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Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.
High School
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick
[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Donny Boots
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?
Huddersfield
England
Overheard by: your how old and you don't know what?
Guy: Hey, the Pussycat Dolls are coming to Montreal!
Girl: Cool.
Guy: Wanna go?
Girl: Yeah! We can sit in the front row and masturbate!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Guy: ... Because the pope touches himself. That's my answer for the first question. That's my answer to any question, really.
History class
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: Kaiti
Guy: So, I tore my ACL.
Over-enthusiastic friend: Tell 'em how you did it!
Guy: Masturbating!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Victoria
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing... with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was -- y'know -- using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: ... Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
Professor: Please write legibly. If I had wanted to go blind, I would have masturbated to excess as a child.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Chick #1: A woman came up to me and said there was a guy beating off into the dress.
Chick #2: Really?!
Chick #1: Sure enough, I walked over and his pants were around his ankles.
Guy passerby: Where the hell do you work?
Omaha, Nebraska
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That's because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
Skinny brunette: How many calories do you burn masturbating? Gross, I know...
Skinny redhead: I read in Cosmo that it's somewhere between one-fifty and two hundred.
Skinny brunette, gasping: See?! People ought to promote masturbation more! This is why America is getting so fat! No one is touching themselves!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: then why am I so fat?
Guy on cell: Hey... Rainy... Ummm, well, yeah I've kind of played with it, but not to fruition. Hold on, I'm on the L in Chicago. Hey, guys, Jeff* wants to know if you've ever masturbated while driving on a long car trip.
Friend #1: No.
Friend #2: No.
Guy on cell: Nick* and Joe* say no. Hey, um, I gotta go...
Chicago L
Illinois
Overheard by: J to the P
Dude: Have you ever masturbated?
Chick: Uh... No...
Dude: Seriously? To me that's like... like standing in front of a house of cards for, like, 18 years and just never being like, 'I'm going to tip that shit over.'
Eugene, Oregon
Nerd #1: Everything men do in their lives is for women.
Nerd #2: Except masturbation -- that's for us.
Gainesville, Florida
Guy: Okay, but what's the biggest problem?
Girl: It's so annoying! Every time I go into her room she's masturbating!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don't, I masturbate, B-8.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bingo player
Suit: I can't masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
3L law student: He's just irritating. He's like one of those people who masturbates to Scalia decisions.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Toddler boy in stall with mom: I'm done!
Mom: Are you sure? Why are you doing that? Don't pull on it!
Toddler boy: Daddy does it all the time!
Border Grill
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Smooph
Frat boy #1: I already jacked off three times today!
Frat boy #2: Sweet! That's what I'm going to do as soon as I finish this test.
Frat boy #1: Maybe I should just go rub one out in the bathroom now... [He leaves the room.]
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Maxwell
Girl: So, what did you do over the break?
Guy: Well, I beat off a lot.
Saugeen snack bar
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: eric