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Ask Kevin Bacon
Concerned-looking boyfriend: Yes, but it might not be kosher.
Indifferent Londoner girlfriend: I don't think it's an issue.
Concerned-looking boyfriend: I dunno... If I eat pork... And you suck me off... Does that mean my cum is non-kosher?
Indifferent Londoner girlfriend: Sweetie, I told you, I'm Jewish, but when it comes to jizz I just don't care.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
That's Just Crazy Enough to Work!
Drunk guy: Yeah, well, you could spunk on her face, then lick your jizz off her dreadlocks.
Pub
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
...That's Sick!
Tiny black girl: And then I had to have Buckley's, and you know what? It tastes exactly like jizz.
Asian girl, perplexed: You've had Buckley's?
Pub
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Asians | Bars & Clubs | Black people | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Cum | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That College Doesn't Buy You Class
Dude #1, seeing sign reading "cum laude": Look at that sign: cum load!
Dude #2: I was just going to say that!
Mol
Belgium
You Can't Unring a Bell, Babe
Male bartender: Why'd you open a new grenadine? We have an open one right here. See? Cherry drips all over it.
Female bartender: I got your cherry drips right here. (pause) Wait. Never mind.
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Overheard by: Whelan
Categories: Bartenders | Cum | Drinking & drunks | Minnesota | Posted 2010-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Taco Bell, Delicious but Disgusting
Canadian woman #1: And they found DNA in it.
Canadian woman #2: What?
Canadian woman #1: Sperm.
Canadian woman #2: What?! Again?! That's it, I'm not eating there anymore.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Cum | Food | Foreigners | Washington | Women | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation
Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.
Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: browny
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Cum | Friends | Gripes | Time Management | Virginia | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're So Vanilla We've Given Each Other Diabetes
Tall, pale, blonde girl: And Joe and I realized that we are both ridiculously tall, blonde and blue-eyed. So Aryan. We're basically Hitler's wet dream.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Right Now, Looks Like It's All in Your Hair.
Director to actress playing Johanna in Sweeney Todd: I just want to see a little spunk on your face.
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: CarvingMyNiche
...For Being So Gay.
Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We're gonna shoot 'em with our sperm cannons!
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Categories: Bragging | Cum | Frat boy types | Penis | Rhode Island | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Stick to My Placenta Face-Cream, Thank You Very Much
Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister's husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: best pick-up line ever
Categories: Animals | Cum | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between Long-term and Short-term Thinking, Encapsulated
Girlfriend: How would you feel if I told you I was pregnant?
Boyfriend: Are you pregnant? Because if you are, I'm cumin' in you.
Indianapolis, Indiana
The Rachel Ray Show We've All Been Waiting for
Guy: Do you know what "felching" is?
Girl: No... Is it tasty?
New Jersey
Categories: Cum | Girls | Guys | Licking | New Jersey | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After You Get Your Rocks Off
Geology teacher: That is dew that is on your glass of joy juice.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Cum | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're That Guy Every Day.
Girlfriend: I'm gonna get a black wig and a skirt, and I'm putting body-glitter on you and doing your hair like you're in 90210 and you're going as Edward. It'll be like ironic.
Boyfriend: I'm gonna put some mayonnaise on my pants and go as that "jizzed in my pants" guy.
Girlfriend: No, you're not.
Gainesville, Florida
...How Were Your Midterms?
20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay
Every Lovemaking Session Is Like One Of the Matrix Movies
Blonde: So if you don't swallow it, where does it go?
Brunette, exasperated: I don't know, I dodge it!
Dorm
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: BJs | Bimbettes | Cum | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, It Was Just Rain.
Preppy girl #1: So I had it all over me, it was on my hands and my face...
Preppy girl #2: Oh my god! Did you throw up?
San Luis Obispo, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Cum | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Preppies | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When Mom Isn't Around to Stop Him
Greasy man, with greasy chick hanging on him: On the walls! Cum all over the windows! Cum cum cum, I loooove to cum!
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Savannah and Alena
Categories: Chicks | Cum | Guys | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think a Musical About the Nazis Has Been Done, Sir.
Professor to creative writing class: This is probably one of the smartest things I've ever stumbled upon in my life, so I shouldn't blow my load this early.
University of Wisconsin
Overheard by: Mixi
You'll Never Graduate Cum Laude at This Rate
High school punk #1: "Fluids" sounds better.
High school punk #2: I don't like fluids.
High school punk #1: And that's why you're flunking band!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: SaraG(as in gee, I wonder what THAT means...)
Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal
Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know... I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!
San Francisco, California
We're Not Fish, People!
Biology teacher to uninterested students: Sperm doesn't just crawl along the floor.
Maine
You Think They're Gay?
Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Guy walking by
She Has Sex In Very Unusual Places
Crazy drunk lady, whispering: I think I got asbestos on my hands. (in louder voice) Or maybe it's sperm! Heeheeheeheeheehee!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: EdgingAwayFromHer
...Whew!
Girl in bus seat: Oh my gawd, look at all that discharge! Oh, wait, that's cum.
Houston, Texas
...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty?
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Asians | Cum | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Just Wanted to Take My Lunch Order
Male student: I mean, I thought she wanted me to cum on her tummy!
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Alice Haefeli
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Stomach | Students | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And With Oysters There's No Guarantee Of Pearls
Loud 20-something girl: Ew! Oysters taste like cum!
Quiet, conservative-looking 20-something girl: No, they don't! (immediately gets embarrassed and receives high fives from others at the table)
The Chimes
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Cum | Default | Food | Girls | Louisiana | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have It on My Resume, Under "Hobbies"
Woman: I orgasmed here once.
Friend, cheerfully: Oh, I've done that several times!
James Brown Arena
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Annissa
Categories: Compare and contrast | Cum | Default | Friends | Georgia | Memory lane | Women | Posted 2009-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When You Saw Dick Clark in Person?
Male student to another, seriously: So you just came in your pants?
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York
It's Like a Headline Writer's Wet Dream
College guy: This must be a joke. We live in a city called "Cumming," we have a store called "BJ's," and a store called "Dick's," and a "Siemens" water tower.
Cumming, Georgia
Read and Heed, Gentlemen
Girl #1: He fucking made my bed this morning! It was cute!
Girl #2: Aawwwww. I love when they do that. If you're gonna mess around in my bed, you gotta make it. It's kinda my rule: if you're gonna cum on me, you better wash it off too.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Cleanliness | Cum | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's When the Real Fun Begins
Frat boy to others: So you masturbate in a cup, right? Then you freeze it, and in the morning mix it with your protein powder.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: red
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Masturbation | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I Knew I Was in Love
Hipster on cell: And then she started talking about trouser gravy...
Mesa College
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Tish
Categories: California | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Hipsters | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Says Canadians Are Boring and Dry?
Girl: Don't have sex on the couch!
Guy: Why not? You can have sex on the couch, I don't mind.
Girl: Mhh, you wouldn't like that. I'm a fountain.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: aylmer
Categories: Compare and contrast | Cum | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard at McGill | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Does Your First Job Feel Like, Alex?
Hipster girl to friend (laughing): I was gagging, and then it was all over my neck.
Queen West
Toronto
Canadia
God, Stop Smothering Me!
Random girl: And then I asked him, "So, how was that for you?" and then he said, "uh, I just came."
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
That's the Last Time I'll Use the Frathouse Shower
Skanky girl: My hair smells like cum.
Gleneagle Secondary School
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Cum | Default | Girls | Hair | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some of Which Also Wound Up on Her Thigh
Frat boy #1: ... And it just came out on her thigh. He didn't even get it in. Just wound up on her thigh.
Frat boy #2, mumbling: Dude! I hate when that happens.
Frat boy #1: What?!
Frat boy #2: I said I ate some chicken.
University of Alabama, Alabama
Overheard by: CB
Categories: Alabama | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Feelings | Food | Frat boy types | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want the Human Race to Pack This Planet Like a Sausage
English professor: Just think of all the eggs that are wasted every time a woman doesn't get pregnant... That's what I do.
Montevallo, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Cum | Default | Education | Euphemisms | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And in a Jar in the Office Fridge
Large black dude on cell: What?!... Okay... His sperm is alive and well and kicking.
BART
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Nate
Categories: Black people | Cum | Guys | On the phone | Train | Words | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Are These Khakis on Sale?
Retail lady: He fucked me really hard last night. When I woke up all this liquid came out.
Banana Republic
Orange County, California
Then What's Sap?
Girl: Mister, what's that?
Teacher: That is an air purifier.
Girl: A what?
Teacher: An air purifier.
Girl: That's crazy, what yo need an air purifier for?
Teacher: To get the pollen out of the air.
Girl: What's pollen?
Teacher: Well, when trees have sex, they release pollen into the air.
Girl: You mean I am breathing in tree jizz!? [Shudders in repulsion at the thought.]
[Whole class laughs.]
High School
Austin, Texas
And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies
Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Tom and Laura
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Murder | Sorority types | Threats | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, You're the Experienced Pet-Sitter!
Cashier on cell phone: I mean... What's the problem? Ejaculating? Is he ejaculating too much or too little? Which is the problem?
Shoprite
New Jersey
Overheard by: allison
Categories: Cum | Default | Employees | Etiquette | Gripes | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not If You Swallow the Sperm Like a Good Girl
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it's also high in calories.
Guy: Yes... It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman's body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: ... It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Donna, This Tastes Like You
Girl #1: Ew, this sushi is like jizz! Here, eat some so I'm not the only one.
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Come on, put it in your mouth. Just taste it. Just a little bit. I don't want to be the only one!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Cum | Default | Food | Girls | Gripes | Overheard at McGill | Students | Posted 2008-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Technical Term Is "Cellmates"
Man #1: You can fuck any part of the body if you have a sharp object close by.
Man #2: Just shut up and give me a beer.
Man #1: Seriously. Wouldn't it be great if you were fucking someone's ribs, and just as you came you punctured their lung, and with their last dying breath, it shot out their nose?
Man #2: Why are we friends?
Biddeford, Maine
Categories: Creepsters | Cum | Maine | Sex | Violence | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Many Girls Simply Take Refuge in Their Own Kind
Giggling coed looking at something in friend's purse: Think you have enough of those?
Friend: I know it looks bad, but I'm terribly allergic to male sperm.
Durango, Colorado
Holy Shit, I Never Thought of It That Way
Gym rat #1: Maybe I can just get a pocket pussy. I think they're expensive, though. Unless I can find a used one online.
Gym rat #2: Awww, dude! Who the fuck would sell one of those used?! And why would you buy it?!
Gym rat #1: Why not?
Gym rat #2: Why would you buy something that some other dude came in?!
Gym rat #1: You fuck girls that other guys have cum in before, haven't you? At least a pocket pussy can be put in the dishwasher. Sure beats some chick refusing to shower!
Planet Fitness
Dorchester, Massachusetts
Categories: Cum | Gym rats | Massachusetts | Philosophy | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens to Unemployed Meteorologists
Hobo, pointing to passerby: God is going to cum all over your face!
Westwood Village
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Cum | God | Hobos | Posted 2007-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's How We Got Kicked Out of March of the Penguins
Nerd: She was like, 'That's so cute!' and then I came all over her face!
Baylor University
Waco, Texas
Overheard by: kindaDisgusted
Categories: Cum | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Texas | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Email Me the Instant Replay or the Wedding's Off
Man on cell: I just need to know that he didn't cum in your mouth!
South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amelia
Categories: Cum | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Just Come on It?
Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn't fuck her! I just came on her! ... Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?
Chick-fil-A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Cum | Indiana | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Pfizer!
60-year-old dad to son while leaving restaurant: Thanks for joining us for lunch. It was good. Now I can go home and spread my seed.
Chinese restuarant, 5 Mile and Merriman Road
Livonia, Michigan
Categories: Cum | Dads | Michigan | Restaurants | Posted 2007-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
