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...Ever See Crouching Vibrator, Hidden Weapon?
Teenage girl, on self defense: I think that 'bob' really works. People know I'm not messing around when they get my dildo thrown at them.
Hillsboro, Oregon
Overheard by: Hannah
...In Other Words, Pie
Blonde girl: I like summer fruits... Like strawberries.
Guy: What about others?
Blonde girl: Only if it's puree, or used in a sexual nature.
Masters' Room
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Bimbettes | Fruit | New Zealand | Sexuality | Toys | Posted 2010-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Thinking About Adding a Wallet but I Fear That Might Be Too Frivolous
Lady #1: I usually keep the essentials in my purse.
Lady #2: Well... I keep a toothbrush, vibrator, and pepper spray in mine.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Gender issues | Pennsylvania | Toys | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Police Will Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
Mother to daughter: Just remember, honey, next time you borrow my dildo, don't get blood on it.
Leeds
England
Categories: England | Family ties | Masturbation | Moms | Parenting | Toys | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Wedding. Ever.
Girl to friend: I distinctly remember him saying "I still have the dildo up my ass."
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Ass | California | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Toys | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Don't Care What Your Forensics Team Found.
Male lecturer to friend: Well: in my defense, it wasn't my dildo.
Lancaster University
England
Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Guys | Masturbation | Toys | Posted 2010-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs
Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?
High School
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Murray
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Shopping | Teens | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...That's a Terrible Marketing Slogan.
Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm... no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Burping & farting | Girls | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Poop | Queers | Toys | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Books About Dildos?
Janeane Garofalo incarnate, walking past adult bookstore: What more does a feminist need than dildos and books?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: A. N. Cargo
Why Hillary Rarely Lets Bill Play with Her Things
Girl, referring to a phallic-shaped pool toy: I would like my penis back now, thank you.
Claremont, California
Categories: California | Girls | Offers and requests | Penis | Toys | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Available in a Wide Variety Of Sizes and Colors
Girl #1: You're too horny for your own good. Why don't you just get a dildo?
Girl #2: Why would I want a dildo when I can just get the real thing whenever I want?
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Hank
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Georgia | Girls | Questions | Sex | Toys | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, She Was Doing Some Pretty Nifty Baton Tricks
Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!
Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado
Like a Sleep Number Sex Toy?
Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That's fantastic!
City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: entertained witness
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Restaurants | Toys | Women | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What You Call Your Vagina?
Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.
Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: awesome
...And Got Banned from Playgroup?
Guy to friend: So she broke her vibrator for the third time?
Mystic Lake Casino
Minneapolis, Minnesota
If All You Have Is a Hammer...
70-year-old professor, about The Exorcist as example of blasphemy: She used a crucifix as a self-mutilating dildo...
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Movies | New Jersey | Old folks | Teachers | Toys | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Say That About Everything, Heather.
Girl: Biology is so interesting! I mean, like, the Golgi apparatus. It reminds me of sex toys!
IUPUI Campus
Indianapolis, Indiana
Or the Other Couple
Professor: So my kid walked in on us last night...
Student in class: Well, you gave them the talk, why not say you were wrestling or something?
Professor: Well, I have no way to explain the handcuffs.
Penn State
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Thanks, Sharper Image!
Loud girl: And my mother said to me, "Well, I guess you're an adult now, since you have adult sex." And I was like, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" and she was like, "I opened your cupboard." and I was thinking, "Oh shit!" because I've got a lot of shit in there. I've got porn, I've got a vibrator, a cock ring. I've got things she doesn't even know what to call them!
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Pennsylvania | Porn | Questions | Sex | Toys | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, Speak to Me Like I'm From Kentucky
Guy #1: What's a "ball gag"?
Guy #2: Oh, come on! Leather daddies and ball gags are always synonymous.
Louisville, Kentucky
I've Now Been Hired As a Paper Shredder
Drunk bride: One time, I broke my dildo into two pieces. With my...you know. (other girls look at her in disbelief) What? I was horny!
Bridal Shower
Norway
Overheard by: Hege
My Kids Never Get Me the Right Christmas Gift
Chunky drunken woman shouting to friend and waving her arms wildly: I don't want no peepshow! I wanna dildo!
Downtown Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Bowtie Daddy
...And Boy Are My Arms Tired!
Hootchie #1: Yeah, we just got back from a dildo party.
Hootchie #2: And we smell like two-dollar hookers!
Des Moines, Iowa
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Hoochies | Iowa | Money | Sensory experiences | Toys | Posted 2008-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Didn't Grow in Our Garden, She's Not Interested
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, I think it's time for me to get a new dildo.
Cracked out old guy: Oh, really? Why?
Cracked out old lady: I don't know... I'm not getting the same vibrations anymore. You should tell your wife to get one.
Cracked out old guy: Nahh, I don't think she'd enjoy it...
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, true, true.
McDonald's
Surrey, BC
Canadia
Because You're the Big Top, Pee-wee
(two lesbians taking items out of the shopping cart to place in their truck)
Butch lesbian (picking up a heavy box): Why do I always have to carry the heavy things just because I wear the dildo?
Wal-Mart
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Octopus seeks sucker fish for good times and long walks
If 8-Bit's Enough for You
Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.
Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Memory lane | Michigan | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Babysit Those Brats
Mellow teen: I got slapped in the tit with a dildo last night.
New Paltz, New York
And Don't Even Get Me Started on This Banana Lamp
[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Donny Boots
Categories: Clothes | Etiquette | Girls | Masturbation | Sensory experiences | Stores | Sweden | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Environment Thanks You, Citizen!
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
Categories: Masturbation | Offers and requests | Ohio | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either Way I Won't Be Able to Get Off Now
Suit #1: I can't believe I've lost them again!
Suit #2: Are we talking about dildos still or the midgets?
McDonald's Parking Lot
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: I wish I heard the first part of this conversation
Especially Not Child-Sized Ones
Girl on cell: Listen, he is not a nice guy. Anyone with handcuffs permanently attached to his bed frame is not a nice guy.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | On the phone | Sexuality | Toys | Violence | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks Sweetie, But That Was the Bedpost
Overexposed springbreaker: Well, since it was a communal dildo, I thought I would be considerate and clean it off.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Ew!
Categories: Cleanliness | Etiquette | Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Toys | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Are Currently in Place
Well-dressed man to female companion, in crowded tasting room: Did you remember the dildo?
Elegant lady companion: Yes, I brought both of them.
Napa Valley wine Auction
St. Helena, California
Categories: California | Couples | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Suits | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Require Further Explanation, You Definitely Need to Attend.
Hot chick: I'm having a fantasia party; I made it a facebook event: Are you going to come?
Clueless girl: Whats a fantasia party?
Hot chick: Its for like chicks only, you hang out, drink and buy naughty stuff.
Clueless girl: I don't get it?
Hot chick: What's there to get? You come to my place, get drunk and buy sexy, naughty things?
Clueless girl: I still don't get it.
Hot chick: Holy fuck! Its like a Tupperware party -only with dildos!
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Make Mine 9 Inches!
As I Am Wont to Do
Woman on cell: Wait, what? How does that work? Oh, okay -- I was thinking of a different strap-on.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Illinois | On the phone | Toys | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think You'd Be Surprised
Cute queer #1: Yeah, but aren't you worried about the sodomy laws around there?
Cute queer #2: No, not really.
Cute queer #1: My god, why not?
Cute queer #2: I don't think that a fleshlight really counts as sodomy.
Grand Avenue
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Confused Dyke On The Corner
I'm Gonna Pull-Start Him Like a Lawnmower
Hot Asian chick #1: The passion party was so fun -- you guys should've gone.
Hot Asian chick #2: Oh my god! I wish I would've known about it. Did they have the Jack Rabbit?
Hot Asian chick #3: Yeah -- and, like, oils and stuff?
Hot Asian chick #2: Forget that! Did they have anal beads?! [Sighs and glances over at her boyfriend] Our sex life has really gotten boring...
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: looking for the cameras
But My Anal Beads Respond Better to The Cure
Chick #1, perusing CDs: The Ramones? I've never really listened to them. Are they any good?
Chick #2: Oh, yeah, I listen to them all the time when I'm using my vibrator!
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: chris
Categories: Chicks | Music | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Toys | Posted 2007-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But More Expensive
Guy: You guys should get her a vibrator for her birthday.
Girl #1: Or we could just find her a man...
Girl #2: Nah... I think buying a vibrator would be easier.
Shout-out: overheardinsydney.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in Sydney | Toys | Posted 2007-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Show You How to Kick-Start It
Sad girl: My mom totally jacked my vibrator.
Friend: That sucks! I can lend you mine, if you want.
Queen's University
Canadia
Who Has Access to All The Sex Manuals Ever Printed
Middle-aged woman to 20-something: I never knew there was that much variety in shape, size, color and girth. I'm talking about butt plugs. Oh, I'm sorry. You look shocked. I forgot -- you're just a librarian.
Wedding reception, Caesar's Palace, 3570 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Nevada | Strangers | Toys | Posted 2007-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Not Be Upstaged by a Rabbit
Little girl: The show will now begin. Please sit down and turn off your vibrators!
Barnes and Noble
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Pretty sure she's been to the theater before
Categories: Advice | Glad the condom broke | Pennsylvania | Toys | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
