Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Smoking All Categories > Topics > Smoking
Recent | Best Of
Why You Gotta Ax So Many Questions?
Jackie O. lookalike: If I can't sneak cigarettes into my house, what makes you think I can get an ax?
Starfest Sci-fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
Hint Hint, Those of You Who Want to Pass This Class
College professor: I wish there was a gas station on the corner that had a cigarette bar, and an espresso bar, and a drive-up liquor store. I would go there all the time, especially if I could just drive up and get my liquor.
Rochester Institute of Technology
Henrietta, New York
Overheard by: Concerned Student
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Smoking | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You're Spilling My Martini!
Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don't have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can't you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It's snowing outside! You'd like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn't you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That's all you do... All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!
204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Taryn
Categories: Dads | Drugs | Gripes | Kids | Kids | North Carolina | Offers and requests | Smoking | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working
Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Smoking | Time Management | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Want to Spread the Cancer Evenly Throughout Your Body
Friend #1: You're not inhaling!
Smoking girl: Do I have to inhale?
Friend #1: Yeah. Otherwise you're not really smoking.
Friend #2: You're just getting mouth cancer.
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Maladies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Smoking | Posted 2008-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Only Eat It
Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.
University of Miami
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Stosh
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Druggies | Drugs | Florida | Guys | Questions | Smoking | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And All Those Pills for Breakfast
Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Chimney: Hey, I Only Smoke When I Drink
Hyper girl: He smokes more cigarettes than a chimney!
Main Street
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: velvin
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Smoking | Posted 2007-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Pinpointing Its Source Is Almost As Good As Being Alive
Man, offered a cigarette: No, I never smoke.
Woman, offering cigarette: Come on, you won't get cancer from one cigarette. Well, if you do, you'll know where it came from.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: standing outside
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Smokers | Smoking | Posted 2007-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Good? Count Me In!
Annoying mom: Is smoking good or bad?
Five-year-old son: It's bad.
Annoying mom: That's right. And how bad is it? It's like eating everything at the top of the food pyramid.
Clinic lobby
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: joe the xrayguy
Not Until We Get a Few Things Straight in the Will
Old lady hooked up to portable oxygen machine: I need a cigarette!
Grandkids: Grandma, nooo!
Restaurant
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: martha
You Have to Do a Stupid Thing Six Hundred Times before It Kills You
Smoking office lady to others: She gets up on her roof, strips down, and just bakes in the sun. She thinks that just because she goes to the dermatologist once a month she's not going to get cancer. [Takes a long drag] What a retard!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: herbie mchebrew
Categories: Idiots | Overheard in Philly | Smoking | Posted 2007-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Last Temptation of Christie
Chick on cell: Christie! Christie! You better not smoke all of your cigarettes today! [Snaps phone shut.]
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
Categories: On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Smoking | Posted 2007-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Second-Hand Smoke Is Better Than I Remembered
Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].
São Paulo
Brazil
... Who's Due in June
Woman: I gotta smoke as much as I can before May 30th, 'cause after that it's bad for the baby.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Preggers | Pregnancy | Smoking | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If Anything Tastes Like Heroin, It's Your Jizz
Man smoking grape shisha out of a hookah: I don't think I like that one. It tastes just like heroin.
Girlfriend: You can't just go around saying things taste like heroin!
Virginia
Not before I'm Old Enough to Spend It on Hookers and Blow
Little kid in leather jacket to random man lighting cigarette: Nooo! Stop! Poison! I am too rich to die!
North Carolina
Categories: Glad the condom broke | North Carolina | Smoking | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
