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If He Dies, They'll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say "My friend's dying, can we have discount tickets?"
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Hell Is Going on in Illinois?
Professor walking through the hall: Well I guess I'd have to be spanked then.
Asian grad student: That's why they're called "accidents"!
University of Illinois
Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
Lucy and Ethel Have a Serious Falling-out
Well dressed woman on cell: No, no, no. That's the problem, I can't just shoot her because she is on my property. She has to be like breaking into the house or something... We'll have to find another way.
Maket East Train Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Crimes | Default | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Suits | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Babysit Those Brats
Mellow teen: I got slapped in the tit with a dildo last night.
New Paltz, New York
And This Time Don't Roll on Me Just Because They Offer You Cookies and Juice
Little boy: You used to have a pocket knife, mommy!
Mother, laughing nervously: No, I didn't!
Little boy: Yes you did! You used to!
Nervous mother: No, I never did! I never had a pocket knife! Please don't tell the police that!
YMCA
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Muffin
...Is the Thesis of My American Lit Dissertation
Saxophone-playing dude: [About Huck Finn] You really think some ten-year-old white boy is gonna be running around with a crazy black man like "Woo hoo! Everything's cool!"? No way, man, they woulda ate him!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Kids | Race | Violence | Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's an Identity
Boy to girl: Rape is not a choice.
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Guys | Violence | Posted 2008-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!
Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.
Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Crimes | New Jersey | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Questions | Stomach | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chicken Doesn't Count, Sir
60-year-old journalism professor: Oh, the choking game? Heh... I play that all the time.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Games | Massachusetts | Old folks | Questions | Teachers | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Depicted in All of My Paintings
Mother to daughter: I swear, next time you're going to smack your mouth on something and I'm just going to move you to the side and leave you there and watch the blood run down.
On Line for Space Mountain
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kat
You Really Shouldn't Discriminate Against People Who Try to Kill You
Jewish man: I am not sexist!
Jewish man's friend: You are so sexist Archie Bunker is embarrassed.
Jewish man: I'm not sexist. I'll stab a chick in her junk!
Israeli Martial Arts Class
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Ari
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Jews | Missouri | TV shows | Vagina | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Respect That You Didn't Take the Easy Route with "Robert Downey Jr."
Girl: "Pokemon Stadium," is just stupid. If the other Pokemon does some confusion attack, you just end up slapping yourself or some shit. No one gets so confused they hurt themselves!
Boy: Tell that to Danny Bonaduce.
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Games | Girls | Gossip | Guys | Massachusetts | TV shows | Violence | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hardly Touched Myself at All
Dude: Just because I watched you out a window for an hour doesn't mean I'm creepy.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Worry --It Was Completely Consensual
Adult woman to girlfriend's six-year-old daughter: Oh honey! You got your knees all skinned up with boo boos! What happened?
Six-year-old girl, shrugging: Oh, you know... Boys.
South 4th St
Louisville , Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | Gender issues | Girls | Kentucky | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Lactose Intolerant!
Professor: So if we played the word association game, and I said the word "ice cream", Tiffany might say "playground" because she used to eat ice cream on the playground. And then maybe if I said the words "ice cream" to Tom, he might say "sex" because he's a serial rapist.
Tom: But I'm not.
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Colin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Education | Guys | New York | Students | Teachers | Violence | Words | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Bright, White Light, on the Other Hand...
Gamer dude: ... and the game comes with like, real guns.
Wannabe goth chick: They're actual guns?
Gamer dude: Well like, real models. And it comes with this mirror that lets you see yourself and like, shows what you look like if you get shot in the face.
Wannabe goth chick: That's nice. That's not something you would normally get to see if you got shot in the face.
UAB
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Kitty-Jack
Categories: Alabama | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Death & dying | Games | Goths | Guys | Violence | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Really Do Get a Little Something Extra at the Ivies
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that...
English professor: Isn't "Balls!" such a great expression? It's just so... you know... I give you all permission to interject and interrupt this class by shouting "Balls!" at any time for the rest of the year. Sorry, go ahead with your comment.
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that...
English professor: Balls!
www.overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?
Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Advice | Bus | Death & dying | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Threats | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free
Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Categories: Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Pride | Relationships | Sex | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, Indirectly
Girl: No, isn't Macbeth the one where she gets her husband to kill Macbeth?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: Stu
Categories: Books | Death & dying | Education | Family ties | Girls | Overheard at York | Questions | Relationships | Violence | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially Not Child-Sized Ones
Girl on cell: Listen, he is not a nice guy. Anyone with handcuffs permanently attached to his bed frame is not a nice guy.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | On the phone | Sexuality | Toys | Violence | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Only the Strong Survive Into Adulthood
Jolly literature professor: All of this talk of salacious babysitters and the indiscriminate disposing of corpses makes me feel like I'm back in Jersey again.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Memory lane | Teachers | US Geography | Violence | Virginia | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As You Don't Lie in the Same Bed Together, It's All Good
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
Categories: Books | Guys | North Carolina | Offspring | Parenting | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sure, Rip Taylor Made A Living Out of It
Student: Is there really a job where you can just throw paper at people and then run away?
Canadia
Relax --Not Like He's a Hipster
Girl #1: It was cause and effect, he bit me on my hip.
Girl #2: So you slept with him?
Kalamazoo, Mississippi
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Girls | Mississippi | Questions | Sexuality | Violence | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Yeah, Grindhouse Is Just Dripping With Tolstoy
TA: It's like Anna Karenina in two hours, with shotguns and Satan.
UCSC
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: Books | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Evil | Students | Violence | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Looks Who's Talking, Mister "The-Pirate-Movie-Was-Rated-Arrr"
Guy #1: What did the bear say when he walked into the bar?
Guy #2: [Blank stare.]
Guy #1: Roarrrr. He's a fucking bear, what else would he say! [Laughs out loud.]
Guy #2: I haven't seen you in two months, and this is what you start with? You are a fucking idiot.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amber
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
...Has Been Selected As Our New State Motto
Art professor: Say goodbye to sex and violence and hello to boring allegories.
KSU
Manhattan, Kansas
If You Have to Tell Her, You're Doing It Wrong
Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you're doing her in the ass!
Moe's Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma
Jacoby & Meyers?
Tween: I mean, who just calls to say, how are you, I hear you got punched in the face?
Mom: Totally...
San Diego, California
Overheard by: SaraSmile
...Full Of Heroin?
Middle-aged black woman to husband: Baby, you remember that time I shot you?
CVS
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Crimes | Default | Hubbies | Memory lane | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Thugs | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, That Was a Fun Baptism.
Big Italian guy holding a putter: Man, the last time I had one of these was to beat someone up!
Lumberjack Mini Golf
Lake George, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Guys | New York | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... With Our Settlement Money
Fancy girl #1: Oh my god, getting hit by a car is totally my favorite activity.
Fancy girl #2: Really? Mine is shopping.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Have an Orgy with a Family of Klutzes
Large woman: Your dad kicked me in the head!
Scrawny boyfriend: What?
Large woman: And then you kicked me in the head!
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
Overheard by: Marg
Categories: Canadia | Default | Family ties | Fat people | Gripes | Skinny people | Violence | Posted 2008-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Breadsticks Will Also Do in a Pinch
Guy: You gotta watch out for the Italian Air Force, dude. They've got, like, hang-gliders, and guys who throw rocks.
University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland
Overheard by: Sara
According to This Good Housekeeping Checklist
Dejected neighbor: Yeah, I know. I'm more suited to kill werewolves than produce orgasms.
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: j
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