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Just When You Thought Canadians and Americans Had Nothing in Common
Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.
High School
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on This Banana Lamp
[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Donny Boots
Categories: Clothes | Etiquette | Girls | Masturbation | Sensory experiences | Stores | Sweden | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Environment Thanks You, Citizen!
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
Categories: Masturbation | Offers and requests | Ohio | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Hope English Isn't Her First Language and Move On
Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?
Huddersfield
England
Overheard by: your how old and you don't know what?
Categories: Euphemisms | Family | Masturbation | Old folks | Questions | UK | Women | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like We Do at Funerals
Guy: Hey, the Pussycat Dolls are coming to Montreal!
Girl: Cool.
Guy: Wanna go?
Girl: Yeah! We can sit in the front row and masturbate!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Music | Offers and requests | Overheard at McGill | TV shows | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Said Was, "Stop Doing It in My Class"
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Question Was "When Was the Battle of Hastings?"
Guy: ... Because the pope touches himself. That's my answer for the first question. That's my answer to any question, really.
History class
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: Kaiti
Categories: Canadia | Christianity | Default | Guys | Masturbation | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Mythbusters
Guy: So, I tore my ACL.
Over-enthusiastic friend: Tell 'em how you did it!
Guy: Masturbating!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Victoria
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Default | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing... with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was -- y'know -- using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: ... Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
Categories: Australia | Girls | Gossip | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead of Just Doing It Now While I Grade Papers
Professor: Please write legibly. If I had wanted to go blind, I would have masturbated to excess as a child.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bed, Bath, and Beat-Offs?
Chick #1: A woman came up to me and said there was a guy beating off into the dress.
Chick #2: Really?!
Chick #1: Sure enough, I walked over and his pants were around his ankles.
Guy passerby: Where the hell do you work?
Omaha, Nebraska
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Masturbation | Nebraska | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using Implements No Man Can Match
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That's because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Masturbation | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Gonna Go Grab a Bucket of Chicken and Some Porn
Skinny brunette: How many calories do you burn masturbating? Gross, I know...
Skinny redhead: I read in Cosmo that it's somewhere between one-fifty and two hundred.
Skinny brunette, gasping: See?! People ought to promote masturbation more! This is why America is getting so fat! No one is touching themselves!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: then why am I so fat?
Categories: Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Skinny people | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Late for Our Circle Jerk
Guy on cell: Hey... Rainy... Ummm, well, yeah I've kind of played with it, but not to fruition. Hold on, I'm on the L in Chicago. Hey, guys, Jeff* wants to know if you've ever masturbated while driving on a long car trip.
Friend #1: No.
Friend #2: No.
Guy on cell: Nick* and Joe* say no. Hey, um, I gotta go...
Chicago L
Illinois
Overheard by: J to the P
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Illinois | Masturbation | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Me It's Just Another Thing I Have to Clean
Dude: Have you ever masturbated?
Chick: Uh... No...
Dude: Seriously? To me that's like... like standing in front of a house of cards for, like, 18 years and just never being like, 'I'm going to tip that shit over.'
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Girls | Gripes | Guys | Masturbation | Oregon | Time Management | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Everything We Do for Them Fails
Nerd #1: Everything men do in their lives is for women.
Nerd #2: Except masturbation -- that's for us.
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Masturbation | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Does She Study?
Guy: Okay, but what's the biggest problem?
Girl: It's so annoying! Every time I go into her room she's masturbating!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Masturbation | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Almost Always Sore, N-4
Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don't, I masturbate, B-8.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bingo player
Categories: Coworkers | Masturbation | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm the Thing I Have Sex to Forget About
Suit: I can't masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
Categories: Maine | Masturbation | Suits | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Practice Prohibited by a Scalia Decision
3L law student: He's just irritating. He's like one of those people who masturbates to Scalia decisions.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Insults | Masturbation | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, You're Mommy's Little Miracle
Toddler boy in stall with mom: I'm done!
Mom: Are you sure? Why are you doing that? Don't pull on it!
Toddler boy: Daddy does it all the time!
Border Grill
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Smooph
Categories: California | Gossip | Kids | Masturbation | Moms | Restroom | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Like Taking an Exam in the Afterglow
Frat boy #1: I already jacked off three times today!
Frat boy #2: Sweet! That's what I'm going to do as soon as I finish this test.
Frat boy #1: Maybe I should just go rub one out in the bathroom now... [He leaves the room.]
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Maxwell
Categories: Class | Frat boy types | Masturbation | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Much of a 'Break' at All, Really
Girl: So, what did you do over the break?
Guy: Well, I beat off a lot.
Saugeen snack bar
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: eric
Categories: Masturbation | Overheard at Western | Students | Posted 2007-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
