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Just As Long As I Get the Obligatory Milkbone
Girl: Well, the sad thing is I'm gonna have to treat you like Morgan when she doesn't want to take her ear infection pills.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Massachusetts | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Referring to Mom's Cooking That Way
Host: Would you like a booth or table?
Young mom: A booth is fine.
Four-year-old: I don't want a booth!
Young dad: Hey, knock that off or you'll be eatin' out of the trash.
Orange County, California
Overheard by: Poofy
And I Do Mean Everything
Boy #1: I'm gonna take out my iPhone and post these pictures on YouTube.
Boy #2: You can't post photos on YouTube.
Boy #1: Fine, I'll post them on Facebook.
Boy #2: You don't have a Facebook.
Boy #1: I'll e-mail them to your mom. She posts everything on Facebook.
Central Islip, New York
Overheard by: Val
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Internet | New York | Threats | Posted 2011-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Takes a Gag Reflex to Raise a Child Never Made It to the Best-Seller List
Flustered mother to screaming toddler: Stop that shouting, or I'll be sick on you!
(toddler shuts up abruptly)
Leeds
England
Overheard by: Magpie
Instead Of Silently Filming It, Like I Do Currently.
Guy to friend talking during movie: Dude, shut the fuck up! I'm gonna walk in while you're having sex and go, "aw, look, she's moaning!"
overheardattcnj.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Overheard at TCNJ
Categories: Feelings | Guys | Other sites | Sex | Threats | Posted 2011-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Gateway Drug for Straight Porn
Boyfriend #1: If I go home and find one piece of tranny porn on my computer, I am going to melt all your chocolate-covered pistachios and pour the chocolate down the toilet. I don't know what I'm going to do with the nuts... probably freeze them. I don't know...
Boyfriend #2: That is seriously life-ruining shit. Like a PSA on how tranny porn ruins lives.
Mountain View, California
Overheard by: Koora
Categories: California | Couples | Porn | Relationships | Threats | Posted 2011-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Was Your Mother's Day, Philadelphia?
Guys on bench to kid on phone: No, we're not gonna pee on you, we're just gonna give you a shower!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Pee | Pennsylvania | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: This Message Brought to You by the Society for the Prevention Of Children
Father, dragging boy for being naughty: I have had enough of this! You're a horrible child!
Son: But I won't do it again, I promise! (cries hysterically)
Father: Yes, you said that 13 times ago, but you still do it! You're a horrible boy, so we're going to disown you.
Son: Nooooo!
Father: Shut up.
Telford
England
Overheard by: nicmunn
Still Think You Miss Your 20s?
Girlfriend: That's your last drink tonight.
Boyfriend: What? Why?
Girlfriend: Why? Because I don't want to fuck a limp dick and then deal with you shitting yourself again. That's why.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Deedle
Categories: California | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Penis | Sex | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2011-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crime Really Doesn't Pay
Black guy on side of street to car passing slowly in traffic: Yo, I see you, don' need to roll ya window up, it's just a Honda, only get three stacks for it at the chop shop. (to friends) Shit, I get in the car and have you drive to the ATM machine, pop ya in the face, get ya pin number, withdraw $500. Receipt comes out 'insufficient funds'. Now I got to kill you.
Miami, Florida
Tonight, on the Pilot Episode Of The Golden-Palace Girls...
Woman to ten-year-old son: When I'm old and feeble, will you take me in and take care of me?
Ten-year-old son: No. I'm going to put you in a home with a bunch of Asian people.
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Kids these days.
...Now That the Economy's Picked Up a Little
Mom to well-behaved 18-month-old son: You're about to be on eBay!
Washington, DC
Categories: Moms | Parenting | Shopping | Threats | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Telemarketer. Ever.
Asian guy: I mean, I'm a nice guy, but I'ma fucking kill you.
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Tucker
Lesbian Girl Scouts Are Always Prepared
Woman, trying to hush crying baby: Shhhhh... It's okay.
College girl: Ma'am, I am prepared to set fire to your child.
Parkersburg, West Virginia
Stupid Christian University
Girl, in random outburst: I am never going to sleep with you!
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
What Else Should I Put on My Resume?
Very loud drunk woman: No, I don't shoot darts, but I'm good at stabbin' people!
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
When a Marriage Unravels, Both Spouses Know
Girl: I had a dream you died, and I woke up crying.
Guy: I woke up screaming, but that's because I dreamed I was being chased by aliens.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Couples | Gender issues | Relationships | Threats | Washington | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Understand When You Have to Watch Your Mother Being Raped by a Rotini Noodle.
Girl #1: So pasta, like, traumatized you?
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate pasta! Pasta ruined my life!
Frary Dining Hall, Pomona College
Claremont, California
Isn't That The L Word's Go-To Plot?
High school girl on phone: Wait... How do I rape you?
Denver, Colorado
Beware Of Canadian Estheticians, Dear Reader
Teenage girl to friend, giggling: So then she said she was going to put diarrhea on my face!
Toronto
Canadia
Nobody Expects a Gay Guy to Carry a Speculum
Gay guy: Give me a sip of your drink!
Girl: No!
Gay guy: Give me a sip or I'll bite your cervix!
Military College
Georgia
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now How About a Nice Tranq Dart?
Confused elderly female patient, trying to punch staff: If you kill me, my family will hunt you down and take all your money!
Nurse's aide, trying to clean up patient: Yeah, we hear that a lot.
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Death & dying | Doctor's office | Family ties | Nurses | Old folks | Threats | Posted 2010-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Could You Delicately Put That Switchblade Away?
Scary emo girl, pointing at friend: What am I? Say it! Say it! What am I? Say it!
Bullied emo guy, quietly: You're a delicate emo angel.
Federal Hill
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Categories: Compliments | Girls | Guys | Questions | Rhode Island | Threats | Posted 2010-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's Just Beer, Sweetie.
Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!
Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York
Overheard by: bemused
Ever Seen One That Could Crack a Walnut Before?
Guy on cell: Look, I'm just saying. If he wants to play hardball, I'm totally prepared to show him just how hard my balls are.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Balls | Guys | On the phone | Overheard at York | Threats | Words | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hmm...You Also Said the Muppet Babies Were Making You Clean Your Oven.
Woman: The Italian mafia are making me conduct the trains!
Subway Station
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Guess Somebody Wants to Go to College
Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Threats | Thugs | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or They'll Get the Business-End Of Our Canes!
Seriously old lady: Tell the oil companies to piss off... We're taking over!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: skeeta
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Old folks | Politics | Threats | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Men Die Before Women: Explained
Angry boyfriend: I'm not off gallivanting around town!
Girlfriend: (indistinct mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I don't hang out with anyone!
Girlfriend: (more mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I'll just lie to you from now on.
Kent, Ohio
Deleted Scene from The Neverending Story
Girl: Good luck with that. You'll end up with barbed wire embedded in your genitals if you go there on foot. And I'll say I told you so.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Balls | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Then Burst Into the Laverne and Shirley Theme Song
Train operator: Orange line to Vienna. If you are on the platform, you better hurry up. Cause I'm not going to let you slow me down.
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Reject
Categories: Conductors | Public Transportation | Threats | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Messed Up the Order and Ruined the Whole Thing.
Wannabe thug, carrying Celtics flag: First I'm gonna get blood on it, and then ash!
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Categories: New Hampshire | Threats | Thugs | Violence | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a That's So Raven Thermos!
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that'll teach him
Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Not As Shitty As If You Had Rampant Syphilis. Trust Me.
Biology professor: This Friday I'm going to talk about STIs, and you're all going to have a shitty weekend.
Alton, Illinois
Overheard by: M
..."The Lord" to You Christians and Jews
Teacher, lecturing on post WWII German artwork: Creepy sneaky guy is watching you!
History Class
Eugene, Oregon
I Could Always Force You to Sit through The Bucket List Again
Pretty blonde snuggling with Asian boyfriend: Honey, I'm sorry I was so crazy earlier.
Asian boyfriend: It's okay, sweetie, but I am going to have to punish you when we get home.
Pretty blonde, smiling: A spanking?
Asian boyfriend, kissing her forehead: Whatever you want, sweetie.
Las Vegas, Nevada
The Beanstalk Giant Always Had Trouble Fitting In.
Teenager, chasing after young boy on bike: I'm gonna eat your children!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
Some Children Don't Blend Well
Little girl to friend: You little... Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!
Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Kids | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What You Never Knew About Clark Kent's Upbringing
Daddy: If you don't eat...
Three-year-old boy: You'll hit my butt? I like it when you hit my butt, it feels good on my super wee-wee!
Chick-fil-A
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Carrie
Categories: Ass | Dads | Food | Kids | Parenting | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | South Carolina | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'd Only Stop Loving You If I Were a Fetus.
Little girl: And god loves everybody. God even loves you.
Scary little boy: I'm going to kill you.
Little girl: God will love you, even if you do.
Round Rock, Texas
And Let's Hope to God It's Perez Hilton
(little girl is spinning and singing in grocery store line)
Dad, very calmly: Honey... Next time the gypsies come to town, they're leaving with an extra person.
Severna Park, Maryland
If You Don't Accept My Low, Low Introductory Offer Right Now
Mother to kid: Stop that right now, or I'm going to give you to a stranger!
Stranger: Good luck finding one who'll take her.
The Baltimore Aquarium
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Cols
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Strangers | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Where Are the Coconuts, Brainiac?
Tourist to park ranger: How do I get to Mt. Desert Island from here?
Park ranger: Ummm, you're standing on it.
Tourist: No, I'm not.
Park ranger: Yes, you are.
Tourist: This is ridiculous, I'm going to report you to the government.
Park ranger: No, really, you're on the island.
Mount Desert Island, Maine
...You Wanna Go to Build-a-Bear?
Roid Rager, angrily: Nobody gives me the finger while I'm driving!
Hipster, calmly: Well, you need to slow down. It's a parking lot.
Roid Rager, enraged: You wanna do something about it?
Hipster: No. I'm not gonna fight you in front of Sears.
Rockaway Mall, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joe Bagodonuts
Nothing But The Chicken Dance for Me and My Posse
White geek girl: I swear, if it's the goddamn Macarena, I'm gonna cap a bitch!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
And I'll Film It for YouTube.
Dad to little girl sitting on railing, watching sea lions: You fall down, that's it. If you fall down, I'm not helping you. (pause) And the sea lion's gonna eat you.
Pier 39
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Paulo
Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless.
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Punks | Threats | Violence | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What Jesus Would Do?
Catholic school girl #1: (sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart")
Catholic school girl #2: Stop it. I swear to god, I will shank you.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Adelaie
We've Given the Bin Ladens Enough, Sir
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt!
Cashier: Sir, you can't have a receipt if you didn't buy anything.
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt. I need a receipt or I'll kill you...because I am Osama Bin Laden.
Starbucks
New York City, New York
Categories: Character | Crazies | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Names | New York | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?
Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Then I'd Punch Her in the Face
Guy to friend: If I walked in on you making out with my little sister I would punch you in the face! But then I would be like, "Eh...she could do worse."
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Massachusetts | Relationships | Threats | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Smoke It Over the Smoldering Corpses Of Our Enemies
Guy giving out samples: Free sausage! Try some local sausage for free! Made right here in Seattle, no preservatives!
(people walk right past stand without looking)
Guy, in same tone of voice: I will figure out where you live and burn down your houses! Free sausage! Try a sample!
Pike Place Market
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Default | Employees | Food | Geography | Guys | Stores | Threats | Washington | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Talking to You, Mary Todd Lincoln
Tour guide: Be sure to stay with the group. The rats are very large and can sense weakness within the herd. (gives hard look to four old women)
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Advice | Animals | Default | Employees | Sensory experiences | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Encounters Darth Tater
Girl to friends, walking through produce section: I have never felt so threatened by produce in all my life.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: laurel.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does It Make a Sound?
Security guard: What do you do with a mailbox? You throw it in the middle of the woods!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Elaine
And Demand Unlimited Loaves and Fishes in Recompense
Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Remember What Happened to Your Sister the S'more?
Six-year-old boy: Mom! I want a cookie.
Mom: If you don't start behaving you're going to turn into a deep-fried boy on a stick at the state fair.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
I'm Unfamiliar With That Game
Preschool boy: Can I play with you?
Preschool girl: Come near me and I'll stab you.
Playground
New South Wales
Australia
Overheard by: courtney
I've Never Felt So Alive!
Male professor, in a very girly voice: Aaaahhh! I'm being trampled by sea horses.
UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
...When She Told Me the Soup Of the Day Was Split Pea
Possible transvestite: And I said, "Either you take a lie detector test at the American consulate or I'm packing my things and going!"
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
But at Least I'm Passing His Biology Class This Time
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah. He just got out of jail and he's hitting on me again.
Salem Community High School
Salem, Illinois
Overheard by: LiLlistna
Categories: Crimes | Girls | Illinois | On the phone | Preppies | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Threats | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Valid Alternate Plan.
Mother: What time do you need to get up tomorrow?
Teen daughter: 8.30.
Mother: Well, I'm going to be leaving a little before that.
Teen daughter, offhandedly: "Wake me up/before you go-go."
Mother: I will kill you.
Aurora, Colorado
Life's a Privilege, Not a Right
Mom: Then I'd have to kill you.
Daughter: Why?
Mom: Because that's my job as a mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: glad I'm not her daughter
Children Raised on Judge Judy Have a Unique Set of Problems
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court!
Six-year-old #2: No I'm not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court now!
Six-year-old #2: (begins to cry)
Small Town
Maine
Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal
How About a Koosh Hug?
Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!
Simi Valley, California
Overheard by: the mster
One Day You Will Make Some Dork Very, Very Happy
20-something chick to friend on cell: I like how you're listening to the message I left you while I'm standing right here.
Friend: I just want to make sure I get the message, I don't want to be like one of those people who calls you back without listening to the message.
20-something chick: I hate those people! It's like, what if the message was really important? Like, "Help me, I'm dying! Don't call me back--it sets off the bomb!"
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Good point
Categories: Cell phones | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | On the phone | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Family Therapist's, She'll Swear That Was a Term of Endearment
Hyperactive four-year-old: I want ice cream! I want ice cream!
Frumpy mother: Go away, my hair is going to fall all over you.
Hyperactive four-year-old: I don't care! I want ice cream! I'm taking your purse!
Frumpy mother: Ryan, if you touch my purse, I'm spanking you! Now go away, you're annoying me!
Hyperactive four-year-old: No, I'm not, are you kidding me?
Frumpy mother (mumbling): You little rodent.
Hyperactive four-year-old: I am not!
Hair Salon
Cumming, Georgira
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Default | Food | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Any Questions?
English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.
Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne
Good God-- He's Got a Sock Puppet!
(a group of people are standing on the steps of the station, singing about Christianity)
Man, sprinting across the road: Run for your lives! He's preaching Jesus!
Flinders Street Station
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Skeeta
Bottom Line: Can I Borrow a Pickle and Some Duct Tape?
Girl on cell: And I'm like "If you get to fuck me in the ass, then I get to fuck you!" Yeah, except then he's like, "Okay, sweet!" and I'm like, "Shit, that backfired."
University LRT Station
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: thrilled commuter
Categories: Backdoor | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | On the phone | Threats | Train | Posted 2008-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bear: Just Give Me an Excuse, You Ice-Cap-Melting-Rock-Throwing Motherfucker!
(at the polar bear exhibit)
Father to son holding a rock: Don't throw that rock! If you throw that, it's going to hit the bear, and then he's going to come over here and eat you. Do you want him to come over here and eat you?!
Zoo
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Sarah.
Categories: Animals | Dads | Default | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Threats | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Worse, in Canadia Wearing a Spandex Unitard
Ten-year-old boy to another: Yeah, I told my sister that if she kept it up, she'd end up in Mexico with her panties off.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: i want to meet the sister
Categories: Default | Family ties | Geography | Guys | Kids | Sexuality | South Carolina | Threats | Posted 2008-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's New Yorkese for "Pretty Please"
Eight- year-old girl to parents: Can I pleeeese have a Cinnabon?
Dad: No, you don't need that. Finish your dinner.
Eight- year-old girl: If I don't get a Cinnabon, I'm basically going to kill myself.
Rest Stop
New York Thruway
Overheard by: Karen
Ashley Olsen Dating Lance Armstrong Was the Final Nail in the Coffin
Preppy girl #1: So the Apocalypse is totally going to happen... It's scary.
Preppy girl #2: Yeah, I know, right?
High School Hall
Ontario
Canadia
How Heidi Met Seal
Female suit: Do you know how scary it is to have a black man fall on you in the middle of the night?!
Mesa, Arizona
It's Almost a Great Title for a Country Song
20-something guy at baseball game: My nipples are bleeding because of her. She deserves it.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: 5 rows up
Categories: Creepsters | Default | Guys | Nipples | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Heaven Entrance Exam Is Teeming With Poetry Questions
Teacher (about poetry assignment): Some of you did a good job and wrote some wonderful things. Some of you just did the assignment. Some of you haven't even turned it in. Those people are going to hell.
TJHSST
Alexandria, Virginia
Joke's on You-- It Was Jesus Dressed As Santa!
Nanny (in thick Irish accent): Get over here right now!
(little girl does not move)
Nanny: Jesus sees you!
(little girl still not moving)
Nanny: Santa sees you, and you'll get nothing!
(little girl runs to nanny)
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Charles
Categories: Default | Girls | Illinois | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Santa Claus | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Money | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Gay If I'm the Boomer
(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he's a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That's gay.
Boom: It won't be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.
Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan
MC Hammer Hasn't Gotten Laid in a Good Long Time
Professor: Clearly, if I am wearing these pants, no one is gonna want to get in them with me!
Economics Class
University of Delaware Newark, Delaware
Wasn't I Right About 2000-- and 2001?
Goth chick: Don't talk to me about the year 2012. The year 2012 is seriously pissing me off.
Otaku chick: Try to stick around for 2013 anyway. Just trust me on this one.
University Plaza
Colorado State
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Fears | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Goths | Offers and requests | Threats | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Put the Bedazzler Down, Bert
Guy, aggressively: I'll sparkle you!
The Eiffel Tower
Paris
France
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: France | Guys | Threats | Tourist attractions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Have Plenty of Time for That When You're in Your 20's and Getting Out of Limos
Mother to daughter hopping up and down on escalator: Now Beth*, if you keep doing that your pants are going to get caught in the conveyor belt and they'll be ripped off and all of South Station is going to see your little mermaid underwear. [Girl immediately stops.]
South Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Clothes | Default | Fears | Girls | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Public transportation | Threats | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not a Real Green Dress --That's Cruel
Girl on phone: I'll go on MySpace and look until I die for a picture of you in a ugly green dress!
Orlando Ale House
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Clothing | Florida | Girls | MySpace | On the phone | Restaurants | Threats | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least You Have Your Priorities Straight
Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don't know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.
Druid Hills, Atlanta
Overheard by: Miranda
As Depicted in All of My Paintings
Mother to daughter: I swear, next time you're going to smack your mouth on something and I'm just going to move you to the side and leave you there and watch the blood run down.
On Line for Space Mountain
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kat
I Hardly Touched Myself at All
Dude: Just because I watched you out a window for an hour doesn't mean I'm creepy.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well Obviously
Film professor: Apparently in the 1970s the devil came to earth with the intention of occupying small women.
Corvallis, Oregon
Overheard by: David
Strong Enough for a Man; Yummy Enough for Little Bobby
Little boy, singing: Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay I'll eat your armpits!
Newton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: Body parts | Kids | Massachusetts | Music | Questions | Singing | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Stoners Write for Fortune Cookie Companies
Serious girl: You have to clean your bathroom or else there'll be hungry ghosts lurking behind your toilet.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?
Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Advice | Bus | Death & dying | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Threats | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Body Nazis Are So Vulnerable to Imperfection
Girl: I am going to show you guys my toe, and you're gonna be sorry!
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Threats | Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being White in Popeye's!
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Restaurants | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, I'd Be Asking for High Fives
Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn't hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn't you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He's been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Well He Was French
Philosophy professor: Whatever you do guys, you can't let Descartes come through the back door!
Students: [Laugh hysterically.]
Philosophy professor: It's not funny! Descartes always tries to come through the back door!
University of Portland
Oregon
Overheard by: B Student
Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss
[Chick #1 drops purse, condom falls out.]
Chick #2: [Hands it back.] I didn't know you had a penis.
Chick #1: I'm just being prepared.
Chick #2: In case you grow a penis?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.
[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Etiquette | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Restroom | STDs | Threats | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Typhoid Mary Was Also an Avid Bowler
Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don't get me wrong, but that's not my life.
Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Ladies who lunch | Maladies | Restaurants | Tennessee | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It
Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"
Washington, DC
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
Really the Only Way to Be Safe in a Manhole
Construction worker yelling into manhole: As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a condom right now! Really! I put one on this morning.
10th and Pine
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Didn't want to know
Categories: Condoms | Construction workers | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Categories: Airports & flights | Black people | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Hoochies | Maladies | Michigan | On the phone | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story
Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.
UB Bus
Buffalo, New York
Meet the Most Forgetful Woman in Dallas
Woman: I found the nipple! Crisis averted.
N. Bishop Avenue
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Nipples | Texas | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have the Hairbrushes, Right?
Girl, wearing leather pants and high heels, pushing a cart containing D batteries, duct tape, and huge bag of rice, on cell: I don't know why he's so smug, I told him what I would do to him if I caught him again. [pause] Okay, well I've almost got everything I need, I'll be right over.
Wal-Mart
Lufkin, Texas
Overheard by: wtf?
Categories: Bimbettes | Girls | On the phone | Relationships | Shopping | Stores | Texas | Threats | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies
Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Tom and Laura
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Murder | Sorority types | Threats | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Nobody's All That Sold on the Idea Of Heaven
College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin
Can You Even Use "Oxygen" As a Verb Like That?
Male flight attendant: ... And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.
Southwest Airlines Flight #135
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Family ties | Flight attendants | Guys | Jerks | Offspring | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always a Burning Question
Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?
Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared
Wait, It's Fall? How Long Was I Playing That Wii?
Boyfriend, looking around suspiciously: ... It smells funny...
Girlfriend: It's the outside!
Webster City, Iowa
Overheard by: Phoebe
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Iowa | Sensory experiences | Threats | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The 1990's Called...
Philosophy professor, proving his argument: Therefore, if I don't get a little crazy, then I'm never gonna survive.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
Categories: Character | Class | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Mental illnesses | Michigan | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Ever Work on Black People?
Leathery hobo to passing students: One of you white-ass, livin'-inside motherfuckers owes me a dollar!
Austin, Texas
It's Funny 'til Somebody Loses an Aircraft
Pilot to passengers: If you kids don't calm down right now and stop throwing those damn pillows, I will turn this plane around and I will take you back to Mexico!
1999 flight from Cancun to San Francisco, California
Overheard by: the end of senior trip
Categories: California | Default | Geography | Pilots | Threats | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dooming You to Come on Time for All Eternity
Professor: When you're late, Eric* will take down your name. The first time he'll just tack a threatening note on your door. What did we decide you would do for the second tardy?
Eric: Slash their tires.
Professor: Right. And the third time we'll make pornographic images of you on Photoshop and put them on the Internet.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Internet | Porn | Students | Teachers | Threats | Time Management | Violence | Posted 2008-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
