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But I'm the One Who Lobbied the Administration for a Pole!
RA: You guys went stripping without me?
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania
Categories: Feelings | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2011-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Need to Draw Those Diagrams for You Again?
Preppy cutie, about steroided-up jock: Oh my god! He just winked at me!
Sarcastic friend: You sure it's not a twitch?
Preppie cutie: Your mom has a twitch! That's how she had you!
(friends stare)
Friend: What?!
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by:
What?
Father to son, on golf course: Yeah, while you were away I though about hiring someone to rape me.
Son: What?
Father: It's supposed to really improve your golf swing!
Eagle, Colorado
Perhaps You Should Get That Checked Out?
Old man: You got bats in your belfry?
Jaded 20-something: Yeah, I don't know what I've got in my belfry...
Jersey City, New Jersey
...She's a Good, Honest Whore
Angry guy, loudly: My sister is not a fetish model!
Greenport Harbor Brewery
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Family ties | Guys | New York | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Confirming Everything I Know About Male Swimmers
Teenage boy to his mother: There's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the team area. It got all over my face, but none of it got in my mouth.
Summer League Swim Meet
Ashburn, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Sexuality | Teens | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Were Also Squirt Guns!
Girl to another: It was a gay bicycle riders' party, complete with gayish celebration music and lots of champagne corks popping. And by the looks of the constant make-out and groping sessions, I'm pretty sure those bottles weren't the only cylindrical things spewing liquids last night.
Atlanta, Georgia
If Men Won't Be Men, Then Women Will
Emo boy to mother in women's clothing store: I'm more feminine than anyone in here!
Coffs Harbour
Australia
So Being Gay Might Be the Only Cool Thing He Has Going for Him
30-something gay man to friend: I don't know if he is gay or not, but he worked at Starbucks and he had a lisp.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Peter Piper
Categories: Gays | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Sexuality | Posted 2011-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Comic Book Guy Didn't Exist in Real Life...
Bitchy girl #1: Mike's away message is about his lovemaking skills again.
Bitchy girl #2: What does it say? "I'm the best even though I'm fat"?
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
...Period.
Girl to friend: All you have to do is say something about menstruation and every man within earshot becomes uncomfortable.
Michigan State University
Categories: Etiquette | Girls | Michigan | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If Your Only Other Choice Is Golf...
Roommate, through wall: Oh, Ellen*, not naked psychology again...
St Andrews
Scotland
Categories: Guys | Relationships | Scotland | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They'll Be All, "Whooee, One Of Them Fancy Women!"
Woman: I'll be at the bar tonight and I'll be all, "hey guys, I bought this shirt at Kohl's for five bucks! And I'm single! And you won't have to call me ever because I'm from Virginia!"
Raleigh, North Carolina
I Love This Game!
Chick: Guess who's a lesbian couple again instead of creepy incest twins!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Girls | Leisure | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Ultra-boring Game Show Prickle Factor Was Canceled After Just One Episode.
Guy#1: I just don't like shaved vaginas. They creep me out. I got down there and I was like "Oh"!
Guy#2: Yeah, you have the prickle factor.
Guy#1: There was no prickle factor...
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Josh
Mom Put the "C" in "ROTC"
Geek #1: So, was your mom a very loose woman when she was in college?
Geek #2: Well, not really, but back when she was in the military, she was.
Morgantown, West Virginia
Overheard by: Mint
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Family ties | Questions | Sexuality | Weirdness | West Virginia | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So, Logically, We Should Fuck Their Assholes.
Guy to another: You know we're dating the nicest girls in the world, right? And we took their virginities! So you know that if we break up with them we're gonna be the assholes. We're fucked.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Edna and Paul's Relationship Begins to Flounder
Husband to wife: I've been married to you for 35 years and I still don't understand your thought process on trout.
Florence, Kentucky
Categories: Couples | Kentucky | Philosophy | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm Allergic to Flannel.
Anime-loving teenager on cell: So it's like I'm a lesbian in a man's body. Except I like boys.
CTrain
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Gender issues | On the phone | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2011-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Trust Me
Student: The trophoblast looks like a teething ring!
Sex ed teacher: Yes. It looks like a teething ring, but it's not.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
Or Limit Themselves to Christian Side Hugs, Like We Do
Guy: Well, the Republican party is doing that right now.
Easily offended girl: I don't generalize!
Guy: Well then, what about homosexuality?
Easily offended girl: Oh, they should all burn in hell!
West Texas A&M University
Maybe "Pedophile" Is a Hot New Non-Alcoholic Cocktail?
Young woman to another: Oh, you could pull that off, but *I* would like a pedophile.
Passer-by to friend: I don't think that means what she thinks it means... We can only hope.
Phildelphia, Pennsylvania
The Right Tool for the Job, and So Forth
Roller girl: So you either need a lesbian or a bearing press.
Yonkers, New York
And That They're Ladies
Econ professor: Now, if you'll look to the upper-right corner of the handout, you'll see some pretty ladies. Since this handout is somewhat blurry, you can't see them very well, so you'll just have to take my word that they're pretty.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Santa Sure Has Changed Over the Years.
Girl to friend: He's like the crocodile hunter of smoking cigarettes and really slutty girls.
Plymouth, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Liz Nelson
Categories: Animals | Compliments | Friends | Girls | New Hampshire | Sexuality | Smoking | Posted 2011-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: She Won't Leave Her Husband for Me
Lesbian, about ex girlfriend: I mean, the only thing liberal about her is she's gay.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Lesbos | Politics | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing's Sweeter Than Frozen Semen
Old broad #1: Well, you heard that they froze his semen, right?
Old broad #2, gasping: Really?
Old broad #1: Of course! I mean, Susan* would love to have more children with Thomas*, you know, but on account of the cancer, it just makes things a little difficult.
Old broad #2: That's so sweet...
Salon
Madison, Wisconsin
Calls Himself a "Demosexual"
Woman #1: The Democrats were bound to lose the House majority, though... Oh, did you hear about David?
Woman #2: What about him?
Woman #1: Well, he recently came out.
Woman #2: Oh my god! As a Democrat?
University of North Texas
Way to Start Off the Marriage with a Splash!
50-something Southern belle: We got married last year and he refused to leave for the honeymoon until he went gator hunting. We didn't consummate for three days!
South Carolina
Categories: Gripes | Relationships | Sexuality | South Carolina | Women | Posted 2010-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus I Can't Color-coordinate a Window-Valence Worth a Darn!
60-year-old drunk in bar: The only reason I've never tried being gay is because I'm afraid I might like it.
Sandy Springs, Georgia
Overheard by: Me too...
...Shall I Demonstrate on This Turkey?
EMS instructor, about female reproductive system: Backing away from this now... We don't want to get too deep into it.
Bergen County SMS Academy
New Jersey
Overheard by: Emt student
Categories: New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Vagina | Posted 2010-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Were Complaints About My Moaning
Girl: My boobs are fun to play with.
Guy: You're just now figuring this out, after 30-some years?
Girl: Hey, I haven't had my boobs that long!
Guy: Okay, 20-some years?
Girl: No, I remember discovering they were fun in the 6th grade. I was in the middle of class, though, so that was kind of awkward.
Denver, Colorado
When You Built Me That Bird-Feeder from Scratch
Sixteen-year-old blonde goth: I think I want to be a lesbian.
Teenage friend: I thought you were one.
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: Geneva
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Gender issues | Goths | Oregon | Sexuality | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit, That's What the Bible Says
Professor, discussing sperm's passage to egg: "Come and chase me!" That's what the woman says.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | New Jersey | Sex | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In Other Words, Pie
Blonde girl: I like summer fruits... Like strawberries.
Guy: What about others?
Blonde girl: Only if it's puree, or used in a sexual nature.
Masters' Room
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Bimbettes | Fruit | New Zealand | Sexuality | Toys | Posted 2010-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sir, You Have My Attention
Guy, walking on the sidewalk under row of windows: So, on the subject of vaginas...
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Creepsters | Oregon | Sexuality | Vagina | Words | Posted 2010-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm All, "Fuck the Planet, Let's Party!"
Guy: Trust me, I'm a gay scientist!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Your Editors Would Like to Thank Her for "Balls Deep in Rainbow Town"
20-something girl #1, laughing: Your son is totally gay!
20-something girl #2: He so is! He reminds me of Jack from Dawson's Creek. He's athletic and can play it pretty hetero, but deep down he's balls-deep in rainbow town. Very impressive for a five-year-old.
Roseville, California
Overheard by: MeganMama
Categories: California | Gender issues | Kids | Moms | Sexuality | Posted 2010-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Errol Is Human. My Dick: Divine.
Greek girlfriend: She misses you baby.
English boyfriend: Hm?
Greek girlfriend: She misses you.
English boyfriend: Who misses me?
Greek girlfriend: Helena.
English boyfriend: Who's Helena?
Greek girlfriend: My vagina, baby.
Indian guy at table: You named your snatch Helena?! Really? You named your vagina?
Greek girlfriend: Sure, don't you have a name for your dick?
Indian guy and English boyfriend, at same time: No.
Greek girlfriend: I've always thought of your dick as being called Errol, baby.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
...And You're Wearing It Now!
College girl #1: I have never taken my shirt off!
College girl #2: Wait, didn't you wear a see-through one before?
College girl #1: That was you, you whore!
UC Santa Cruz
California
Overheard by: Eric
Isn't That The L Word's Go-To Plot?
High school girl on phone: Wait... How do I rape you?
Denver, Colorado
Voters Are Evenly Split on My Ovaries
Girl to friend: But yeah, my uterus sucks. I wish I just had a vagina and it ended there. But I do love my pancreas!
University of Arizona
I Have Standards; They're Just Substandard
Sorority girl #1: Yeah, I'd give him a blow job him if he gave me $100.
Sorority girl #2: So you'd prostitute yourself for low 3 figures?
Sorority girl #1: No! It's not like I would ever have sex with him, no matter how much he paid me! He's disgusting!
Indiana University Southeast
I Was Like, "Sorry, I'm Trying to Cut Down"
Skinny guy: He's coming to the party tonight? Wasn't he hitting on your girlfriend last time?
Big burly bearded guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his roommate: turns out he wasn't inviting her to a threesome 'cause he likes her. He was inviting us to a foursome 'cause he likes me.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Skinny people | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Brother.
Sorority girl, upset: And then her other sister had sex with my sister!
University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: really curious about the rest of that conversation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Florida | Sex | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Most Girls Fear Being Gaynablers
Young boyfriend, trying to weasel out of seeing Legally Blonde 2: I... I just don't think I'm emotionally ready for the uncut version. Do you think I'm ready? I don't.
Young girlfriend: You should have pulled the "it might make me gay" card.
Friend: I think his way was more gay.
Young girlfriend: Which concerns me...
Scotrun, New York
Why Superman Gets So Much Girlie Action.
Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women's tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women's tights make your junk look bigger!
Commuter Train
Stockholm
Sweden
Overheard by: strictly boxers.
Then She Turned Him Gay With Her Womanliness
Female professor: She was a lesbian...
Male student: Yeah, she was.
Female professor: But he turned her straight with his manliness...
Male student: Yeah, he did.
Appalachian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | North Carolina | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twins!
Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!
Airport
Minnesota
Well I Love the Netting.
Woman to son: That's the dress Larry Bird Johnson wore to the inauguration.
First Ladies Exhibit, Smithsonian
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Dave White
Categories: About celebrities | Clothing | Kids | Moms | Sexuality | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like God, If They Didn't Exist, TV Would Have to Invent Them
Young film intern asked to come up with new story: What about a girl surrounded by her sassy, lesbian friends? Do lesbians come in sassy?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: I honestly don't know
None Of Them Are Filtered
Teen gangsta wannabe yelling to small boy on playground: No, I wasn't, I don't smoke! He was just transferring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Never mind! I'm not gay!
Park
Cincinnati, Ohio
Straight Guys Totally Understand Why Girls Like Girls
Short skinny emo girl: I'm half gay.
Preppy dude walking by: There is so much to say there, so much to say.
Natick, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Un-gay friend.
Categories: Gender issues | Girls | Massachusetts | Preppies | Sexuality | Skinny people | Posted 2010-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Have Mom and Dad Been Telling You, Anyway?
Girl, watching painting: That's a girl, she's got those things. (points to nipples)
Boy: It's a boy! Grown-up boys have those, too. I've seen them.
Girl: It's a girl!
Boy: No, boys have them too; they just don't do as much. The girls' milk, the boys' don't.
Art Gallery
Portland, Oregon
You Must Be Gay, Then
Boy: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Cute, chubby girl, with suspicion: No...
Boy: Can I get your number?
Girl: No.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I'm gay.
Boy: Oh... Really?
Girl: No. Sorry. Creeper reflex.
Boy: So you wanna go out?
Girl: No.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bonding | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Lies | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
B-
Fine arts teacher: Michelangelo and Donatello. They were both brilliant, they were both homosexual, they were both... Both...
Girl: Ninja turtles!
Ohio
Kinda Like Disney World?
20-something guy: I had a threesome once with two lesbians. They were eating each other's pussies out. It was fun.
20-something girl: You liked it?
20-something guy: I didn't say I liked it. I said it was fun.
Norman, Oklahoma
Don't You Mean "Fabulous"?
Five-year-old boy to mom: Does it feel weird to have a vagina?
Mom: Well, I've had one my whole life, so it feels normal to me.
Five-year-old boy: I wish I knew what it felt like to have one!
Mom: I'm pretty sure you'll be a member of the LGBT community anyway, so maybe you'll find out.
Five-year-old boy: What's LGBT?
Mom: You'll find out soon enough, honey.
Five-year-old boy: That sounds really cool!
Roseville, California
Overheard by: Nature vs Nurture
At Least We Have the Alt-world Version
Girl #1: I was so disappointed when I found out Neil Patrick Harris is gay!
Girl #2: I know, right?
Girl #1: It's such a loss for womankind!
Girl #2: Men don't deserve him!
Women's Dressing Room
Western Michigan University
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Girls | Gripes | Michigan | Sexuality | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
K-Fed: Explained.
Scruffy guy: Shit, I'd suck dick for money. I've always kind of wished I was a girl so I could be a stripper... or a whore.
Gainesville, Florida
Nature: 3 Nurture: 0
Five-year-old boy, watching news about Priscilla Queen of the Desert on tv: Those ladies look very strange.
Dad: They're actually men dressed as ladies, Edward.
Five-year-old boy: I'm going to dress like that when I'm a man!
London
England
Overheard by: Murray
And Landscaping
Attractive girl: Lesbians aren't there for your entertainment.
Young guy: Well, gays aren't there to be your shopping assistants, yet somehow you seem to have pulled that off. I figure we can do the same thing, except instead of shopping, it's sex.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: veryinterestedin this plan
Now Tom Cruise Has It
White-haired 60-something lady on cell: I can't live there anymore. (pause) No, it's not that. She's trying to force her Scientology on me. (pause) Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, she's not a lesbian anymore. She joined Scientology to change her from being lesbian. (pause) They made her lesbian side go away.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: Louisiana | On the phone | Religion | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Gay Men Aren't the Target Demograpic for That?
Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good...
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn't this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I'm getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don't really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It's gross. We're just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eating story I've heard all day.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: TMI
Categories: Fag hags | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Licking | Queers | San Francisco | Sex | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Bless the USA!
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sexuality | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, When I Get There, I Can Make Pie!
20-something girl: I am so bad with directions. I can't find my way around anywhere.
20-something guy: That's because you're a woman.
20-something girl: Way to be sexist! (long pause) But yeah, you're probably right.
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, You're Such a Luke.
Guy: And then I'll go home and watch Gilmore Girls. (awkward silence) I mean something manly.
London
England
Overheard by: ohdear
Categories: Gender issues | Guys | Sexuality | TV shows | UK | Posted 2010-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Keeps Muttering About My Becoming Self-Supporting
Teen girl: My dad bought me an iPhone but he took it away when he found my pot. I'm so pissed.
Emo teen: You live in Portland. Either you're gay, you enjoy molesting children, or you do every drug available for free. Or all of the above. What the hell does he expect of you?
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Cell phones | Drugs | Family ties | Kids | Oregon | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Gay Man Who Looks at a Straight Man Sees Only His Anima
Young gay guy #1: Dude! You were like so throwing yourself at him. What happened?
Young gay guy #2: I think he's a lesbian.
College of Western Idaho
Overheard by: Another lesbian traped in a mans body
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Idaho | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Too Aroused to Think Straight
Women studies professor, during discussion about nymphomaniacs: Ladies, are there any of you who are in a constant state of arousal?
Class: (uncomfortable silence)
Professor: Let me rephrase that. Are you constantly ready to engage in sex?
Student, alarmed: Professor, I don't think any of us are comfortable with answering this question.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New Jersey | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teachers | Women | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Is Jewish Custom.
20-something girl on cell: She washed all the fruit before putting it into the bowl. (pause) We're gonna need a medium-sized male stripper to go along with it, also.
NJ Transit
New Jersey
Categories: Fruit | New Jersey | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got a Case for Her
Guy to friend looking at beer: Yeah, I better get some if she's coming over. She's the only girl I've ever been with that can drink more than me. Which is kinda scary... and kinda hot.
New Castle, Indiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Minus the Herpes
Tall, redhead girl: I'm worried that people are getting a little too comfortable being pantless around me.
Petite, indian girl: I wish I was you...
Massachusetts
Categories: Girls | Massachusetts | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Blew Each Other
High school girls: Then Mr Jones* said "if anybody knows an easy-23-year old, let me know." and Jeff* told him "dude if I knew an easy 23-year-old, I wouldn't tell you."
Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Bus | Canadia | Girls | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Get a Job Without Experience You Can Only Get from a Job
Guy #1: I was the second person she ever had sex with.
Guy #2: What!?
Guy #1: I know! And it freaked me out! So I never called her again!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big B
Categories: Assholes | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Says the Woman Who Has a Crush on Those Twins in The Suite Life Of Zack & Cody?
Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There's Rebeca, from cheerleading.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she's so perky.
Queer dad: And irresponsible, she always leaves her kids on the car when she goes anywhere.
Woman: Oh, really?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Escalade with a smoking hot nine-year-old idling in the parking lot? Especially in this neighborhood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said "smoking" hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh...
Dunkin Donuts
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Is That Even Possible?
Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J... Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Drunks | Insults | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | TV shows | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Zac Efron Movie That Should Be Made
Teenage boy, shrieking: He touched my penis! He touched my penis! And I'm gay! I'm gay!
Charleston, South Carolina
Categories: Penis | Queers | Sexuality | South Carolina | Teens | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Number Six!
Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!
Tampa, Florida
With the Paper Bag on His Head?
Girl to friend: What if I am pregnant? How will I know who the father is? Well, if it comes out half Asian it's Jason's. If it comes out a midget it's Thomas's, and if it comes out blurry, it's the unnamed guy.
Escondido, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Colorado | Cops | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Clear High Heels
College girl #1: I washed this shirt and it got, like, bigger!
College girl #2: Well, at least you can wear it with tights now.
College girl #1: I know, but I don't want to look like a slut.
College girl #2: I feel like I look less slutty when I wear my sunglasses.
Boulder, Colorado
Read Your Bible
Drama teacher to girls playing whores in Les Misérables: Come on ladies, skank it up! There's no shame in being a whore!
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Categories: Pride | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Utah | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Would You Like to Go Out With Us This Friday?
Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)
University Library
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: Brianna
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | New York | Preppies | Sexuality | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesuits: Eeexcellent...!
Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.
North Dakota State University
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gossip | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bed, Bath and Beyoobies Stives to Be Inclusive
Crazy black guy, very loudly to himself: That's the factory where they make gay people, but I don't care, because that's also where they make boobies!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: tom
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Rack | Sexuality | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Afraid You'd Kill Me
50-something guy on cell: Yeah, so honestly I don't think this will work out... I think your sexuality is a little... young for me.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: dates older guys
Categories: Age and ageing | Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Bi That for a Minute
Girl to another, leaving bus: But you can't make everybody be gay!
London
England
Teenage Boys Live in Fear That Gayness Will Stage a Surprise Attack
Boy holding slinky: I feel weird.
Boy holding other end: It's okay. We've got a slinky!
High School
Eugene, Oregon
He Just Makes Gay Porn
13-year-old blonde: So then he was all "I told you it wasn't mine!"
13-year-old brunette: Ohmigod, how could he do that?
13-year-old blonde: I know! It was, like, "did you or didn't you sleep with him?" He's not even gay!
Canadia
Overheard by: Laura
Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.
Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?
Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: Ldawg
Wanna See My Needlpoint Thong?
High school freshman, examining friend's boot in hallway: These are like hooker boots, except crochet.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: One fine piece of needlework
Categories: Compare and contrast | Pennsylvania | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Shoes | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Your Parole Officer, Sir.
Man on cell: I'll see you then. You have a sexy voice... It's nice!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: ktjane
Categories: Compliments | Guys | On the phone | Oregon | Sexuality | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Human Sexuality Was Complicated Enough, Cloning Arrived.
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn't make it gay. You're still having heterosexual sex, but you're just doing it next to yourself.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: true
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Was Thinking Of a Nice Outing to Pottery Barn.
Girl: Booze!
Masculine gay dude: Fuck, yeah. I just finally finished my antibiotics. I'm gonna go fall off a stripper stage into some tits or somethin'.
Straight friend: Uhhh.
Bangkok
Thailand
Skinny Jeans Don't Count, Roger.
Guy: Well, it all started during the week that I was cross-dressing...
Leeds
England
Overheard by: Paul
Not As Lame As Saying "No" to Drugs, But Close Enough.
Government teacher: The finance committee is sexy. Who wants to be part of the education committee, anyway? They're lame.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Minneapolis Does Its Public Service Announcements a Bit Differently
Guy on bike to random guy: Hey, do you know where Saint pedophilia is?
Random guy: Where?
Guy on bike: Saint pedophilia. It's a Catholic church by Saint Thomas where the priests molest little boys and turn them into homosexuals. (bikes away)
Random guy, stunned: What the fuck was that?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: well, that was odd
Categories: Christianity | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Used to Let You Be on Top, Too
Wife to husband bagging groceries: Make sure you don't squish my bread.
Husband: You used to like it when I did that!
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Your Editors Got 8,890,000 Hits.
Butchy girl: All I know is, I'm never going to Tennesse again.
Femmy girl: Dude, I told you! That is why you google "gay Tennesse" first!
Hazel Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Beth
Plus, I Learned to Use a Urinal
Barely legal drunk blonde: Oh my god, I just walked into the guys' washroom. There were guys at the urinals!
Barely legal drunk brunette: It's okay, you were just breaking down gender dichotomies.
Karaoke Bar
Canadia
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Canadia | Drunks | Gender issues | Pee | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Boobies Don't Make You Gag??
Gay professor: He's saying, "I like men and women," and I'm like, "Ew!"
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard to Imagine I'd Ever Get Sick Of Being Objectified
Gay guy: Then we can talk about boys more openly because I'll have long hair, and be pretty and have boobs!
Girl: They're not that fun...
Gay guy: Boobs aren't that fun?
Girl: No!
Pleasant Grove, Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
It's Time to Play How Long 'Til His Head Explodes!
French metrosexual, holding up iPhone: It's from Madame Butterfly. You know it?
French bike cop: Yeah, I saw the American movie of it. With that one homosexual actor. Robbie... Robin...
British dinner guest: Robbie Williams?
American dinner guest: Robin Williams? Wait, he's not gay...
French bike cop: Yes. Him.
British dinner guest: That was Mrs Doubtfire.
American dinner guest: It's called Papillon in the US.
French metrosexual: What?
France
Categories: About celebrities | Cell phones | Cops | Foreigners | France | Movies | Names | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Would've Assumed You Could Read
Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What...? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.
New Jersey Transit
Categories: Conductors | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Sexuality | Suits | Teens | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Come We Didn't Have Logic Questions Like This in High School?
Jeff: If I was gay I would whip out my dick right now... which I'm about to do.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: New Jersey | Penis | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Right: "I'm a Smoker Now."
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Smoking | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spoken Like Someone Who's Never Seen Mr. Wrong
Teen girl on cell: Cuz you're not a lesbian fan, and I like lesbians. They're funny.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: um...
Categories: Compare and contrast | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which One Of These Makes More Sense to You Says a Lot About You As a Person
Young man: You were in the same gay motorboat?
Girl: No! We were in the same getting-better boat.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: sydblair
Categories: Girls | Guys | Questions | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Loved the Dirges.
Guy in leather to another: I remember when I was a slave...
Dore Alley
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Out taking photos
Categories: Guys | Kink | Memory lane | San Francisco | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Often Get Out Of Limos with No Underwear on
Guy #1: I think you'd make a great Paris Hilton.
Guy #2: I do have a very womanly figure.
Guy #1: And you're a whore.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: About celebrities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seriously, How Many Times Can The L Word Do This Same Story?
Girl #1: Are you Jane Jones*?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: I'm you're math tutor, nice to meet you.
Girl #2: Oh, you're cute! I could totally date you, but I'm not a lesbian.
Girl #1: Thanks! I could date you too, but I'm straight, and I have a boyfriend.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Tsunoba
Yes, Yes and Yes
Professor: What do you think my fantasy is?
Student: Armpit sex... in a park. No, wait. Menage a trois. All-male in a... ballroom?
Godfrey, Illinois
The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Googled "Lesbian Triplets" and Got Distracted by Porn
College girl #1: So it turned out that he was one of the lesbian triplets!
College girl #2: No way!
College girl #1: Yeah, the tranny!
College girl #2: Owen? I love Owen! I knew him when he still identified as a girl!
College girl #1: Yeah, and it turned out the midget was trans too.
Hampshire College
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Gender issues | Massachusetts | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
I'll Just Slip Into Something More Comfortable
Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue...
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: I'm glad he said it
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Want Sex from the Girl's Perspective, Consider Prison
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I wish I could get in the car with lesbians... Wait, no, I don't.
Tinton Falls, New Jersey
Categories: New Jersey | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Also Totally Gay for Fuzzy Unicorn Shirts
Teen girl #1: Are you doing it with her, too?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I'm totally gay for Meg* and her fuzzy unicorn shirt.
Teen girl #3, laughing and choking: I'm not suppose to die choking! I'm the only one who knows CPR!
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even When He Shouted Out My Name As He Was Finishing.
Guy: Well, I mean the sun was coming up, and we went and got sandwiches afterwards, and rolled another joint.
Bemused girl: All this is setting the scene nicely, but it doesn't explain how you ended up masturbating on a school roof together.
Guy: We were twenty feet apart with our backs to each other, it wasn't gay or anything!
Cork
Ireland
The Next Stupid State Referendum
Loudspeaker in airport: Please don't leave your belongings unattended.
Crazy lady, to no one: Did they just say homosexuality isn't allowed in the airport?
Airport
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Kristina
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Crazies | Public Transportation | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Can't Wait for That Sitcom
Very short gay man: It's so hard being a vegetarian. My parents can't accept my sexuality or my religion... I'm living in a toilet!
Guernsey
England
Overheard by: Catie
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only on Thursday Nights.
Old man on phone: I am a beautiful woman.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Gender issues | Old folks | On the phone | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Gonna Be the "Figs Vs. Fags" Debate All Over Again?
Barista: Those aren't dates, those are lesbians!
Dixon, California
Overheard by: Michelle
Categories: Baristas | California | Compare and contrast | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though, to Be Fair, Masturbating to Hillary Swank Photos Could Go Either Way
Girl #1: She still thinks he's gay.
Girl #2: But he isn't.
Girl #1, laughing: And we have proof.
Girl #2, laughing also: Yes we do!
University of Arizona
Overheard by: Whats the proof
Gay People Love Having Straight People Speak for Them
Tourist: So, basically, people go to Castro to stare at the gay people making out?
Passenger: Well, the gay people feel more comfortable making out there... Because people aren't staring at them...
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Tourists | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like "Dragon" or "Compassionate Conservative"
20-something American guy: Hermaphrodites are real?
20-something American girl: Well, what did you think they were?
20-something American guy: I thought they were a made-up word, like "unicorn" or something.
Bar
Munich
Germany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Foreigners | Germany | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All the Good Men Are Either Straight or Extinct
Gay man: I find Neanderthals really attractive. If there were Neanderthals around now, I would be all over that.
Hyattsville, Maryland
Overheard by: prefers guys with smaller noses
Clay Aiken?
Student: I have that song "Ring My Bell" in my head.
Advisor #1: The one by Diana Ross.
Student: I think so.
Advisor #2, from adjacent cube: It's not Diana Ross.
Advisor #1: Well, who is it?
Advisor #2: I don't know, but not Diana Ross.
Student: And that song "In the Navy."
Advisor #2: That's not Diana Ross either. Just as gay, but not Diana Ross.
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Disco Dan
So I'll Vote for Him, Too.
Middle-aged male Wasp: I'm voting for Wil Armstrong.
Middle-aged female Wasp: Isn't "Wil" only spelled with one l?
Middle-aged male Wasp: Uh, yeah.
Middle-aged female Wasp: That's kinda gay.
Denver, Colorado
But I Just Feel So Comfy in Flannel
Chick: I think that I'm the gayest straight girl in the world.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fox: "Can We Base a Reality Series on That Premise?"
Professor: I don't even turn on the television anymore. It's just violence. It's all rape, and gore, and homosexual pedophiles in wheelchairs who chop up grandmothers.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: philosopher
A Bravo TV Contestant!
School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | North Carolina | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Age Homes Are a Lot Like Prison...
Grandmother to granddaughter: Who knows? I might become a lesbian!
Arlington, Ohio
When a Couple's Goals Conflict
Flamboyant gay guy #1, whispering discretely: I'm going to do you so hard when we get home.
Flamboyant gay guy #2, not whispering: I'm going to shit in your mouth.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: MB
Why Child Psychologists Exist
Father, explaining electrical cables to teenage son: Yeah, she's got a transvestite in her wall. But you can convert the tranny back to a female, using the thing in the wall.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Jordyn
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Gender issues | New Zealand | Parenting | Science | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Just Supposed to Be Having Sex Shamefully in Cars and Stairwells
Boy: Yo soy sexy.
Teacher, hyperventilating: You can't say you're sexy! You're only fifteen years old!
Spanish Class
El Paso, Texas
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Bragging | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Explains the Sweatpants
Drunk girl to guy she just met: I'm not having sex with you!
Drunk guy: That's okay, I'm on my period.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dear Watson, I Believe We've Found Our Culprit.
Private junior high school boy #1: Oh my god, so the other day someone hacked onto my Facebook account and changed everything to gay. My activities were gay, my favorite movies were gay, I was even interested in men!
Private junior high school boy #2, without irony: Dude, that's so gay.
Toronto
Canadia
That's Where the Naked Twister Game Is Taking Place
Teen boy #1: Haha, you have to be in the back of the bus.
Teen boy #2: Is that a race thing?
Teen boy #1: No, its a sexual thing.
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Questions | Race | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Okay, Love You Too, Grandma. Bye.
iPod girl on cell: I'm eating lunch and listening to lesbian music. (pause) Yeah, The L Word soundtrack. I'm working on becoming a lesbian again. (laughs) I'm just kidding. I'm still gonna drive stick. (pause) That's what happens when you're a cock whore. You can't just give it up cold turkey.
Atlanta, Georgia
So "Boy" Is Ironic?
20-something woman to little girl's mother: Do you know who is Boy George?
Little girl: He is a boy that would've wanted to be a woman.
Amused mother: I couldn't have explained that better.
Guadalajara
Mexico
Overheard by: passerby
And Then I'll Have to French-Kiss You, in a "Thank-You-for-Smacking-Me" Kind Of Way
Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Georgia | Military | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Threats | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Feels Guilty When He Calls Things Hot Trannies Messes
Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he's like Jewish gay.
American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I'm Jewish
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Religion | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Ever Asked Elvis That
14-year-old boy #1: Dude, try my sunnies on! They're super dark!
(boy #1 hands glasses over to boy #2)
14-year-old boy #2: Cool, they are pretty dark!
14-year-old boy #3: Hey, cool! They totally go with your hair!
14-year-old boy #2: Are you queer?
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Otherwise Known As the "Hockey Team" Effect
Anthropology professor: So they tried so hard to be hetero that they just came out being really homo...
Class: (laughs)
Anthropology professor: ...geneous.
Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Peter
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Science | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If It's an Acquired Taste?
Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean... that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Employees | Food | San Francisco | Sexuality | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't Canadia Where TV Shows Go After Death?
Fab teenage girl with huge pink sunglasses: I fucking loved Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye! I have no fucking idea why they canceled it!
Teenage boy dressed in all black, munching cookie: Me neither. That was show was kickass.
Fab teenage girl: Probably 'cuz all the old people were like, "this show's really fucking gay." But I think that that one guy was really hot. Stupid fucking old people.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Leave Jay Manuel Alone, Already.
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: "Orange" isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Gossip | McDonald's | New York | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
I Thought the Baby Was Just a Really Small Twink
Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy: Are they gay?
Girl: That's a family.
Hillcrest, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has No One Done the Reading?
Professor: Who creates design?
Student: Women?
Professor: Men! Men! Gay men!
SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
That's True Of Any Cop, Though.
Boy: I should be a rent-a-cop.
Girl #1, laughing: You'd be the least believable rent-a-cop ever.
Girl #2: Yeah, they might mistake you for a gay stripper.
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's All the Hair in Their Ears.
Husband, reading aloud from newspaper: Honey, did you know that women use an average of 30,000 words a day, while men only use 15,000?
Wife: That's probably because we have repeat everything to men.
Husband: What?
Australia
Overheard by: Mikyla
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Couples | Language barrier | Questions | Science | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Smell the Plot Of a Lesbian Road-Trip Movie
Woman to another: But don't worry... I won't give up the boobie, and you can drive.
Bus
Chester, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bus | Pennsylvania | Rack | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...That Woman Is Fi Fie Foe Fine!
Crew member to friends: Oh, the gay cooks are nothing. I mean, yeah, they can have their feminine touches, but if you want real weird, you need Angela.
Friend: Angela? She sounds nice!
Crew member: She's head of security. She's two meters tall, and you need to take a step back before you can identify her as a woman.
Friend: Surely she's not that ugly?
Crew member: Oh look, there she is.
Friend: Oh my god!
Gent Jazz festival
Belgium
And I Already Squeal Like a Girl, So...
Band geek, eating lunch, to friends: I've come to the realization that if I were a woman, I'd have amazing breasts.
Rutgers University
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: One time at band camp...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Idiots | New Jersey | Rack | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drag Queens Are Treated Like Livestock in Canadia
Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Because Of the Short-Shorts and Rollerskates?
Curious brunette: Hey, is that casting agent friend of yours gay?
Exasperated brunette: No! That's the guy I sleep with sometimes. Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Rosepepper Cantina
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Amy Rose
She's Broken a Lot Of Gay Hearts
Asian teenage girl, about sister who just left: She's so cute. She looks like a guy.
Sporting Carnival
Australia
Overheard by: Ouch
Categories: Asians | Australia | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sigh. For the Last Time, I Could Never Date a Top.
Mom, to little kid: Is she your girlfriend?
Little kid: (shakes head emphatically)
Mom: Oh! I don't mean like that, I mean "friend that's a girl." I know Jenny is your girlfriend.
Little kid: Yeah!
Mom: And who's your boyfriend?
Little kid: I don't have a boyfriend.
Mom: But I thought Robert was your boyfriend!
Kennedy Space Center
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Isn't he a little young...?
...Or at Least Make Out in It.
Teenage girl being pushed in shopping trolley, singing loudly: Nineteen! You're only nineteen, for god's sake, oh, you don't need a boyfriend!
Teenage boy pushing girl, monotone: Everybody is looking at you. They think you're a lesbian.
Teenage girl: I feel like such a rebel! But we should return this trolley, like dutiful citizens.
Geelong
Victoria
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Compare and contrast | Relationships | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Is Totally a Girl
Guy #1: Dude, have you seen this picture?
Guy #2: Nah, dude. Show it to me.
(guy #1 shows guy #2 picture of naked girl in a scenic background)
Guy #2: Dude, do you think it's gay that I think the scenery is the prettiest thing in this picture?
Guy #3, walking by: No, you just want to fuck the planet.
Carmel, Indiana
...Is It the Weekend Already?
Teen guy: Hey, Louise, do you wanna know why David broke up with you?
Teen girl: Because he was cheating on me...
Teen guy: No. Well, I shouldn't really say this, but David is gay.
Teen girl, surprised: Again?
Bus
Stockholm
Sweden
Categories: Bus | Gossip | Infidelity | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Sweden | Teens | Posted 2009-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ummmm....
Teenage girl: Blowjobs are lesbian sex.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | New Jersey | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lonely Old People Will Answer to Anything
Boy, to teenage girl: Hi, Lisa.
Old man, entering: Hi.
Cafe
Eugene, Oregon
Especially Since It Was Wii Sex
Guy #1: So are you seeing that girl now or what?
Guy #2: No, man, she has a boyfriend.
Guy #1: But didn't you sleep with her last weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I slept with you last night. It doesn't mean anything.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Steph
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook