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Murder All Categories > Topics > Violence > Murder
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The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face
College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?
Grocery Store, Kentucky
Unlike My Grading Scale
Professor: The guillotine was humane. It was just humane many thousands of times.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
Why Girl Engineers Don't Invite Boy Engineers to Their Slumber Parties
Engineer #1: We're playing my little ponies?!
Engineer #2: Oh, god.
Engineer #1: Dude, we're gonna fucking kill them! [Laughs maniacally].
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
Edgar Allen Poe Was a Difficult Kid to Raise
Mother: Honey, do you remember mommy's friend Denise?
Four-year-old son: Uh-huh.
Mother: Well, mommy has to leave right now, because Denise's father passed away, and I have to go and tell Denise that I'm sorry.
Four-year-old son: Oh. Did you kill him?
Port Jefferson, New York
Overheard by: arctinus
Texas Finally Catches Up to the Rest of the Country
Teacher: In a representative democracy, if you don't like who's in office, what can you do?
Student: Impeach him!
Teacher: Well, that's too drastic, what else?
Same student: Assassination?
9th Grade World Geography Class
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: amused teacher's aide
This Season's Most Unlikely Love Story
Girl, looking at video games: If I had a sword that pimp, I would just kill people all day and run around.
Boy following her: Girl, if you had a sword that pimp I would stop being gay and make you stop to make love to me.
Girl, looking appalled: I'd be busy killing people, though.
Boy, matter-of-factly: Well... I'd make you stop every thirteen kills.
Random Walmart
Boise, Idaho
Overheard by: Bunnee
Anybody Seen Baryshnikov Lately?
Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.
Lexington, Kentucky
I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies
Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Tom and Laura
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Murder | Sorority types | Threats | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Is That Necrophilia?
Social problems teacher: So what are some social problems that affect us today?
Female student: Murder?
Teacher: Yeah, that's good. [writes it on the white board.] Any others?
Male student: Narcissism?
Teacher: I don't quite understand...
Male student: Well if people are falling asleep all the time and they don't know it...
Grand Rapids Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
He Works in a 7-Eleven, So He's Used to It
Marine to friend: So, it's like a long story. But basically my mom shot my boyfriend.
CostCo
VictorVille, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Friends | Military | Murder | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What, Like We All Didn't Do It?
Guy, with friends: So when, as a child, you kill a pregnant bunny...
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: svggrdnbeauty and i
Categories: Animals | Guys | Murder | Overheard at BU | Posted 2007-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Should We High-Five?
Chick to friend, pointing at a building: That's where I killed my baby!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Because We Need to Be Able to Fit This Stuff in the Trunk
Older sister, standing on shopping cart: Where is Mommy?
Little brother, pushing cart: [Shrugs.]
Older sister: You didn't kill her, did you?!
Target
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No, I Did
Categories: Murder | Pennsylvania | Siblings | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Liberals Can't Believe That Some Plagues Cure Themselves
Liberal #1: Cut off her head!
Liberal #2: No! Then she wouldn't feel any of the pain!
Liberal #1: Yeah, you're right... I suppose you could cut her head off half-way...
Passerby: Um, I don't mean to interrupt, but, um, what are you talking about?
Liberal #1: How to kill Ann Coulter.
Liberal #2: Is that bad?
Passerby: Oh, no, continue! By all means, please!
After concert at Hollywood Bowl
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Argonath
Categories: California | Murder | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Otherwise My Tech Support Job Will Be Obsolete
Girl on cell: Well, I don't care if they kill fucking humans; just don't fucking kill the worms!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hearstoomuch
Categories: Murder | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
