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"Amicable Separation:" Defined

Woman to others: And every time she sees him, she shakes her fist at him, like this! (shakes fist in the air)

Harris Teeter
Charlotte, North Carolina


Categories: Crazies | Feelings | Hands | North Carolina | Relationships | Threats | Posted 2010-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh, You're Just Still Pissed That I Stole Your Lucky Charms.

Bearded elderly Irish tramp: Fuck you! Fuck you, you hellspawn of Satan! You diseased monkey fucking dog wanking shitcunt!
Man, passing by: Pardon?
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: You heard me, you twat! You cocksucking pedophile wanker! (turning to passing woman) Excuse me my dear, I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but could you spare a pound?
Woman, passing by: Sorry, no.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: God bless you! (turns back to passing man) Go fuck yourself, you cunt! I'll vomit on your fucking dog!

Leamington Spa
England


Overheard by: Bleep


Categories: Animals | England | Etiquette | Hobos | Insults | Panhandling | Strangers | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then You Wonder Why He Becomes an Interior Decorator

Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!

Toy Store
Houston, Texas


Overheard by: huh?


Categories: Moms | Parenting | Stores | Texas | Threats | Posted 2010-09-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And My Analyst Will Hold You While I Do So

Man on cell: I've never shown hostility towards women, but if you ever call that transvestite my mother, I will beat you senseless.

Savannah, Georgia


Categories: Family ties | Gender issues | Georgia | Guys | On the phone | Parenting | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-08-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Prematurely

Overweight mom, walking away from grave, to young sons: If you don't start behaving, you are going to be buried here.

Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia


Categories: Death & dying | Fat people | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2010-08-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wouldn't That Require the Right to Bear Arms?

Pleasant English lady in line at checkout: Whoever invented all these human rights should be shot!

Scott Air Force Base
St. Clair County, Illinois


Overheard by: Ninjamedic


Categories: Illinois | Murder | Politics | Stupidity | Threats | Women | Posted 2010-08-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Also How He Chooses a House Of Worship.

20-something guy, entering taqueria with friends: There better be a midget in a sombrero offering me salsa as soon as I get in the door, or I'm gonna be pissed.

San Francisco, Calfornia

Overheard by: Alex


Categories: Food | Friends | Guys | Restaurants | San Francisco | Stupidity | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit

Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts


Overheard by: S.m. Torres


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Murder | Students | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2010-07-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Oh Shoot, I Ruined the Surprise.

Young lady with English accent, on cell: I told you I was going to be home in 15 minutes. (pause) I'm going to kill you. I'm going to stab you in the eye with a fork.

Chico, California

Overheard by: xfleshxwoundx


Categories: California | Foreigners | On the phone | Threats | Time Management | Violence | Posted 2010-04-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For Sheer Drama, Jersey Shore Has Nothing on the North Shore

Restaurant waitress, ranting: If my family weren't here I would take my shoe off and stab you in the eye with it.

Saugus, Massachusetts


Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Family ties | Massachusetts | Shoes | Threats | Posted 2010-02-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Don't Care If You Are My Grandma.

Man on cell: What? You calling me fat pussy? I will punch you in the face!

Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Body parts | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Threats | Posted 2010-01-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Did He Ever Think That Some Of Us Wanted to Be Left Behind?

Five-year-old little boy to grandmother: If I ever meet George Bush, I'm going to kick him in the balls.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: trying not to laugh parent

Ask Any Woman

Crazy guy: The moon will have its revenge.

Los Angeles, California


Categories: California | Crazies | Guys | Stupidity | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Good to See a Family Do Things Together

Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Jessica


Categories: Kentucky | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Siblings | Threats | Posted 2009-10-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...For Not Driving a Hybrid.

Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

West Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Juanito


Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2009-10-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever

Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!

Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware


Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor


Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The First Season Of The Simple Life Was Rich with Conflict

Abnormally skinny girl: I feel fat.
Normal girl: Shut up before I smother you with my muffin top.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: seward


Categories: Anorexics | Diet & weight | Feelings | Food | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2009-09-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Enemy Of My Imaginary Enemy Is My Imaginary Friend

Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in particular: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don't like it, do somethin' 'bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
(silence).
Chica sitting opposite
: Who are you talking to?

(hip-hop thug mumbles)
Chica
: I don't think anyone wants to be on your dick.


Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Chicks | Insults | Massachusetts | Penis | Questions | Sex | Strangers | Threats | Thugs | Train | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Then I'll Have to French-Kiss You, in a "Thank-You-for-Smacking-Me" Kind Of Way

Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.

Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia

Ten Bucks Says They're American

Teenage tourist girl to friend: Wanna play connect the dots with my track marks?
Friend: (laughs nervously)
Teenage tourist girl: Also, if you do that stupid thing with your water glass again, I'm gonna strangle you, and throw you in a pit and put a dead dog on top of your grave. Pass me that cheese?

Pizzeria
Rome
Italy

Try It and You're Outtie.

Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!

Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington


Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away

Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!

Liquor Store
New Jersey


Categories: Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Stores | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Is It Worth Having to See The Bucket List?

Dude: If you don't come along, I'll have your first-born child sodomized. By a moose.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York


Overheard by: Russ


Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | New York | Threats | Posted 2009-06-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

My Nunchuck Nipple-Tassels Are No Laughing Matter

Macho dude in Student Government Association: I'll smite you with my boobs!

Cafeteria
Tunxis Community College, Connecticut


Overheard by: Girl in Black


Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Threats | Words | Posted 2008-08-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Can You Wear Your Leather Pants Again?

(five-year-old girl tries to hit puppy with a toy)
Step-mom
: I'm gonna hit you with that toy.

Five-year-old girl: How hard?

Fresno, California


Categories: California | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Threats | Toys | Violence | Posted 2008-07-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How the Woodland Park Zoo Became a Disco Inferno

Trashy mom trying to get toddler to leave an animal exhibit: Get over here or I'll whop your butt!
(five seconds later) And give me back my lighter!

Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Jenster

I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye

Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.

North Branford, Connecticut


Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks

Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!

Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland


Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Dancing | Default | Maryland | Music | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2008-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Laugh, But He Has Poisoned Darts in His Backpack

Seven-year-old little boy staring at a little old lady with white hair: You're going to die!

Hilander
Chicago, Illinois


Overheard by: Koosa


Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face

College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?

Grocery Store, Kentucky

Which, for Some Reason, Makes Me All Tingly Inside

Woman #1: That's a wonderful coat.
Woman #2: I hope it stays cold long enough for me to enjoy it.
Woman #1: You know, you're really brave. I have a fur at home but I can't stop thinking about those crazy PETA people chasing me down with a van and hurting me.

Sidewalk in front of Grocery Store
Maryland


Categories: Animals | Clothing | Fears | Maryland | Stores | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-05-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not the Demographic to Fear in Colorado

Girl #1: Why does Denzel Washington with a gun freak me out?
Girl #2: Because he's black.

Movie Theater
Colorado


Categories: Black people | Colorado | Fears | Girls | Questions | Race | Threats | Whiteys | Posted 2008-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Anybody Seen Baryshnikov Lately?

Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.

Lexington, Kentucky


Categories: Cell phones | Fears | Feelings | Girls | Kentucky | Murder | Music | Threats | Posted 2008-04-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York


Categories: Advice | Bus | Character | Chicks | Education | Fears | Hair | Murder | New York | On the phone | Sorority types | Threats | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Know the Drill

Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I'm gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!

Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Big Larry


Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Poop | Teens | Threats | Posted 2008-02-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But You've Also Said That about Mailmen, the FBI, Shepherds, and Priests

Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That's right.
Woman: That's what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That's right.

Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois


Overheard by: passerby-ing


Categories: Default | Guys | Illinois | Lies | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She Didn't Die, but She Did Laugh Until She Wet Herself

Four-year-old boy to girl his age: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom! I take it out of my pants and then you die!

Christchurch Airport
Christchurch, New Zealand


Overheard by: Sarah


Categories: New Zealand | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How Prince Charming Ended Up with a Glass Slipper Up His Ass

Ghetto chick: It's 10 minutes to midnight -- I'm 'bout to turn into a bitch.

Magic Stick
Detroit, Michigan


Overheard by: Swells


Categories: Black people | Michigan | Threats | Posted 2008-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What Does It Sound Like?

Little girl: If you take my Timon and Pumbaa straw, I will kill you.
Mother: Is that a threat?

Denver, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Know Things Are Bad When Canadians Are Laughing at You

Nerd: Wait until I build my synthetic body -- then we'll see who's laughing!

University of Saskatchewan
Saskatchewan
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Threats | Posted 2008-02-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How I Look Forward to Your Wedding Day

Mother to son: One day you will eat blood, and your stomach will say, 'Oh, no, no, no!' and it will come right back up.

Steak & Shake
Springfield, Missouri


Overheard by: Mallory


Categories: Health & Hygiene | Missouri | Moms | Threats | Posted 2008-02-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If the Universe Doesn't Get You First

Math professor: Now, if there's one thing you can't do in Mathland, it's divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.

Bellevue Community College
Washington


Overheard by: The Kid


Categories: Education | Teachers | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-01-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That, and When Oprah Appeared to Me in a Popsicle

Cracked-out homeless he-she to girl running from station: Keep on running, mothafuckah! I'll getcha! [Crazy laughter.]
Hipster girl, after he-she walks away: That was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

30th Street station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: 3 Hipsters


Categories: Hipsters | Homeless | Pennsylvania | Threats | Posted 2008-01-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then I'm Gonna Emancipate Yo' Ass

Angry old man to frat guy: I'm gonna take you out back and teach you who the sixteenth president is.

Pub
Bloomfield, New Jersey


Categories: New Jersey | Old folks | Threats | Posted 2008-01-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Legacy of Enron

Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I'll pull out my 401(k) on you!

418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana


Categories: Hobos | Indiana | Threats | Posted 2008-01-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

'Cause I Could Totally Blow Up a Few and Buy My Way Out of It

Man: If I won the lottery, Wal-Mart better watch out.

South Main gas station
Brookings, South Dakota


Categories: Guys | South Dakota | Threats | Posted 2008-01-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now Everyone Fasten Their Duct Tape -- We're about to Take Off

Pilot: There is no smoking on this aircraft. The penalty for smoking is two thousand dollars. If you had that kind of money, you'd probably be flying United.

Southwest Airlines flight

Overheard by: broke


Categories: Airports & flights | Pilots | Threats | Posted 2008-01-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And See Them from the Inside

Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don't, I'll slit your throat!

Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa


Categories: Drunks | Iowa | Rack | Threats | Posted 2007-12-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Never Stops Anybody, Just Makes 'em Feel Bad

Mom to little girl touching display: Honey, don't do that! [Kid keeps doing it.] I said don't do that! Do you want to go to Hell?
Little girl, scared: No.
Mom: Then don't touch that.

Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: the girl behind the register


Categories: Kids | Michigan | Moms | Threats | Posted 2007-12-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Cell Reception Is Atrocious

Frustrated mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don't stop, I'm going to shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don't like it in there!

San Francisco, California


Categories: California | Kids | Moms | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2007-11-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You Work for the City, You Take What Fun You Can Get

India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We're having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked... Actually, they're really not working... At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]

Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois


Overheard by: Comforting words


Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-11-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For Those Who Think Dickens Was Melodramatic

Disgruntled mother: If I catch you biting your nails again, I am going to cut off your hair in your sleep.

Gloucester Road
London
England


Overheard by: Never want to have children


Categories: England | Moms | Threats | Posted 2007-11-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because We've Dipped Their Stingers in Smallpox

Library staff: Ladies and gentlemen, Mugar Library is closing in five minutes. However, the first and second floor will be open for all-night studying purposes. If you are on the third, fourth, fifth or sixth floors you must relocate or leave immediately. We are releasing the killer bees. I hope you've been vaccinated.

Boston University Library
Massachusetts


Overheard by: Burkey


Categories: Employees | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With My Penis

Oxford boy #1: I'm going to stab you in the heart.
Oxford boy #2: Last night you stayed at my house and now you want to stab me in the heart?!

London-bound train
United Kingdom


Overheard by: snickering american sisters


Categories: Students | Threats | UK | Posted 2007-09-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With Lettuce?

New male employee: You shouldn't open the lettuce like that.
Old female employee: Don't tell me how to do my fucking job!
Manager, yelling from across store: Watch out! She'll cut you!

Jimmy John's
Charleston, Illinois


Overheard by: I just want my sandwich


Categories: Coworkers | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-09-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Think Ovary Eaters Make More of a "Hiss"

Meathead to swooning girls: I'm just gonna eat your ovaries! Raaawwwrrr!

Commonwealth Avenue bus, Boston College
Newton, Massachusetts


Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-09-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For Love, Apparently

Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that's not nice!
Little girl: But I'm hungry!

Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut


Categories: Connecticut | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-09-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Then I'll Conjugate Your Ass

Teacher: I'll hit you with my Latin stick!

Virginia

Overheard by: Doesn't want to know


Categories: Teachers | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2007-09-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sure, Alberto. Sure.

Yelling man: Don't try to pick my pocket! I'm in the FBI! I have a badge! I know the Constitution! I could kill you!

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: b!X


Categories: Crazies | Overheard in PDX | Threats | Posted 2007-08-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He's Driving a Buss These Days and Getting Ready to Move Out of His Dad's Apartment

Fat lady pulling her kid from path of speeding bus: That's right -- step out and meet Jesus!

Columbia, South Carolina

Overheard by: Cootine


Categories: Moms | South Carolina | Threats | Posted 2007-08-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who Told You about the Hole? Was It My Ex?

Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No... I... I move you out of the way...

Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts


Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-07-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Big Fish in a Little Pond

Scrawny Jewish boy: I went to Hebrew school for seven years. I can kick anyone's ass.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: smap


Categories: Jews | Overheard at Cornell | Threats | Posted 2007-07-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then You'll Be Left with Just the Grenades

Mom: If you don't stop hitting your sister and start behaving nicely, we're gonna go right back there and return those guns!

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: attention target shopper


Categories: Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2007-06-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stop Laughing -- I'm Serious!

Chick #1: What is that? A rape whistle?
Chick #2, wearing whistle around neck: Yeah, it is! [Blows it loudly] I'm gonna rape you!

Cans Bar & Canteen
Charlotte, North Carolina


Overheard by: Devon


Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | North Carolina | Threats | Posted 2007-06-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's the Last Time Mommy Is Taking You to Work

Four-year-old boy, singing: I'm gonna piss in your mouth, I'm gonna piss on your head...
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.

Publix grocery store
Florida


Overheard by: Amused yet appalled


Categories: Florida | Should have used a condom | Stores | Threats | Posted 2007-06-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We'll Work on Your Ironic Appreciation of Popular Culture

Toddler: Do you want a piece of me? Do you want a piece of me?
Father: Are you talking to me?
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me?
Father: No, that's okay.

Chicago, Illinois


Categories: Dads | Glad the condom broke | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-06-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Put the Ralph in Your Cramden

Girl: Oh my god, I can't believe you! You vomited all over their bathroom!
Drunk chick: I'll vomit in your vagina!

Blacksburg, Virginia


Categories: Drunks | Friends | Threats | Vagina | Virginia | Posted 2007-06-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Apparently She Needs the Practice

Goth teen girl: If you don't come back to me, I'll kill myself.
Exasperated teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don't listen to her. She's always killing herself.

East Bay Diner
Oceanside, New York


Overheard by: Big Larry


Categories: New York | Teens | Threats | Posted 2007-05-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But God Has Other Plans for Your Death

Woman: It's like paradise!
Small child, excitedly: A paradise where you get killed!
Woman, happily: I'll kill you!

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: ethan I make whittier prettier park


Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Everything I Chose to Do to You Is Your Fault

Wife: This is the last chance. I'm really going to file for divorce unless you're willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won't cheat on.

Omaha, Nebraska


Categories: Hubbies | Insults | Nebraska | Threats | Posted 2007-04-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why You Never Tell a Kid You Considered Aborting Him

Five-year-old boy: Mommy, I'm gonna scrape your eye out. I take your eyeball right out! Scrape, scrape, scrape! Take, take, take! I got your eyeball, hahaha!

Seattle, Washington


Categories: Should have used a condom | Threats | Washington | Posted 2007-04-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Haha, Sucker

Mom: You better put that jacket on.
Little boy: No!
Mom: You better put that jacket on or you are going to get sick and then when Santa comes you will get him sick and then there will be no Christmas because you got him too sick to work and all the little boys and girls in the world will hate you. [Little boy puts jacket on.]

Utah

Overheard by: Bryn


Categories: Moms | Santa Claus | Threats | Utah | Posted 2007-04-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Top 10 All Time Scorer on Grand Theft Auto

Guy at ID counter: I'm sorry. Don't shoot the messenger.
Old lady: I'd rather shoot the police...

Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com

Overheard by: tom


Categories: Old folks | Overheard in College Park | Threats | Posted 2007-03-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dr. Phil?

Student #1: Who's that bald guy?
Student #2: That stupid-ass bitch that I want to kill.
Student #1, nonchalant: Oh.

41 West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California


Overheard by: Argonath


Categories: California | Students | Threats | Posted 2007-03-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What Really Happened at Hiroshima

Hungry person: I would sacrifice a million Asians for 10-dollar sushi.

Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com


Categories: Crazies | Food | Overheard at McGill | Threats | Posted 2007-03-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

'I Believe You Have My Stapler,' He'll Say

National Science Foundation lady #1: He said my behavior was willful professional misconduct.
National Science Foundation lady #2: And then what?
National Science Foundation lady #1: I told him to suck my fat black dick.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Creative. What'd he say to that?
National Science Foundation lady #1: He was real calm. He said, A) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and B) completely illogical.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Well, he's got a point, yeah.
National Science Foundation lady #1: If he says another word to me, I'm gonna bust him with a stapler...

Food court, Ballston Mall
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com


Categories: Coworkers | Malls | Threats | Posted 2007-03-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook