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I Can't Believe the Army Rejected Me
Guy #1: Hey, did you ever watch Paris Hilton's sex tape?
Guy #2: Yeah, it wasn't a turn-on though, she's in pain. Man, I couldn't wank to that.
Guy #1: Yeah, it'd be like wanking to a rape video.
Guy #3: I'd wank to that.
Glasgow
Scotland
Categories: About celebrities | Guys | Masturbation | Movies | Sex | UK | Violence | Posted 2010-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Because Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
US History professor, angrily: I don't put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!
Georgia State University
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are a Bit Worried About the Lard
Culinary student #1: I could really go for some duck stuffed with foie.
Culinary student #2: And lard? And berries? (pause) I'll masturbate to that tonight. I hate you!
Culinary student #1, defensively: I live with you, I know your poultry!
Stockholm
Sweden
Categories: Food | Gripes | Masturbation | Students | Sweden | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time
Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.
Hampden, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Education | Maine | Masturbation | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Police Will Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
Mother to daughter: Just remember, honey, next time you borrow my dildo, don't get blood on it.
Leeds
England
Categories: England | Family ties | Masturbation | Moms | Parenting | Toys | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Like...a Gay Bar?
Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand...
Friend: Why can't you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It's like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That's how it feels like.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Hands | Masturbation | New Jersey | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On My Deck
Girl #1: How do you like your place?
Girl #2: I've got a huge deck!
Girl #1: You were one letter away from making me a very happy woman.
Girl #2: I was one letter away from making myself a very happy woman. If I had that, I'd go fuck myself.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
...But Let's Consult Wikipedia to Be Sure.
Girl: Seriously, it's about this guy who fucks his clone and then wonders whether it's gay or masturbation. And that's the whole fucking book!
Guy, after thoughtful pause: No. Totally not gay.
UBC
Canadia
Categories: Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Sex | Posted 2010-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Don't Care What Your Forensics Team Found.
Male lecturer to friend: Well: in my defense, it wasn't my dildo.
Lancaster University
England
Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Guys | Masturbation | Toys | Posted 2010-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Many Start; Few Are Able to Finish
Guy to group of friends: I don't think I could ever do anything like that.
Girl: Oh, is this about the circle jerk?
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Friends | Guys | Kink | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Since HR Told Him He Had to Start Giving Us Warnings
Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad
Categories: Coworkers | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Even Here, Mary Anne?
Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seriously?
Categories: Friends | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Restroom | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Alternate Ending to Stand by Me
Guy on bicycle: Hey guys, what should we do when we get home?
Bike friend #1: Hmm... I don't know.
Bike friend #2: Let's masturbate!
Guy on bicycle: Yeah!
University of California
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Imagine How Sweaty Her Hand Got!
Weird guy: Did you guys have fun last night?
Weirder guy: Oh, yeah. She jerked me off. But I'm allergic to latex, so she used neoprene gloves from the lab where she works.
Weird guy: Niiiice.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: That sounds so unpleasant.
Categories: Crazies | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Masturbation | Questions | San Francisco | Technology | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even When He Shouted Out My Name As He Was Finishing.
Guy: Well, I mean the sun was coming up, and we went and got sandwiches afterwards, and rolled another joint.
Bemused girl: All this is setting the scene nicely, but it doesn't explain how you ended up masturbating on a school roof together.
Guy: We were twenty feet apart with our backs to each other, it wasn't gay or anything!
Cork
Ireland
...That's a Terrible Marketing Slogan.
Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm... no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Burping & farting | Girls | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Poop | Queers | Toys | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not the Jesus Story I've Heard
Greenpeace guy: It's never good to idolize someone who died hanging himself and jerking off.
Oregon State University
Overheard by: David
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Guys | Masturbation | Oregon | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Speaking Of Things That Need to Stay in Vegas
Guy, telling everyone about a massage: You know how grandma's hands are real soft?
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Craig
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Hands | Masturbation | Nevada | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, It's Ms. Pac-Man-- I'm Not Gay.
Guy to stranger: Is it just me, or is that guy jerking off to Pac-Man?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Sometimes I Like to Playfully Snap My Own Strap!
Girl browsing underwear section: I love this bra--you'd wear it just to play with yourself, you know?
Wiltshire
England
Overheard by: J
...She Put Two Drinks Up There?
Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.
Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: j-we
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Insults | Kentucky | Masturbation | Queers | Restaurants | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When Everyone Knows the Point Of Sex Is to Tone One's Abs.
Anthropology teacher: That's just like saying the point of sex is to have an orgasm. If that were the case you could do it yourself! There's no need to involve another person!
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Terrance Williams
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Delaware | Masturbation | Orgasm | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unsociable Wankers, the British
Blonde American student: For some reason, when I get high I get paranoid that everyone around me is jerking off!
University of London
England
Overheard by: The Friend
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drugs | England | Feelings | Masturbation | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Old-Fashioned That Way
Male hipster to another: So, I was jerking off into this vagina...
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: DagnyTaggart
Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Hipsters | Masturbation | Memory lane | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, You're Lucky If the Guy Stops Masturbating Long Enough to Have Sex
Girl #1: You're more likely to have a boy if the guy hasn't masturbated in awhile.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, my professor said so!
Sather Gate
UC Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Masturbation | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Think They're Always So Angry?
College boy #1: If I were a T-Rex I would fuck shit up.
College boy #2: Yeah, but good luck masturbating.
Hendrix College
Arkansas
Overheard by: College Girl Walking By
Categories: Animals | Arkansas | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Masturbation | Poop | Students | Posted 2009-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Serenades Sure Have Changed Since the Renaissance
Student girl: And then these tramps started wanking off outside my window!
Manchester Aquatics Centre
England
Overheard by: Noo
I Told My Dad It Was a Sports Injury. He's Never Been Prouder.
Emo boy: Matt! Tell her how you fucked up your face!
Matt: I was rubbing one out in the shower and when I came, my knees gave out and I hit my head on the faucet.
Emo girl (gasping and laughing hysterically): That is best thing I have ever heard!
Starbucks
New Mexico
Categories: Body parts | Default | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | New Mexico | Restaurants | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Today's Lab, You Won't Need Partners
Teaching assistant to bunch of anatomy students: When in doubt, touch yourself!
Cleveland State University, Ohio
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Masturbation | Ohio | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Feels Like Real Wood
College girl: So how do you masturbate?
Friend: I hump my desk.
College girl: Wait...really?!
Friend: Yeah, it's great. I can go from nothing to orgasm in like, 20 seconds.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Masturbation | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's When the Real Fun Begins
Frat boy to others: So you masturbate in a cup, right? Then you freeze it, and in the morning mix it with your protein powder.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: red
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Masturbation | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While Making Waffles with the Other
Woman to man: I mean, you could have masturbated with one arm, come on.
UMass
Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Default | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, See Ya Later!
Porn-'stached scuzzball: I mean, if you ever, like, masturbated, you'd know that smell.
Robinson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And I Go To College With You??
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Guys | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, My Sister Does the Same Thing
Biology professor: And don't play frisbee with a beluga whale. They've been known to masturbate with them.
University of Mississippi
Categories: Advice | Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Masturbation | Mississippi | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I Sure Do, As Those of You Who Are My Facebook Friends Know
Physics professor: What do you do to amuse yourselves? You don't play with yourselves?
Guelph
Canadia
Next Altoona Will Give Women the Right to Vote
(in a philosophy class, the subject of "lovemaking vs. fucking" is being discussed)
Angry feminist student: Guys have it so easy! You can go out and fuck any girl you want and no one thinks any worse of you, but if a girl sleeps around she's a slut! Hell, if you somehow don't manage to nail the girl, you can just go home and masturbate. Girl's can't do that!
Female student who hadn't spoken a word all class: Pff, yes we can!
Penn State
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: A guy in the same class
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2008-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Have a Winner
Girl #1: I'm 20-orgasms horny!
Girl #2: I'm 100-orgasms horny!
Girl #3: I'm masturbate-in-my-class horny!
Girl #1: I'm stick-a-banana-in-my-ass horny!
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: gelatinous
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Masturbation | New York | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever, Mister Finding Nemo
Artsy queer: You masturbated to the soundtrack of The Nightmare Before Christmas?!
Houghton, Michigan
Overheard by: Midget Goldfish
Some Porn Writing Is Better Than Others
Professor: So, to calculate the unemployment rate, we whack off...
Intro to Macroeconomics Class
USC, California
Categories: California | Class | Default | Education | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After Accidentally Stumbling Into the Gay District and Handing Him Money
Italian guy with ridiculous Bronx accent: Yeah, so I jerked the guy off...accidentally.
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Mark Nilges
And Possibly a Few Sex Hats
Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like...jerk off in.
H&M
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: XT
Categories: Clothes | Default | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where an Ancient Tribe Had Scrawled Its Secrets on the Stall Wall
Teacher: You know, when I was your age we didn't have classes like this. If you wanted to learn about personal finance, you got a job. If you wanted to learn about sex, you went to the bathroom.
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Default | Education | Masturbation | Memory lane | Missouri | Money | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Putting on a Sock Puppet Show-- Why, What Were You Thinking?
20-something guy: I could do this all day. If you left me alone in a room with my hand, I could entertain myself all day.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Masturbation | Time Management | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look--Just Watch the Video and Let Me Know What You Think
Man on cell (angrily): Your sister keeps jerking me off... Well, not me, but your mother.
University of Hawaii, Hilo
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Hawaii | Masturbation | On the phone | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God: La La La La La--Can't Hear You!
(guy grabs girl's hand and licks cotton candy off her finger and licks finger)
Girl: Be careful, you don't where these fingers have been.
Guy: Well, I know last night they were in your vagina.
Girl: Shhh! People can hear you!
Guy: No one's even listening to us!
San Diego, California
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Give Her a Break from the Monotony of Fucking Me
Guy #1: What are you going to get your girlfriend for her birthday?
Guy #2: I got her this sweater she wanted. But I'm also going to get her a dildo in case she doesn't like the sweater. That way she can go fuck herself.
Roosevelt Field Mall
Long Island, New York
...Doesn't Mean I'll Go Out with You
Dude: Just because you masturbate to llama/turtle porn...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Kink | Masturbation | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Hand Never Asks Where Our Relationship Is Going
Guy: Sometimes I feel like I want to get a steady girlfriend again.
Friend: Whenever I feel like that I just jerk off all over myself and the feeling goes away.
Downtown Post Office
Worcester, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Default | Friends | Guys | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Post offices | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Lick the Glass This Time, Okay?
Guy outside of dressing room: Dude, what are you doing?
Guy in dressing room: I'm having some me time.
Guy outside of dressing room: I'm bored. (thinks about it for several seconds) I'll be looking at belts.
Guy in dressing room: I'll be looking at me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: business casual
Categories: Creepsters | Default | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Just Means It's Ripe
Girl on cell: She said that she used her vibrator so much last week, she thought her vagina was going to swell up and fall off.
Walmart
Atlanta, Georgia
Just When You Thought Canadians and Americans Had Nothing in Common
Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.
High School
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on This Banana Lamp
[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Donny Boots
Categories: Clothes | Etiquette | Girls | Masturbation | Sensory experiences | Stores | Sweden | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Environment Thanks You, Citizen!
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
Categories: Masturbation | Offers and requests | Ohio | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Hope English Isn't Her First Language and Move On
Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?
Huddersfield
England
Overheard by: your how old and you don't know what?
Categories: Euphemisms | Family | Masturbation | Old folks | Questions | UK | Women | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like We Do at Funerals
Guy: Hey, the Pussycat Dolls are coming to Montreal!
Girl: Cool.
Guy: Wanna go?
Girl: Yeah! We can sit in the front row and masturbate!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Music | Offers and requests | Overheard at McGill | TV shows | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Said Was, "Stop Doing It in My Class"
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Question Was "When Was the Battle of Hastings?"
Guy: ... Because the pope touches himself. That's my answer for the first question. That's my answer to any question, really.
History class
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: Kaiti
Categories: Canadia | Christianity | Default | Guys | Masturbation | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Mythbusters
Guy: So, I tore my ACL.
Over-enthusiastic friend: Tell 'em how you did it!
Guy: Masturbating!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Victoria
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Default | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing... with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was -- y'know -- using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: ... Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
Categories: Australia | Girls | Gossip | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead of Just Doing It Now While I Grade Papers
Professor: Please write legibly. If I had wanted to go blind, I would have masturbated to excess as a child.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bed, Bath, and Beat-Offs?
Chick #1: A woman came up to me and said there was a guy beating off into the dress.
Chick #2: Really?!
Chick #1: Sure enough, I walked over and his pants were around his ankles.
Guy passerby: Where the hell do you work?
Omaha, Nebraska
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Masturbation | Nebraska | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using Implements No Man Can Match
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That's because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Masturbation | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Gonna Go Grab a Bucket of Chicken and Some Porn
Skinny brunette: How many calories do you burn masturbating? Gross, I know...
Skinny redhead: I read in Cosmo that it's somewhere between one-fifty and two hundred.
Skinny brunette, gasping: See?! People ought to promote masturbation more! This is why America is getting so fat! No one is touching themselves!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: then why am I so fat?
Categories: Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Skinny people | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Late for Our Circle Jerk
Guy on cell: Hey... Rainy... Ummm, well, yeah I've kind of played with it, but not to fruition. Hold on, I'm on the L in Chicago. Hey, guys, Jeff* wants to know if you've ever masturbated while driving on a long car trip.
Friend #1: No.
Friend #2: No.
Guy on cell: Nick* and Joe* say no. Hey, um, I gotta go...
Chicago L
Illinois
Overheard by: J to the P
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Illinois | Masturbation | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Me It's Just Another Thing I Have to Clean
Dude: Have you ever masturbated?
Chick: Uh... No...
Dude: Seriously? To me that's like... like standing in front of a house of cards for, like, 18 years and just never being like, 'I'm going to tip that shit over.'
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Girls | Gripes | Guys | Masturbation | Oregon | Time Management | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Everything We Do for Them Fails
Nerd #1: Everything men do in their lives is for women.
Nerd #2: Except masturbation -- that's for us.
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Masturbation | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Does She Study?
Guy: Okay, but what's the biggest problem?
Girl: It's so annoying! Every time I go into her room she's masturbating!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Masturbation | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Almost Always Sore, N-4
Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don't, I masturbate, B-8.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bingo player
Categories: Coworkers | Masturbation | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm the Thing I Have Sex to Forget About
Suit: I can't masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
Categories: Maine | Masturbation | Suits | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Practice Prohibited by a Scalia Decision
3L law student: He's just irritating. He's like one of those people who masturbates to Scalia decisions.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Insults | Masturbation | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, You're Mommy's Little Miracle
Toddler boy in stall with mom: I'm done!
Mom: Are you sure? Why are you doing that? Don't pull on it!
Toddler boy: Daddy does it all the time!
Border Grill
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Smooph
Categories: California | Gossip | Kids | Masturbation | Moms | Restroom | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Like Taking an Exam in the Afterglow
Frat boy #1: I already jacked off three times today!
Frat boy #2: Sweet! That's what I'm going to do as soon as I finish this test.
Frat boy #1: Maybe I should just go rub one out in the bathroom now... [He leaves the room.]
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Maxwell
Categories: Class | Frat boy types | Masturbation | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Much of a 'Break' at All, Really
Girl: So, what did you do over the break?
Guy: Well, I beat off a lot.
Saugeen snack bar
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: eric
Categories: Masturbation | Overheard at Western | Students | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
