Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics | Violence

Portrait Of the Attention Whore As a Young Man

Little boy, dressed as a firefighter, looking at picture of a raccoon: That's a raccoon! I shoot raccoons! With a gun! Look at my boots!

Wheaton, Illinois

Overheard by: Emlyn

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

For the Last Time, Tommy, It's Not Even Goat-Stabbing Season

Four-year-old to mother: How do you kill a goat? With a gun?
Mother: Well...
Four-year-old, after epiphany: Or a sword!

Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: Charlie G.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Gay Cruising Slang Gets More Cryptic by the Minute.

Guy on phone: That sounds awesome. (pause) Did he kill the bear? (pause) Wellllll, fuck him!

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Coral

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Stupid SPCA

20-something to another: If you want to sacrifice a horse, do it in your backyard.

Metro State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Lord Hates a Lazy Hitman, Son

Man in large custom-painted SUV, rollin' up: Hey! Lil' Jojo in there? (gestures toward apartment building)
Woman on front steps: I don't know!
Man: Will you go in and see if he there?
Woman: The door open. Whassamatta, you ain't got no legs?
Man: Shit! I don't know what apartment he in!
Woman: Well, you might be comin' to kill him...

St. Paul, Minnesota

Overheard by: Melissa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Faking Its Own Death for the Publicity

Mother: Why did you kill that butterfly?
22-year-old daughter: It wasn't on purpose!
Mother: And what did you do with it?
22-year-old daughter: I put it outside, on the plant...
Mother: Why?
22-year-old daughter: I thought it was just pretending...

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: Teca Arantes

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Smart Money Says This Is a Tip Enhancement Strategy

Taxi dispatcher: Yeah, take your time. No need to kill yourself.
Taxi driver: One more reason not to kill myself. Copy.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Claiborne

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You'd Think There'd Be a Train

Canadian girl #1 to tour operator: Where can we do tours of Auschwitz?
Tour operator: Um, well, Auschwitz is in Poland, so...
Canadian girl #2: No, but we mean the one the Germans set up for the war. The German one.
Tour operator: Yes, I understand, but they set it up in Poland.
Canadian girl #1, after pause: Are you sure? We came to Berlin just to see it.

Berlin
Germany

Overheard by: Jit

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Wouldn't That Require the Right to Bear Arms?

Pleasant English lady in line at checkout: Whoever invented all these human rights should be shot!

Scott Air Force Base
St. Clair County, Illinois

Overheard by: Ninjamedic

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit

Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: S.m. Torres

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

All You Need Is a Duffel Bag

Woman to coworker: You'd think if they were going to decapitate someone they wouldn't hide the evidence in their rear window.

West Lebanon, New Hampshire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...You're in for One Miserable Ride.

Angry girl to group of male friends: You can sleep with my mother, you can kill my father, you can burn down my house, but if you fuck with my bike...

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Veli Velo

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Use Birth Control

Woman to friend: So I killed three of them already. I guess that means I should lose some weight.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: corey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And When Did "Baby Got Back" Become a Wedding Song?

Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: I know his pain

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That, or Being Attacked by Giant Serpents.

Teacher to class: What is your number one fear surrounding public speaking?
Student: Assassination.

Universtiy of Colorado

Overheard by: Owl is a hairstyle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Because He Asked Too Many Questions, Sweetie.

Little boy witnessing a shiatsu massage: Mommy, why are they killing that man?

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Until She Finds My Letter-Bomb

Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.

Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Once You Invoke Hitler, Rational Conversation Ceases

Girl #1, playing Tetris: Stop moving your feet, it's distracting me.
Girl #2: I wasn't trying to distract you! I needed to crack my ankles.
Girl #1: I bet Hitler just needed to crack his ankles too, he didn't mean to kill all those Jews.

Calgary
Canadia

Overheard by: Estelle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Which Brings Me to Today's Lab Assignment

Professor: Sponges can regenerate from the broken pieces. If you put a sponge through a mincing machine, you just get lots of little sponges. If you put a cow through, you get mince. If you put a person through, you get arrested.

Rhodes University
South Africa

Overheard by: Amused Zoology Student

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That Would've Been Great Fodder for Our Dr. Phil Appearance

Teen girl: My brother got released from the loony bin today. Same day as he got a new roommate, who kills animals and has an extra Y chromosome. I'm like, "Goddamn!"

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...For Not Driving a Hybrid.

Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

West Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Juanito

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...So You Can Steal Their Social Security Checks.

Hispanic cleaning lady, about being a nurse in Mexico: It's not like over there, like say, if you accidentally kill an old person, you have to buy another one.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: high school aide

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Clean Up the Blood Again

Girl #1: So my mom is getting married to that guy she met on the internet.
Girl #2: Internet? He might be a serial killer!
Girl #1: Yeah, but she lives in Florida, so at least I don't have to hear about it.

Bathrooms
Cinema, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Tonight on John and Kate Plus 9MM

Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.

Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida

Overheard by: Chikara

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He Hangs Around Outside Weight Watchers Meetings, Just Waiting

Girl #1, reading aloud from a magazine: Did you know there are only 13 blimps in the entire world?
Girl #2: What's a blimp?
Girl #1: I don't know, but Liam wants to be killed by one.

Birmingham, Alabama

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ironically, They Were Dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian"

Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca...
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, "that's good exercise." I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.

Collingswood, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Taking Evisceration and Dismemberment Next Term?

Girl #1, about classes she's taking: Oh, yeah, and then there's Murder and Genocide.
Girl #2: That sounds awesome!
Girl #1: I know, right?

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If You Don't Want to Go to Grandma's, Just Say So.

Mom: I'll shoot you, then you'll shoot me, and we won't have to go anywhere.
Daughter: Mom...?
Mom: What? I'm just saying. If we shot each other we couldn't go anywhere, anyways.

Dressing Room in Mall
Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But I Don't Think Becoming a Baller Is a Reasonable Goal, Peewee.

Thug to friend: I ain't no dream killer!

Seattle, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Our Motto: "You'll Probably Be All Right"

Ride operator: This ride goes over 90 miles an hour... in your mind. We don't know if we can actually do that... without killing you. Enjoy.

Six Flags Magic Mountain
Valencia, California

Overheard by: praying the seatbelts don't fail

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Dad Kept Telling People to Kill Me

Student #1: I told my dad I wanted to be famous, and he told me I should kill someone. I was like, seven.
Student #2: At least he's supportive.

Philedelphia University, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now That Metal Rods Are the Latest Fashion Craze

Teacher: Okay, now what you do think is the chance of being killed by being struck by lightning?
Bimbette: Ummmm... probably like, one in two.
Class: (silence)
Teacher: One in two?
Bimbette: Wait! Make that one in ten.

Classroom
Sydney
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He'd Only Stop Loving You If I Were a Fetus.

Little girl: And god loves everybody. God even loves you.
Scary little boy: I'm going to kill you.
Little girl: God will love you, even if you do.

Round Rock, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Hindsight, the Bible Could Have Been a Lot Worse

Young teenage girl with pink furry boots, rainbow hair, and seven facial piercings: Hey, if you were god, what would you do?
Young teenage boy with shaggy hair, acne, and a little boy face: I'd kill my foster parents.
Young teenage girl, totally ignoring her friend's response: I would totally make the world flat, so we could travel just by folding it in half. Imagine how much time and money I would save everyone!

Packed Train during Rush Hour
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Read It in This Travel Brochure

Girl: All you Boston niggaz suck, ya'll pussies be leaving the party at two.
Guy: Cause niggaz get shot at three.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sam

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Genesis Suggests the Lord Had Second Thoughts

Psychology professor, speaking of horrible deaths in the French Revolution: People are terrible...they should have never been invented.

Rutgers University
Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: Person

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Badly

Teenage boy, pointing at his dad: Kill him!
Mom: I can't do that! He just got his hair cut!

Dagenham
Essex
England

Overheard by: Anthony Mercer

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Hamlet Woulda Loved Resident Evil

English teacher, reading Hamlet: "To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come..." Alright class, we'll pick it up from there on Monday.
Frat boy #1: What the fuck was that about?
Frat boy #2: I don't know, man. Let's go kill some zombies.

Gettysburg College
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alyssa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Unless You Got Johnny Depp to Lick It Out.

Mayo hater: If you kill one of my pets I'd be able to forgive you. If you put mayonnaise in my belly button, I would never talk to you again!

Universal Studios
Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What Watching a Hannah Montana Marathon Feels Like

Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.

Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Autobiography Features Some Great Tips.

Chick to cop interrupting honor students' discussion: Oh, um, we were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Cop, laughing: Oh, you would not believe how many times I've heard that...

Metro State College
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

"Zombie Studies" Is a Thing?

Zombie studies professor, after lecturing at length on feminist film theory: But enough of that boring stuff. Let's watch a movie where people get murdered!

Chicago, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One Where He's Not Wearing a Human-Skin Vest

Girl on cell: Yeah, he's a friend of my friend in California. He killed those two people... Oh, you saw him on the news? That's a shitty picture they have of him on tv, I hope they get a better picture soon.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: trying to study here

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The ACLU Defends the Constitution? What Kinda Commie Shit Is That?!

Volunteer #1: We can't be selling this music, it's devil worship.
Volunteer #2: Well, that's the ACLU. The ACLU ought to be abolished. They're why there's all this stuff around.
Customer: Why are you getting rid of that? Don't you think people ought to be able to choose for themselves?
Volunteer #2: Harry Potter is a witch!
Customer: I think we ought to get rid of Bush and Cheney, put them in jail--they're mass murderers!
Volunteers #1 & #2: (silence)

Joshua Tree Thrift Shop
California

Overheard by: Celeste Mann

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

His Farts Are Delicately Scented With Botanicals

Guy to girl: So you heard about Dave, right? His girlfriend broke up with him last night. He got completely wasted and tried to kill himself by drinking a bottle of shampoo.
Girl: Oh my god! Is he okay?
Guy: Yeah, turns out you cant kill yourself by drinking shampoo. We're calling him "bubbles" now. He'll never live this down.

Lockport, New York

Overheard by: evan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Valid Alternate Plan.

Mother: What time do you need to get up tomorrow?
Teen daughter: 8.30.
Mother: Well, I'm going to be leaving a little before that.
Teen daughter, offhandedly: "Wake me up/before you go-go."
Mother: I will kill you.

Aurora, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Life's a Privilege, Not a Right

Mom: Then I'd have to kill you.
Daughter: Why?
Mom: Because that's my job as a mother.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: glad I'm not her daughter

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

As You'd Know If You Ever Watched TV With Me

Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash mom: You want mommy to push your stroller?
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash dad: You wanna go ten feet under?!
White trash mom: Honey, it's six feet.

Sears
Nashua, New Hampshire

Overheard by: jefe

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why "Family Vacation" Will Always Be an Oxymoron

Toddler to older sister: The pencil! Pencil! Look! (screaming) Looooook!
Teenage sister: That's the Washington Monument.
Toddler: Noooooo! It'll kill us! (sobbing uncontrollably) Kiiiillll! (continues sobbing)

National Mall
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Meaggoo

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Little Guy Never Gets a Break

Boy: Why can't we go in?
Girl: Maybe someone was murdered.
Boy: Lucky.

West Junior High
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

From The Mouths of Babes...

Little boy (pointing at large crucifix in graveyard): What is that guy doing?
Babysitter: That's Jesus.
Little boy: But why is he bloody? Is he dead?
Babysitter: Yes.
Little boy: But Jesus is still alive, isn't he? Why would somebody kill Jesus? And why would they make him go up on that thing?
Babysitter: You know what? It's a complicated story and we'll talk about it later.
Little boy: Bloody Jesus is scary.

Mission Santa Barbara, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So I Went With French Nails and I Never Looked Back

Professor: And so then after he killed the beast he went and bathed because there was dirt under his fingernails and a civilized man never has dirty fingernails... (pauses) My first girlfriend dumped me for dirty fingernails.

York University
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Student

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Seventy-Four

Loud woman to man: How many people have you killed? Between you and me.

Center City, Philadelphia

Overheard by: keeeeem

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Scared to Take a Leak

Four-year-old kid: Everything I touch dies.

Rest Stop
Connecticut

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just Like I Was Cleaning My Hand When I Slapped You Just Now

Posh old lady: Well, everyone else said that daddy shot himself, but I still contend that he fell on his gun when he was cleaning it...

Tube, London
England

Overheard by: Wendy Stephens

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Like I Used to Do with My Raggedy Ann

Chick #1: I hope you never snap and become a serial killer.
Chick #2 (lovingly): Because I'd kill you first!
Chick #1: I know.
Chick #2: And then I'd stuff you... I would stuff you with your clothes so you smell like yourself.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Good Advice!

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Celebrity Porcupine Death Match Could Rock MTV

Middle-aged dude #1: You should petition the State High School League to make killing with porcupines a sport.
Middle-aged dude #2: Yeah, with the quills and everything.
Middle-aged dude #1: Exactly! That's what I'm saying.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: I grabbed my blackberry as soon as I heard it.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If I Show You a Boob, Will You Forget This Lecture Ever Happened?

Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere...
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ... I mean they're shooting loads at each other... Oh god, no...

Centennial Regional High School
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: amused

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Told Him There'd Be Repercussions If He Put Another Cheerio Up His Nose

Guy on bus: If I ever write a book, it'll be about how to kill my brother in the most painful way possible.
Girl on bus: But he's two.
Guy on bus: I don't care.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Meech

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Wanna Do That, the Army's Recruiting Right Down the Block

Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!

Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada

Overheard by: Philly Joe

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Somebody Check the Vatican Website for Me

Ethics professor: Killing drug dealers is okay, but killing priests is wrong. Wait, I may have that backwards...

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The I Love Lucy Episode You'll Never See on TV

Gay guy #1: So does he have a boyfriend?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Gay guy #1: Is he easy to kill?
Gay guy #2: Yes.

Seattle, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Freddy and Michelle Kruger Decide to Seek Marriage Counseling

Girl: You know, you were in my dream last night.
Guy: Oh, really? What was happening?
Girl: Well, ...you were trying to kill me.
Guy: Oh... that wasn't a dream.

Oviedo, Florida

Overheard by: Um...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Fine Print on the U.S. Constitution

Woman: You should never kill people, especially if you're poor!

Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia

Overheard by: there goes my plan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Charleton Heston Was Quickly Reincarnated

Three-year-old boy (enthusiastically): When I get home, I'm going to shoot someone!
Sunday school teacher: I don't think you should do that.
Three-year-old boy: With a squirt gun!
Sunday school teacher: Oh, good.
Three-year-old boy: And a machine gun!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: wayzata

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

How Would You Characterize Kelly Ripa?

Teen #1: I hate her. She is such a milk!
Teen #2: What? Don't you mean "milf"?
Teen #1: No, man. She is a mother I would like to kill.
Teen #2: Oh. I think she is a milky milf!
Teen #1: There is something wrong with you.

Columbia, South Carolina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face

College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?

Grocery Store, Kentucky

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Unlike My Grading Scale

Professor: The guillotine was humane. It was just humane many thousands of times.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Girl Engineers Don't Invite Boy Engineers to Their Slumber Parties

Engineer #1: We're playing my little ponies?!
Engineer #2: Oh, god.
Engineer #1: Dude, we're gonna fucking kill them! [Laughs maniacally].

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Edgar Allen Poe Was a Difficult Kid to Raise

Mother: Honey, do you remember mommy's friend Denise?
Four-year-old son: Uh-huh.
Mother: Well, mommy has to leave right now, because Denise's father passed away, and I have to go and tell Denise that I'm sorry.
Four-year-old son: Oh. Did you kill him?

Port Jefferson, New York

Overheard by: arctinus

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Texas Finally Catches Up to the Rest of the Country

Teacher: In a representative democracy, if you don't like who's in office, what can you do?
Student: Impeach him!
Teacher: Well, that's too drastic, what else?
Same student: Assassination?

9th Grade World Geography Class
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: amused teacher's aide

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

This Season's Most Unlikely Love Story

Girl, looking at video games: If I had a sword that pimp, I would just kill people all day and run around.
Boy following her: Girl, if you had a sword that pimp I would stop being gay and make you stop to make love to me.
Girl, looking appalled: I'd be busy killing people, though.
Boy, matter-of-factly: Well... I'd make you stop every thirteen kills.

Random Walmart
Boise, Idaho

Overheard by: Bunnee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Anybody Seen Baryshnikov Lately?

Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.

Lexington, Kentucky

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Is That Necrophilia?

Social problems teacher: So what are some social problems that affect us today?
Female student: Murder?
Teacher: Yeah, that's good. [writes it on the white board.] Any others?
Male student: Narcissism?
Teacher: I don't quite understand...
Male student: Well if people are falling asleep all the time and they don't know it...

Grand Rapids Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He Works in a 7-Eleven, So He's Used to It

Marine to friend: So, it's like a long story. But basically my mom shot my boyfriend.

CostCo
VictorVille, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What, Like We All Didn't Do It?

Guy, with friends: So when, as a child, you kill a pregnant bunny...

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

Overheard by: svggrdnbeauty and i

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Um, Should We High-Five?

Chick to friend, pointing at a building: That's where I killed my baby!

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Because We Need to Be Able to Fit This Stuff in the Trunk

Older sister, standing on shopping cart: Where is Mommy?
Little brother, pushing cart: [Shrugs.]
Older sister: You didn't kill her, did you?!

Target
Altoona, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: No, I Did

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Liberals Can't Believe That Some Plagues Cure Themselves

Liberal #1: Cut off her head!
Liberal #2: No! Then she wouldn't feel any of the pain!
Liberal #1: Yeah, you're right... I suppose you could cut her head off half-way...
Passerby: Um, I don't mean to interrupt, but, um, what are you talking about?
Liberal #1: How to kill Ann Coulter.
Liberal #2: Is that bad?
Passerby: Oh, no, continue! By all means, please!

After concert at Hollywood Bowl
Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Argonath

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Otherwise My Tech Support Job Will Be Obsolete

Girl on cell: Well, I don't care if they kill fucking humans; just don't fucking kill the worms!

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: hearstoomuch

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?