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Right After He Repairs My Cable Box
Woman #1: Dammmnnn girl! This metro so damn crowded!
Woman #2: Shit yeah! Too many people here.
Woman #1: Don't worry, Obama gonna take care of that.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Gripes | Other sites | Politics | Public transportation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just As Long As I Get the Obligatory Milkbone
Girl: Well, the sad thing is I'm gonna have to treat you like Morgan when she doesn't want to take her ear infection pills.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Massachusetts | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Need to Be More Specific.
40-something woman: Bump-its for everyone!
40-something woman's friend: Yes! Bump-its!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No thanks...
Categories: Gifts | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2011-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Why Does Your Sippy Cup Smell Like Martini?
Two-year-old, holding plastic dinosaur up to ear: Uh-huh, mommy, it's been a really hard day.
Teacher: It's been a hard day, huh?
Two-year-old: Excuse me, I'm on the phone!
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
I'll Put Them on Ice for You 'til After the Exam
Guy to another: Dude, just study your nuts off and you'll be fine.
Binghamton University
New York
You Have to Put Balls in a Lot Of Faces Before Your Find Someone Who Likes It
13-year-old boy in pool: Guys, let's play water Pokemon!
Friends: Okay!
13-year-old boy: I'll be Scuba Scott. Scuba Scott uses ball-to-face! (hits friend in face with ball)
Friend: Owwww! Scott, why'd you do that?!
13-year-old boy: It's super-effective!
Recreation Center Pool
Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Friends | Pop culture | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Dr. Heimlich Invented His Maneuver
Guy, chuckling: Can you give me a blowjob?
Girl, also chuckling: No! Why would I do that?
Guy: Come on! Please?
Girl: No! (laughs)
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Just... No. Guy, please, there has to be some reason, just, why not?
Girl: There is no reason, I'm just not giving you a blowjob.
Guy: Oh. Come on! Please? There has to be a reason why.
Girl: I'm not giving you a blowjob because... (sighs) My mom says you would be a choking hazard, and I don't want to choke.
High School
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether This Is a Turn-on or a Turn-off Says a Lot About Her As a Woman
Drunk white guy making out with Indian girl, shouting at a guy with Christian slogans: Oi! Oi! Christians fuck off!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Christianity | Drunks | England | Insults | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Spies May Be Adorable, but They Get the Job Done
Girl on cell in library: It's crunch time, sparky!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
According to This Late-breaking Report from Fox News
Professor: Obama is a white supremacist just like all of you and me and everyone else.
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I missed something
What?
Father to son, on golf course: Yeah, while you were away I though about hiring someone to rape me.
Son: What?
Father: It's supposed to really improve your golf swing!
Eagle, Colorado
Are We Weird for Assuming They're Discussing Abortion?
Chatty female college student to friends: So it was sort of like that, except instead of a q-tip, it was a vacuum. There was no scraping at all.
Friend: Wow... that's crazy.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Students | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Black Forest Clogs
Skinny girl, in an accusing tone of voice: Why are you wearing elf-shoes?!
Chubby friend, sounding frightened: They're not elf shoes! They're German!
Skinny girl, squinting: Hmmmm...
Toronto
Canadia
And a Machete
Lady at fruit stall: Well, it's her birthday... I'd better buy her a coconut!
Brisbane
Australia
No Sword Fights in the Library, Dude
Computer nerd on laptop: See that walking cucumber over there? (pause) Yeah, well, I have a magic sword!
Dartmouth College Library
New Hampshire
Overheard by: Madeleine
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Food | Magic | New Hampshire | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before Harry Hole Joined the Police Force
Sheepish-looking PhD student coming out of washroom: Oh yes! I wasn't taking a shower with a glass of chardonnay! By "wasn't" I mean "was", by "taking a shower" I mean "taking a dump", and by "glass" I mean "bottle". (long pause, looking down the hall) I was taking a dump with a bottle of chardonnay!
University of Northern Norway
Norway
...She's a Good, Honest Whore
Angry guy, loudly: My sister is not a fetish model!
Greenport Harbor Brewery
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Family ties | Guys | New York | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Confirming Everything I Know About Male Swimmers
Teenage boy to his mother: There's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the team area. It got all over my face, but none of it got in my mouth.
Summer League Swim Meet
Ashburn, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Sexuality | Teens | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Canadian Bacon Comes From?
60-something man, watching obese woman board bus, loudly: So fat!
30-something woman, quietly: Yeah, sometimes it might be genetics or something. Not just cured by exercise, you know?
60-something man, loudly: I try to avoid getting too close to people who are that fat. I'm scared they'll just explode and innards will get all over me!
30-something woman: (disgusted look)
London
Canadia
Overheard by: On the bus
The Itchy & Scratchy Episode That Was Too Raw for The Simpsons
Young woman to small boy, loudly: Get your hands outta your pants, dude! (moments later) I said, scratch it through them!
Bus Stop
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: across the street
Herman Cain's a Busy Man These Days
Guy in tire store uniform: I don't have time to walk through this whole store. Just point me to the scooters and the black barbies.
Toys "R" Us
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: got got got no time either
Categories: Employees | Florida | Time Management | Toys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Women Sure Know How to Dick Around.
Woman #1, standing over large dropped box on floor: Ugh, I dropped it.
Woman #2: That's it! Straddle it, you'll get it.
Woman #1: I can never get it up.
Target
North Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Chris M
Categories: Advice | Character | South Carolina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Satanists Ride the BART
Girl on train, not wearing earphones: Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Roma ro ma-ma! Gaga ooh la!
Girl across the seat: I will eat your uterus.
BART
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Girls | Public Transportation | Uterus | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: The Object Of My Infection
Teen girl on phone: The chlamydia is inclusive.
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Health & Hygiene | STDs | Teens | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Postal Service Has Really Stepped Up Its Game
Man to woman at post office: Oh, I must be hallucinating.
Post office lady: Congratulations, that's lovely.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compliments | Employees | Feelings | Guys | Sensory experiences | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alcohol Helps You Deal with the Strange.
Guy in pub, having just arrived at the table where his friends are: I have had the strangest day, and I'm not even drunk yet.
Canterbury
England
Overheard by: Noel
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Feelings | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Follow Me!
Screechy woman: We need to figure out what the frack we're doing for Canada day!
Quiet man: Probably sit around and watch the fireworks.
Screechy woman: Noooo, that's such a waste!
Quiet man: (silence)
Screechy woman: I have the day off, yeeeaahhh!
Quiet man: (silence)
Screechy woman: Do you think pigs would eat other pigs?
Quiet man, after long pause: I really don't know.
London
Canadia
Overheard by: Watcher of Fireworks
This Must Be How Men Feel About Vaginas
Short, round, drunk girl with British accent: I have to pee! I just hate walking by all these apartments knowing they all have working toilets!
Manhattan, New York
The People Look Cold and Frothy.
Man in pub, to friend: Oh, they look nice! (pause) The beers, I mean, not the people.
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
Categories: Beauty | Drinking & drunks | Other sites | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's with Moms and Chuck Norris?
Weird kid: Your momma's so fat that... Chuck Norris. I win.
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Categories: About celebrities | Family ties | Kids | Michigan | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Is It Anything Like "Walk Like a Prescription"?
Guy in Pirates jersey: Just another planet Monday... Wait, how does that go?
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Flab Treesports
I Was Like, "Did All That Come Out Of Me?"
Drunk 20-something girl with iPhone to friends: Hey, have a look at my photos of me getting done up the arse last night!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Unlike Most Of the San Antonio Spurs
Girl: And I was all "his mom is a slut" I mean, she sleeps with everyone.
Boy: Don't talk about my mom that way.
Girl: Why not? I mean, she's my mom, too.
Boy: No, she's not.
Girl: Well, you never know! You weren't there!
San Antonio, Texas
The Library? Nooooo!
Woman on cell: I'm at the library because I'm so fucking pissed off at you!
Library Parking Lot
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
Just Like the Tag Promises!
Older lady: This purse is perfect! It has two outside pockets! One for my phone and one for my teeth!
TJ Maxx
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Interesting Use for a Purse Pocket
Categories: Body parts | Georgia | Old folks | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Wouldn't Pot Be Microwaveable?
Crazy old woman to teenagers: I just learned something today. The Native Americans had microwaveable pot!
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay
Categories: Education | History | Massachusetts | Technology | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Lassie "E! True Hollywood Story" Was Too Controversial for TV
40-something suit: You know how sometimes you can love a dog so much it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman: (looks at him blankly)
40-something suit: You know? So that it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman, looking straight ahead: Umm, let's look at Halloween candy.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I love my dog, but not that much
Categories: Animals | Candy | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Suits | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or to Have Palin As Our Number Two
Boyfriend to girlfriend: It is my sole wish not to have to go number two tonight.
Obama Rally
Chicago, Illinois
Well I Can't Help It If Yours Is a Bigger Target
Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Friends | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's So 1995.
Teen girl: Dad, stop talking about Hugh Grant's penis!
Concord, Massachusetts
Categories: About celebrities | Family ties | Massachusetts | Penis | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because Jello Is More Traditional
Girl to friend: I just don't understand why people don't want to be covered in spaghetti!
University of Virginia
Overheard by: MW
Categories: Food | Girls | Sensory experiences | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Men Won't Be Men, Then Women Will
Emo boy to mother in women's clothing store: I'm more feminine than anyone in here!
Coffs Harbour
Australia
I Guess That Has Its Positives and Negatives.
Blonde 8th grade girl, reading poster about sex offenders: He assaulted her with a battery?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay loves julia
The Song?
Sorostitute: Like, ohmigod, Africa is like so cute!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Feelings | Geography | Massachusetts | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
College Guys Have to Be Taught Everything About Pussy
Girl walking through campus: And that's why you can't put a cat in the microwave.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Girls | Pennsylvania | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cunt Remember a Thing
Pretty black girlfriend with super long hair: I have no vaginal memory.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Black people | Girls | Memory lane | New York | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Times Are Tough in Michigan, Dear Reader
Architect, describing high school renovations to student body: And these will be new bathrooms.
Boy: Fuck yeah! New bathrooms!
(thunderous applause)
St. Joseph, Michigan
Was College Ever About Learning?
Lecturer, about exam questions: I mislead you on purpose. I have to get some sense of perverse pleasure out of designing these questions. I sit at home going "aahahahahahaa!" (rubs hands gleefully)
Irish Culture Lecture
University of Zurich
Switzerland
In Totally Unrelated News, Which Of You Left an Earring in My Carpet Last Night?
Biology prof: So the dinosaurs were eating all the iridium poisoned plants, and dying of drug overdoses. That's why you find them in all these weird positions, they were having bad trips and just... dying.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Danielle
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Drugs | New Mexico | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Last Lecture Will Be Difficult to Top, Professor
Guy to others: There had better be another exploding chicken!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
After I Spent All That Time Photoshopping That Dick Into a Pacifier
Freshman girl: Well, like, this was from like 2 am the day it was due. I mean, the first one I submitted was of me with a pacifier in my mouth, and they told me it was inappropriate at the last minute. I mean, like, why couldn't they have told me that in January when I submitted it?
University
Connecticut
Overheard by: You really needed to be told?
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Girls | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dad Always Dreamed I'd Say That to a Lady
Gay dressing room associate: Did you find everything alright today?
Attractive female shopper: Everything except a pair of pants.
Gay dressing room associate: We'll just have to find you a pair, then.
Attractive female shopper: No, that's alright. The pants here never fit me correctly.
Gay dressing room associate: Well, I'll see if I can't fit you in my pants.
Attractive female shopper: Wait... What?
Banana Republic
Marin, California
If Lifetime Were a Channel for Men
Girl: Oh my gosh, Brian* went off with the sexual predator dude!
Couple, in unison: Bro rape!
Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York
Nine Months Later, I Had You.
Student: So then I turned round and there was a snake in my bacon!
Birchwood Community High School
Warrington
England
It Said It Needed a Witness for the Lawsuit
Girl to friend going back into lecture hall: But it's just a pen, Kelly!
Friend: I just wanna see where it fell!
Toronto
Canadia
Why 4-Year-Olds Shouldn't Have Real Cell Phones
Four-year-old boy using hand like pretend cell phone: Hello, police? We're at Target. You know the way? My babysitter's being real weird, can you come get her?
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Kids | Offspring | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"A" As in "Adolph," "F" As in "Final Solution"...
Indian lady on crowed bus on cell: Yes. 'h' as in 'Hitler.'
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Not Me
Categories: About celebrities | Kentucky | On the phone | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2011-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, I Would Put Your Marlboro Out With My Tongue
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl, handing man money: Go get me a pack of Camels number nine, please.
20-something man: Are you serious? They're going to think I'm fruity. (walks into store, immediately walks back out) I can't buy them. That girl is working.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: I'm sorry, would you like me to buy Marlboro Reds? That's a manlier cigarette.
20-something man: That'd be great. (goes back in and returns with Marlboro Reds): Sorry about that. Uh, if I don't get my type of cigarettes then I think they'd get suspicious.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: You don't even smoke.
Akron, Ohio
The One Advantage to Growing Up Next to a Nuclear Power Plant
Drunk man: I just really want a fucking vagina!
Drunk woman: Like sparkly pink neon!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'm sure you do
Categories: Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Vagina | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Were His Teeth In or Out?
Young woman on cell: I kiss my grandpa on the mouth, have I made out with him?
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Family ties | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only Breastfeeding Porn Were a Mass Market Item
Drunk girl: I think... If I didn't have a family I would be a porn star.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Pennsylvania | Porn | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Us Never Speak Of This Again.
College guy, watching little girl in husky cheerleader outfit: What's with all these cheerleaders everywhere? I like it!
Female friend: Dude, that sounded kind of wrong, she's like six.
College guy: Yeah... I just realized that.
UW Husky Tailgate
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Feelings | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, I Know You Don't Know Me, But I've Got It All Planned Out
Happy, 30-something Indian suit, on phone in check-out line: Yes. Yes! She will be my sugar momma and you will be my wife. (pause) My sugar momma!
Wegmans, Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Family ties | Relationships | Suits | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask John Wayne
Man playing fantasy board game: You can have as many pilgrims as you want!
Wegmans
Woodbridge, New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | Religion | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Get Good Grades This Semester?
Asian girl: Can I have two penises?
Market Street
San Francisco, California
Next Time, Do It in Your Coy, Playful Way!
Angry Jersey girl on cell: No, you hung up on me in your manic, crazy way.
Church Tag Sale
New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Shave It?
Girl #1 : I found a bearded dragon in my brothers closet last night!
Girl #2 : A real dragon?
Girl #1 : No, a lizard.
Girl #2 : Oh.
Secondary School
Nanaimo District
Canadia.
Little Madalyn Murray O'Hair Was Quite the Handful
Little girl, running by: She's going to church, I have to stop her!
Lawrence Farms Orchards
New York
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Categories: Character | Christianity | Kids | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well They're Part Silicon
Dude at bar: And they're real housewives? That's awesome!
The Highlander
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor
Pop Quiz: Who's She Talking To?
Woman: I'm glad all my friendships are online!
Melbourne
Australia
Since Writing Messages in Blood on His Mirror Doesn't Seem to Be Doing the Trick
Girl #1: Oh, whose car do you think it is? Maybe it's his!
Girl #2: Don't hit it!
Girl #1: Or maybe I should. Give us something to talk about. Hey, remember that time I totaled your car?
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Cultured
English teacher, on how language features are used in advertisements: So in the end, this advertisement is making all the single women of the world think "hello? I wanna be like the yoghurt!"
English Class
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Of American Debt
Professor: China's a sausage fest.
Murray State University
Kentucky
She's Like, "Eh, I'll Make More"
Girl: I've heard that woman over there is giving away some of her kids.
Campinas
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Family ties | Girls | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Only Think Threesomes Are Exciting, 'til You Encounter One.
Bearded man, teaching math: ...which is gonna give you nine over nine over four, which is horribly ugly. Does that terrify you greatly? It should.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
Like When Jim Carrey Became Jamie Kennedy
Nerd #1: What you really must decide is where your evil alter ego came from. Was it a sudden event that caused it to emerge? Or was it always lurking waiting for the right moment?
Nerd #2, nodding in agreement: Yes, yes. So true.
Skagit, Washington
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Philosophy | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Was Your Mother's Day, Philadelphia?
Guys on bench to kid on phone: No, we're not gonna pee on you, we're just gonna give you a shower!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Pee | Pennsylvania | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Stopped Watching Law & Order: SVU
Mother to son: Don't you talk to me that way! I'll put my finger anywhere I want to!
Turtle Back Zoo
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: lickety-split
Categories: Body parts | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Somebody Has an Admirer
Woman on the street: In the past 24 hours someone a shoved a dead bird in the grill of my truck!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems to Be a Common Theme
Girl to friend, while going to the bathroom: During that time of the month, I pee out of my butthole.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: weird, I normally just sneeze out of my eyes
Categories: Ass | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Called "Sex," Alyssa.
Girl on cell: What did you do to my widgets last night?
Rhodes University
South Africa
Your Oversized T-Shirts and Puffy Bangs No Longer Have Any Hold Over Me!
Bum, to nobody in particular: I hate you, DJ Tanner!
Sacramento, California
Categories: About celebrities | California | Feelings | Homeless | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Your Answer to Everything
Man #1, after hurricane: I'm trying to decide if I should hook up my freezer to the generator or wait a while longer.
Man #2: Well, squeeze your meat, and see if it's hard.
Houston, Texas
It Gave Me Relationship Advice
40-something driver to friend: So I saw some interesting roadkill the other day...
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Another chupacabra?
Categories: Death & dying | Friends | Sensory experiences | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to the Latest Edition Of Chicken Soup for the Canadian Soul.
Guy to another: Running naked with a sword is just not a good idea.
Guelph
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Think They Called It "The Battle Of the Bulge"?
Old man to another, over lunch: And once one of the Germans got constipated, none of us could shit for weeks!
Valparaiso, Indiana
Meet the "Bad Companions" Your Mother Warned You About
Barefoot girl in red dress: Oh my god, what are we doing?!
Girl with partially shaved head and blue sweater: We're... (dodges car) We're running into traffic.
Melbourne
Australia
Why People Hate Tequila in the Morning, Encapsulated.
Drunk girl: Look! I have salt stains all over my pants. I'm a car.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
So None Of That Unpleasantness Was Personal?
30-something artist: It's not that everybody hated the Jews, it's that the Catholics were crazy.
Art Studio
Rochester, New York
I'm Tempted to Remove My Diaper
Guy at party #1: Hey, hold on, did that baby get naked?
Guy at party #2: Yeah, man, it's hot in here.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
I'll Barely Have Time to Throw a Fuck Into You
Guy holding another in headlock and punching him in the face, shouting across road to immensely fat girlfriend: Charl! Get that fucking taxi! We gotta get home or the babysitter'll want extra pay.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
...He's a Keeper, Abby!
Girl #1: And like, he gets me so drunk that when I get off I barf!
Girl #2: Wow!
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: Chiz
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Getting off | Girls | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're No Pussy, Dad
Teenage girl to father: I didn't come out of her vagina, okay? I don't have to respect her.
Father: Well, I guess you don't respect me either, cause you didn't come out of my vagina!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: made my day
At Least Death Has a Job in This Economy.
Imaginative little boy to brother: That's evil's house, and then death comes walking out of it and he's like, "I hate my job." And then he accidentally taps his wife on the head and is like, "noooo!"
London
England
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Categories: Death & dying | England | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It May Sound Fishy, but She's Got All the Other Acts Schooled!
50-something woman to friend: She's got a phenomenal voice--when she sings, it's like she has gills instead of lungs.
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Gossip | Other sites | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Gonna Get Along Swimmingly, Mate.
Drunk #1: I'm telling you man, these fucking guys raped a fish.
Drunk #2: What fucking guys?
Drunk #1: In Africa. They raped a fish. That's why the fish have to wear condoms, so they don't have fish babies with bulging human eyes.
Drunk #3: How the fuck did we get from talking about his (gestures towards drunk #2) sister's hairy vulva to fish rape?
Drunk #4: How the fuck would you even rape a fish anyway?
Drunk #1: Gut it and wank with its corpse?
Drunk #2, knowingly: Or freeze it and push it up your arse.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
I Was All, "You, Sir, Are Morelly Suspect."
Pretentious woman with boyfriend to stranger: That's interesting, because he just had a guy try to sell him fake morels.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Ken
But If Your Only Other Choice Is Golf...
Roommate, through wall: Oh, Ellen*, not naked psychology again...
St Andrews
Scotland
Categories: Guys | Relationships | Scotland | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hope to Graduate Magma Cum Laude
Teacher: That would make such a great scene in a movie: A volcano smoking, then it erupts, and thousands of ninjas spout out of it and run forth and populate the earth!
Student: This is the best class ever!
Memphis, Tennessee
We'll Never Forget That.
Mom to little girl: No, we are not getting Eliza* a present. She hasn't given you a present ever since the elephant incident.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Animals | California | Memory lane | Moms | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Love This Game!
Chick: Guess who's a lesbian couple again instead of creepy incest twins!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Girls | Leisure | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Wouldn't You Agree, Herb?
Wholefood store employee: I don't know, just when you think the world couldn't get any worse, suddenly there's a basil crisis.
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
Categories: Employees | Other sites | Philosophy | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2011-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To the Muffmobile, Robin!
Girl on bike #1, over her shoulder: Crotchless panties!
Girl on bike #2: Crotchless panties?
Girl on bike #1: Crotchless panties!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
...If It's Anything Like How They Grow Jelly Donuts.
Girl #1: Oh, it looks like you are registered for the jelly belly factory tour.
Girl #2: Is there anything else? I don't really care how they grow jelly beans.
Davis, California
Overheard by: PhillyKid
Categories: California | Food | Girls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Cruising Slang Gets More Cryptic by the Minute.
Guy on phone: That sounds awesome. (pause) Did he kill the bear? (pause) Wellllll, fuck him!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Coral
Translation: ...Until After We Have Sex
Slightly austistic girl to slightly austistic boyfriend: I just don't want our relationship to be dysfunctional...
Slightly austistic boyfriend: No! No! It won't...
School Bus
Categories: Couples | Public transportation | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? I'm Not Proud Of Myself!
Girl to friends: So, when I was 6, I took my golden retriever's rectal temperature with a tire pressure gauge.
Nice Restaurant
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Girls | Memory lane | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That It's Damaging to Let Your Kids Watch Too Many Cartoons
Muffled male voice, through the wall, at the end of an increasing crescendo of sex noises: Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats hoooooooooo!
Hotel
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Oooh, Could He Be the Swedish Chef?
Girl to guy: Okay, okay. You can play the waitress, and I'll play the creepy chef who's always trying to rape the waitresses.
Oslo
Norway
Categories: Europe | Girls | Offers and requests | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Preferably That Squirmy, Hairless Guy in the Back Row.
Dumb freshman girl: Why does being castrated make your voice high?
Friar professor: Talk to someone after class.
Seattle University
Washington
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You're the One Who Said The Cheetah Club Was Out!
Girlfriend: No, tell me, I do wanna know where you want our wedding!
Boyfriend: Funplex.
Girlfriend: You want our wedding at Funplex?
Passerby: Oh, shit!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Walking by
Categories: Couples | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Draw the Line at the Elephant Man, Though
Guy #1: Wow, you like them big.
Guy #2: No, I can do fingers. As long as it's a Chernobyl mate with, like, fifteen of them.
England
Overheard by: Noel
Categories: Body parts | Character | England | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Like Feeling Exotic
Little girl to mother: I always get weirded out when we come to Asian markets.
Mom: Why is that?
Little girl: Because there are so many Asian people in one place!
Mom: Why is that weird?
Uwajimaya
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Koley
Mom Put the "C" in "ROTC"
Geek #1: So, was your mom a very loose woman when she was in college?
Geek #2: Well, not really, but back when she was in the military, she was.
Morgantown, West Virginia
Overheard by: Mint
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Family ties | Questions | Sexuality | Weirdness | West Virginia | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Occasionally Grind My Hips. What?
Guy: So yesterday I totally got paid $10 an hour to lay on the floor and do nothing!
Liberal Arts Building, Utah Valley University
Orem, Utah
Oh, Leave Martin Short Alone.
Woman, exiting coffee shop: He's like ten years old, but he's aged really well...
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Minivet
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told You the Whole Rugby Team Wouldn't Fit.
Youngish girl to pair of friends: My vagina is ruined after last night.
Melbourne
Australia
As I Learned at the Birth-a-Bear Workshop
Boy to friend: I'm totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.
High School
Clarksville, Maryland
...Ever See Crouching Vibrator, Hidden Weapon?
Teenage girl, on self defense: I think that 'bob' really works. People know I'm not messing around when they get my dildo thrown at them.
Hillsboro, Oregon
Overheard by: Hannah
Some S'more Than Others
Handsome guy: He's always speaking in code, like "my son's so flaming he could toast a marshmallow," or "my son's so flaming he has toasted a marshmallow," which I don't really get, because everyone toasts marshmallows.
MetroNorth Train
Connecticut
Queen Latifah Never Looked Back
Black girl in workout clothes: So I googled it.
Overweight friend: Googled what?
Black girl in workout clothes: The human skeleton is 20% of your body weight.
Overweight friend: So what?
Black girl in workout clothes: Sooo... Without that, I only weigh like a hundred pounds or something.
Overweight friend: (confused look)
Black girl in workout clothes: I'm just saying I'm not fat anymore.
Michigan
Overheard by: It's that simple?
Categories: Beauty | Black people | Fat people | Girls | Michigan | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Some Of You Guessed on the Midterm?
Veterinary pathology professor: The client's Samoyed had puppies, and the last pup came out green. So what happened? Did the bitch get raped by a martian?
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Categories: Animals | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm All, "Cholesterol Be Damned!"
Tenor-voiced guy on cell: So I hung out at the pie shop after that for about half an hour. And I stole a quiche. Yeah, I totally stole it. And a croissant. Just walked up to the counter and bagged them for myself and walked out. It's my reckless streak.
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Why Do They Let Great White Sharks Shop Here?
Mum to small son: Stay with mummy or someone might take you.
Son, very excitedly: And eat me?
Target
Australia
In Summary, Never Pick Your Nose With Your Thumbnail
Coed to another: It's someone picking their nose... but in the thumbnail it looked like a penis
SUNY
New Paltz, New York
Categories: Girls | New York | Penis | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is a Prejudice Bad Even When It's Good? Discuss.
Former roommate: Arabs smell good... No, I don't talk to stinky Arabs. All my Arab friends smell fantastic.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Guys | Indiana | Race | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Thank Goodness for Duct Tape, Am I Right?
Delta gate agent to another: There's always something wrong with this plane.
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: Hoping to get bumped
Categories: Employees | Stupidity | Technology | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Still Take It Down If Either Of You Ever Wants a Job
Girl #1 on Facebook: And then I gave my mom a lap dance.
Girl #2, looking at pictures: It looks like she was enjoying it.
UMass
Dartmouth, Massachusetts
Categories: Dancing | Family ties | Girls | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They'll Tell Us What to Do
Teen, hearing that IBM computer "Watson" is winning at Jeopardy: That makes me so happy! We have robot overlords!
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Feelings | New York | Technology | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Horror Porn Exists.
Nerdy girl to three friends: Of course you run the risk of showing your underpants, but in the face of zombies, I wouldn't mind so much.
University of King's College
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Weirdness | Zombies | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
First Time in Massachusetts, Sweetie?
Black girl, after seeing renaissance a cappella group rehearsing: White people be doing the most ridiculous things! No offense...
Williams College
Williamstown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: None taken
Categories: Black people | Girls | Massachusetts | Music | Race | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Midterm. Ever.
Humanities prof: Where were we? (pause) Dead babies!
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Education | Kentucky | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Instance, She's Always Refusing to Change My Diaper!
Woman to friend: I don't know why she wants a baby. I mean, she doesn't even like poo.
Edmonton
Canadia
It's 1 A.M., Sir.
Paralytically drunk trainee Russian orthodox priest, lying on pool table, smoking a joint: Fuck! I've got to get to church in two hours...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
When Yonkers Girls Make a Sexual Availability Statement
Roller girl: Whoa! That's a vagina you could accidentally fist.
Yonkers, New York
Categories: Girls | Masturbation | New York | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm Allergic to Flannel.
Anime-loving teenager on cell: So it's like I'm a lesbian in a man's body. Except I like boys.
CTrain
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Gender issues | On the phone | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2011-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...the Last Time I Was Truly Happy.
Sexy baseball coach: I was shooting pheasants, naked, in Boise, Idaho.
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Saywhat?!
Categories: Animals | Leisure | South Carolina | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Worries-- He Was Just Cutting My Brake Lines.
Frazzled principal addressing group of volunteers in library: Sorry I'm a little late everybody, I had to pull a kid out from underneath my car.
Weslaco, Texas
The Feminator Was a Surprisingly Popular Superhero
14-year-old boy, running down the hall after another: You're feminating me.
Newfoundland
Canadia
The Right Tool for the Job, and So Forth
Roller girl: So you either need a lesbian or a bearing press.
Yonkers, New York
Pop Quiz: Which Of These Things Are True About Sarah Palin?
Hobo: You ever wanted to punch an asshole in the face? Now's your chance, one dollar! I deserve it! I club baby seals, I vote Republican, I masturbate way too much! Quit laughin' and start punchin!
Church & Duboce
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: C
Categories: Assholes | California | Hobos | Masturbation | Offers and requests | Politics | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanksgiving's Not a Religious Holiday, but Whatever
Waitress: Are you going to celebrate Thanksgiving tonight?
Woman with thick Canadian accent: Oh, no, we're going to go home and worship Satan, if that's okay with you.
Cracker Barrel
Orlando, Florida
It Isn't Easy Buying Green.
Guy: So I got there, and they were out of the green ones, so I had to get two of the green ones to get one of the green ones!
Nikki's Cafe
Beloit, Wisconsin
Same Way I Learned Massage Therapy
Dude #1: I'm a massage therapist and an electrician.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? Did you go to school to learn how to be an electrician?
Dude #1: Naw, I hooked up with this guy who had been doing it for four years and owned a five million dollar house. He just handed me a drill and told me to go for it.
Petaluma, California
Overheard by: lith
Gee Thanks, Captain Buzzkill
Part-time firefighter: So the next time you feel chest pains, it may not be a good idea to tell 911 that you took meth earlier. And the next time you're in a car crash, keep your pants on.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: he has the most interesting stories...
Michael Kors Drunk on Vacation Is Pretty Much What You'd Expect.
Man in the street, yelling: I need more pockets! Cargo pants!
Miami, Florida
Even the Air at Whole Foods Is Rich in Fiber
Wife to husband: You're back already? That was the quickest poop you've ever done!
Whole Foods
Alexandria, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Poop | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jared Took Silver at the TMI Olympics
Boy, returning from the washroom: I had the mini-barfs!
Sam Woo Restaurant
Mississauga
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Food | Health & Hygiene | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Presenting This Year's Sweetest Rejection
Tall Hispanic woman to one-legged Hispanic man in wheelchair: Nigga, I get with you, I have triplets--got that supersperm!
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: chuck
Categories: Florida | Latinas | Pride | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...The Golden Retriever Did What with the Banana?
Girl: So... How did your sex tape go?
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: AJ
I Think I've Seen This Episode Of Roseanne...
Woman entering stall to daughter: See you in an hour. (ten seconds later, from inside stall) You know... People are gross. (another 10 seconds later) Okay, I'm over the toilet!
Daughter: Shhh!
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: L-Dawg
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New York | Parenting | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Um, I've Heard.
Man: All cocaine really does is make you want more of it.
Woman: Not necessarily. If that were true, what's to stop people from snorting dog shit?
Man: That rule doesn't apply to dog shit. If you snort dog shit, you will definitely never, ever, want to snort it again.
Oakland, California
That's How Studying Is Done, Right?
Frat dude to another: I'm going to the library and I'm going to study my little nipples off.
University of Colorado
Overheard by: OMH
Categories: Colorado | Education | Frat boy types | Nipples | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, This Is a Common Theme.
Blonde wife: You do realize that our son is going to tell his schoolmates that Jesus is either a zombie or a vampire. Then we are going to have to explain to his teacher that we are Jewish.
Asian husband: And that you are just bad at explaining things?
Houston, Texas
See Those Guys Outside Erecting a Monument to My Not-Caring?
30-something woman: Should we get this one?
Mom: It comes with two 8x10s.
30-something woman, to brother across room: Do you want an 8x10?
Brother: Don't care.
30-something woman: Maybe we should get this one with the 5x7s. (to brother) Do you want a 5x7?
Brother: It's incredible how much I don't care.
Photo Studio
Germantown, Maryland
Overheard by: Daniel
What the Fuck Is Going on in Leamington Spa??
20-something drunk girl, pointing at traffic lights, to friends: Shhhh! We have to be quiet! This is where the dwarf lives!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."
30-something woman on cell: Yeah, the crow was annoying, but at least it wasn't masturbating.
Framingham, Massachusetts
Categories: Birds | Gripes | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When a Man Gets a Brazilian Wax
Woman #1: Ouch! That must have hurt!
Woman #2: Not really... He was possessed.
São Paulo
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Maladies | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are Guys So Afraid Of Making a Full Colon Committment?
Bearded guy: So, I've been really getting into, like, semicolons.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Education | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Give Me Directions at Your Own Risk
City bus driver, at the beginning of his shift: My name is Bob, I'll be your new bus driver. I'll be taking this bus down University to... some mall. I don't know where we're going, heh. I'm new. I will drive very carefully... unless you piss me off.
Des Moines, Iowa
That's Not What I Meant When I Asked "What's Your Position?"
Eastern European delegate in back row: And that was by far the biggest thing that has ever been in my ass!
College of William & Mary Model United Nations Conference
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: The Georgia delegate now regretting her seat choice
One Has to Love One's Own Nipples First, I Suppose
Young boy: I just wish this bus would come so I can stop thinking about my nipples.
Bus Stop
England
If I Returned You, I'd Only Get Store Credit
Mother to crying newborn: Wah, wah, wah! Your life is so hard!
Target
Australia
Female Blacknerds Can Afford to Be Picky in Choosing a Mate
Hot, black female nerd on phone: No, I don't need you to explain to me why Batman can't be Asian. That's a conversation we only need to have once.
Connecticut
Overheard by: Bruce Lee Wayne
Categories: About celebrities | Black people | Connecticut | On the phone | Race | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Stuffed Animal Security, Now With New Functionanality!
Toy store employee: Wait, so which one has the butthole?
Mall
New Jersey
Overheard by: thinking of the children
Categories: Body parts | Employees | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Randomly, but Still
Lady in coffee shop: So then he went to the Parkinson's Society conference and served soup.
Vancouver
Canadia
Here's Stephen Jay Gould to Explain
Professor: Do you ever wonder why men have nipples? Men use their large chests to attract women, like peacocks. But why the nipples? It's not like someone's going to be sucking on my nipple...
Oswego, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Tried That, I Ended Up at the E.R.
Man gassing up his pickup truck to screaming woman inside: Goddammit, Delores, I cannot unfuck that woman!
Gas Station, Alabama
Why Do People Keep Marrying Danny Bonaduce?
Guy on Bluetooth: They took the two most aggressive animals and bred them together. What did they think was going to happen?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tom
Categories: Animals | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Were Complaints About My Moaning
Girl: My boobs are fun to play with.
Guy: You're just now figuring this out, after 30-some years?
Girl: Hey, I haven't had my boobs that long!
Guy: Okay, 20-some years?
Girl: No, I remember discovering they were fun in the 6th grade. I was in the middle of class, though, so that was kind of awkward.
Denver, Colorado
Just Don't Ask Me to Ride Your Pinta
Girl: So, while fixing the leak, you may discover something else?
50-year old mechanic, grinning and nodding: I am Columbus.
Auto Body Shop
Lanham, Maryland
Overheard by: Jen
The Miracle Of the Loaves and the Bitches
Volleyball player, preaching to teammates like a church minister: And she said she haaaaad no hoes... So I gaaaaave her... Some of mine.
Volleyball Tournament
Texas
Overheard by: LuLu
What Do You Mean You're Bringing Potato Salad Instead?
African-American man on phone: Well, now, you just bring your hair... and you be on your way.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: serial forgetter of hair
Categories: Black people | Hair | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Little Trick I Learned Working on the Senate Floor
Male friend to female friend: Yeah, I've found that when they start to get out of hand you just put a little whiskey on the nipple.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: context, please?!
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Barbie Doll.
Fashionable, ditzy young woman at cheese counter: A lot of girls cheat on their taxes because they just don't know how to do them.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: dismayed feminist
Categories: Gender issues | Minnesota | Stupidity | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Come My School's "Culture Day" Is Never That Exciting?
Teen #1: So he's running around with his dick like slapping his abs and he goes "what time you wanna come over?"
Teen #2: His Puerto Rican dick?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2, sighing dreamily: Oh yeahhhhh.
Flinder's Street Station
Melbourne
Australia
Who You Callin' Unoriginal?!
Emo #1, trying on black eyeshadow: Does it look alright?
Emo #2: Yeah, it looks great!
Emo #1: Should I buy it?
Emo #2: Yes! Oh my god, there's some on your face!
Emo #1: Where?
Emo #2: There, on your cheek!
(emo #1 starts wiping it off)
Emo #2: Hey, you look like an aboriginal.
Cosmetics Shop
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Somni
Categories: Beauty | New York | Sensory experiences | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Always Know Just What to Say.
Boyfriend, quietly to girlfriend: You put the lime in the coconut, and dunk your balls in.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Couples | Fruit | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Wants Into My Oval Office
Girl to another: If I end up having gotten knocked up during the presidential debates, I'm going to be fucking pissed.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
At Which Point You're Supposed to Make a Wish
Thug in shadows: But when you pee on a rock it bounces back at you!
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Isn't That a Country Song?
Cashier: If it weren't for fat asses and sexy feet, I'd get out of the South and move back to New York.
Fayetteville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Nick
One Of the Many Reasons I Miss College
Guy friend: I'm super excited to have couscous and sausage for lunch.
Girl friend: Yeah, I'm always kinda down till I get some sausage in me.
Guy friend: Whoa!
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: Sarita