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Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good...
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn't this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I'm getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don't really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It's gross. We're just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eating story I've heard all day.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: TMI
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
20-something girl: I am so bad with directions. I can't find my way around anywhere.
20-something guy: That's because you're a woman.
20-something girl: Way to be sexist! (long pause) But yeah, you're probably right.
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Guy: And then I'll go home and watch Gilmore Girls. (awkward silence) I mean something manly.
London
England
Overheard by: ohdear
Teen girl: My dad bought me an iPhone but he took it away when he found my pot. I'm so pissed.
Emo teen: You live in Portland. Either you're gay, you enjoy molesting children, or you do every drug available for free. Or all of the above. What the hell does he expect of you?
Portland, Oregon
Young gay guy #1: Dude! You were like so throwing yourself at him. What happened?
Young gay guy #2: I think he's a lesbian.
College of Western Idaho
Overheard by: Another lesbian traped in a mans body
Women studies professor, during discussion about nymphomaniacs: Ladies, are there any of you who are in a constant state of arousal?
Class: (uncomfortable silence)
Professor: Let me rephrase that. Are you constantly ready to engage in sex?
Student, alarmed: Professor, I don't think any of us are comfortable with answering this question.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
20-something girl on cell: She washed all the fruit before putting it into the bowl. (pause) We're gonna need a medium-sized male stripper to go along with it, also.
NJ Transit
New Jersey
Guy to friend looking at beer: Yeah, I better get some if she's coming over. She's the only girl I've ever been with that can drink more than me. Which is kinda scary... and kinda hot.
New Castle, Indiana
Tall, redhead girl: I'm worried that people are getting a little too comfortable being pantless around me.
Petite, indian girl: I wish I was you...
Massachusetts
High school girls: Then Mr Jones* said "if anybody knows an easy-23-year old, let me know." and Jeff* told him "dude if I knew an easy 23-year-old, I wouldn't tell you."
Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Guy #1: I was the second person she ever had sex with.
Guy #2: What!?
Guy #1: I know! And it freaked me out! So I never called her again!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big B
Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There's Rebeca, from cheerleading.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she's so perky.
Queer dad: And irresponsible, she always leaves her kids on the car when she goes anywhere.
Woman: Oh, really?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Escalade with a smoking hot nine-year-old idling in the parking lot? Especially in this neighborhood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said "smoking" hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh...
Dunkin Donuts
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J... Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton
Teenage boy, shrieking: He touched my penis! He touched my penis! And I'm gay! I'm gay!
Charleston, South Carolina
Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!
Tampa, Florida
Girl to friend: What if I am pregnant? How will I know who the father is? Well, if it comes out half Asian it's Jason's. If it comes out a midget it's Thomas's, and if it comes out blurry, it's the unnamed guy.
Escondido, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
College girl #1: I washed this shirt and it got, like, bigger!
College girl #2: Well, at least you can wear it with tights now.
College girl #1: I know, but I don't want to look like a slut.
College girl #2: I feel like I look less slutty when I wear my sunglasses.
Boulder, Colorado
Drama teacher to girls playing whores in Les Misérables: Come on ladies, skank it up! There's no shame in being a whore!
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)
University Library
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: Brianna
Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.
North Dakota State University
Overheard by: Chelsea
Crazy black guy, very loudly to himself: That's the factory where they make gay people, but I don't care, because that's also where they make boobies!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: tom
50-something guy on cell: Yeah, so honestly I don't think this will work out... I think your sexuality is a little... young for me.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: dates older guys
Girl to another, leaving bus: But you can't make everybody be gay!
London
England
Boy holding slinky: I feel weird.
Boy holding other end: It's okay. We've got a slinky!
High School
Eugene, Oregon
13-year-old blonde: So then he was all "I told you it wasn't mine!"
13-year-old brunette: Ohmigod, how could he do that?
13-year-old blonde: I know! It was, like, "did you or didn't you sleep with him?" He's not even gay!
Canadia
Overheard by: Laura
Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?
Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: Ldawg
High school freshman, examining friend's boot in hallway: These are like hooker boots, except crochet.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: One fine piece of needlework
Man on cell: I'll see you then. You have a sexy voice... It's nice!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: ktjane
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn't make it gay. You're still having heterosexual sex, but you're just doing it next to yourself.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: true
Girl: Booze!
Masculine gay dude: Fuck, yeah. I just finally finished my antibiotics. I'm gonna go fall off a stripper stage into some tits or somethin'.
Straight friend: Uhhh.
Bangkok
Thailand
Guy: Well, it all started during the week that I was cross-dressing...
Leeds
England
Overheard by: Paul
Government teacher: The finance committee is sexy. Who wants to be part of the education committee, anyway? They're lame.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Guy on bike to random guy: Hey, do you know where Saint pedophilia is?
Random guy: Where?
Guy on bike: Saint pedophilia. It's a Catholic church by Saint Thomas where the priests molest little boys and turn them into homosexuals. (bikes away)
Random guy, stunned: What the fuck was that?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: well, that was odd
Wife to husband bagging groceries: Make sure you don't squish my bread.
Husband: You used to like it when I did that!
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Butchy girl: All I know is, I'm never going to Tennesse again.
Femmy girl: Dude, I told you! That is why you google "gay Tennesse" first!
Hazel Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Beth
Barely legal drunk blonde: Oh my god, I just walked into the guys' washroom. There were guys at the urinals!
Barely legal drunk brunette: It's okay, you were just breaking down gender dichotomies.
Karaoke Bar
Canadia
Overheard by: Tiffany
Gay professor: He's saying, "I like men and women," and I'm like, "Ew!"
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Gay guy: Then we can talk about boys more openly because I'll have long hair, and be pretty and have boobs!
Girl: They're not that fun...
Gay guy: Boobs aren't that fun?
Girl: No!
Pleasant Grove, Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
French metrosexual, holding up iPhone: It's from Madame Butterfly. You know it?
French bike cop: Yeah, I saw the American movie of it. With that one homosexual actor. Robbie... Robin...
British dinner guest: Robbie Williams?
American dinner guest: Robin Williams? Wait, he's not gay...
French bike cop: Yes. Him.
British dinner guest: That was Mrs Doubtfire.
American dinner guest: It's called Papillon in the US.
French metrosexual: What?
France
Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What...? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.
New Jersey Transit
Jeff: If I was gay I would whip out my dick right now... which I'm about to do.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Scott
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Teen girl on cell: Cuz you're not a lesbian fan, and I like lesbians. They're funny.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: um...
Young man: You were in the same gay motorboat?
Girl: No! We were in the same getting-better boat.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: sydblair
Guy in leather to another: I remember when I was a slave...
Dore Alley
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Out taking photos
Guy #1: I think you'd make a great Paris Hilton.
Guy #2: I do have a very womanly figure.
Guy #1: And you're a whore.
Chicago, Illinois
Girl #1: Are you Jane Jones*?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: I'm you're math tutor, nice to meet you.
Girl #2: Oh, you're cute! I could totally date you, but I'm not a lesbian.
Girl #1: Thanks! I could date you too, but I'm straight, and I have a boyfriend.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Tsunoba
Professor: What do you think my fantasy is?
Student: Armpit sex... in a park. No, wait. Menage a trois. All-male in a... ballroom?
Godfrey, Illinois
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
College girl #1: So it turned out that he was one of the lesbian triplets!
College girl #2: No way!
College girl #1: Yeah, the tranny!
College girl #2: Owen? I love Owen! I knew him when he still identified as a girl!
College girl #1: Yeah, and it turned out the midget was trans too.
Hampshire College
Amherst, Massachusetts
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue...
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: I'm glad he said it
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I wish I could get in the car with lesbians... Wait, no, I don't.
Tinton Falls, New Jersey
Teen girl #1: Are you doing it with her, too?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I'm totally gay for Meg* and her fuzzy unicorn shirt.
Teen girl #3, laughing and choking: I'm not suppose to die choking! I'm the only one who knows CPR!
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Guy: Well, I mean the sun was coming up, and we went and got sandwiches afterwards, and rolled another joint.
Bemused girl: All this is setting the scene nicely, but it doesn't explain how you ended up masturbating on a school roof together.
Guy: We were twenty feet apart with our backs to each other, it wasn't gay or anything!
Cork
Ireland
Loudspeaker in airport: Please don't leave your belongings unattended.
Crazy lady, to no one: Did they just say homosexuality isn't allowed in the airport?
Airport
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Kristina
Very short gay man: It's so hard being a vegetarian. My parents can't accept my sexuality or my religion... I'm living in a toilet!
Guernsey
England
Overheard by: Catie
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Old man on phone: I am a beautiful woman.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Barista: Those aren't dates, those are lesbians!
Dixon, California
Overheard by: Michelle
Girl #1: She still thinks he's gay.
Girl #2: But he isn't.
Girl #1, laughing: And we have proof.
Girl #2, laughing also: Yes we do!
University of Arizona
Overheard by: Whats the proof
Tourist: So, basically, people go to Castro to stare at the gay people making out?
Passenger: Well, the gay people feel more comfortable making out there... Because people aren't staring at them...
Berkeley, California
20-something American guy: Hermaphrodites are real?
20-something American girl: Well, what did you think they were?
20-something American guy: I thought they were a made-up word, like "unicorn" or something.
Bar
Munich
Germany
Gay man: I find Neanderthals really attractive. If there were Neanderthals around now, I would be all over that.
Hyattsville, Maryland
Overheard by: prefers guys with smaller noses
Student: I have that song "Ring My Bell" in my head.
Advisor #1: The one by Diana Ross.
Student: I think so.
Advisor #2, from adjacent cube: It's not Diana Ross.
Advisor #1: Well, who is it?
Advisor #2: I don't know, but not Diana Ross.
Student: And that song "In the Navy."
Advisor #2: That's not Diana Ross either. Just as gay, but not Diana Ross.
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Disco Dan
Middle-aged male Wasp: I'm voting for Wil Armstrong.
Middle-aged female Wasp: Isn't "Wil" only spelled with one l?
Middle-aged male Wasp: Uh, yeah.
Middle-aged female Wasp: That's kinda gay.
Denver, Colorado
Chick: I think that I'm the gayest straight girl in the world.
Bakersfield, California
Professor: I don't even turn on the television anymore. It's just violence. It's all rape, and gore, and homosexual pedophiles in wheelchairs who chop up grandmothers.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: philosopher
School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!
Raleigh, North Carolina
Grandmother to granddaughter: Who knows? I might become a lesbian!
Arlington, Ohio
Flamboyant gay guy #1, whispering discretely: I'm going to do you so hard when we get home.
Flamboyant gay guy #2, not whispering: I'm going to shit in your mouth.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: MB
Father, explaining electrical cables to teenage son: Yeah, she's got a transvestite in her wall. But you can convert the tranny back to a female, using the thing in the wall.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Jordyn
Boy: Yo soy sexy.
Teacher, hyperventilating: You can't say you're sexy! You're only fifteen years old!
Spanish Class
El Paso, Texas
Drunk girl to guy she just met: I'm not having sex with you!
Drunk guy: That's okay, I'm on my period.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Private junior high school boy #1: Oh my god, so the other day someone hacked onto my Facebook account and changed everything to gay. My activities were gay, my favorite movies were gay, I was even interested in men!
Private junior high school boy #2, without irony: Dude, that's so gay.
Toronto
Canadia
Teen boy #1: Haha, you have to be in the back of the bus.
Teen boy #2: Is that a race thing?
Teen boy #1: No, its a sexual thing.
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sara
iPod girl on cell: I'm eating lunch and listening to lesbian music. (pause) Yeah, The L Word soundtrack. I'm working on becoming a lesbian again. (laughs) I'm just kidding. I'm still gonna drive stick. (pause) That's what happens when you're a cock whore. You can't just give it up cold turkey.
Atlanta, Georgia
20-something woman to little girl's mother: Do you know who is Boy George?
Little girl: He is a boy that would've wanted to be a woman.
Amused mother: I couldn't have explained that better.
Guadalajara
Mexico
Overheard by: passerby
Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he's like Jewish gay.
American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I'm Jewish
14-year-old boy #1: Dude, try my sunnies on! They're super dark!
(boy #1 hands glasses over to boy #2)
14-year-old boy #2: Cool, they are pretty dark!
14-year-old boy #3: Hey, cool! They totally go with your hair!
14-year-old boy #2: Are you queer?
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Anthropology professor: So they tried so hard to be hetero that they just came out being really homo...
Class: (laughs)
Anthropology professor: ...geneous.
Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Peter
Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean... that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.
San Francisco, California
Fab teenage girl with huge pink sunglasses: I fucking loved Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye! I have no fucking idea why they canceled it!
Teenage boy dressed in all black, munching cookie: Me neither. That was show was kickass.
Fab teenage girl: Probably 'cuz all the old people were like, "this show's really fucking gay." But I think that that one guy was really hot. Stupid fucking old people.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: "Orange" isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy: Are they gay?
Girl: That's a family.
Hillcrest, California
Professor: Who creates design?
Student: Women?
Professor: Men! Men! Gay men!
SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Boy: I should be a rent-a-cop.
Girl #1, laughing: You'd be the least believable rent-a-cop ever.
Girl #2: Yeah, they might mistake you for a gay stripper.
Tempe, Arizona
Husband, reading aloud from newspaper: Honey, did you know that women use an average of 30,000 words a day, while men only use 15,000?
Wife: That's probably because we have repeat everything to men.
Husband: What?
Australia
Overheard by: Mikyla
Woman to another: But don't worry... I won't give up the boobie, and you can drive.
Bus
Chester, Pennsylvania
Crew member to friends: Oh, the gay cooks are nothing. I mean, yeah, they can have their feminine touches, but if you want real weird, you need Angela.
Friend: Angela? She sounds nice!
Crew member: She's head of security. She's two meters tall, and you need to take a step back before you can identify her as a woman.
Friend: Surely she's not that ugly?
Crew member: Oh look, there she is.
Friend: Oh my god!
Gent Jazz festival
Belgium
Band geek, eating lunch, to friends: I've come to the realization that if I were a woman, I'd have amazing breasts.
Rutgers University
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: One time at band camp...
Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.
Calgary
Canadia
Curious brunette: Hey, is that casting agent friend of yours gay?
Exasperated brunette: No! That's the guy I sleep with sometimes. Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Rosepepper Cantina
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Amy Rose
Asian teenage girl, about sister who just left: She's so cute. She looks like a guy.
Sporting Carnival
Australia
Overheard by: Ouch
Mom, to little kid: Is she your girlfriend?
Little kid: (shakes head emphatically)
Mom: Oh! I don't mean like that, I mean "friend that's a girl." I know Jenny is your girlfriend.
Little kid: Yeah!
Mom: And who's your boyfriend?
Little kid: I don't have a boyfriend.
Mom: But I thought Robert was your boyfriend!
Kennedy Space Center
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Isn't he a little young...?
Teenage girl being pushed in shopping trolley, singing loudly: Nineteen! You're only nineteen, for god's sake, oh, you don't need a boyfriend!
Teenage boy pushing girl, monotone: Everybody is looking at you. They think you're a lesbian.
Teenage girl: I feel like such a rebel! But we should return this trolley, like dutiful citizens.
Geelong
Victoria
Australia
Guy #1: Dude, have you seen this picture?
Guy #2: Nah, dude. Show it to me.
(guy #1 shows guy #2 picture of naked girl in a scenic background)
Guy #2: Dude, do you think it's gay that I think the scenery is the prettiest thing in this picture?
Guy #3, walking by: No, you just want to fuck the planet.
Carmel, Indiana
Teen guy: Hey, Louise, do you wanna know why David broke up with you?
Teen girl: Because he was cheating on me...
Teen guy: No. Well, I shouldn't really say this, but David is gay.
Teen girl, surprised: Again?
Bus
Stockholm
Sweden
Teenage girl: Blowjobs are lesbian sex.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Boy, to teenage girl: Hi, Lisa.
Old man, entering: Hi.
Cafe
Eugene, Oregon
Guy #1: So are you seeing that girl now or what?
Guy #2: No, man, she has a boyfriend.
Guy #1: But didn't you sleep with her last weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I slept with you last night. It doesn't mean anything.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Steph
Girl, surprised: A naked man??
Guy, after introspective pause: No...I prefer them in tights.
St. Paul, Minnesota
Muscular black man: I'm like, "if you're going to be gay around me, you have to at least be funny."
St. Thomas
Virgin Islands
Hobo: You ever model?
Cute Asian guy: Uh, no.
Hobo: You should think about it. You have nice cheekbones. But definitely go with an agency.
Cute Asian guy: Okay. (awkward pause)
Hobo: By the way, this is man-to-man. This isn't no gay shit!
Chicago, Illinois
Gay man, pensively: I bet vaginas make excellent hand-warmers.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Queer, after being rushed to play Scrabble: You don't understand what it's like having all vowels!
Drunk girl: You don't understand what it's like having a vagina, so who wins?
Queer: I do! I have an emotional vagina.
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: pucewoman
Girl, yelling: I am a man! Don't you forget that! Please!
Outside Women's Dormitory
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy...
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
College girl: I'm so ready for my first homoerotic experience!
New Paltz, New York
Male student: We were learning about harmanfadites in my psych class today.
Female student: What's that?
Male student It's when a person is born with boy and girl parts.
Female student: Nasty.
Male student: Yeah. I was wondering, if two of them have sex, are they both gay? Or lesbians?
Female student: I can't talk about this while I am eating.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Jonson
Girl #1: My two biggest concerns in life are rowing and gays.
Girl #2: Rowing and what?
Girl #1: Gays!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Mother to small child: So Paul just has to prove he's a woman now. So that should be fine.
Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: sneaking a peek
English professor: Now don't think you're going to be just one big solid bloc of female voting energy because I won't stand for that.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
High school psychology teacher: As humans, we all walk around on two legs. We're all pedophiles.
Michigan
Overheard by: Did you mean
Gay dude: No, they're just too greasy for me.
Fag hag: Says the Mexican...
Gay dude: Excuse me? I'm black by insertion.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i don't like water
Tall blonde dude: If only she wasn't a butch lesbian, we would be so perfect for each other.
Petite blonde: You need to start thinking outside of those boundaries.
Juniata College
Huntingdon, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I agree
Gay guy, gesturing at transvestite performing onstage: I don't want to see any more boobs. Show me the dicks!
Gay friends, approving: We want dicks!
DNA Lounge
San Francisco, California
Male golfer to 20-something son and his girlfriend: See, that's the problem golfing with a female. If there are no women here, the world is your toilet!
The Magnolia Golf Course, DisneyWorld
Orlando, Florida
Asian woman: You know, I'm not normally a lesbian. I was just scoping out the competition last night!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Adult male to adult female and teen: You know what I told her? I says "you're a cunt, with a capital K."
Outside Skateboard Shop
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Guy: So Jeff's cousin came out.
Girl: I knew he was gay! He's like, the only guy I didn't make out with on New Year's.
Guy: You totally made out with him!
Girl: Yeah, but he wasn't into it.
Ramat Aviv
Israel
Guy: Nothing, nothing turns me on more than Jurassic Park-themed role play.
Queen's University
Kingston, Canadia
Overheard by: Kat
Anatomy professor, turning up lights: Wake up, it's the male reproductive system! How many times have you heard that before? (class laughter) Hopefully not many times before.
UNC
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Hot black chick: I don't know why you're so surprised... It's the same way I'd nail Lucy Liu and alt-world Neil Patrick Harris.
Nerdy friend: Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?
Hot black chick: You know, where he's straight and really into black chicks.
Nerdy friend: Baffling.
New Haven, Connecticut
Girl walking with two friends: God, you guys suck so bad! But, whatever...it means four whole penises for me. Yay!
Livermore, California
Drunk girl: I want to be lesbionic!
Georgia Tech
Overheard by: YellowJacketGals
Girl: I didn't say I was a lesbian cyborg, I just said I was a cyborg.
Guy: All cyborgs are lesbians.
Townsville
Australia
Prospective student's mother: I hear there are a lot of lesbians on this campus.
Student tour guide: Well, it isn't like they jump out of the bushes and convert you or anything.
College, Colorado
Old man to group of kids: And then it turned into a he-she! (kids gasp)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: paulyy
American dude: Approximately 90% of the wheat bread in the world is consumed by homosexuals.
Outdoor Cafe
Amsterdam
Netherlands
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy: Wait, Langston Hughes was gay? Damn, now I gotta take him off my Facebook.
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Fag hag, about friend's boyfriend: Well, at least he has a nice guitar.
Fag: No one notices a guy's guitar on the first date...except maybe you.
Fag hag: Hey, at least someone fingered my g-string recently.
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Ari
College student: As soon as I get rid of this molluscum, watch out, I am on the prowl again.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: I hear ya
Black guy to friends: I swear, every time I start talking to a girl she gets pregnant. (pause) Fo' real.
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Overheard by: You must have been doing more than talking
Woman to friend: I don't know what her gender or sexuality is. I just can't believe she'd do that to me.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Freda
Redhead to 30-something man: You like Jason Mraz. I like Jason Mraz. Therefore, we're not having an affair.
Line for Jason Mraz Concert
Hammersmith Apollo, London
England
Overheard by: Tom
Lesbian: They think that just because I like girls, I think with my penis. It's rubber!
Sydney
Australia
Artsy emo: It was like lesbian Fight Club! First Leema liked Holly, then she liked Tracy, who liked Nicola, who also liked Holly. So Nicola and Leema got in a fist fight and in the end, Tracy and Holly had sex in the woodshop classroom!
Toronto
Canadia
Guy with limp: I went up to a teacher and was like, "are you sexually aroused by my limp?"
Friend: What did she say?
Guy with limp: He didn't say anything, but I knew he was.
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Girl in statistics class: She told me, "you're gay." How can I be gay? I had four--no, five and a half--servings of dick this morning.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Suit #1, very seriously: And she was totally fixated on Martha. So I said to Martha, who swings both ways, you know, I said: "this girl is in serious need of some fanny," but the trouble is, she's found god.
Suit #2: The worst coitus interruptus in the world! That Martha's a complete nutjob, though.
Bookstore
Liverpool
England
Teacher, explaining sign up sheet: So, where it says "What are your plans?" You need to just put something like "Doctor," "lawyer," etc.
Blonde in back, whispering to girl next to her: Girl, I'm putting down "stripper," then all of my classes will be in the humanities building!
College Orientation
Washington State Community College
Tall skinny guy: Did you know that three out of every four deaths on roller coasters are girls? It's because they're so small and aerodynamic.
Six Flags
Valencia, California
Male student: Brokeback Mountain was a good movie. Did you see it?
Female student: No. I heard it was sad. I don't really want to be sad.
Male student: It was pretty sad...but you know, like *good* sad. Like, Titanic sad.
Female student: Yeah?
Male student: Yeah. It basically was Titanic, except instead of a boat, it was a horse.
Female student: Huh. Maybe I *will* see it.
Southern California
Girl #1: Shit!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: I forgot to ask him if he's gay!
Girl #2: But you don't even know him!
Girl #1: I know, and now I've lost my chance...I'll wonder for the rest of my life if he was gay or not. And maybe one day, when I'm old and gray, I'll see him, at a bus-stop maybe, and then I'll try to ask him...and he'll be already on the bus, and I'll never know.
Girl #2: You're kind of a freak.
University of Delaware
Girl who always rides skateboard: And so we were playing ping pong, and he took his shirt off!
Friend: Right.
Girl who always rides skateboard: And then he let me hit stuff against him!
Rangi Ruru Girls' School
New Zealand
Man in tracksuit to friends: That fucking Rembrandt's a cunt!
Chester
England
Customer to cashier: I love that name, "Sierra." My parents were going to name me Sierra Dawn if I was a girl, because they really wanted their last child to finally be a girl. But I wasn't. Now I use Sierra as my drag name.
West Hollywood, California
Girl on subway to friend: It'd be weird to have sex with a girl.
Friend: Yeah, you wouldn't know where everything goes.
Girl: Nothing would fit. (pause) This is probably not a subway conversation.
Toronto
Canadia
Hobo to girls: Oh, ladies, I like the way your skirts move. (girls look disgusted) Sorry, I can't help it if I'm a lesbian.
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Sticking with pants
Teen girl: Have you noticed that he's getting gayer by the minute? I swear he's getting gayer and gayer--and his eyebrows are getting smaller and smaller.
Teen guy: Ah, yes. The all too telling gay-to-eyebrow ratio...
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: ninita
Guy on computer: Fuck, I always forget my student e-mail password.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I've always used the same password for everything for years but when I tried it on blackboard it was all "oh, you can't have 'gay' in your password."
Library
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Who uses
Girl to pizza delivery guy: So that's a meat feast, a ham and pineapple, a chicken supreme, and a Margherita for Amy because she's a lesbian.
Amy: I'm a vegetarian!
Sheffield
England
Grey-haired grandma to another: Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking.
Norfolk Island
Overheard by: kk
Middle schoolboy to wimpy friend: I always dump my girlfriends before I come to the mall.
Pleasant Hill, California
Overheard by: sam
British lit professor, on gays: I have honestly never seen it rain on a gay person. Never. Not once in my life.
Georgia State Lit Class
Male bar patron #1: Matt's just too much, man.
Male bar patron #2: I can't take that much manhood.
(awkward pause)
Male bar patron #3: I'm sore.
The Sevens
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bar Patron
Random guy in bandanna to random guy with afro: So, would you rather go ahead and get your Bachelor's...or become a bear?
Student Center
Georgia Tech
Overheard by: Mollie
20-something geek to friends: I'm telling you guys, The Big Bang Theory is for us what Sex and the City was for lonely, depressed women.
Comic Book Shop
Metairie, Louisiana
Large gentile man: I'm becoming a Jewish woman!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Hippie teenage girl: He's such a screaming campy queer, I thought he was gay--but he's not! At least, he doesn't seem gay when he's fucking you. He does all the rest of the time, though.
Hither Green
London
England
Overheard by: Jess
Hot girl to less than hot guy: It gets annoying having guys hitting on you all the time.
Seattle, Washington