo
Japan
Overheard by: Brian Milvid
I Guess If You Want to Be Anal About It...
Teen girl with group of friends: But I don't get it... Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh... So you don't get shit in your vag?
Federation Square
Melbourne
Australia
And Now the Judge Says I Can't Babysit There?
Girl to fourteen classmates: I do *everything* in the bathroom!
The Melting Pot
New Jersey
Overheard by: supersecret!
Categories: Etiquette | Euphemisms | Girls | New Jersey | Restaurants | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She'll Be All, "Help Me, Dr. Phil"!
Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why's that?
Guy #1: It's gonna get her fat! I'm going to get extra sour cream and she's going to be all like: "Damn, this is delicious!" Meanwhile, she'll be getting fat.
Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Florida | Food | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Gotta Ax So Many Questions?
Jackie O. lookalike: If I can't sneak cigarettes into my house, what makes you think I can get an ax?
Starfest Sci-fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
But Don't You Think Toddlers Deserve to Work in Coal Mines?
Student: That's terrible!
Professor: I agree, I'm a horrible person.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
You Laugh, But He Has Poisoned Darts in His Backpack
Seven-year-old little boy staring at a little old lady with white hair: You're going to die!
Hilander
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Koosa
Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In an Abstruse Theological Way That Requires Nothing of Us
Mid-30s casual man to woman: Obama is our modern-day political Jesus Christ. He will save us.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: babybug
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Jesus | Politics | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Time Don't Roll on Me Just Because They Offer You Cookies and Juice
Little boy: You used to have a pocket knife, mommy!
Mother, laughing nervously: No, I didn't!
Little boy: Yes you did! You used to!
Nervous mother: No, I never did! I never had a pocket knife! Please don't tell the police that!
YMCA
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Muffin
And He Usually Takes Duct Tape As Well
Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Categories: Death & dying | Fears | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex
Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni