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Let's Just Say, I'll Never Try Shrooms Again.
Guy: Oh I've slept in a field before. One time I slept with a sheep. I was interrupted in the middle of the night by a fox, though. The fox was like "grr!" and I was like "woah!", but then I remembered that I had garlic bread in my bag.
An Cheathru Rua
Galway
Ireland
Overheard by: what happens in an cheathru rua...
Acute Infection's Not All That Cute
Drunk gay guy in pub garden, at top of voice: So I got hepatitis c when I was fisting this guy... There was blood everywhere.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
And the DMV's the Perfect Place to Discuss My Sex Drive
Girl #1: Oh! Did I tell you about the threesome I had with the married couple on the cruise ship?
Girl #2, gesturing at a father and young son sitting directly in front of them: Shhh!
Girl #1: Whatever, he needs to learn.
DMV
Walnut Creek, California
Overheard by: Shh!
To Be Fair, Dina Lohan Created Lindsay.
Girl on phone: Hi, mom, sorry I didn't call you back... I was busy having sex.
Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Character | Family ties | Girls | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2011-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills Hammer Out a Payment Plan
Girl: So if you won £100,000,000 on the lottery what would you do?
Guy: Settle some scores. There'd be a few guys from school who'd be going to work one day and suddenly find themselves being bundled into the back of a van with a black bag over their head.
Girl: Then flown out over the north Atlantic, tied up, thrown out of the plane?
Guy: I like the way you think. We should have kids.
Girl: Nah, to get into my pants you'll need to do better than that. £2,000 of jewelery would do it. (cackles hysterically)
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
He Was Pointing to My Birthday Cake!
Crying girl on cell: He said "I would fuck," and I just don't know what that means in that context!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Wait 'Til She Learns She Can't Go Down On Him.
Dumb blonde: Jesus is such a cockblock!
UCLA
California
There Were Also Squirt Guns!
Girl to another: It was a gay bicycle riders' party, complete with gayish celebration music and lots of champagne corks popping. And by the looks of the constant make-out and groping sessions, I'm pretty sure those bottles weren't the only cylindrical things spewing liquids last night.
Atlanta, Georgia
I Guess That Has Its Positives and Negatives.
Blonde 8th grade girl, reading poster about sex offenders: He assaulted her with a battery?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay loves julia
Will You Put Your Hand Down My Pants?
Guy: I will get you anything you want, and I mean anything, if you walk back from lunch with your hand down my pants.
Girl: But we are already walking back from lunch, silly.
Guy: Starting now, if you walk back with your hands down my pants, I will get you anything.
Girl: Anything?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: really?
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And They Have Cats
Female student #1: Can you ride me piggyback after class?
Female student #2: Can *he* ride *you* after class?
Female student #1, giggling: That's not what I meant!
Male student: Wait, don't you have, like, 20 cats?
Female student #1: (slaps him)
Female student #2: You do have a lot of cats...
Simmons College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Yoshi
Categories: Animals | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Sex | Students | Posted 2011-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Darling, Should We Rethink the Flat-Earth Primary School?
Seven-year-old son: And then you two are going to go home and... (whistles)
Father: Meaning?
Seven-year-old son: Have sex.
Mother: Darren!
Five-year-old son: Don't be silly! Girls don't have sex.
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Haiti's Funniest Home Videos Is the Stuff Of Nightmare
Retail employee to coworkers: I once saw a man having sex with a chicken in Haiti, and the chicken was crowing...
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: Dubpsfinezt228
Categories: Animals | Memory lane | New York | Sex | Posted 2011-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Marriage Should Be Legalized Just for the Ceremonies
20-something hot girl to friend: He tore off all his clothes, threw him on his back on the bar, then covered his nipples in whipped cream.
Denver, Colorado
If Lifetime Were a Channel for Men
Girl: Oh my gosh, Brian* went off with the sexual predator dude!
Couple, in unison: Bro rape!
Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York
While Wearing Dark Sunglasses!
Yuppie wife to yuppie husband: Yeah, he was so cool he started fucking other people.
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: o'grady
I Smell a TV Reality Competition!
Girl to friend: The only way that guy's getting into my pants is if he's a cross-dresser.
Bar
Farmington
Michigan
Overheard by: PeterG
Categories: Character | Girls | Michigan | Philosophy | Sex | Posted 2011-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead Of Silently Filming It, Like I Do Currently.
Guy to friend talking during movie: Dude, shut the fuck up! I'm gonna walk in while you're having sex and go, "aw, look, she's moaning!"
overheardattcnj.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Overheard at TCNJ
Categories: Feelings | Guys | Other sites | Sex | Threats | Posted 2011-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...No Disrespect to Your Profession, Ma'am
Hobo bundled up on hot day to passers-by: If you were me, homeless, and you had a thousand dollars in your pocket--a thousand dollars and you're homeless--would you spend it on hookers?
Man walking with woman: (laughs)
Hobo, pointing at him: See, you're with me! I knew it!
Vancouver
Canadia
We'll Admit It: We Laughed.
Unhappy girl: He left and said he couldn't work on the project because he had stuff he had to do.
Aggravated friend: But he left with his girlfriend? Stuff, my ass!
Calm friend: I'm sure that's what his girlfriend said.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that sanitary?
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Should I Be Buying One Immediately?
Yale polo player #1: What are all those people doing on old campus?
Yale polo player #2: Probably "Soccer for Darfur" or something. I hate fake activism like that.
Yale polo player #3: You mean "S'mores for Darfur," right?
Yale polo player #1: I keep hearing that word, "Darfur." What does it even mean?
overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: Overheard at Yale
Categories: Overheard at Yale | Questions | Sex | Students | Words | Posted 2011-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, in the Future, Please Confine Your Questions to Topics in English Literature
Professor: And so in REM sleep you'll get penile erection and vaginal lubrication. You know, the fun stuff. (class laughs) Well, your eyes aren't the only things that are moving!
York University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: studious student
Marlon Brando's Dream Would One Day Be Realized.
Girl, pulling bills from strapless dress: Yeah! They's my stripper dollars.
Boy: Man! Sure wish I had titties!
Portland, Oregon
David Arquette Loves Visiting the U.K.
Quiet, intense, plain chubby girl to skinny guy with child-molester mustache: When you fuck me, choke me.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Blee
Categories: England | Fat people | Girls | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2011-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Have to Ask Me That with Your Top Off?
Girl to friends, on third night of semester: Wouldn't you want to have sex the second night back?
Fitchburg State University
Fitchburg, Massachusetts
Categories: Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Watch Your Tongue, Missy!
Guy: I'm not sure that rocking up and offering cunnilingus is going to help my cause.
Girl: Worth a try, though...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
We're Gonna Get Along Swimmingly, Mate.
Drunk #1: I'm telling you man, these fucking guys raped a fish.
Drunk #2: What fucking guys?
Drunk #1: In Africa. They raped a fish. That's why the fish have to wear condoms, so they don't have fish babies with bulging human eyes.
Drunk #3: How the fuck did we get from talking about his (gestures towards drunk #2) sister's hairy vulva to fish rape?
Drunk #4: How the fuck would you even rape a fish anyway?
Drunk #1: Gut it and wank with its corpse?
Drunk #2, knowingly: Or freeze it and push it up your arse.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Chicago Has Two Types Of Bears, Ma'am
Guy #1: I loved the way you fucked me last night.
Guy #2: I can't wait to do it again, tonight.
Guy #1: Mmmm, I'm getting hot just thinking about it.
Annoyed woman sitting in front of them: You two fools do realize everyone on the bus can hear you, don't you?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: CTA bus rider
Gay Cruising Slang Gets More Cryptic by the Minute.
Guy on phone: That sounds awesome. (pause) Did he kill the bear? (pause) Wellllll, fuck him!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Coral
Well, Did I Enjoy It?
Hot girl: Wait, we just had sex?
Hot guy: We just finished having sex like five minutes ago, do you not remember any of it?
Hot girl: Nope.
Hot guy: Actually, we just finished like thirty seconds ago...
Oxford
England
Further Evidence That It's Damaging to Let Your Kids Watch Too Many Cartoons
Muffled male voice, through the wall, at the end of an increasing crescendo of sex noises: Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats hoooooooooo!
Hotel
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Oooh, Could He Be the Swedish Chef?
Girl to guy: Okay, okay. You can play the waitress, and I'll play the creepy chef who's always trying to rape the waitresses.
Oslo
Norway
Categories: Europe | Girls | Offers and requests | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate My Children
40-something woman on cell: I am going to live to be one hundred, just to be a bitch.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: Jpov
I Told You the Whole Rugby Team Wouldn't Fit.
Youngish girl to pair of friends: My vagina is ruined after last night.
Melbourne
Australia
I Have the Sense to Be Grateful
Guy, sweetly to girlfriend: Hey, honey!
Guy friend: Did you know your voice changes when you talk to her?
Guy: Of course! She's the one who fucks me.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2011-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still Think You Miss Your 20s?
Girlfriend: That's your last drink tonight.
Boyfriend: What? Why?
Girlfriend: Why? Because I don't want to fuck a limp dick and then deal with you shitting yourself again. That's why.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Deedle
Categories: California | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Penis | Sex | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2011-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Fuck Is Going on in Leamington Spa??
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1, singing: Fill my hole, fill my hole, fill my hole, fuh-uh-illlll my hole!
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*! Don't sing that!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#, singing off key: But I just waaaaant you to fuh-illll mah ho-alll!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #2# to passing man: She's training to be a vet. She's not usually like this, she's had a bit too much to drink.
Man: Yeah... She wants someone to fill her hole.
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#: I'm not drunk!
Man: I believe you.
(very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt 1# holds hand over mouth and impressively sprays vomit in five directions)
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*, I think we're going to have to get a taxi...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Seems to Be a Common Theme
Guy on phone: So what are we doing after bible study? Beers? Ladies?
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Arizona | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | On the phone | Religion | Sex | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Same Way I Learned Massage Therapy
Dude #1: I'm a massage therapist and an electrician.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? Did you go to school to learn how to be an electrician?
Dude #1: Naw, I hooked up with this guy who had been doing it for four years and owned a five million dollar house. He just handed me a drill and told me to go for it.
Petaluma, California
Overheard by: lith
According to WikiLeaks
Professor: And, as you know, Sweden has the strictest rape laws in America.
UCLA, California
Surprise!
Shopper, examining fish: So, have you had any perverts coming in here yet?
Shop assistant: No... Not yet.
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Lena
That's Not What I Meant When I Asked "What's Your Position?"
Eastern European delegate in back row: And that was by far the biggest thing that has ever been in my ass!
College of William & Mary Model United Nations Conference
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: The Georgia delegate now regretting her seat choice
Match.com Steps Up Their Game
Guy #1: So I sent her a picture of my junk.
Guy #2: Right.
Guy #1: Problem solved.
Sandusky, Ohio
Categories: Guys | Ohio | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stupid Christian University
Girl, in random outburst: I am never going to sleep with you!
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Why Do People Keep Marrying Danny Bonaduce?
Guy on Bluetooth: They took the two most aggressive animals and bred them together. What did they think was going to happen?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tom
Categories: Animals | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Miracle Of the Loaves and the Bitches
Volleyball player, preaching to teammates like a church minister: And she said she haaaaad no hoes... So I gaaaaave her... Some of mine.
Volleyball Tournament
Texas
Overheard by: LuLu
Just a Little Trick I Learned Working on the Senate Floor
Male friend to female friend: Yeah, I've found that when they start to get out of hand you just put a little whiskey on the nipple.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: context, please?!
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
William Shatner's Still Got It!
Student girl in beige Uggs: So, who was that guy you were with last night?
Student girl in brown Uggs: Ugh, well I don't actually know his real name, I just call him Captain Kirk, because he kinda looks like him, y'know?
Leeds
England
Categories: About celebrities | England | Girls | Names | Sex | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Third-Wave Feminism Finally Reaches Bellingham
Coworker, indignantly: Stop locking up my chuzzles!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Should be working
Categories: Balls | Coworkers | Gripes | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Of the Many Reasons I Miss College
Guy friend: I'm super excited to have couscous and sausage for lunch.
Girl friend: Yeah, I'm always kinda down till I get some sausage in me.
Guy friend: Whoa!
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: Sarita
I Poop in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Tough guy at urinal: So you live around here?
Tough guy at different urinal: Nope, just pee here.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
Now I Know How the Earth Feels
Girl: It seems like every time I see you these days, you're being raped.
Guy: I know... And now I'm not even getting paid for it.
University of Northern Colorado
Shit, That's What the Bible Says
Professor, discussing sperm's passage to egg: "Come and chase me!" That's what the woman says.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | New Jersey | Sex | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until Nine Months from Now, When I Give Birth to a Child I'll Name "Brie"
Girl on cell: I was about to go home, so I told Bob* to get the cheese because I'd brought it over so George* coud make a cheesy bagel, right? So Bob* brings me the cheese but then he starts massaging my back, and I fall asleep with the cheese. I wake up like a half hour later and he's doing it to me, so I grab the cheese, say goodnight, and leave. And after that, whenever I saw someone eat a piece of that cheese I felt sooo weird. But now it's all eaten, the evidence is gone, and what that cheese witnessed will never be revealed.
Outside Westfield Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Food | Girls | On the phone | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just As Long As It's Hot, Steamy Coffee, Okay?
20-something girl, skipping over to expensive jewelery shop window: Ooooh! Sparkly things!
20-something guy: Fuck.
20-something girl, eyes shining with delight: Oh... Look at the rings... They're beautiful! (sighs)
20-something guy: No.
20-something girl: Look at that one! It's cheap!
20-something guy: It's £450!
20-something girl: You just got paid! Oh, look! That one's even prettier and sparklier!
20-something guy: Granted... But there's also no price tag... So it's probably gonna be £1,000 at least.
20-something girl, resignedly: Yeah. (perks up) But you're my friend... (pleading voice) Buy me a ring... Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssse!
20-something guy: Look, for a £1,000 ring I'm going to expect at least a couple of shags.
20-something girl: True. Oh, well. Let's go get coffee. (skips off)
Burlington Arcade
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Mr. Duchovny's Voicemail Fills Up Fast
Teenage girl on cell: David, I fucked you last night. The least you could do is give me a ride to Taco Bell.
St. Louis, Missouri
Pop Quiz: Calculate the Odds It Will Actually Be Fine
Guy to girl in motel breakfast room: Fine! You want to fuck, then let's fuck!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Couples | Feelings | Relationships | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Yet We Soldier Bravely On
Suit #1: Yeah mate, it was fucking wild...
Suit #2: Oh yeah?
Suit #1: Yeah, took her back to mine. She's a skank. I swear there were spiders crawling out of her vag.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Ah, the Lewinsky Defense
Skinny Latina girl, insistently: I didn't lead him on! But we had sex.
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Character | Latinas | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Took Pictures and Visited the Gift Shop!
Girl: You fucked my vagina twice this weekend!
Guy, exasperated: You don't have to tell me! I was there!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Is This, Degrassi?
Female student: Uh... I think we left off on the hymen.
Sex ed teacher: Oh, we're going there.
Janesville, Wisconsin
Some Girls Have a Gift for Spilling Their Mountain Dew
Gossipy high school girl to others: I don't think she was faking it. The couch was all wet when they got up!
Ice Cream Shop
St. Louis, Missouri
I Was Like, "Sorry, I'm Trying to Cut Down"
Skinny guy: He's coming to the party tonight? Wasn't he hitting on your girlfriend last time?
Big burly bearded guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his roommate: turns out he wasn't inviting her to a threesome 'cause he likes her. He was inviting us to a foursome 'cause he likes me.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Skinny people | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Never a Truce in the Trench Warfare Between the Sexes
Older lady to complete strangers: So the last guy I dated, all he wanted was sex! We were on the beach and we passed a trench, and he was like "I'll put you in that hole!"
Escondido, California
Categories: California | Old folks | Relationships | Sex | Strangers | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Brother.
Sorority girl, upset: And then her other sister had sex with my sister!
University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: really curious about the rest of that conversation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Florida | Sex | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Getting a Piece Of Tail Is Always a Problem in Ohio
Woman to man: She fucked the lobster?
Cincinnati, Ohio
Tonight on How I Met Your Motherfucker
Very drunk 20-something girl trying to play darts: So what do I do?
30-something guy #1: Just throw 'em.
30-something guy #2: Failing that, love, just take your top off.
Very drunk 20-something girl: Cheeky motherfucker! Get me a vodka and I'll do it!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Magic Mushrooms Came to Oklahoma City
Girl #1: I hallucinated that you and my boyfriend had sex in the spirit world! I think I hallucinated I was using an umbrella in the shower this morning.
Girl #2: Uh. No... Sorry, I found one in our shower.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Two Girls, One Pop-Pop Did Not End Well
Girl #1: I'd totally tap your grandpa!
Girl #2: Thanks?
Girl #1: You're welcome!
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to See Kids Become Self-Mocking
Teen girl, holding candy bar: Why does it have to be so big? I can't take all this. (pause) That's what I said!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
...When He Learns to Make a Decent Sandwich.
Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with avocado.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You're always stressing out that skinny white boy.
Black girl #1: Haha, yeah. I should marry him.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Categories: Black people | Connecticut | Food | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With My Hand Down My Pants Like This.
English teacher to class: Apostrophes and semicolons really turn me on.
Class: (horrified silence)
English teacher, to self: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
High School
Wisconsin
They Could at Least Aquire Some Cheetah Girls.
Fat hipster girl: Do you know we didn't even get to see half the animals?
Skinny hipster guy: Dude, they don't have any sexy animals here.
Smithsonian National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Lola Carmichael
Categories: Animals | Fat people | Hipsters | Questions | Sex | Skinny people | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kermit: It's Not Easy Oozing Green
Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes "Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?" And I go, "No, it's my feet, I swear!" Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Nasty Nate
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Maryland | Penis | STDs | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The U.N. Delegates Have This Problem All the Time.
Smokin' hot gay guy on phone: I bought the table under the impression that it was fuck-proof. My husband challenged me last night to prove otherwise. Now my table has been fucked through and Mark* isn't talking to me right now. (pause) Yeah, it does sound like a funny problem to have, but it's really not.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: The Sauce
Categories: New York | On the phone | Queers | Sex | Shopping | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Claimed the Pasties Were Medicinal.
Guy: So she lied to me. She said she wasn't eighteen.
Girl: How old was she?
Guy: Nineteen. And she said she wasn't a stripper.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Girls | Guys | Lies | Sex | Posted 2010-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Still Haven't Forgiven You for the Tijuana Debacle
Man describing play: You've never seen anything better then two sock puppets diddling each other.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With This Little Thing?
30-something male student to teacher: I keep having sex with these girls, and I go for 30 minutes... or sometimes and hour. They don't come. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?
Female professor, confidently: It sounds like you're rubbing 'em raw!
Community College
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Oklahoma | Orgasm | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Time Management | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not During?
Incredibly drunk sorority girl to boyfriend: Sweetie, can we throw up before we do it tonight?
UBC
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: The only sober guy on the bus
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2010-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We've Learned Nothing Else from There's Something About Mary, It's That.
Girl #1: It's my hair, isn't it?
Girl #2: Your hair is begging to be oversexed.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Bea
Categories: Girls | Hair | New Zealand | Sex | Posted 2010-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Make This Shit Up.
Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself--completely shitfaced--she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.
District Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Bragging | Gossip | Guys | Illinois | Queers | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Assuming I've Successfully Turned You Gay. Now Let's Go Look at Window-treatments.
Little boy on bus: Mom, mom, what's that? (points at Showgirls)
Mom: It's a titty place! Don't worry, no one's going to come out naked, but you won't care about that when you're 20.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kinda Like Disney World?
20-something guy: I had a threesome once with two lesbians. They were eating each other's pussies out. It was fun.
20-something girl: You liked it?
20-something guy: I didn't say I liked it. I said it was fun.
Norman, Oklahoma
Start With Those Who Have Babies
Older woman to her friend: You just don't ask your mother about your sex life. If you have questions, go ask your friends.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Overheard by: Perplexed
I Just Like Peeing on Sticks
Mom: So tell me the truth. Was that your pregnancy test dad found in the trash?
Daughter: Jesus Christ, mom! No!
Mom: Okay, well, I just wanted to...
Daughter, interrupting: I wish it was my test! At least then I'd be having a good time!
YMCA
Nashville, Tennessee
Just When You Think Canadia Can't Get Any Cooler
Eight-year-old girl, incredulously: You slept with him?
Schoolyard
Canadia
Overheard by: awesomepossum
Wait, Did You Just Say "Cock Clock"?
Guy #1: I hate Dylan*, he's such a cock clock, you should hear what he did.
Guy #2, first loudly then quietly: No, I've got a story for you! (mumbles story really quietly then gets loud again) So, I mean, it wasn't rape, she totally wanted it, she just happened to fall asleep in the middle.
Guy #1: I don't think this conversation is really appropriate at Burger King, there's kids around.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
You Know It's Creepy When You Call Your Mom That, Right?
Guy going on holidays to friend: If the opportunity presents itself, could you please not fuck my girlfriend?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Guys | Holidays | Infidelity | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Was an Unfortunate Incident With Jeffrey at Toys Я Us
Girl #1: I mean, there are those people who pretend to be so moral, and then you find out they're, like, fucking a giraffe.
Girl #2, laughing: Ew! That's disgusting.
Girl #3: Seriously, though, hypocrites suck.
Girl #2: But what would that feel like?
Girl #1: What, being a hypocrite?
Girl #2: No... You know... The giraffe.
Girl #3: Ew... Uhm, horrible?
Girl #2: Yeah, you're right.
(five minutes later, in the middle of another topic)
Girl #2: But really, I think it would depend on how old it was.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: The giraffe.
Girl #1: Are you still thinking about fucking a giraffe?!?
Girl #3: We need to make sure she doesn't go to the zoo. That can only end badly.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: that sounds wholly unpleasant
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Insults | San Francisco | Sex | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or More Accurately, Not Having Sex With White Girls
White student #1: Yeah, it's a good thing I'm not going to that preppy high school anymore.
White student #2: Yeah, I agree.
White student #3: You'd probably still be having sex with white girls.
Deerfield Beach High School
Florida
Is That in the Rules Somewhere?
Girl #1 to guy: Oh, shut up! Be nice to me! I'm marrying your brother! Which means I'm gonna be like your sister!
Girl #2 to guy: Which means you won't be able to have sex with her anymore!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Daryl Hannah Movie...
Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Florida | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Happy to Help a Complete Stranger Have a Trauma
Young woman #1: So we just left her in there with the stallions for like four hours. She still doesn't know anything about it.
Young woman #2: Oh my gosh, you never told her? I'm going to tell her next time I see her.
Young woman #1: No, don't tell her! She doesn't drink, so she'd just be like, "waaahhh, what did you guys do to me?"
Young woman #2: Oh, right.
Upstate New York
Categories: Lies | New York | Sensory experiences | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently You Can Be Too Casual
Gay guy in fake British accent: Isn't it funny how people who want babies so badly can't have them, and other people who have a casual fuck pop them out like Pez dispensers?
Panera Bread
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Cristina
That, and the Fact That He Loves Her
Angry coffee drinker: He referred to his last sexual congress as "being balls-deep" in his lady.
Amused coffee drinker: Something tells me she was no lady.
Angry coffee drinker: That's what you take away from that?
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | New York | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Fuck at Least Two Girls on the Side.
Dude #1: You gotta find a girl to fuck. On the side.
Dude #2: I'm not like that. That's your game.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Sex | Posted 2010-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Unhealthy Appetite at a Time
Dude #1: This street smells like greasy food and whores!
Dude #2: I could go for some greasy food right now.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: MF
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Michigan | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All the Other Races Do It!
College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Categories: Frat boy types | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sorority types | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Landscaping
Attractive girl: Lesbians aren't there for your entertainment.
Young guy: Well, gays aren't there to be your shopping assistants, yet somehow you seem to have pulled that off. I figure we can do the same thing, except instead of shopping, it's sex.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: veryinterestedin this plan
...You're in for One Miserable Ride.
Angry girl to group of male friends: You can sleep with my mother, you can kill my father, you can burn down my house, but if you fuck with my bike...
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Veli Velo
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Murder | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can't Believe the Army Rejected Me
Guy #1: Hey, did you ever watch Paris Hilton's sex tape?
Guy #2: Yeah, it wasn't a turn-on though, she's in pain. Man, I couldn't wank to that.
Guy #1: Yeah, it'd be like wanking to a rape video.
Guy #3: I'd wank to that.
Glasgow
Scotland
Categories: About celebrities | Guys | Masturbation | Movies | Sex | UK | Violence | Posted 2010-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pshaw, Maybe in Middle School.
Girl #1: Did you ever have a threesome?
Girl #2: Does a train count?
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: e
Categories: Girls | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Sex | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Gay Men Aren't the Target Demograpic for That?
Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good...
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn't this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I'm getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don't really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It's gross. We're just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eating story I've heard all day.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: TMI
Categories: Fag hags | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Licking | Queers | San Francisco | Sex | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Same Reason We Don't Care Who Warthogs Mate With
Daughter: You know, they should put up a warning sign at that camp. "Warning: do not hook up with each other, you are probably second cousins. You will have mutant babies."
Mother: But they're already mutants, so it's okay.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Christianne
...So We Had to Tend to It.
Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina...
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Always Give Your Pets Such Unique Names!
Teen girl on cell: Yes, well, there's excitement, plateau, orgasm... and I forget the last one.
99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | On the phone | Orgasm | Sensory experiences | Sex | Teens | Posted 2010-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Know Degradation 'til You Go Into Retail
Scruffy hipster dude on cell: I'm tired of selling sex. I just want to sell jeans... Or something along those lines.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Hipsters | On the phone | Sex | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the First Thing I Can Remember
Young teen girl: So he fucked both your mums, and that's how you two are related?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: But he didn't start fucking my mum till after she had me.
Bus
Wollongong
Australia
Overheard by: definately not related
Categories: Australia | Bus | Family ties | Questions | Sex | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2010-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably All Those Vaccinations
Guy: They might be autistic, but that doesn't mean they don't want to have gay sex with children.
New Britain, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Grace
Categories: Assholes | Guys | Pennsylvania | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Seen in Drilling Miss Daisy
Girl, flabbergasted: Everyone's birthday is in March?
Boyfriend: Yeah. My grandma's birthday is in June. It's the only time she really has sex. It's her birthday present.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Couples | Family ties | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Was Just in a Coma.
Mom: You know, I necked in that funeral home.
Daughter: Mom!
Mom: Oh, honey, it wasn't with a corpse or anything. It was a preacher's son!
West Virginia
Categories: Memory lane | Moms | Religion | Sex | Virginia | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, You'd Say Just About Anything for a Slice.
Bogan girlfriend: You don't loves me! You don't loves me!
Bogan boyfriend: What do you mean I don't loves you? I fucks you and buys you a pie!
Armidale
Australia
That's Some Top-Drawer Fucking Right There
TA: I fucked that little guy from my class again. But I left a drawer in my desk open. He found a Sudafed and I came.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Getting off | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being Catholic, We Already Hate Ourselves
Boyfriend to girlfriend: If anyone ever walked in on us having sex, they'd swear we hate each other.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Hubbies | New Jersey | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: The Long Goodbye
Nurse to elderly woman trying to escape from old folks' home: Come on, ma'am, we need to get you back inside.
Elderly woman: I don't need to get back inside, I need to get home! Rape! Rape!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Two or More People, Honey
Ten-year-old: Mom, what's "shagging"?
Mom: Um... It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!
Clarksville, Indiana
The Weight Watcher Points Aren't Even Close
Spanish girl to boy: Sleeping with ten niggas ain't the same thing as sleeping with ten white boys!
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Pennsylvania | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Get a Job Without Experience You Can Only Get from a Job
Guy #1: I was the second person she ever had sex with.
Guy #2: What!?
Guy #1: I know! And it freaked me out! So I never called her again!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big B
Categories: Assholes | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If They Get Pregnant, Where's the Harm?
Guy to workout buddy: I like having sex with married women. The sex is good because they're not having sex with their husbands.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Sex | Posted 2010-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, I Didn't Even Get to That Part!
Overly loud tween boy: Yeah, but at least he put it in.
Teacher: Shut up back there.
Monticello, New York
Overheard by: Not the right thing to accidentally shout out during a breif silence
Oh, and Hugh Hefner Doesn't?
Girl reading Dirty Japanese book to another: Oh, "fuck like rabbits"? "Yari... Ma... Kuru..." Is that how you pronounce it? Do I have the accent right?
(other girl pronounces it correctly in high pitched voice)
Girl: You make "fucking like rabbits" sound so cute and adorable!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Animals | Compliments | Girls | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With Total Uggs.
Girl #1: So what's up with those boots you bought this weekend? You don't look like the type to wear them.
Girl #2: Uh, Tim* wanted me to buy them.
Girl #1: Oh, that's right. I almost forgot about his boot fetish.
Girl #2: And I'm pretty sure he wants me to wear them. And nothing else.
Girl #1, sighing wistfully: I wish I had a hot relationship like that! All I have is slut sex!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | New Jersey | Relationships | Sex | Shoes | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time
Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.
Hampden, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Education | Maine | Masturbation | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Borrow Them
20-something girl on cell: But yeah, I'm a girl so I don't get a boner.
Kansas
Categories: Gender issues | Girls | Kansas | Sex | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until Its Sour Cream Came Out
Girl to girlfriend: If our burritos were in jail, my burrito would rape your burrito.
Chipotle
Northridge, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Restaurants | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Sex-Positive Feminism Exists.
Girl: I haven't been on a stage since grammar school. Having sex on a stage is so much better than quoting Susan B. Anthony.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Education | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...We're Aiming for a Spring Wedding.
Girl #1: Jeff once told me if he didn't get laid within the first week, the relationship wasn't going to work out.
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah, Jeff's a great guy.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
I Really Need to Start Tagging and Cataloging Them
Girl #1, after passing by awkward guy staring at her: Ummm, why did that guy we just passed stare at us?
Girl #2: Umm... Didn't you sleep with him last weekend?
Girl #3: Oooh... I thought he looked familiar!
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Dukeees for life
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Sex | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Two Guys Loved It, Though
Sorority girl to another: That has to be the worst way to lose your virginity.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Kentucky | Sex | Sorority types | Virginity | Posted 2010-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Isn't Very Hard.
Guy to date: And then, after work, he sorts out men's erectile dysfunction.
Greek Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: Sam Veale
Categories: England | Guys | Maladies | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2010-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whomever It Is, Thank You!
Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: pob
Categories: Ass | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Despite What Every Porno Has Taught You.
Frat boy to another: Dude... Just because you can get with one of them doesn't mean you can automatically have a twin threesome.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Frat boy types | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Maybe It Was White Men Can't Hunch?
Girl: I was watching this show the other night about large white British men who were sent to Africa to learn to hunt. It was called Fat Men Can't Hump. Wait! No! "Hunt"! It was called Fat Men Can't Hunt. Of course they can hump... If they want to.
Post-Colonial Literature Lecture
University of British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Martha Carscadden
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pop culture | Sex | Words | Posted 2010-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Should I Make Her a Little Card That Says That?
Waiter, about female patron: Mmm. So hot. I just want to pump her full of babies!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Baristas | Beauty | Pregnancy | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not During School Hours, Please.
Chemistry professor to student who recognized a sketch of the periodic table on whiteboard: You understand my art.
Student: I feel you, Mr K.
Chemistry professor: That is indeed true.
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: MAC
Hey, You Can Take the California Driver's Test in Vagina
Preppy blonde teen: So I told him I really had to go, and he said my pussy was telling him it wanted to stay.
Brunette friend: What the fuck, I never knew he spoke vagina!
Beverly Hills, California
Categories: California | Sex | Teens | Vagina | Posted 2010-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not As Good As the Cucumber, or the Remote Control
Doctor: Okay, we're going to give you an iron shot.
Nurse: Roll over on your side. Okay, you're just going to feel a little prick in your butt.
Patient: Better than the finger that was up there earlier!
ER
Newport Beach, California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Doctor's office | Doctors | Hands | Nurses | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in That Moment, I Fell a Little Bit More in Love with Him
Big black lady on cell, while eating: No, girl, you don't even know! He actually said, "do you have a beer in your pocket? Cuz I'd really like to get in yo' pants!"
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: cherryindallas
Categories: Black people | Etiquette | Fat people | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Texas | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Example, Say This Beaker Is My Vagina
Lab TA, chatting during break: So I live alone, and I have a lot of trouble opening bottles. Have you guys ever heard of the plastic husband?
(entire class laughs)
Lab TA: No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I need help opening things up!
(class laughs again)
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't How "20 Questions" Is Played, Amber.
Girl #1, in stall: Have you ever had sex?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh. Does your classroom smell?
Delaware County Community College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, No-- I'm Not Falling for This for the Fifth Time
Guy to girl: This is gonna sound weird, but spread your legs!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Moms | Money | Queers | Sex | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like They Taught Us at Harvard Business School
Middle-aged woman on cell: Unless he doubles my salary, I'm not sleeping with him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Jobs & Careers | Money | On the phone | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank Goodness I Got the Rollover Slut Plan
College girl on cell: So, it's all good? Cause I'm just re-using the same guys over and over! My number doesn't go up!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just eating my pizza
Categories: Bimbettes | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Future, Could You Get My Order Right?
Man at bar: Except it wasn't gin and tonic, it was gin and sex.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Black Widow Spiders Chat
College dude: I'd totally fuck her bottom half... and I'd just chomp off her top half.
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Skye
Categories: Body parts | California | Guys | Sex | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Faking Your Orgasm
Guy with cigarette: I have to go home to my girlfriend.
Friend: Just fuck her for ten minutes and then meet me in the bar.
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: How romantic...
Categories: Germany | Guys | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, And, "Do You Take Credit?"
Little old woman to cashier scanning groceries: You're so good and fast! I bet the boys tell you that all the time.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Compliments | Maine | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She May Have Put Her Pie on Your Pie
Roommate #1 looking at crater-filled pie in freezer: Dude, what did you do to this pie?
Roommate #2: Me and Erin* kinda went at it...
Roommate #3: Oh, yeah? What else did you guys do?
Roommate #2: ...with a spoon.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoa, Is My Face Red
Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Jocks | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Maury
Brunette: And then he called me back ten minutes later and told me his brother got his girlfriend pregnant, and she's like sixteen or something.
Blonde: Is he mad his brother and his girlfriend hooked up?
Brunette: He's got more serious issues dating a child and shit.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Ohio | Pregnancy | Sex | Posted 2010-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Shouldn't Have Skipped the Preliminaries
Girl #1: It is so hard getting laid living with my brother. I am a fucking loud girl when it's going on. For me to be quiet has been hard as hell.
Girl #2: Maybe get him to gag you, you'll like it and you will be quiet, that is what I found myself getting into.
Girl #1: I don't know, maybe I will try it, but I can't be doing that with a guy I meet on the first night.
Girl #3: It would be like anything else: try it a few times, if you don't like it find something else.
Girl #1: Last time I did that I tried anal, and that did not end well.
Girls #2 and #3: (laugh hard)
Girl #2: I remember that disaster.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Family ties | Girls | Kink | Pennsylvania | Sex | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On My Deck
Girl #1: How do you like your place?
Girl #2: I've got a huge deck!
Girl #1: You were one letter away from making me a very happy woman.
Girl #2: I was one letter away from making myself a very happy woman. If I had that, I'd go fuck myself.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
I'm Just Saying Never Aim Your Junk at a Cat
High school dude #1: It's like bestiality, only you have to make sure you point it the right way.
High school dude #2: Yeah, that shit's important.
Santa Ana, California
Categories: Animals | California | Preppies | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Circumcising Them Is Dicey
Man to wife: The only reason it's an aphrodisiac is because it takes huge balls to cut the penis off a tiger.
Burough Market
London
England
Overheard by: Justyn Egert
...But Let's Consult Wikipedia to Be Sure.
Girl: Seriously, it's about this guy who fucks his clone and then wonders whether it's gay or masturbation. And that's the whole fucking book!
Guy, after thoughtful pause: No. Totally not gay.
UBC
Canadia
Categories: Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Sex | Posted 2010-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Just Makes Gay Porn
13-year-old blonde: So then he was all "I told you it wasn't mine!"
13-year-old brunette: Ohmigod, how could he do that?
13-year-old blonde: I know! It was, like, "did you or didn't you sleep with him?" He's not even gay!
Canadia
Overheard by: Laura
It's 2:58 -- Give Him a Little Credit.
Girl on cell in empty hall: So how long do you want to have sex with your boyfriend? Until, like 3:00?
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Infidelity | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Be Granted Three Wishes.
Guy to girl: If I had an iPhone I wouldn't need a girlfriend, I would just rub that...
Valparaiso University
Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gadgets | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Jessica Simpson
Elderly man: This abstinence shit the Republicans get on about... Abstinence my ass! I've been looking at girls since I was 11. I mean: come on, the Virgin Mary is crying!
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Sara
Prison Pretty Much Takes Care Of That, Anyway.
Teacher: So... then, what should happen to the guy?
Student #1: I think he should be sent to jail.
Student #2: I think that since he killed his neighbor, he should have to be killed himself. Get the death penalty. Ya know... "eye for an eye".
Student #3: That's the stupidest thing in the world. It doesn't work in all situations.
Student #2: Yes it does! Let's say some guy molests a kid, then the guy should... (pause) Ok... Nevermind.
High School
Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Possible Kind
Girl: A vagina is a delicate flower!
Guy: It's a fucking hole!
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Your Answer to Everything!
Preppy girl #1: You know you can't have sex for like, six moths after you have an abortion?
Preppy girl #2: That's stupid! Why wouldn't you just fall down some stairs?
Classroom
Ontario
Canadia
...Any More Questions About Your Paper Topics?
Psychology professor: Sex is best. Money is second best. Domestic violence is pretty cool.
Los Angeles, California
Let's Just Hope the Casting Agents at Lifetime Agree!
Guy wearing shirt reading "Dude. Seriously. Fuck you": Some say I have a face for date rape.
State Fair
California
Overheard by: Sonni
Preferably in the Drawing Room With a Candlestick
Young woman shouting to older gentleman: Why can't Dr Molar do his own wife?
Olive Garden
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Still Doesn't Excuse All the Stains.
Girl on porch: That's the kind of car you lose your virginity in!
Burlington, Vermont
Just When You Thought Human Sexuality Was Complicated Enough, Cloning Arrived.
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn't make it gay. You're still having heterosexual sex, but you're just doing it next to yourself.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: true
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Men Die Before Women: Explained
Angry boyfriend: I'm not off gallivanting around town!
Girlfriend: (indistinct mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I don't hang out with anyone!
Girlfriend: (more mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I'll just lie to you from now on.
Kent, Ohio
I Didn't Expect the Irish to Be Such Pussies
Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
Categories: Coworkers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Foreigners | Ireland | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Before I Start to Spoil
16-year-old girl #1: I wanna wait to have kids, you know? But I don't wanna be old or anything. I think like 19 or somethin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Oscar wants to knock me up and I'm like "no bitch, I don't even have a license yet." We're thinking after I turn 18.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Insults | Kids | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Hillary Clinton Dreams
Man in trench coat to group of students: Follow me, and I'll take you to a magical woman.
Newport
Wales
Overheard by: Can I come?
Judging from the Residue I Discovered on One Of Your Quizzes
Professor: Here you are, every day, sitting in this little cave which is evolutionary very stupid. You're not reproducing while you are in here. You aren't even trying to... Well, maybe that's not true.
Psychiatric Physiology Class
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Whats He t