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I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye
Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.
North Branford, Connecticut
Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
You Laugh, But He Has Poisoned Darts in His Backpack
Seven-year-old little boy staring at a little old lady with white hair: You're going to die!
Hilander
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Koosa
Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face
College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?
Grocery Store, Kentucky
Which, for Some Reason, Makes Me All Tingly Inside
Woman #1: That's a wonderful coat.
Woman #2: I hope it stays cold long enough for me to enjoy it.
Woman #1: You know, you're really brave. I have a fur at home but I can't stop thinking about those crazy PETA people chasing me down with a van and hurting me.
Sidewalk in front of Grocery Store
Maryland
Not the Demographic to Fear in Colorado
Girl #1: Why does Denzel Washington with a gun freak me out?
Girl #2: Because he's black.
Movie Theater
Colorado
Anybody Seen Baryshnikov Lately?
Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.
Lexington, Kentucky
I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
They Know the Drill
Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I'm gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!
Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Big Larry
But You've Also Said That about Mailmen, the FBI, Shepherds, and Priests
Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That's right.
Woman: That's what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That's right.
Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: passerby-ing
She Didn't Die, but She Did Laugh Until She Wet Herself
Four-year-old boy to girl his age: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom! I take it out of my pants and then you die!
Christchurch Airport
Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: New Zealand | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Prince Charming Ended Up with a Glass Slipper Up His Ass
Ghetto chick: It's 10 minutes to midnight -- I'm 'bout to turn into a bitch.
Magic Stick
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Swells
Categories: Black people | Michigan | Threats | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Does It Sound Like?
Little girl: If you take my Timon and Pumbaa straw, I will kill you.
Mother: Is that a threat?
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know Things Are Bad When Canadians Are Laughing at You
Nerd: Wait until I build my synthetic body -- then we'll see who's laughing!
University of Saskatchewan
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Threats | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How I Look Forward to Your Wedding Day
Mother to son: One day you will eat blood, and your stomach will say, 'Oh, no, no, no!' and it will come right back up.
Steak & Shake
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Mallory
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Missouri | Moms | Threats | Posted 2008-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the Universe Doesn't Get You First
Math professor: Now, if there's one thing you can't do in Mathland, it's divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.
Bellevue Community College
Washington
Overheard by: The Kid
Categories: Education | Teachers | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and When Oprah Appeared to Me in a Popsicle
Cracked-out homeless he-she to girl running from station: Keep on running, mothafuckah! I'll getcha! [Crazy laughter.]
Hipster girl, after he-she walks away: That was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
30th Street station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: 3 Hipsters
Categories: Hipsters | Homeless | Pennsylvania | Threats | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I'm Gonna Emancipate Yo' Ass
Angry old man to frat guy: I'm gonna take you out back and teach you who the sixteenth president is.
Pub
Bloomfield, New Jersey
Categories: New Jersey | Old folks | Threats | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Legacy of Enron
Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I'll pull out my 401(k) on you!
418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
'Cause I Could Totally Blow Up a Few and Buy My Way Out of It
Man: If I won the lottery, Wal-Mart better watch out.
South Main gas station
Brookings, South Dakota
Categories: Guys | South Dakota | Threats | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Everyone Fasten Their Duct Tape -- We're about to Take Off
Pilot: There is no smoking on this aircraft. The penalty for smoking is two thousand dollars. If you had that kind of money, you'd probably be flying United.
Southwest Airlines flight
Overheard by: broke
Categories: Airports & flights | Pilots | Threats | Posted 2008-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And See Them from the Inside
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don't, I'll slit your throat!
Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Never Stops Anybody, Just Makes 'em Feel Bad
Mom to little girl touching display: Honey, don't do that! [Kid keeps doing it.] I said don't do that! Do you want to go to Hell?
Little girl, scared: No.
Mom: Then don't touch that.
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: the girl behind the register
The Cell Reception Is Atrocious
Frustrated mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don't stop, I'm going to shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don't like it in there!
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Work for the City, You Take What Fun You Can Get
India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We're having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked... Actually, they're really not working... At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]
Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Comforting words
Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Those Who Think Dickens Was Melodramatic
Disgruntled mother: If I catch you biting your nails again, I am going to cut off your hair in your sleep.
Gloucester Road
London
England
Overheard by: Never want to have children
Because We've Dipped Their Stingers in Smallpox
Library staff: Ladies and gentlemen, Mugar Library is closing in five minutes. However, the first and second floor will be open for all-night studying purposes. If you are on the third, fourth, fifth or sixth floors you must relocate or leave immediately. We are releasing the killer bees. I hope you've been vaccinated.
Boston University Library
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Burkey
Categories: Employees | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With My Penis
Oxford boy #1: I'm going to stab you in the heart.
Oxford boy #2: Last night you stayed at my house and now you want to stab me in the heart?!
London-bound train
United Kingdom
Overheard by: snickering american sisters
With Lettuce?
New male employee: You shouldn't open the lettuce like that.
Old female employee: Don't tell me how to do my fucking job!
Manager, yelling from across store: Watch out! She'll cut you!
Jimmy John's
Charleston, Illinois
Overheard by: I just want my sandwich
I Think Ovary Eaters Make More of a "Hiss"
Meathead to swooning girls: I'm just gonna eat your ovaries! Raaawwwrrr!
Commonwealth Avenue bus, Boston College
Newton, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Love, Apparently
Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that's not nice!
Little girl: But I'm hungry!
Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then I'll Conjugate Your Ass
Teacher: I'll hit you with my Latin stick!
Virginia
Overheard by: Doesn't want to know
Sure, Alberto. Sure.
Yelling man: Don't try to pick my pocket! I'm in the FBI! I have a badge! I know the Constitution! I could kill you!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b!X
Categories: Crazies | Overheard in PDX | Threats | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Driving a Buss These Days and Getting Ready to Move Out of His Dad's Apartment
Fat lady pulling her kid from path of speeding bus: That's right -- step out and meet Jesus!
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Cootine
Categories: Moms | South Carolina | Threats | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Told You about the Hole? Was It My Ex?
Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No... I... I move you out of the way...
Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Big Fish in a Little Pond
Scrawny Jewish boy: I went to Hebrew school for seven years. I can kick anyone's ass.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: smap
Categories: Jews | Overheard at Cornell | Threats | Posted 2007-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then You'll Be Left with Just the Grenades
Mom: If you don't stop hitting your sister and start behaving nicely, we're gonna go right back there and return those guns!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: attention target shopper
Categories: Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2007-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Laughing -- I'm Serious!
Chick #1: What is that? A rape whistle?
Chick #2, wearing whistle around neck: Yeah, it is! [Blows it loudly] I'm gonna rape you!
Cans Bar & Canteen
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Devon
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | North Carolina | Threats | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time Mommy Is Taking You to Work
Four-year-old boy, singing: I'm gonna piss in your mouth, I'm gonna piss on your head...
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.
Publix grocery store
Florida
Overheard by: Amused yet appalled
Categories: Florida | Should have used a condom | Stores | Threats | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Work on Your Ironic Appreciation of Popular Culture
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me? Do you want a piece of me?
Father: Are you talking to me?
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me?
Father: No, that's okay.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Dads | Glad the condom broke | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Put the Ralph in Your Cramden
Girl: Oh my god, I can't believe you! You vomited all over their bathroom!
Drunk chick: I'll vomit in your vagina!
Blacksburg, Virginia
Apparently She Needs the Practice
Goth teen girl: If you don't come back to me, I'll kill myself.
Exasperated teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don't listen to her. She's always killing herself.
East Bay Diner
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
But God Has Other Plans for Your Death
Woman: It's like paradise!
Small child, excitedly: A paradise where you get killed!
Woman, happily: I'll kill you!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: ethan I make whittier prettier park