Recent | Best Of
Woman to others: And every time she sees him, she shakes her fist at him, like this! (shakes fist in the air)
Harris Teeter
Charlotte, North Carolina
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: Fuck you! Fuck you, you hellspawn of Satan! You diseased monkey fucking dog wanking shitcunt!
Man, passing by: Pardon?
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: You heard me, you twat! You cocksucking pedophile wanker! (turning to passing woman) Excuse me my dear, I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but could you spare a pound?
Woman, passing by: Sorry, no.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: God bless you! (turns back to passing man) Go fuck yourself, you cunt! I'll vomit on your fucking dog!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!
Toy Store
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: huh?
Man on cell: I've never shown hostility towards women, but if you ever call that transvestite my mother, I will beat you senseless.
Savannah, Georgia
Overweight mom, walking away from grave, to young sons: If you don't start behaving, you are going to be buried here.
Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia
Pleasant English lady in line at checkout: Whoever invented all these human rights should be shot!
Scott Air Force Base
St. Clair County, Illinois
Overheard by: Ninjamedic
20-something guy, entering taqueria with friends: There better be a midget in a sombrero offering me salsa as soon as I get in the door, or I'm gonna be pissed.
San Francisco, Calfornia
Overheard by: Alex
Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S.m. Torres
Young lady with English accent, on cell: I told you I was going to be home in 15 minutes. (pause) I'm going to kill you. I'm going to stab you in the eye with a fork.
Chico, California
Overheard by: xfleshxwoundx
Restaurant waitress, ranting: If my family weren't here I would take my shoe off and stab you in the eye with it.
Saugus, Massachusetts
Man on cell: What? You calling me fat pussy? I will punch you in the face!
Boston, Massachusetts
Five-year-old little boy to grandmother: If I ever meet George Bush, I'm going to kick him in the balls.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: trying not to laugh parent
Crazy guy: The moon will have its revenge.
Los Angeles, California
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Juanito
Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!
Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor
Abnormally skinny girl: I feel fat.
Normal girl: Shut up before I smother you with my muffin top.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seward
Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in particular: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don't like it, do somethin' 'bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
(silence).
Chica sitting opposite: Who are you talking to?
(hip-hop thug mumbles)
Chica: I don't think anyone wants to be on your dick.
Boston, Massachusetts
Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
Teenage tourist girl to friend: Wanna play connect the dots with my track marks?
Friend: (laughs nervously)
Teenage tourist girl: Also, if you do that stupid thing with your water glass again, I'm gonna strangle you, and throw you in a pit and put a dead dog on top of your grave. Pass me that cheese?
Pizzeria
Rome
Italy
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!
Liquor Store
New Jersey
Dude: If you don't come along, I'll have your first-born child sodomized. By a moose.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Macho dude in Student Government Association: I'll smite you with my boobs!
Cafeteria
Tunxis Community College, Connecticut
Overheard by: Girl in Black
(five-year-old girl tries to hit puppy with a toy)
Step-mom: I'm gonna hit you with that toy.
Five-year-old girl: How hard?
Fresno, California
Trashy mom trying to get toddler to leave an animal exhibit: Get over here or I'll whop your butt!
(five seconds later) And give me back my lighter!
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jenster
Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.
North Branford, Connecticut
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
Seven-year-old little boy staring at a little old lady with white hair: You're going to die!
Hilander
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Koosa
College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?
Grocery Store, Kentucky
Woman #1: That's a wonderful coat.
Woman #2: I hope it stays cold long enough for me to enjoy it.
Woman #1: You know, you're really brave. I have a fur at home but I can't stop thinking about those crazy PETA people chasing me down with a van and hurting me.
Sidewalk in front of Grocery Store
Maryland
Girl #1: Why does Denzel Washington with a gun freak me out?
Girl #2: Because he's black.
Movie Theater
Colorado
Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.
Lexington, Kentucky
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I'm gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!
Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That's right.
Woman: That's what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That's right.
Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: passerby-ing
Four-year-old boy to girl his age: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom! I take it out of my pants and then you die!
Christchurch Airport
Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Ghetto chick: It's 10 minutes to midnight -- I'm 'bout to turn into a bitch.
Magic Stick
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Swells
Little girl: If you take my Timon and Pumbaa straw, I will kill you.
Mother: Is that a threat?
Denver, Colorado
Nerd: Wait until I build my synthetic body -- then we'll see who's laughing!
University of Saskatchewan
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Mother to son: One day you will eat blood, and your stomach will say, 'Oh, no, no, no!' and it will come right back up.
Steak & Shake
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Mallory
Math professor: Now, if there's one thing you can't do in Mathland, it's divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.
Bellevue Community College
Washington
Overheard by: The Kid
Cracked-out homeless he-she to girl running from station: Keep on running, mothafuckah! I'll getcha! [Crazy laughter.]
Hipster girl, after he-she walks away: That was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
30th Street station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: 3 Hipsters
Angry old man to frat guy: I'm gonna take you out back and teach you who the sixteenth president is.
Pub
Bloomfield, New Jersey
Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I'll pull out my 401(k) on you!
418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Man: If I won the lottery, Wal-Mart better watch out.
South Main gas station
Brookings, South Dakota
Pilot: There is no smoking on this aircraft. The penalty for smoking is two thousand dollars. If you had that kind of money, you'd probably be flying United.
Southwest Airlines flight
Overheard by: broke
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don't, I'll slit your throat!
Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Mom to little girl touching display: Honey, don't do that! [Kid keeps doing it.] I said don't do that! Do you want to go to Hell?
Little girl, scared: No.
Mom: Then don't touch that.
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: the girl behind the register
Frustrated mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don't stop, I'm going to shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don't like it in there!
San Francisco, California
India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We're having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked... Actually, they're really not working... At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]
Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Comforting words
Disgruntled mother: If I catch you biting your nails again, I am going to cut off your hair in your sleep.
Gloucester Road
London
England
Overheard by: Never want to have children
Library staff: Ladies and gentlemen, Mugar Library is closing in five minutes. However, the first and second floor will be open for all-night studying purposes. If you are on the third, fourth, fifth or sixth floors you must relocate or leave immediately. We are releasing the killer bees. I hope you've been vaccinated.
Boston University Library
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Burkey
Oxford boy #1: I'm going to stab you in the heart.
Oxford boy #2: Last night you stayed at my house and now you want to stab me in the heart?!
London-bound train
United Kingdom
Overheard by: snickering american sisters
New male employee: You shouldn't open the lettuce like that.
Old female employee: Don't tell me how to do my fucking job!
Manager, yelling from across store: Watch out! She'll cut you!
Jimmy John's
Charleston, Illinois
Overheard by: I just want my sandwich
Meathead to swooning girls: I'm just gonna eat your ovaries! Raaawwwrrr!
Commonwealth Avenue bus, Boston College
Newton, Massachusetts
Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that's not nice!
Little girl: But I'm hungry!
Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut
Teacher: I'll hit you with my Latin stick!
Virginia
Overheard by: Doesn't want to know
Yelling man: Don't try to pick my pocket! I'm in the FBI! I have a badge! I know the Constitution! I could kill you!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b!X
Fat lady pulling her kid from path of speeding bus: That's right -- step out and meet Jesus!
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Cootine
Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No... I... I move you out of the way...
Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted
Scrawny Jewish boy: I went to Hebrew school for seven years. I can kick anyone's ass.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: smap
Mom: If you don't stop hitting your sister and start behaving nicely, we're gonna go right back there and return those guns!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: attention target shopper
Chick #1: What is that? A rape whistle?
Chick #2, wearing whistle around neck: Yeah, it is! [Blows it loudly] I'm gonna rape you!
Cans Bar & Canteen
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Devon
Four-year-old boy, singing: I'm gonna piss in your mouth, I'm gonna piss on your head...
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.
Publix grocery store
Florida
Overheard by: Amused yet appalled
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me? Do you want a piece of me?
Father: Are you talking to me?
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me?
Father: No, that's okay.
Chicago, Illinois
Girl: Oh my god, I can't believe you! You vomited all over their bathroom!
Drunk chick: I'll vomit in your vagina!
Blacksburg, Virginia
Goth teen girl: If you don't come back to me, I'll kill myself.
Exasperated teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don't listen to her. She's always killing herself.
East Bay Diner
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman: It's like paradise!
Small child, excitedly: A paradise where you get killed!
Woman, happily: I'll kill you!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: ethan I make whittier prettier park
Wife: This is the last chance. I'm really going to file for divorce unless you're willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won't cheat on.
Omaha, Nebraska
Five-year-old boy: Mommy, I'm gonna scrape your eye out. I take your eyeball right out! Scrape, scrape, scrape! Take, take, take! I got your eyeball, hahaha!
Seattle, Washington
Mom: You better put that jacket on.
Little boy: No!
Mom: You better put that jacket on or you are going to get sick and then when Santa comes you will get him sick and then there will be no Christmas because you got him too sick to work and all the little boys and girls in the world will hate you. [Little boy puts jacket on.]
Utah
Overheard by: Bryn
Guy at ID counter: I'm sorry. Don't shoot the messenger.
Old lady: I'd rather shoot the police...
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tom
Student #1: Who's that bald guy?
Student #2: That stupid-ass bitch that I want to kill.
Student #1, nonchalant: Oh.
41 West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Argonath
Hungry person: I would sacrifice a million Asians for 10-dollar sushi.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
National Science Foundation lady #1: He said my behavior was willful professional misconduct.
National Science Foundation lady #2: And then what?
National Science Foundation lady #1: I told him to suck my fat black dick.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Creative. What'd he say to that?
National Science Foundation lady #1: He was real calm. He said, A) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and B) completely illogical.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Well, he's got a point, yeah.
National Science Foundation lady #1: If he says another word to me, I'm gonna bust him with a stapler...
Food court, Ballston Mall
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com