Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Why Wouldn't Pot Be Microwaveable?

Crazy old woman to teenagers: I just learned something today. The Native Americans had microwaveable pot!

Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: shay

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Then the Wii Had to Come Along and Confuse Everything

Woman on phone: Yeah, well, as you get older, it's less manual labor and more electronics!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: am I taking this the wrong way?

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Sarah Really Knows How to Push Her Own Buttons.

Self-centered bimbo to another: I love texting myself, but I told myself: "let me see if I can hold off doing that til Sunday, to see if I can live alone."

Mamaroneck, New York

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...Thank Goodness for Duct Tape, Am I Right?

Delta gate agent to another: There's always something wrong with this plane.

Newport News, Virginia

Overheard by: Hoping to get bumped

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They'll Tell Us What to Do

Teen, hearing that IBM computer "Watson" is winning at Jeopardy: That makes me so happy! We have robot overlords!

Ithaca, New York

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Gosh, I Miss The Osbournes.

Tween boy #1: I'm bummed. I grabbed my mom's iPod instead of mine this morning.
Tween boy #2: They look the same, how do you know it's not yours?
Tween boy #1: I have Radiohead and The Shins, she has Deicide and Cradle of Filth.
Tween boy #2: I love that woman.

High School
Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

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Shuts Himself Off Like C-3PO

Girl #1: Vern's breaking down.
Girl #2: Who?
Girl #1: My car.
Girl #2: Oh. I was worried there for a second.

Bellingham, Washington

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We're Guessing IT Teachers Hear This Joke a Lot

IT teacher: So if the CPU usage is really high, choose "end process tree" to kill the process.
Student in back, mumbling: That's what she said...
IT teacher: Damn right that's what she said!

Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Sunny

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Instant Coffee: Explained

Philosophy teacher: So, I've created a robot that knows how to go into my office and make me a coffee. But what if something goes wrong? What if the coffee's in a different place, or there's no milk? What if there's bees in the sugar?

Perth
Australia

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Introducing the Deepest Relationship in L.A.

Persian guy #1: So are you going to go out with her again?
Persian guy #2: Yeah, she's a cool girl, man. She likes techno and brands...

Los Angeles, California

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Or Your Sex Blog

Stodgy, old-fashioned professor: It's your birthday? I didn't know, you must not have put it on Facebook.

St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Mel

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...Ain't That a Bitch?

Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.

Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Misaki

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Probably an Aversion to Refried Telecommunications

Mexican girl: Do Mexicans even know how to use star 69? Because I asked one once, and she didn't.

Corpus Christi, Texas

Overheard by: overheardincc

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Woody Allen Was Pretty Much the Same As a Kid

Three-year-old to mom on bus: Mom, can you show me how to play my dvd?
Mom: Sure. Why are you asking me now?
Three-year-old: In case.
Mom: In case? In case of what?
Three-year-old, matter of factly: In case you die.

Madrid
Spain

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...Now You Pay Attention?

Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm... Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!

Manchester, New Hampshire

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I Like to Tape Pictures to It

Customer #1: Can you tell me about these TVs? Oh, sorry, I thought you worked here. You are dressed just like them.
Customer #2: That's okay. I don't know much about TVs.
Customer #1: What's to know? You plug it in and connect the cable, right? You probably know as much as them. Now these TVs, if they are digital, which they say they are... do I need a cable box for these or do I just put the setting on cable?
Customer #2: I don't know. I don't have a digital TV.
Customer #1: I don't have a TV either. I'm homeless. I have a radio.

Best Buy
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Scomart

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'Cause I'd Love to Have Promotional Footage for My Website

Girl #1: They're checking out your ass. Up you skirt.
Girl #2: Whatevs. (pause) Wait, do they have cameras?

Hotle Bar
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: arrc

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At Least I'll Make Some Money Off the Video

Girl on phone: So I walked in on my flatmate using my electric toothbrush to... yeah, doing that. And here I am, still brushing my teeth with it. That is just disgusting. Disgusting!

Cape Town
South Africa

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Oooh, Imagine How Sweaty Her Hand Got!

Weird guy: Did you guys have fun last night?
Weirder guy: Oh, yeah. She jerked me off. But I'm allergic to latex, so she used neoprene gloves from the lab where she works.
Weird guy: Niiiice.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: That sounds so unpleasant.

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That's What You Said About Menstruation!

Professor: How does a microwave work?
Student: Electromagnetic waves.
Professor: Oh, "electromagnetic waves"! That's a fancy way of saying "magic."

University of Delaware

Overheard by: Magician

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Sorry, the Windows OS Makes Me Crabby.

Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!

Canadia

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Which Is Why Robot Sex Is the Wave Of the Future

Guy in bicycle to another, intensely: People like to be artificially stimulated.

Encino, California

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So Just Swear to Me You Aren't a Terrorist, and I'll Let You Through.

Poor overworked guy at counter: Please pardon my ignorance. My computers have collapsed, and that means my brain doesn't work anymore.

International Airport
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Meaghan

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Meet the Science Channel's Number One Fan

Geeky kid: A glass cutter? Oh. My. God. This is a glass cutter! It cuts glass!
(mom tries to shush him)
Geeky kid, whispering: A glass cutter!

Hardware Store
San Francisco, California

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I Get All My Internet News from the Radio

Teen girl: Hey guys! I heard there's going to be like, a digital Armageddon today!
Teen boy: I think that's a hoax.
Teen girl: No, but I heard it on the radio (pause) They wouldn't have reported it like that if it was fake.

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: H. G. Wells

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Howard Stern Had One Custom-Installed.

Server: We need a button on the computer for this...
Boss man: For what?
Server: Balls on your face.

Midlothian, Virginia

Overheard by: bec-uhh

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You've All Signed Your Liability Waivers, Right?

Professor: Are there any questions before we begin the final?
Girl: Can we tear pages out of the exam?
Professor: Yes, we have the technology to reassemble it. (waves stapler around)

Managerial Accounting Class
Santa Barbara, California

Overheard by: Ariel

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...Penis.

Professor: I can assume people don't walk on their hands, but some people might do it to fool me, because I have a robot.

George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia

Overheard by: NoRobot

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When Lifetime Television Becomes a How-To

Girl #1: I was watching tv last night, and this girl was prostituting herself to pay for med school...
Girl #2: That is such a good idea!

UC Berkeley, California

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Wouldn't Steel Birkenstocks Be Uncomfortable?

Drunk girl: I want to be lesbionic!

Georgia Tech

Overheard by: YellowJacketGals

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According to the Very Reliable Hobo on My Corner

Girl: I didn't say I was a lesbian cyborg, I just said I was a cyborg.
Guy: All cyborgs are lesbians.

Townsville
Australia

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The Male Equivalent Of a Douche Chill?

Teen girl, yelling at computer screen: Oh, you willy shiver!

Totara Park
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

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Imagine That.

Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: My friend said that I should use Photoshop and imagination to do this. I have Photoshop, but where can I get imagination? I've never heard of it.
White boyfriend: You're kidding me, right?
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no software called "imagination." Just use your imagination. Duh!
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: You're so not getting a blowjob tonight.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: The white boyfriend

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My Gospel: In the Beginning Was the Command Line

Male high school student, nonchalantly: I got a new phone; this one can take videos and stuff. It's pretty cool.
School bus driver, in hushed, dramatic tone: Technology is god on earth.

School Bus
Southern California

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Choking to Death on Carbon Emissions Is a Masculine Rite Of Passage

Guy #1: Are you going to get a Prius?
Guy #2: Nah, I want a car with balls, not an environmentally friendly vagina.

Sunnyvale, California

Overheard by: GameCat

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As His Sancho Panza

Girl: You should meet his dad! He's like Don Quixote in a Kafka story.
Guy: Who's father they were talking about...you know...but with a tv.

Sabiá bar, Vila Madalena
Sao Paulo, Brazil

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Google: Search and Ye Shall Find

Dude: I don't even know where to find porn!
Random guy walking past: Yeah, you do.

Washtenaw Community College
Ann Arbor, Michigan

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Hope You Bitches Saved Me Some Weed

Mom: Why is the tv on with the mute on?
Daughter #1: Cause of the pretty moving pictures!
Daughter #2: Yeah! It's like an aquarium, but with Tom Hanks.

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Kat

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TV Has Been Slow to Catch on in Canadia

Older white woman, excitedly: And he just bought the electronic device that's going to save their marriage!

Restaurant
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Both disgusted and yet intrigued

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Maybe Some Of Those Flying Pigs We've Been Hearing So Much About

American tourist to friends: I hope this park has shade and air conditioning.

Barcelona
Spain

Overheard by: Kate

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So Sad That It Has to Come Back Down

Drunk girl, pointing to apartment across the street: Look! The elevator goes up and down! It's so cool!
Sober girl: Yeah...they tend to do that.
Drunk girl: Shut up! (pause) But this one lights up! Oh, look! There it goes again!

London
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: The D.D. for the night

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

This Is the Happiest Day Of My Life

Emo kid carrying a toaster with two slices of bread: Everyone's looking at our toaster.

Glenfield Mall
Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Kelly

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She's Leaving A Message

Upset girl on cell: When I say I'm going to call and I don't call, I just don't see why you can't call to see why I didn't call!

Fort Bragg, North Carolina

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I Hate When My Electronics Have a Spiritual Crisis

Sad suit: I got my blackberry wet last night, and now it randomly calls rabbi Goldstein.

Los Angeles, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm All About Buster Brown Collars

Gay professor: Yeah, so running through these questions should go a little more smoothly this time around. I looked around for what was causing it to go so slow last time, and I realized that there are disadvantages to letting your 14-year-old take your laptop to Tahoe for the weekend. I mean, really--how much lesbian porn can three teenage boys download? (class laughs) So, uh. If anything pops up, you know who to blame. I mean, it certainly isn't my secret fetish.

San Francisco State University, California

Overheard by: It isn't mine, either.

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Tonight, on Frigid Jones's Diary...

Girl: Did you see American Pie last night?
Guy: American Pie? But that's a dirty movie, I thought you were frigid.
Girl: I am frigid but I still watch tv.

Kerry Foods
Ireland

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Cool

Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I'm having such a good time I look Chinese.

Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, PA

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...Since You Refuse to Watch Fox News

Woman on library's computer to son: Get away from the books and sign up for a computer. That's the only way you're goin' to learn!

Hawthorne Library
Hawthorne, California

Overheard by: Scott A. Willis

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Call It Froast!

Professor: I invent things too! My great invention is this toast, and you make it in a toaster, and then you stick it in the freezer. And, like, when you want toast, you just put it back in the toaster...
Students: (confused silence)
Professor: Man, no one understands me! (stomps out)

SUNY
Geneseo, New York

Overheard by: Jeni

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Toaster Strudel Is My Religion

40-something tourist woman: But is it beneficial for your toaster?
40-something tourist woman #2: Umm...do I really have to answer that?

Underground Mall
Montreal, Canadia

Overheard by: Yes, yes you do.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Two Main Options for Young Ladies Nowadays

Guy (watching NuvaRing commercial): I don't know, I would think that taking one little pill every day would be less of a big deal than becoming...a cyborg.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Before You Bleed Them Dry

Clueless girl: My computer has a virus.
Computer geek: You need an external hard drive to transfer the files you want to keep.
Clueless girl: Can't I just transfer it to another computer?
Computer geek: No, the virus will spread.
Clueless girl: (blank stare)
Computer geek: Its like fucking someone with AIDS.

Los Angeles, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Practically the Only Thing in Ottawa You Haven't Done

Slutty teen in very short skirt (yelling): Yo,what time is it?
Drunk passerby : (shows watch on wrist)
Slutty teen (indignantly): Like, I don't do analogue, bitch!

Ottawa
Canadia

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We Better Just Get Off the Train, Mom

Tourist lady, as train approaches the end of the line: So how are they going to turn this train around?
Daughter: They don't have to. It can go in either direction.
Tourist lady: Well, are they at least going to turn the seats around?

Subway
Washington, DC

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A National Cemetery Should Make the Comfort Of the Living Its Top Priority

Eight-year-old bratty boy at the top of the stairs: Elevators would be nice.

Robert E. Lee's Mansion, Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia

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So They're Swimming Right Up the Ladder of Success

Guy on cell: I know of at least two plant and four fish species that could do my job just as well... Now, the fish just came in with touchscreen technology.

Covington, Kentucky

Overheard by: Jesus Freak

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How Do You Think the Lollipop Guild Got Their Name?

Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don't know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It's got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets' dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They're normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It's incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?

Killarney's Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Currrly!

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Gotta Give Senator McCain Points for Persistence, Though

Guy to friend: He had to make a PowerPoint presentation about making PowerPoint presentation. And I had to walk him through it.

Manuel's Tavern
Atlanta, Georgia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

How Mrs. Bisbee Made the 'Naughty' List

Mom: I don't know what I should get for him. He likes video games and that kind of stuff. I got him a GameCube last year and he loves it.
Five-year-old child (looks away from game display, shocked): But you told me Santa got me the GameCube!

Best Buy
Seattle, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Stop Sticking Your Fingers in That Socket

Little girl washing hands: Look, mommy, electric soap!

Women's Restroom
Salt Lake City International Airport, Utah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If 8-Bit's Enough for You

Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.

Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan

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Say Something to Me in C++

Guy trying to impress girl: So then I mastered a few languages, and after that it was pretty easy to get hired.
Girl: Oh wow! What languages?
Guy: C++.

Yellow Line Train
Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Wanna Hold It?

Hippie using his pocket PC: It's very primitive -I use it for solitaire while pooping.

Bean & Leaf Coffee Shop
New London, Connecticut

Overheard by: Overand

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Plastics Were So 1967

Suit on cell: But yeah, concrete is the future.

Metairie Road
Metairie, Louisiana

Overheard by: What happened to plastic?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Every Time I Try That, I Lose Some Memory

Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn't working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?

Steveston
Canadia

Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Perhaps Some Clove Cigarettes Would Help

Geek #1: But I'm a semi-Mac user! I can't have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean...

Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Beardless Mac User

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When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted

Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!

Target
Baltimore, Maryland

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The Environment Thanks You, Citizen!

Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: Cap

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Also to Make Julienne Fries

Freshman #1: I really use a time machine.
Freshman #2: What for?
Freshman #1: Time travel, dumbass.

Northwestern University
Illinois

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Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland

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We'd Be Wide Awake, but Our Cards Would Be Stained

Guy playing magic card game with a bunch of friends: All I'm saying is that somewhere, in an alternate universe, there is a table producing coffee!

Clark College
Vancouver, Washington

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You Expected More from a Stoner at McDonald's?

Stoner #1: Do you have telekinesis?
Stoner #2: No, but I got call-waiting and that three-way call thing.

McDonald's
Escondido, California

Overheard by: DLo

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And This Money Isn't Even Green!

Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous... I want to see the manager immediately!

Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany

Overheard by: Dru

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2008: Microsoft Pilots MS Office Assistant, "Buzzy the Dildo"

Guy: You know when you do a "Find File" in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog... It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha... Yeah. It's better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh... Only because he doesn't pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren't in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don't know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You're such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I'm not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.

Portland, Maine

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Figures a Robot Would Be Teaching Sex Ed

Professor, hitting mic and causing feedback: Oops, sorry. [Whispering to self] It's my android nature.

Human Sexuality class, UCSC
Santa Cruz, California

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Be Careful It Doesn't Squirt You in the Eye

Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode... Right, but be sure it's in cow mode... No, you'll know when it's in cow mode.

Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas

Overheard by: Not sure I want to know

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Just Keep Walking, Beatrice

Older lady: What's a whiffy?
Man, confused: What's... a whiffy?
Older lady: Right there! It says, 'Free whiffy' -- W-I-F-I.

Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Jen

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Sean Looks for Any Excuse to Buy a Purse

Dude playing Wii: That's gonna be my one year anniversary with my Wii. I should take it out and buy it a purse...

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

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Have a Relatively Explosion-Free Day, Everybody!

TSA guy #1: Why aren't you patting everyone down?
TSA guy #2: That's what the machines are for.
TSA guy #1: Do you see the machines working?! Do you see anyone walking through the machines?!
TSA guy #2: Oh. Oops. Oh, well, it happens.

Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Stephanie

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Give Him a Break. It's Kentucky.

Man walking through automatic doors: Wow, it's the store of the future. The doors open by themselves!

Louisville, Kentucky

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Or Am I Just That High?

TA: You'll need a watch to keep track of how long your stories are.
Sorostitute: I have one!
TA: Is it analog or digital?
Sorosititute, after looking at watch for a few seconds: ... It has diamonds!

Broadcasting Journalism lab, University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: Don't rush for HER sorority

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And the Cat Keeps Eating It

Customer: I want to return this mouse.
CSR: Okay. May I ask why?
Customer: No, you'll laugh at me.
CSR: I promise I won't.
Customer: Every time I move it around it squeaks.

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia

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No, It's Not because I Couldn't Contact You, It's because That Would Mean You Were Cool

Guy #1: Oh, sorry, man. I forgot to tell you about it... If you were on Facebook, I would have invited you.
Guy #2, pissed: ... I live two doors down from you!

Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com

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Did You Buy the Catastrophic Event Warranty?

Woman: Excuse me, my phone doesn't work. What should I do?
Salesman: What happened to your phone?
Woman: Well, my two year old son poured chocolate syrup on it, so I soaked it in the sink with dish soap to get it off.

Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com

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And Odds Are They'll Both Reproduce

Bimbette #1: Hey, ummm, how do I get my files out of the computer?
Bimbette #2: Wait... The computers are also filing cabinets?! No, wait -- I don't think they are...
Bimbette #1: But isn't that where we get the papers?
Bimbette #2: What?
Bimbette #1: What?

Honesdale High School
Honesdale, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alex Lepro

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Oh, Steam. Got It.

Client: We need a giant steam head rising above the booth.
Agency president: Why?
Client: Because people love steam. They're drawn to it. It's the power and magic of steam I'm talking about here!

Shout-out: adverbatims.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?